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Daily Quick Break: March 24, 2008: Funny bloopers and quotes of politicians and celebrities

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Every day InnocentEnglish.com posts a new funny or cool Quick Break. The Quick Break section has today’s quick break plus previous ones so you can browse through any you missed.

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Here are some funny bloopers and quotes from famous politicians and celebrities:

“I haven’t committed a crime. What I did was fail to comply with the law.”
David Dinkins, New York City Mayor, answering accusations that he failed to pay his taxes.

“They gave me a book of checks. They didn’t ask for any deposits.”
Congressman Joe Early (D-Mass) at a press conference to answer questions about the House Bank Scandal.

“He didn’t say that. He was reading what was given to him in a speech.”
Richard Darman, director of OMB, explaining why President Bush wasn’t following up on his campaign pledge that there would be no loss of wetlands.

“It depends on your definition of asleep. They were not stretched out. They had their eyes closed. They were seated at their desks with their heads in a nodding position.

To read the rest, go to: Funny bloopers and quotes of politicians and celebrities

Jessica Simpson Jokes: Funny Jokes about Jessica Simpson

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Here are some Jessica Simpson jokes (at least, hopefully they are jokes): 

Jessica Simpson came close to death today while horseback riding. She was enjoying a leisurely ride, when the horse started bouncing out of control. Her agent said Jessica attempted to hold on, but failed, and fell off the side of the horse.  Her foot got caught in the stirrup as she fell.  The horse didn’t stop, and her head was on the ground.  “Jessica started screaming for help “Make him stop! Make him stop! Please somebody!”.  
Fortunately, a Wal-mart greeter heard her, and unplugged it.

An Entertainment Tonight reporter was interviewing Jessica Simpson recently, When Jessica took off her shows.  The reporter noticed each shoe had written inside, in small letters, TGIF, and asked Jessica about it.  “Oh, that?” Jessica replied.  “Just a little helpful reminder, because I can be pretty sleepy in the mornings.  It means Toes Go in First.
Why does Jessica Simpson always smile during lightning storms?
A: She thinks her picture is being taken.

Jessica Simpson was driving to Disneyland for a commercial when she saw a big highway sign that said “DISNEYLAND LEFT.”   Disappointed, she turned around and drove back home.
Photographers staked out in front of Jessica Simpson’s new house yesterday saw her come out and walk to her mailbox, and then go back in. She repeated this five times. One of the photographers yelled “What are you doing Jessica?”  She yelled back “My stupid computer keeps telling me I’ve got mail.

Jessica Simpson was eight hours late to a photo shoot in San Diego.  She arrived dirty and exhausted. When asked what happened she said Well I thought I’d just drive down from L.A. but I kept passing damn signs that said “Clean Restrooms ahead”. I must have cleaned like 15 of them.

Jessica, why did you move to L.A.?
Oh, I just thought I should try to live in a city that I can usually remember how to spell.

Page topic: Jessica Simpson Jokes and almost quotes

Daily Quick Break: January 14, 2008: Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road? Funny Answers to a very old joke

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Every day InnocentEnglish.com posts a new funny or cool Quick Break. The Quick Break section has today’s quick break plus previous ones so you can browse through any you missed.

Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road? 

 PARIS HILTON:

Huh?

ARISTOTLE:
It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

BUDDHA:
Asking this question denies your own chicken nature.

THE BIBLE:
And God came down from the heavens and He said unto the chicken, “Thou shalt cross the road.” And the chicken crossed the road and there was much rejoicing.

BILL O’ REILLY:
To steal a job from a decent, hardworking American.

HILLARY CLINTON: I’m glad my staff asked you to ask me that question. I chaired the senate chicken investigation which sought to determine exactly why this is happening and what we can do to stop it. I have a great deal of experience with chickens. I’m also very very likable and nice, isn’t that right Mom?

To read the rest, go to: Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road? Funny Answers to a very old joke

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