Valentine’s Jokes: Here are some funny (and not so funny)Â love jokes, relationship jokes, datingÂ jokesÂ and marriage jokes, for Valentine’s Day.Â Â
Wife: You know that young couple next door? Heâ€™s so sweet to her. Every morning he kisses her goodbye, and every evening he brings her flowers. Why canâ€™t you do that?
Husband: Okay, but if she falls for me remember you started it.
Sometimes my girfriend switches roles and gets really aggressive and dominant and powerful. The other day she came home and as soon as she walked in she totally ordered me to take off her shirt. Then she was like “Now take off my skirt, biatch!” Â Then she ordered me to never wear her clothes again.
Baby, am I the firstÂ guy you ever made love to?
Why does everyone always ask me that?
Honey, I don’t mind if you go out with the guys, but what the hell are you doing coming home at 2 am half drunk?
I ran out of money.
A woman was in bed with her husbandâ€™s best friend when the phone rang. She answered it and then said â€œThat was my husband. But donâ€™t worry, he wonâ€™t be home for a while. Heâ€™s playing cards with you.â€
Â â€œNow as I said two weeks agoâ€, the minister said to the three couples wanting to join his rather strict church, â€œthe final requirement was for you to go two weeks without sex, to show you are serious about joining. He then asked the elderly couple, â€œWere you able to abstain for 2 weeks?â€
â€œTwo weeks? Try two decadesâ€ said the husband.
â€œGreat, then you can join our church. And how about you two?â€ The minister asked a middle aged couple.
â€œYes, we made it,â€ the wife said. â€œAlthough the second week my husband had to sleep on the couchâ€.
â€œWonderfulâ€ said the minister. â€œWelcome to our church.Â And how about you two?â€ he asked the newly weds. â€œWere you able to abstain for two weeks?â€
â€œWellâ€, said the husband, â€œWe did pretty goodÂ at first. ButÂ a couple of hoursÂ after we met with youÂ my wife dropped a light bulb, and when she bent down to pick it up, I just couldnâ€™t resist.â€
â€œIâ€™m sorry. But unfortunately that means you arenâ€™t welcome in our churchâ€.Â
â€œThatâ€™s okayâ€ said the husband. â€œWe arenâ€™t welcome back to the hardware store either.â€
Page topic: Valentine’s Jokes: Funny romance relationship, dating, loveÂ and marriage jokes.