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Tag: Paris Hilton Jokes and Quotes

Britney Spears, Paris Hilton and Jessica Simpson Giving free “Just Chill” concert for Global Warming

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April 1, 2008 

In a surprise news conference, Jessica Simpson, Paris Hilton and Britney Spears announced they will be having a free concert in Los Angeles on July 1st, called the “Just Chill” Concert, to bring attention to Global Warming.

Here is a transcript of their brief press conference  yesterday in Los Angeles about the event.

Jessica Simpson:  Hi y’all. Thanks for coming today.  So we have a big announcement we’re all real excited about.  For the first time, like ever,  all three of us are gonna have a big free concert on July 1st, to help fight global warming.

Paris Hilton: That’s right, and we’re calling it the “Open Your Fridge and Just Chill” concert.  Or “Just Chill” for short.  And we are asking like totally everybody to open their fridge and leave it wide open for the whole concert.

Britney Spears: Yeah, it’s gonna be really awesome.  This is a cause that all three of us really care about. I mean, all of us are sick and tired of how hot and icky and sweaty it can get in the summer.

Paris: So totally.  And July is one of the hottest months in the whole summer!

Britney: Yeah so we’re gonna see if we can reduce global warming, especially here in Los Angeles. 

Jessica. Right, And if everyone leaves their fridge open for the whole concert, we are guessing we could lower the temperature that day in Los Angeles by like one or two degrees at least!

Paris: Yeah, and also we’re gonna like release a ton of big balloons to help block the sun. And also the conert is gonna be free for everyone that brings ice.  So we’re gonna have all this ice, all these open fridges and also like we’re gonna ask peole to leave their fridges open all over the world. From like the richest countries all the way to the poorest countries. So it’s gonna  really help chill global warming.  It’s kinda amazing no one came up with this before.

Jessica. Yeah, it’s gonna be sweet. And we’re gonna have someone like MTV or HBO or whatever broadcast it live, but only to houses that have their fridges open.  And we’re all gonna sing  like some of our most popular songs- well Paris just has one, but she’ll sing it like 3 times probably. I guess you’d call it singing. But yeah  like I’m gonna sing like “These Boots are Made for Walking” except change it to something like “this Earth is made for opening your fridge to help chill out global warming” or something. My writers haven’t really gotten back to me yet, but it’s gonna rock.

Britney: So yeah, that’s really all we wanted to announce.  I mean we just came up with this last night when we ran into each other at a club, but we’re excited! It’s gonna be so cool. And we will like keep on adding cool stuff too. Like I was thinking we shouldn’t let anyone into the concert if they are wearing black because that will just make the Earth hotter. 

Paris: Right, totally. And you know, we should even like just paint the Earth white- like the whole thing- rocks and deserts and forests and grass- because that will keep things a lot cooler.  And maybe we even start planting white crops like popcorn. And I totally hate popcorn because it gets stuck in your teeth sometimes and you spend hours like trying to get it out with your tongue, but we all have to make sacrifices to stop global warming in this town.  OK my puppy has to pee so that’s it.

 Jessica: Thanks everyone.  We’ll see y’all at the Just Chill concert.

(C) InnocentEnglish 2008

Daily Quick Break: March 12, 2008: Paris Hilton Police Cruiser Transcripts:

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Every day InnocentEnglish.com posts a new funny or cool Quick Break. The Quick Break section has today’s quick break plus previous ones so you can browse through any you missed.

Quick Break Pic of the Day. Caption this Pic!

These are verbatim transcripts of pull overs of Paris Hilton, transcribed from Police Cruiser Forward Microphone recordings. The transcripts were released under the Freedom of Information Act, from Los Angeles County court records.

Paris Hilton Police Transcript 1: March 3, 2007

Officer: Good evening.

Paris: Well it isn’t NOW!

Officer: Can I see your license please?

Paris: Hey, aren’t you that cop that gave me those verbal warnings last week? Looks like you’ve had a few donuts since then though.

Officer: Um, I don’t think I’ve stopped you before ma’am.

Paris: Well, I’m sure you would remember. I’m ME!

Officer: Also, frankly ma’am, I don’t really appreciate the donut jokes. Police officers sometimes spend time at 24 hour restaurants, including donut shops, during the night shift because they are centralized locations where we can mobilize quickly.

Paris: Sorry, but I kinda tuned out after “I”. So what’s the problem officer?

To read the rest, go to: Paris Hilton Police Cruiser Transcripts:

Paris Hilton Finishes Difficult Sentence. Says She’ll Never Be Behind Bars Again

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June 21, 2007. InnocentEnglish.com News Wire

Paris Hilton finished a difficult sentence yesterday, which is unusual for the heiress who often forgets what she is saying in the middle of them. She was speaking to another inmate at the prison, when she was overheard by a guard talking about how she used to go to bars, and then go out the back door and hang out with some of her socialite friends. According to the guard, who has chosen to remain anonymous in order to protect his job, Hilton said that sometimes drugs were present during those gatherings, and her friends often got “effed up”, making it often “a complete and total waste of my new Versace shoes”. She then stated “I’ll never be behind bars again! I’ll just stay in them and drink”.

“While I have heard her speak a number of times, and I think she’s almost mastered simpler and partial sentences, this was the first time I had heard her actually finish a difficult sentence. I was proud of the poor little thing. I feel like maybe the quiet time and the solid food of prison life is helping to clear her head. It’s giving her a chance to think a little. And a little is a good start.” The guard said he felt she was doing well all in all, in spite of a few difficulties, such as having trouble understanding the words “No, you can’t have a cell phone.” Or the words “No, we don’t have Prada uniforms.” “Really, it seems like just about anything starting with the word “no” confuses her a bit. Every time she hears it, she gets this cute, confused look on her face and kind of tilts her head a little, kind of like a puppy when you call it by a name it’s never heard before. But you know, we love her, and we think it’s good for her to be here, so we’re gonna tell the judge we think she should stay longer, till she’s really rehabilitated.” The guard added “You know I think this place is really transforming her life already. She said she was going to join all the major religions, you know, just to kind of make sure she gets in good with the right God. She said that after living without her facials all these days, another hell would be ‘like so not hot’”.

 

Page Topic: Paris Hilton Jail jokes and humor: Paris Finishes Difficult Sentence