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Tag: Valentine’s Day

Funny Valentine’s Day Jokes: Some funny Dating, marriage, love and Valentines Jokes

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Valentine’s Jokes: Here are some funny (and not so funny) love jokes, relationship jokes, dating jokes and marriage jokes, for Valentine’s Day.  

Wife: You know that young couple next door? He’s so sweet to her. Every morning he kisses her goodbye, and every evening he brings her flowers. Why can’t you do that?
Husband: Okay, but if she falls for me remember you started it.

Sometimes my girfriend switches roles and gets really aggressive and dominant and powerful. The other day she came home and as soon as she walked in she totally ordered me to take off her shirt. Then she was like “Now take off my skirt, biatch!”  Then she ordered me to never wear her clothes again.
Baby, am I the first guy you ever made love to?
Why does everyone always ask me that?

Honey, I don’t mind if you go out with the guys, but what the hell are you doing coming home at 2 am half drunk?
I ran out of money.

A woman was in bed with her husband’s best friend when the phone rang. She answered it and then said “That was my husband. But don’t worry, he won’t be home for a while. He’s playing cards with you.”

 “Now as I said two weeks ago”, the minister said to the three couples wanting to join his rather strict church, “the final requirement was for you to go two weeks without sex, to show you are serious about joining. He then asked the elderly couple, “Were you able to abstain for 2 weeks?”

“Two weeks? Try two decades” said the husband.
“Great, then you can join our church. And how about you two?” The minister asked a middle aged couple.
“Yes, we made it,” the wife said. “Although the second week my husband had to sleep on the couch”.
“Wonderful” said the minister. “Welcome to our church.  And how about you two?” he asked the newly weds. “Were you able to abstain for two weeks?”
“Well”, said the husband, “We did pretty good at first. But a couple of hours after we met with you my wife dropped a light bulb, and when she bent down to pick it up, I just couldn’t resist.”
“I’m sorry. But unfortunately that means you aren’t welcome in our church”. 
“That’s okay” said the husband. “We aren’t welcome back to the hardware store either.”

Page topic: Valentine’s Jokes: Funny romance relationship, dating, love and marriage jokes.

Send Valentine’s Day Flowers, Candy and Chocolate fast and Cheaply

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It’s Valentine’s “season” again. A time when millions of people look for the cheapest deals and buys to buy Valentines Flowers and Candy for friends, lovers, coworkers, etc.  Many people send them as a gift to someone else through the mail or UPS.  It’s easy to find the cheapest  flowers and candy. A quick look at Google will lead the way.  But why do we give flowers and chocolate and candy in the first place? How did this tradition, and in some cases, this pressure, to send someone flowers or chocolate for Valentine’s Day, how did that even begin?

Why do we give flowers for Valentines Day? Most researchers believe that the tradition of giving flowers, in general, as a formal gift of appreciation and care, began in the 1700s. Charles II of Sweden started the tradition in Europe, after contact with Persians, for whom the tradition was already ancient.  After this, it became quite in fashion to study and converse about the meanings of different flowers.

During this time, the red rose in particular became a tradition for the favorite of Valentine’s Day flowers.  It became known as the flower of passion, romance and being in love. There is also a connection between the red rose and Venus, the Goddess of love.

The current tradition is that if someone gives you flowers, if they give you red roses, it means they have a romantic interest in you. If they give you other colors of roses, they may have a romantic interest, or may be just showing friendship and appreciation.  However, if they give you a dead, shriveled rose, odds are they are sending another message! (believe it or not, there is actually a business that sends dead, wilted roses to people you are upset with. I won’t put their link here. I don’t want to give them any business.

 Chocolates became a treat of the rich in old Europe, and it has long been known that women in particular have a strong positive response to it.  So it became a gift for a man to give a woman, much like flowers.  (It was also a treat offered guests, in wealthier homes).  According to some figures, 75% of all chocolate sold is sold in the month leading to Valentine’s Day, and 85% of all mail orders for chocolate are bought during this time. 
 

Page topic: Valentine’s Flowers, chocolate and candy: the tradition of sending Flowers  and chocolate for Valentine’s Day

Funny Valentine’s Day Poems and Sweet Valentine’s Poems

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Here are some funny Valentine’s Day poems and sweet Valentine’s poems.

(Poems By InnocentEnglish.com)

Just for tonight? 

We’ve been friends for quite a while,
And so far that’s all we’ve been
But we’re both free and it seems to me,
It might be worth a spin.

So if you’re game, just say my name,
And let’s see how things go
And if you’d rather not, I took a shot
But our friendship still can grow.

Something Different?

My love for you just keeps on growing
It’s hard to think of new ways of showing
It seems like it’s all been done before.
So on this day of Valentines
Instead of flowers and instead of wine,
How about a trip to the love toy store?

Roses Are Red

Roses are Red
Violets are blue
So why the hell aren’t they called Blues?
I mean,
That’s really stupid.
It’s false advertising.
And I cannot support it.
So it just doesnt feel right to buy flowers for you
For Valentine’s Day.
But in an attempt to only support
Things that really are the color they are named after,
Here is a Valentine’s orange!
You’re welcome!

Of All the Women I know

On this Valentine’s Day
I wanted to finally tell you,
And I’m sorry it took so long.
Out of all the women I know,
You are most definitely,
And I completely mean this,
You are most definitely,
Without a doubt,
And I have known a LOT of women
In many many many ways
Pretty much EVERY WAY
A man could possibly know a woman
And of ALL those many women I have known
In so so so many ways
Some in more ways than others, of course
And some I’ve hardly known at all
And there are of course a lot of women
I don’t yet know
And some I pray I never meet
But what I wanted to share with you
From my heart,
Hang on- Getting a text message
OK, it was a girl I met at the bar last night
She was a sweet heart
Really cute, great body,
But also really natural and easy to talk with
I don’t think her breasts were natural
But more power to her
But I mean like her personality was like
Really so easy to talk to
Not that we talked much
If you get my meaning
But what I wanted to share with you
On this special Valentine’s Day
is that of all the women I have known,
You are most definitely
One of them.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

On this Special Day

On this special day
I want to confess my love to you.
I should restate that. I mean,
I want to confess my love,
Which is for this girl I met at work,
to you.
 It’s been a secret far too long.
Doesn’t it feel better,
Having the truth out there?
The Surprise

Last week, when I stopped by early,
It was much worse than my fear.
For my best friend’s car was in the front.
And he was in the rear.

p.s. When she said “I can’t wait until you get back”
I thought she meant it figuratively.