Tag: short poems

Some of these limericks are suggestive, but they are still much more mild than many limericks out there, particularly the ones about a great many people from Nantucket, who apparently have quite a variety of very interesting social encounters…

 

Here are a some slightly clean limericks

 

On the breasts of a barmaid at Yale
Are tattooed all the prices of ale,
And on her behind
For the sake of the blind
Are the same, but they’re written in Braille.

An old maid phoned the desk and said, “Joe,
What’s the noise from that room down below?”
“Oh, they’re holding,” he sighed,
“An Elk’s Ball just inside.”
“Well then, tell them,” she said, “to let go!”

A team playing baseball in Dallas.
Called the umpire bad names out of malice.
While that worthy had fits,
The team made eight hits
And a girl in the bleachers named Alice.

There once was an old man named Cohen,
Who cut off the foot of Tim Bowen.
Now it wasn’t that hard,
For Tim slept in the yard,
And Cohen clipped Bowen while mowin’.

(That limerick was pretty clean
You say with a tone a touch mean
But consider the lawn
That Tim’s foot would lay on
There’d be plenty of red on that green!)
-InnocentEnglish

(Hey, that limerick, it was our first.
It wasn’t the best nor the worst.
It was in the middle
But still it’s a riddle
Why there wasn’t first thirst to rehearse).
-InnocentEnglish

I memorized this when I was 10 and thought it hilarious: So did my friends the first 25 times I told it to them. After that, not so much…

There once was a maid from Magrass
Who had such a very nice ass
Now don’t raise a stink
It’s not what you think
It was brown had long ears and ate grass!

 

 

Page Topic: Slightly Less Clean Limericks

 

 

The last few of these top 10 funniest limericks are suggestive, but they are still much more mild than many limericks out there, particularly the ones about a great many people from Nantucket, who apparently have quite a variety of very interesting social encounters…

 

 

1. Old Reggie McGarr

I heard that old Reggie McGarr
Died peacefully, with his cigar,
Peacefully dreaming,
Not yelling and screaming
Like the folks in the back of his car.

-Albert Van Hoogmoed

2. The Woman Named Bright

There was a young woman named Bright
Whose speed was much faster than light.
She set out one day
In a relative way,
And returned on the previous night.

3. Emily Skinner

A blonde girl named Emily Skinner
Would not eat a bite of her dinner
She’d been painting her door
And the man at the store
Had told her she had to get thinner
-Graham Lester

4. Arthur Jones

Arthur Jones to his bride-to-be said,
“I can shoot off this pear from your head.”
Then he missed by a hair,
But he still split a pair,
For there’s lead in the miss he misled
-Graham Lester

5. The Flea and the Fly and the Flue

A flea and a fly in a flue
Were imprisoned, so what could they do?
Said the fly, “let us flee!”
“Let us fly!” said the flea.
So they flew through a flaw in the flue.

6. The Gambler

A gambler in debt far too deep
Was needing a way to live cheap,
So he planted by hand
Lots of crops on his land.
Now he just has to weed ‘em and reap.
-Graham Lester

7 Fischer the Fisher

There was a young fisher named Fischer
Who fished for a fish in a fissure.
The fish with a grin,
Pulled the fisherman in
Now they’re fishing the fissure for Fischer.

(Slightly More Risque Limericks)

8 The Maid from Magrass

There once was a maid from Magrass
Who had such a very nice ass
Now don’t raise a stink
It’s not what you think
It was brown had long ears and ate grass!

9. The Noise from the Room Down Below

An old maid phoned the desk and said, “Joe,
What’s the noise from that room down below?”
“Oh, they’re holding,” he sighed,
“An Elk’s Ball just inside.”
“Well then, tell them,” she said, “to let go!”

10. The Barmaid at Yale

On the breasts of a barmaid at Yale
Are tattooed all the prices of ale,
And on her behind
For the sake of the blind
Are the same, but they’re written in Braille.

Funny Poems: Top 10 funniest limericks

 

 

Page Topic: Fairly Clean Limericks