InnocentEnglish.com

Category: Stupid, Funny Quotes, Questions & Sayings

Dumb funny quotes, stupid questions and funny sayings and quips

Top 10 Shoe Throwing Joke List: Jokes about Shoes being Thrown at Bush

Posted on by admin

Bush got a pair of shoes thrown at him and the press has been going wild with the jokes since then. After all, one man so reviled that a journalist risked imprisonment and torture just to toss footwear at a man. Even Latin American leaders have gotten in on the jokes about President Bush, Brazilian President Luiz Inacio Lula da Silva quipped “Please, nobody take off your shoes” at a news conference recently. The real gems have come from the late night show crews, so I’ve taken the time to collect the cream of the crop for you…

The Top 10 Late Night Show Jokes about President Bush and Thrown Shoes
(in no particular order)

  1. “Well, folks, looks like we finally found something President Bush is good at. Dodgeball!” –Jay Leno
  2. “You got to admit, whatever you think of the guy, he’s got good reflexes. Even Bill Clinton was impressed. You know, Clinton’s an expert at ducking shoes, ashtrays, lamps. Everything.” –Jay Leno
  3. “Now, here’s my question, and no offense here, but where was the Secret Service? I mean, shouldn’t they at least have jumped in front of the second shoe? I mean, you know what I’m saying? Come on. Seriously. Aren’t these guys supposed to take a bullet for the president?” –Jay Leno
  4. “You’ve got to give Bush credit. I mean, the guy moved pretty quickly. … Too bad he didn’t react that way with bin Laden or Katrina, bin Laden or the mortgage crisis, bin Laden or Afghanistan, bin Laden or the Lehman Brothers.” –David Letterman
  5. “I don’t think Bush really has dodged anything like that, well, since the Vietnam War.” –David Letterman
  6. “The shoe-throwing journalist is in jail. He didn’t think this through, though. I mean, if you’re a journalist and you’re unhappy with a politician, why don’t you just write something down? You’re a journalist! You can even get it printed in a newspaper! Doesn’t he know that the pen is mightier than the shoe?” –Craig Ferguson
  7. “Of course, the big story over the weekend is that President Bush had that press conference in Iraq, which turned into ‘Shoe-pocalypse Now.’” –Craig Ferguson
  8. “Anyway, the conspiracy theories have begun. Oliver Stone is already making a movie about the shoe-throwing incident. He thinks there was a second shoe-thrower, because that journalist threw two shoes in four seconds. That’s impossible.” –Craig Ferguson
  9. “Yesterday, at a press conference in Baghdad, an angry Iraqi threw his shoes at President Bush’s head. Yeah, when he saw the shoes, President Bush said, ‘See, I knew you guys had weapons of mass destruction.” –Conan O’Brien
  10. “The man who threw his shoes at President Bush is being hailed as a hero in Iraq. In fact, when he dies, he’ll be greeted in heaven by 72 podiatrists.” –Conan O’Brien

Page Topic: Top 10 Shoe Throwing at President Bush Joke List

Star Wars Double Entendres: Double Entendres from Starwars

Posted on by admin

You remember back when Star Wars just came out right? The long lines, the waiting, the anticipation. People more and more fanatic with each new film. Too bad that didn’t last with the new ones. I was just a young’n when the first three came out and I instantly fell in love with the movies. After all, they were swash-buckling tales of intrigue and heroism. Little did I know the double entendres that lay in the Star Wars flicks. So many possibilities, but I felt like we should stick with the top ten from the originals. After all, at least in my household, we don’t ever speak of the … prequels.

Top Ten Sexually Tilted Lines in “Star Wars (A New Hope)”

  1. “She may not look like much, but she’s got it where it counts, kid.”
  2. “Curse my metal body, I wasn’t fast enough!”
  3. “Look at the size of that thing!”
  4. “Sorry about the mess…”
  5. “You came in that thing? You’re braver than I thought.”
  6. “Aren’t you a little short for a stormtrooper?”
  7. “You’ve got something jammed in here real good.”
  8. “Put that thing away before you get us all killed!”
  9. “Luke, at that speed do you think you’ll be able to pull out in time?”
  10. “Get in there you big furry oaf, I don’t care *what* you smell!”

Top Ten Sexually Tilted Lines in “The Empire Strikes Back”

  1. “And I thought they smelled bad…on the *outside*!”
  2. “Possible he came in through the south entrance.”
  3. “I must’ve hit it pretty close to the mark to get her all riled up like that, huh kid?”
  4. “Hurry up, golden-rod…”
  5. “That’s okay, I’d like to keep it on manual control for a while.”
  6. “But now we must eat. Cum, good food, cummm…”
  7. “Control, control! You must learn control!”
  8. “There’s an awful lot of moisture in here.”
  9. “Size matters not. Judge me by my size, do you?”
  10. “I thought that hairy beast would be the end of me!”

Top Ten Sexually Tilted Lines in “Return of the Jedi”

  1. “Rise, my friend.”
  2. “Open the back door!”
  3. “Hey, point that thing somewhere else!”
  4. “It’s just a dead animal…”
  5. “Not bad for a little furball.”
  6. “How can they be jamming us if they don’t know we’re coming?”
  7. “Come here, I won’t hurt you. You want something to eat?”
  8. “Keep on that one, I’ll take these two”
  9. “I want you to take her. I mean it, take her!”
  10. “I don’t think the Empire had wookies in mind when they designed her, Chewie.”


page topic: Star Wars Double Entendres

More Really Funny Sayings, Witty Quotes, Clever Bumperstickers and more

Posted on by admin

Here are some more really funny sayings, witty quotes, cute and clever bumper sticker quotes,  and interesting thoughts.  Some are pretty funny, a few are hilarious, some are painfully true, and some are clever and witty.  (and of course, some of these are pretty stupid sayings and dumb sayings that aren’t that amazing…   ) 

     You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.
    
     I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.

     Honk if you love peace and quiet.

     Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular?

     Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.

     It is hard to understand how a cemetery raised its burial cost and blamed it on the cost of living.

     The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there’s a 90% probability you’ll get it wrong.

     It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try and pass them.

     You can’t have everything….where would you put it?

     Latest survey shows that 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the world’s population.

     The things that come to those who wait, may be the things left by those who got there first.

     A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

     He who laughs last thinks slowest.

     Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don’t have film.

     A day without sunshine is like, well, night.

     On the other hand you have different fingers.

     Change is inevitable except from a vending machine.

     I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.

     When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty.

     Seen it all, done it all, can’t remember most of it.

     Those who live by the sword… get shot by those who don’t.

     I feel like I’m diagonally parked in a parallel universe.

     He’s not dead… he’s electroencephalographically challenged.

     It was recently discovered that research causes cancer in rats.

     I wished the buck stopped here as I could use a few.

     I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.

     Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

Page topic: Funny one liners, funny sayings, clever bumper stickers and button and great lines.

InnocentEnglish.com: Funny English mistakes, funny jokes, funny sayings, cute and funny pictures, and much more.