Funny sayings:Sstupid and witty quotes and Funny Sayings from bumper stickers, T-shirts, graffiti etc.
Funny Sayings:
The sex was so good even the neighbors had a cigarette.
Join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them.
Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.
Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms!
If you smoke after sex, you’re doing it too fast.
I don’t suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.
If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic.
I don’t have to be dead to donate my organ.
WARNING! Driver only carries $20.00 in ammunition.
This would be really funny if it wasn’t happening to me.
I have the body of a god… Buddha!
Funny Sayings Part 2
I get enough exercise pushing my luck.
Auntie Em- Hate you, hate Kansas, taking dog. Dorothy
If you don’t like the news, go out and make your own.
Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let her sleep
Guns don’t kill people… but they make it real easy.
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather … Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
We are Microsoft. Resistance Is Futile. You Will Be Assimilated.
Born free… taxed to death.
The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.
Some people are alive only because it’s illegal to kill them.
Funny Sayings Part 3
A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
There’s too much blood in my alcohol system.
I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
Don’t take life too seriously, you won’t get out alive.
WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.
If you can read this, I’ve lost my trailer.
You’re just jealous because the voices only talk to me.
The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
BEER: It’s not just for breakfast anymore.
I got a gun for my wife, best trade I’ve ever made.
So you’re a feminist…Isn’t that cute, honey!
Anyone can give up smoking, but it takes a real man to face cancer.
If, a two letter word for futility
I don’t care, I don’t have to.
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
To all you virgins, thanks for nothing.
I’m not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.
Horn broken, watch for finger.
All men are idiots … I married their king.
The more you complain, the longer God lets you live.
My kid had sex with your honor student.
Earth first…we’ll mine the other planets later.
Give pizza chants.
Page Topic: Funny Sayings: a collection of some of the best funny sayings and quotes.
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When life gives you lemons…. ask for a refund.
here is a three letter word rott in h!@#
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realised that The Lord doesn’t work that way, so I stole one and asked him to forgive me.
I’m not antisocial… I’m just not user friendly! Â
 I dream of a better tomorrow, where chickens can cross the road and no have their actions questioned.
Microsoft: Youve got questions, we’ve got dancing paperclips!
1f u c4n r34d th1s u r34lly n33d t0 g37 l41d
when life gives you lemons,… ask for salt & tequila HAHAHA
If life gives you lemons….do tequila shooters! :)
Unless life also gives you water and sugar, your lemonaide is gonna suck!!
there’s no I in Team, yeah but there is in WIN
Last night I played a blank tape and the mime next door when NUTz!! :)
Save Water shower with ur girlfriend! :)
ur future depends on your dreams so go to sleep right now!
Children in the back seat cause accidents… accidents in the back seat cause children!
After monday and tuesday – even the calenday says W T F
If aliens are looking for itteligent life … why are you scared? :)
Despite the cost of living – have you noticed that its very popular?
Man walks into bar … ouch!
Behind every succesful women – theres a succesful man staring at her arse!
Those who critize our generation seem to forget who raised it!! :)
I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out
LOLz
Dont follow in my footstepz … I walk into wallz
Man who goes to bed with an itchy butt … wakes up with a stinky finger! :)
When you feel there is no point in life – draw a triangle and then there will be three
The brain is a wonderful organ – it starts working as soon as I wake up and then stops once I get to school! LOLz :@
Better to be pissed off then pissed on
Like many women my age – I’m a 23
Heres to me, heres to you, I hope we never disagree, but that should ever been – tah hell with you and heres to me! :)
I would love to have a battle of wits with you bt it seems you have come unarmed!
My imaginary friend thinks you have serious mentals problemz
whaen life hands you lemons….put them in your pants and pretend you have big balls
Whoever says Paper beats Rock is an idiot. Next time I see someone say that I will throw a rock at them while they hold up a sheet of paper
Life’s not about waiting for the storm to pass…its about learning to dance in the rain
I just hopped on my menstral cycle and drove over my husband.
The only good thing about going bra-less at my age is that it pulls the wrinkles right out of my face.
What would happen if you got scared half to death twice?
Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.
I wanted a Chippendales dancer for my birthday, but after marriage and 15 years later, all I get is the Chips-Ahoy dancer.
Come to the dark side… We have cookies =D
Don’t tell me the skies the limit when there’s footprints on the moon.
I called your boyfriend gay so he hit me with his purse!
Do you believe in love at 1st site or should I walk by again…?
Psst… Me and the Gummy Bears plan to take over the world… But Shh, its a secret!!
HEYY guyss!! I’d just like to thank everyone for these amazing quotes, I put them on my msn and everyone loved them!!! I’m 13 and spend alot of the time when i’m on the computer doing assignments looking this stuff up LoL!! xx.
Friends are like bras, they are close to your heart, and they give you support!
If you’re gonna be stupid, you gotta be tough.
when life gives u skittles, throw them at people and scream “taste the rainbow!”
you’re just jealous cause the doctor called ME special!
come to the light side we stole the cookies from the dark side
what does idk stand for i dont know omg nobody knows
forgive your enemies it messes with their heads
when life gives you lemons trade them for rocks and throw them at people you hate
those who throw objects at the crocodiles will be asked to retrieve them
if a #2 pencil is so popular why is it still #2
life doesn’t give me lemons anymore not after what happened last time
death is a once in a lifetime experience
death the #1 killer in the USA tell your friends
don’t throw your cigarette ends on the floor the cockroaches are getting cancer
the zombies are after brains don’t worry your safe
please do not drop your cigarette bu
when life give u lemons throw them back and ask for cupcakes!!!!!!!!!!!
Lite at the end of the tunnel is not always the sign of hope…………….. It may also be the headlight of an oncoming train ..
If i eat an entire box of crayons….. will i get a rainbow out the other end .
Once I got in trouble in class and the teacher said to me:”Sit down! Do you think you’re special?!” and I said: Yeah, because my momma said so.”
when life gives you lemons, make Vodka, then sit back and watch the world try to find out how you did it.
some r funny but the others rn’t funny at all.
im busy, your ugly, have a nice day :)
some people are like slinkies – not really good for anything but they bring a smile to your face when pushed down the stairs :) x
“Suicide is a way of telling god ‘You can’t fire me! I quit!'”
“I shall live forever.. Or atleast die trying..”
My personal quote:
“What’s yours is mine. WHat’s mine is mine.”
save water shower with your girlfriend
Don’t pee in my pool, cuz i don’t swim in your toilet.
ur momma so old she owes jesus a fiver!!!!!
seriouslu u have a body of a god…………BUDAHHH!
ur shoestrings is so dirty that your teeth looks whiter HAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!
how do you know when you are too drunk to drive? When you swerve to miss a tree then realize it was your airfreshener.
told to boss : most a-holes have a penis and a pair of testicles with it, yours has a nose and a pair of eyes.
:p
Is thinking of combining youtube,myspace,facebook, and twitter to make,”my face you twit!!” haha
i am going to combined myspace facebook and twitter. = twit face my space.
behind every b*@/! is a man who made her
silence is golden but duck tape is silver
I laughed at some of these but others are really bad
Ke$ha, I don’t think “love” is the only drug your on…..
ikk
Dumbest quistion ever ‘ where was it made?’
duh china!! XD
yo momma so old she was a waitress at the passover
yo momma so fat she wore a blue dress skydiving and some kid started to yell mommy the sky is falling the sky is falling!