InnocentEnglish.com

Category: Funny Poems and Songs

Funny poems and songs: Best really funny poems, limericks, funny poetry and stupid songs

More Funny Limericks- Sent in by you.

These funny limericks were written by  and sent in by Albert Van Hoogmoed.  Thanks Albert for sending them in. If anyone else would like to send in some original limericks, please feel free.

“Skinny No More”
There once was a fellow named Sarge
who married a psychic named Marge.
The weight soon appeared,
and just as he feared,
his medium became extra-large.

“A Clown on Viagra”
A clown went to Doctor McDougal
with pain in his whatcha-ma-doodle.
With turns of his wrists
and a couple of twists
he’d made it look just like a poodle.

“Clinton’s Dog”
Old Buddy the dog was a male,
made friends with a wag of his tail.
He sniffed someone’s crotch
on the President’s watch.
He sniffed but he didn’t inhale.

“The Hula Dancer”
She danced by the light of the fire,
the object of lust and desire.
A skirt made of grass
had covered her ass
‘til somebody set it on fire.

“Bonfire at the Nudist Camp”
Last weekend they built a big fire.
The flames shot up higher and higher.
Buns were toasted
and wieners were roasted
when folks got too close to the fire.

“At the Retirement Home”
The guys now adore Sadie Fetters.
They send lots of flowers and letters.
It seems they’re in awe
since her doggie bra
made pointers out of her setters.

“Learning Magic in Prison”
A serial killer named Graff
was learning some tricks from the staff.
He learned really quick.
His first magic trick
was sawing a woman in half.

“Titanic Survivors’ Day”
The day starts with prayers in the chapel.
Some people with nightmares still grapple.
Some go for a hike
or tournaments like
ice fishing and bobbing for apples.

“VA Hospital Picnic”
Each year they invite lots of people,
enjoying events by the steeple.
They have lots of fun,
their favorite one,
a 3-legged race with 3 people.

“Impressing the Ladies”
There was a teenager named Lance
who put a big squash in his pants.
It did him no good.
He learned that it should
be placed in the front of his pants.

The funny limericks on this page are by Albert Van Hoogmoed. So are the other ones.  ;)

Funny Valentine’s Day Poems and Sweet Valentine’s Poems

Here are some funny Valentine’s Day poems and sweet Valentine’s poems.

(Poems By InnocentEnglish.com)

Just for tonight? 

We’ve been friends for quite a while,
And so far that’s all we’ve been
But we’re both free and it seems to me,
It might be worth a spin.

So if you’re game, just say my name,
And let’s see how things go
And if you’d rather not, I took a shot
But our friendship still can grow.

Something Different?

My love for you just keeps on growing
It’s hard to think of new ways of showing
It seems like it’s all been done before.
So on this day of Valentines
Instead of flowers and instead of wine,
How about a trip to the love toy store?

Roses Are Red

Roses are Red
Violets are blue
So why the hell aren’t they called Blues?
I mean,
That’s really stupid.
It’s false advertising.
And I cannot support it.
So it just doesnt feel right to buy flowers for you
For Valentine’s Day.
But in an attempt to only support
Things that really are the color they are named after,
Here is a Valentine’s orange!

You’re welcome!

Of All the Women I know

On this Valentine’s Day
I wanted to finally tell you,

And I’m sorry it took so long.
Out of all the women I know,
You are most definitely,
And I completely mean this,
You are most definitely,
Without a doubt,
And I have known a LOT of women
In many many many ways
Pretty much EVERY WAY
A man could possibly know a woman
And of ALL those many women I have known
In so so so many ways
Some in more ways than others, of course
And some I’ve hardly known at all
And there are of course a lot of women
I don’t yet know
And some I pray I never meet
But what I wanted to share with you
From my heart,
Hang on- Getting a text message
OK, it was a girl I met at the bar last night
She was a sweet heart
Really cute, great body,
But also really natural and easy to talk with
I don’t think her breasts were natural
But more power to her
But I mean like her personality was like
Really so easy to talk to
Not that we talked much
If you get my meaning
But what I wanted to share with you
On this special Valentine’s Day
is that of all the women I have known,
You are most definitely
One of them.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

On this Special Day

On this special day
I want to confess my love to you.
I should restate that.
I mean,
I want to confess my love,
Which is for this girl I met at work,
to you.
 It’s been a secret far too long.
Doesn’t it feel better,
Having the truth out there?

The Surprise

Last week, when I stopped by early,
It was much worse than my fear.
For my best friend’s car was in the front.
And he was in the rear.

p.s. When she said “I can’t wait until you get back”
I thought she meant it figuratively.

Funny Redneck Jokes: Haikus: Heart-Touching Poetry from the Trailer Park.

 

 

Here are some really funny redneck jokes:

 

 

Ahhh, the haiku. Few poetic styles evoke such stirrings of the soul. Someone sent me these lovely and heart-touching red neck and trailer park haikus. I’m happy to give proper credit to the talented poet or poets who so beautifully capture the heart of the trailer park. But for now, the creator/s must remain a mystery. And as these poems show, the haiku is a poem which evokes the Mystery of Life. Enjoy, and let your heart be touched! BEAUTYNaked in repose
Silvery silhouette girls
Adorn my mudflaps

REMORSEA painful sadness
Can’t fit big screen TV through
Double-wide’s front door
OPTIONS

Unemployment’s out
Hey, maybe I can get on
Disability

BLAZE

Distant siren screams
Dumb-ass Verne’s been playing with
Gasoline again

A NEW MOON

Flashlights pierce the darkness
No nightcrawlers to be found
Guess we’ll gig some frogs

EXUBERANCE

Joyous, playful, bright
Trailer park girl rolls in puddle
Of old motor oil

ALONE

Seeking solitude
Carl’s ex-wife Tammy files for
Restraining order

DESIRE

Damn, in that tube-top
You make me almost forget
You are my cousin

OFFERINGS

Tonight we hunger
Grandma sent grocery money
To Jimmy Swaggert

DRAMA

Set the VCR
Dukes of Hazard Marathon
At 9 o’clock

DEPRIVED

In Walmart toy aisle
Wailing boy want’s ‘rassling doll
Mama whups his ass

NO SIGNAL

White noise, buzzing static
Call Earl; satellite dish
Needs new descrambler

IMPOUNDED

Sixty-five dollars
And cyclone fence keeps me from
My El Camino

GATHERING

In early morning mist
Mama searches Circle K for
Moon pies and Red Man

PRIDE

Grinning, he displays
The nine hundred beer cans
Filling pickup bed

 

 

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