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Britney Spears, Paris Hilton and Jessica Simpson Giving free “Just Chill” concert for Global Warming

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April 1, 2008 

In a surprise news conference, Jessica Simpson, Paris Hilton and Britney Spears announced they will be having a free concert in Los Angeles on July 1st, called the “Just Chill” Concert, to bring attention to Global Warming.

Here is a transcript of their brief press conference  yesterday in Los Angeles about the event.

Jessica Simpson:  Hi y’all. Thanks for coming today.  So we have a big announcement we’re all real excited about.  For the first time, like ever,  all three of us are gonna have a big free concert on July 1st, to help fight global warming.

Paris Hilton: That’s right, and we’re calling it the “Open Your Fridge and Just Chill” concert.  Or “Just Chill” for short.  And we are asking like totally everybody to open their fridge and leave it wide open for the whole concert.

Britney Spears: Yeah, it’s gonna be really awesome.  This is a cause that all three of us really care about. I mean, all of us are sick and tired of how hot and icky and sweaty it can get in the summer.

Paris: So totally.  And July is one of the hottest months in the whole summer!

Britney: Yeah so we’re gonna see if we can reduce global warming, especially here in Los Angeles. 

Jessica. Right, And if everyone leaves their fridge open for the whole concert, we are guessing we could lower the temperature that day in Los Angeles by like one or two degrees at least!

Paris: Yeah, and also we’re gonna like release a ton of big balloons to help block the sun. And also the conert is gonna be free for everyone that brings ice.  So we’re gonna have all this ice, all these open fridges and also like we’re gonna ask peole to leave their fridges open all over the world. From like the richest countries all the way to the poorest countries. So it’s gonna  really help chill global warming.  It’s kinda amazing no one came up with this before.

Jessica. Yeah, it’s gonna be sweet. And we’re gonna have someone like MTV or HBO or whatever broadcast it live, but only to houses that have their fridges open.  And we’re all gonna sing  like some of our most popular songs- well Paris just has one, but she’ll sing it like 3 times probably. I guess you’d call it singing. But yeah  like I’m gonna sing like “These Boots are Made for Walking” except change it to something like “this Earth is made for opening your fridge to help chill out global warming” or something. My writers haven’t really gotten back to me yet, but it’s gonna rock.

Britney: So yeah, that’s really all we wanted to announce.  I mean we just came up with this last night when we ran into each other at a club, but we’re excited! It’s gonna be so cool. And we will like keep on adding cool stuff too. Like I was thinking we shouldn’t let anyone into the concert if they are wearing black because that will just make the Earth hotter. 

Paris: Right, totally. And you know, we should even like just paint the Earth white- like the whole thing- rocks and deserts and forests and grass- because that will keep things a lot cooler.  And maybe we even start planting white crops like popcorn. And I totally hate popcorn because it gets stuck in your teeth sometimes and you spend hours like trying to get it out with your tongue, but we all have to make sacrifices to stop global warming in this town.  OK my puppy has to pee so that’s it.

 Jessica: Thanks everyone.  We’ll see y’all at the Just Chill concert.

(C) InnocentEnglish 2008

Britney Spears 911 Call Tape Transcript from January 3, 2008

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Britney Spears in Ambulance after 911 call domestic dispute

Police were called to Britney Spears’ home around 8pm tonight, because of a domestic disturbance involving Kevin Federline, who is Spears’ ex-husband and the father of Britney’s two children. Five police cars arrived at the scene, as well as a fire truck and ambulance, over the course of the four hour ordeal. Some early reports suggest Britney was under the influence of an unknown substance; perhaps alcohol.  Britney was seen leaving her house on a stretcher, being carried to the ambulance. It was not immediately known where she was taken.

The 911 call Britney made will be officially released due to the freedom of information act. Because a friend of mine is a clerk at the Police Recording Information Center, after some begging, I was able to get an advance copy of the 911 tape, right off the press.
Britney Spears 911 call Tape: 7:44 pm, Thursday, January 3rd, 2008:

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911 Agent: Emergency. How can I help you?
Britney Spears: Yeah, hi. I’d like a large peperoni, with extra cheese, and some of those cinnamon sticks with extra icing, and a six pack of diet rum Coke.
911 Agent: Ma’am, is everything ok?
Britney Spears: Well, my stupid loser ex will hardly let me see my kids because he says I’m unfit. But that’s so stupid because like I work out every day!
911 Agent: Is there an emergency?
Britney Spears: Hell yeah! I need that pizza here really really really soon. KEVIN YOU ARE NOT TAKING THESE KIDS SO JUST GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE YOU BIG FAT MEANY PANTS!
911 Agent: Ma’am, we’re going to send a car over there right away OK?
Britney Spears: As long as they bring the pizza ok? And do you sell baby food? I’m still out. That’s ok, I have a little beef jerky left.
911 Agent: Ma’am are you in any type of physical danger right now?
Britney Spears: You know, I think sky is really really nice when it’s blue. It’s so, so kind of like, yeah, like that kind of. Blueish. I FAKED EVERY ONE OF THEM KEVIN! EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM! EVEN WHEN I WAS ALONE!
911 Agent: Ma’am, the police will be there in just a few minutes all right?
Britney Spears: The Police? Oh I LOVE Their music.  Sting is like so the best. Tantra ROCKS.  Wow, my ceiling is really really white. Like totally whiteish white white. I HATE YOU KEV. 
911 Agent: Ma’am, just stay on the line until they arrive, okay?
Britney Spears: Sure, no problem. But I’m gonna go now okay? I kind of need another drinky and some sex. HEY KEV, WANNA MAKE ANOTHER BABY HONEY?  I GOTTA STAY AHEAD OF MY SIS. Anyway, Thanks for calling. I love you so much. Bye Bye.

Page Topic: Britney Spears 911 call, taken out on a stretcher

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This morning Britney Spears gained, lost, gained, lost then gained the revocation of her visitation rights

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Celebrity news flash: dateline: 5 minutes ago:

This morning, Britney lost visitation rights to her two children, shortly after which she got them back, lost them again, got them reinstated, failed to comply with the judge’s conditions, thereby losing them again, after which they were reinstated until they were revoked before they were reinstated again. At this point, the judge announced a brief recess, and after clarifying to Mrs. Spears this did not involve a playground, revoked the recess he had granted, until another judge reversed his decision during a brief break in court proceedings.  A third judge then declared the end of the revoked recess, and conditionally granted visitation rights to the first judge, who then determined that Britney’s visitation rights should definitely be revoked, before which deciding they should never have not been unrevoked in the second place, (which was a primary source of the confusion between the judges) and therefore Britney should not stop unhaving temporarily disallowed revocation of her lack of the right to visit her children unsupervised accept for two mandatory supervisors who must be present in the event the judge’s decision makes a 360 degree turn in the opposite direction of the current circle.Â