Funny English From Around The World
Funny English Bloopers Too Close To Home
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Funny Sayings
Funny sayings:Sstupid and witty quotes and Funny Sayings from bumper stickers, T-shirts, graffiti etc.
Funny Sayings:
The sex was so good even the neighbors had a cigarette.
Join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them.
Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.
Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms!
If you smoke after sex, you’re doing it too fast.
I don’t suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.
If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic.
I don’t have to be dead to donate my organ.
WARNING! Driver only carries $20.00 in ammunition.
This would be really funny if it wasn’t happening to me.
I have the body of a god… Buddha!
Funny Sayings Part 2
I get enough exercise pushing my luck.
Auntie Em- Hate you, hate Kansas, taking dog. Dorothy
If you don’t like the news, go out and make your own.
Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let her sleep
Guns don’t kill people… but they make it real easy.
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather … Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
We are Microsoft. Resistance Is Futile. You Will Be Assimilated.
Born free… taxed to death.
The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.
Some people are alive only because it’s illegal to kill them.
Funny Sayings Part 3
A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
There’s too much blood in my alcohol system.
I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
Don’t take life too seriously, you won’t get out alive.
WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.
If you can read this, I’ve lost my trailer.
You’re just jealous because the voices only talk to me.
The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
BEER: It’s not just for breakfast anymore.
I got a gun for my wife, best trade I’ve ever made.
So you’re a feminist…Isn’t that cute, honey!
Anyone can give up smoking, but it takes a real man to face cancer.
If, a two letter word for futility
I don’t care, I don’t have to.
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
To all you virgins, thanks for nothing.
I’m not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.
Horn broken, watch for finger.
All men are idiots … I married their king.
The more you complain, the longer God lets you live.
My kid had sex with your honor student.
Earth first…we’ll mine the other planets later.
Give pizza chants.
Page Topic: Funny Sayings: a collection of some of the best funny sayings and quotes.
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40 Responses to “Funny Sayings””
COMMENT (Not all comments are approved, including rude comments and those with strong language).
Section: Best Funny Jokes, Stupid, Funny Quotes, Questions & Sayings
January 9th, 2008 at 4:28 pm
Beauty is a light switch away……………..
January 27th, 2008 at 2:16 pm
When life gives you lemons, squirt them in your enemy’s eyes.
January 27th, 2008 at 2:17 pm
Everybody wants to go to Heaven, but nobody wants to die…
January 27th, 2008 at 2:18 pm
For Sale: parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.
January 27th, 2008 at 2:18 pm
Evening news is where they start by saying “Good Evening” and proceed by telling you why it’s not.
January 27th, 2008 at 2:19 pm
Always take money from a Pessimist…They never expect it back…
January 28th, 2008 at 2:48 pm
For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.
January 31st, 2008 at 12:46 am
there are three kinds of people in this world those who can count and those who cant
January 31st, 2008 at 5:42 pm
If its not broken fix it till it is
February 2nd, 2008 at 9:20 am
those who throw objects at crocodiles will be asked to retrieve them
February 4th, 2008 at 3:26 pm
when life hands you lemons make lemonade and find someone eles who life handed them vodka and have a party
February 7th, 2008 at 9:37 pm
if barbie is soo popular then y do we buy her friends and boyfriends?
February 12th, 2008 at 8:08 am
my kid is the kid who sold your kid the answers to making the honor role.
February 26th, 2008 at 10:36 am
“GOD created the world, everything else is made in china.”
March 8th, 2008 at 6:55 am
boys are like diapers…. hard to change and full of sh**!!!
March 8th, 2008 at 6:58 am
a friend is a person that noes u vey well….. and likes u anyways
March 29th, 2008 at 9:16 am
moo hoo ha. the only one that made me laugh was “You’re just jealous because the voices only talk to me.”
April 16th, 2008 at 6:09 pm
wzzzzzzzzzz up my bffs kathy hamilton and brianna ferguson will love these sayings.I rock!!!
April 16th, 2008 at 6:12 pm
i was so shocked when i was born i didn’t talk for a whole year and a half!!!LOL!!!
April 16th, 2008 at 6:13 pm
Money isn’t one thing it’s everything!!!Marry a man with money!!!
April 20th, 2008 at 12:19 pm
Always forgive your enemies, it annoys them.
April 21st, 2008 at 5:25 pm
Some people are that low they can parachute from a snake’s bum and still have time to free fall.
April 23rd, 2008 at 10:13 am
When life hands you lemons…freeze ‘em, then throw ‘em at the suckers who are pissing you off.
April 28th, 2008 at 8:18 pm
Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, you’ll be a mile from them, and you’ll have their shoes.
April 29th, 2008 at 8:40 am
why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections.
May 2nd, 2008 at 3:29 am
I don’t suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it!
May 5th, 2008 at 1:30 pm
They say hard work never hurts anybody, but why take the chance. and, An consultant is someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it sound confusing.
May 6th, 2008 at 2:23 am
“Never take Life Seriously, Nobody gets out alive anyway.” ^^
May 7th, 2008 at 7:08 am
If practice makes perfect and nobody is perfect why practice?
May 8th, 2008 at 6:16 pm
you’re unique just like everyone else!
May 22nd, 2008 at 3:43 pm
it a cow laughs hard enough does milk come out it’s nose?
May 26th, 2008 at 8:57 am
A man was standing along side of the road with a sign that says will work for food: so I handed him a coconut
May 26th, 2008 at 3:13 pm
work is for people who dont know how to fish
June 1st, 2008 at 7:45 am
when life gives you lemons…. who the hells life and why is he giving you lemons?
June 3rd, 2008 at 7:00 pm
Those who throw dirt only lose ground…. =/
June 4th, 2008 at 6:54 pm
If its not one thing, its your mother
June 12th, 2008 at 1:40 am
If it doesn’t fit, force it. If it breaks, it needed replacement anyway.
July 1st, 2008 at 7:29 am
what if the hokey pokey is what it’s all about?
July 1st, 2008 at 12:06 pm
Never tell your mom her diet’s not working.
July 1st, 2008 at 12:07 pm
It matters not whether you win or lose; what matters is whether I win or lose.