Funny Quotes

The best funny quotes and really dumb sayings and quotes from bumper stickers, T-shirts, & graffiti.

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don’t have film.

Boycott shampoo! Demand the REAL poo!

If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?

Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.

I poured Spot remover on my dog. Now he’s gone.

I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.

For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.

OK, so what’s the speed of dark?

Corduroy pillows: They’re making headlines!

Black holes are where God divided by zero.

All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.

Excuses are like asses everyone’s got em and they all stink.

I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose.

An apple a day keeps the doctor away… so does having no medical insurance.

Death is life’s way of telling you you’ve been fired.

What we could really use is the separation of Bush and state.

Never play strip poker with a nudist, they have nothing to lose.

If you can’t read this, you’re illiterate.

It’s a small world, but I wouldn’t want to paint it.

He who hesitates is boss.

Hard work has a future payoff, laziness pays off now.

Life’s a buffet… so eat me!

I’m just driving this way to piss you off.

If you don’t like the way I drive, get off the sidewalk.

Reality is a crutch for people who can’t handle drugs.

Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

Where are we going? And why are we in this hand basket?

Page Topic: A collection of the best really dumb, funny, stupid, hilarious, cute and witty sayings, quotes, bumper stickers, t-shirts and graffiti humorous one-liners and sayings.



Page Topic: Really Funny Quotes



13 thoughts on “Funny Quotes”

  1. If there’s a will, I want to be in it.

    If you know someone who has lots of money and no family, will you give them my name? I have none and plenty.

    What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas. Now I know why I never come home with any of my winnings.

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