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Britney Spears 911 Call Tape Transcript from January 3, 2008

Britney Spears in Ambulance after 911 call domestic dispute

Police were called to Britney Spears’ home around 8pm tonight, because of a domestic disturbance involving Kevin Federline, who is Spears’ ex-husband and the father of Britney’s two children. Five police cars arrived at the scene, as well as a fire truck and ambulance, over the course of the four hour ordeal. Some early reports suggest Britney was under the influence of an unknown substance; perhaps alcohol.  Britney was seen leaving her house on a stretcher, being carried to the ambulance. It was not immediately known where she was taken.

The 911 call Britney made will be officially released due to the freedom of information act. Because a friend of mine is a clerk at the Police Recording Information Center, after some begging, I was able to get an advance copy of the 911 tape, right off the press.
Britney Spears 911 call Tape: 7:44 pm, Thursday, January 3rd, 2008:


911 Agent: Emergency. How can I help you?
Britney Spears: Yeah, hi. I’d like a large peperoni, with extra cheese, and some of those cinnamon sticks with extra icing, and a six pack of diet rum Coke.
911 Agent: Ma’am, is everything ok?
Britney Spears: Well, my stupid loser ex will hardly let me see my kids because he says I’m unfit. But that’s so stupid because like I work out every day!
911 Agent: Is there an emergency?
Britney Spears: Hell yeah! I need that pizza here really really really soon. KEVIN YOU ARE NOT TAKING THESE KIDS SO JUST GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE YOU BIG FAT MEANY PANTS!
911 Agent: Ma’am, we’re going to send a car over there right away OK?
Britney Spears: As long as they bring the pizza ok? And do you sell baby food? I’m still out. That’s ok, I have a little beef jerky left.
911 Agent: Ma’am are you in any type of physical danger right now?
Britney Spears: You know, I think sky is really really nice when it’s blue. It’s so, so kind of like, yeah, like that kind of. Blueish. I FAKED EVERY ONE OF THEM KEVIN! EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM! EVEN WHEN I WAS ALONE!
911 Agent: Ma’am, the police will be there in just a few minutes all right?
Britney Spears: The Police? Oh I LOVE Their music.  Sting is like so the best. Tantra ROCKS.  Wow, my ceiling is really really white. Like totally whiteish white white. I HATE YOU KEV. 
911 Agent: Ma’am, just stay on the line until they arrive, okay?
Britney Spears: Sure, no problem. But I’m gonna go now okay? I kind of need another drinky and some sex. HEY KEV, WANNA MAKE ANOTHER BABY HONEY?  I GOTTA STAY AHEAD OF MY SIS. Anyway, Thanks for calling. I love you so much. Bye Bye.

Page Topic: Britney Spears 911 call, taken out on a stretcher

(C) 2008,

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Cheney Wins “Man of the Year” 2007 (In Hell)

Vice President Dick Cheney has won the coveted “Person of the Year” award in Hell, according to anonymous inside sources who leaked the news on the condition of anonymity.  The leak comes three weeks ahead of the official announcement.  When asked to confirm or deny the news, the Office of Hell Communications refused to comment “We prefer to announce our person of the year around Christmas, and have no further comment at this time.”

The two independent sources, who were verified to work for the Office of Hell Communications, said Dick Cheney’s Person of the Year award was not only for his considerable achievements this year, including behind the scenes plans to expand the war into Iran, but also for an accumulation of a multitude of achievements over the last several years.  “Sometimes, it’s one big splashy event that earns the award- which happened in 2001, for instance. But sometimes it’s more about rewarding the little guy- the one who’s evilness has been steady and strong for years, even if it had largely gone unnoticed.”  The sources said Cheney was notified of the award, and was “honored and appreciative” to receive it, even though he declined a photo shoot for political reasons.

When asked if President George W. Bush had been considered for the award, one of the sources responded “That wouldn’t make much sense. It would be like nominating Kermit the Frog for the excellent work of Frank Oz. True evil requires intention and intelligence.  As much as we value the work Bush has done, we regretfully are not able to give him much personal credit for it. All of the award-worthy deeds Bush has done can be traced back to Cheney, curse his heart.”

One of the sources said Cheney has been nominated several times, particularly in recent years, and would have won “Man of the Year” sooner if that wouldn’t have damaged his ability to continue his excellent work.  “We wanted to wait until he had finished setting everything in motion. Otherwise, a backlash might have interfered with how it’s all unfolding.  Basically, the decision was, at this point, he’s not only at the top of his game, he’s in the final stages of winning the game.  Why not go ahead and give him the credit he so deserves, even if it hasn’t all finished playing out yet?  We miss him down here, but we’re proud of him too. He’s really a favorite son.”

Page Topic: Vice President Dick Cheney wins man of the year/ person of the year 2007 in hell.

Bush Reacts to House Vote to Impeach Cheney

Bush opposed to impeaching Cheney “You and I are a civilized nation. We shouldn’t  throw peaches at anyone.

President George W. Bush today commented on the impending House vote to impeach Cheney, brought to the floor by Dennis Kucinich.  A Washington Post reporter asked President Bush “Mr. President, what do you think about Kucinich bringing to the floor House Resolution 333, the impeachment of your Vice President Dick Cheney for High Crimes and Misdemeanors?”

Bush responded to the reporter, “I have been shocked and disappointed that there is even a discussion about such a thing in these 52 great states of America- I mean 50 states. 52 cards in a deck, right? And 50 states. Plus the joker of course. Sometimes 2 jokers. But your question wasn’t about 2 jokers. It was about what me, the President of the U.S., think about impeaching my V.P., Cheney. Let me simply say this.  He should NOT be impeached. We are a civilized nation. We shouldn’t throw peaches at anyone! Not only is that torture and inhumane, it would cause a peach shortage, which could lead to increases in beach prices- peach prices-  for the American people, something of which our administration will not stand for sitting down.”

(c) 2007  InnocentEnglish Scoop

Page topic: George W. Bush comments on House Resolution 333, to impeach Vice President Cheney.