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Britney Spears 911 Call Tape Transcript from January 3, 2008

Britney Spears in Ambulance after 911 call domestic dispute

Police were called to Britney Spears’ home around 8pm tonight, because of a domestic disturbance involving Kevin Federline, who is Spears’ ex-husband and the father of Britney’s two children. Five police cars arrived at the scene, as well as a fire truck and ambulance, over the course of the four hour ordeal. Some early reports suggest Britney was under the influence of an unknown substance; perhaps alcohol.  Britney was seen leaving her house on a stretcher, being carried to the ambulance. It was not immediately known where she was taken.

The 911 call Britney made will be officially released due to the freedom of information act. Because a friend of mine is a clerk at the Police Recording Information Center, after some begging, I was able to get an advance copy of the 911 tape, right off the press.
Britney Spears 911 call Tape: 7:44 pm, Thursday, January 3rd, 2008:

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911 Agent: Emergency. How can I help you?
Britney Spears: Yeah, hi. I’d like a large peperoni, with extra cheese, and some of those cinnamon sticks with extra icing, and a six pack of diet rum Coke.
911 Agent: Ma’am, is everything ok?
Britney Spears: Well, my stupid loser ex will hardly let me see my kids because he says I’m unfit. But that’s so stupid because like I work out every day!
911 Agent: Is there an emergency?
Britney Spears: Hell yeah! I need that pizza here really really really soon. KEVIN YOU ARE NOT TAKING THESE KIDS SO JUST GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE YOU BIG FAT MEANY PANTS!
911 Agent: Ma’am, we’re going to send a car over there right away OK?
Britney Spears: As long as they bring the pizza ok? And do you sell baby food? I’m still out. That’s ok, I have a little beef jerky left.
911 Agent: Ma’am are you in any type of physical danger right now?
Britney Spears: You know, I think sky is really really nice when it’s blue. It’s so, so kind of like, yeah, like that kind of. Blueish. I FAKED EVERY ONE OF THEM KEVIN! EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM! EVEN WHEN I WAS ALONE!
911 Agent: Ma’am, the police will be there in just a few minutes all right?
Britney Spears: The Police? Oh I LOVE Their music.  Sting is like so the best. Tantra ROCKS.  Wow, my ceiling is really really white. Like totally whiteish white white. I HATE YOU KEV. 
911 Agent: Ma’am, just stay on the line until they arrive, okay?
Britney Spears: Sure, no problem. But I’m gonna go now okay? I kind of need another drinky and some sex. HEY KEV, WANNA MAKE ANOTHER BABY HONEY?  I GOTTA STAY AHEAD OF MY SIS. Anyway, Thanks for calling. I love you so much. Bye Bye.

Page Topic: Britney Spears 911 call, taken out on a stretcher

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This morning Britney Spears gained, lost, gained, lost then gained the revocation of her visitation rights

Celebrity news flash: dateline: 5 minutes ago:

This morning, Britney lost visitation rights to her two children, shortly after which she got them back, lost them again, got them reinstated, failed to comply with the judge’s conditions, thereby losing them again, after which they were reinstated until they were revoked before they were reinstated again. At this point, the judge announced a brief recess, and after clarifying to Mrs. Spears this did not involve a playground, revoked the recess he had granted, until another judge reversed his decision during a brief break in court proceedings.  A third judge then declared the end of the revoked recess, and conditionally granted visitation rights to the first judge, who then determined that Britney’s visitation rights should definitely be revoked, before which deciding they should never have not been unrevoked in the second place, (which was a primary source of the confusion between the judges) and therefore Britney should not stop unhaving temporarily disallowed revocation of her lack of the right to visit her children unsupervised accept for two mandatory supervisors who must be present in the event the judge’s decision makes a 360 degree turn in the opposite direction of the current circle.