And for those who know DeathNote:
“L: Hey Kira. Light: What? L: >) Light: Oh crap! OxO ”
You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted and used against you.
Change is good, but dollars are better.
Anything is possible if you don’t know what you’re talking about.
If this saying didn’t exist, somebody would have invented it.
Why get even when you can get odd?
What goes around usually gets dizzy and falls over.
A day without the sun is like… you know, night.
If time is on your side, what’s on the other side?
How is it that “fat chance” and “slim chance” mean the same thing?
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for kickboxing.
I’m lost. I’ve gone to look for myself. If I should return before I get back, please ask me to wait.
A person who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.
No one can drive us crazy unless we give them the keys.
If you can’t convince them, confuse them.
It’s not MY fault that I never learned to accept responsibility.
Don’t worry too much about what people think, because they seldom do.
1492: Native Americans disover Columbus lost at sea.
Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.
At first you don’t succeed, redefine success.
The sooner you fall behind, the more time you have to catch up.
>> Yeah, those are out of my agenda, so give credit to the CDWJHSODA.
December 7th, 2008 at 9:30 am
A woman is like a diesel engine. Once you get her warmed up she runs a long, long time. Men are like a firecracker. They go up, explode and then their out.
December 7th, 2008 at 9:32 am
Behind every woman, is a man staring at her behind.
December 7th, 2008 at 11:51 am
Huked on phonix wurked fer I.
December 7th, 2008 at 4:47 pm
Some people are like slinkies… They’re really good for nothing, but they still bring a smile to your face what you push them down a flight of srairs
December 8th, 2008 at 4:10 am
Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and the world laughs harder
December 9th, 2008 at 12:10 pm
When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. When life gives you rocks,throw them at you neighbor
December 11th, 2008 at 10:14 am
when god hands you lemons, find a new god
Stephen's Girl Says:
December 11th, 2008 at 3:34 pm
when life gives you lemons alter their DNA and make super lemons!!!
December 14th, 2008 at 4:59 pm
me and you is friends…
you smile…i smile…
you laugh…i laigh…
you cry…..i cry…
you jump off a bridge….im gunna miss you
IM AN ANGEL I SWARE!!! THE HORNS ARE JUST THERE TO KEEP THE HALO UP!!!
December 16th, 2008 at 7:17 am
I’m not crazy, just ask my camel; Steven!
Squirrels, nature’s little speed bumps.
Aerodynamically speaking, the bumblebee shouldn’t be able to fly, but the bumblebee doesn’t know so he goes on flying anyway.
Due to recent cutbacks, and until further notice, the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off.
Halloween; the tradition where your parents tell you to take candy from strangers.. hmm.
Don’t accept a stranger’s candy unless they offer you a ride.
665, not quite the devil.
Everyone has a prince, mine just took a wrong turn, got lost and is too stubborn to ask for directions.
When life gives you lemons say: “Cool, got any more? =)”
Muffins are just ugly cupcakes, but we love em’ anyway.
If you can’t marvel the world with your radiance then baffle them with your bullsh*t.
42.7% of statistics are made up on the spot.
Don’t knock on death’s door, ring the doorbell and run- he hates that.
Nuu wai. Ya wai. Orly? Yarly.
December 17th, 2008 at 10:01 pm
When life gives you lemons, buy some grapejuice and let the world wonder how you made it.
December 19th, 2008 at 1:29 am
im the farmers daughter your mama warned u about.
ride neked!! put some color in your cheeks!!
u remind me of my NEXT boyfriend!
a cowboy and his truck, what a beautiful thang!!
if farming were a sport you’d b lookin at an athlete!
December 20th, 2008 at 10:30 pm
everyone hates me because im paranoid
December 22nd, 2008 at 6:58 pm
You’re perfect! Except for, like, 9 or 10 things.
I am a bamf! Says:
February 18th, 2009 at 10:44 pm
Are you a seargent? Because my privates are at attention.
I went blank and can’t remember the rest! damn!
February 20th, 2009 at 2:40 am
i dont have a drinking problem! i drink, i get drunk, i fall down. No problem!
Rehab is 4 quitters!
Anything that is too stupid is to be spoken is sung.
Solution to 2 of the world’s problem. Feed the Homeless to the hungry.
it may look like im doing nothing but im actively waiting for my problems to go away.
Just be yourself everyone else is taken.
I have PMS and a handgun.Any questions?
Olivia Flannery Says:
March 24th, 2009 at 9:23 pm
It’s the difficult horses, that have the most to give you.
nuthin like cowboy butts n’ Chevy Trucks.
a Girl and her horse. oh but there is so much more to it than that.
if stupidity was Vodka, my school would be WASTED!!
every horse deserves at least once in it’s life, to be loved by a little girl.
Horses. we share our lives with them. W braid our tears into their manes and whisper our hopes into their ears.
Guns don’t kill people, Dad’s with purdy Daughters do…
“my face hurts.” “it’s killin me!!”
March 24th, 2009 at 10:13 pm
My personal saying is,”The person that says being abnormal is normal hasn’t met my family.”
March 27th, 2009 at 7:27 pm
It’s not easy being me. But it’s funny watching other people try!
Everyone is entitled to their own opinion.
It’s just that yours is stupid.
You laugh because I’m different…
I laugh cause I just farted!
All you have to do in life is go out with your friends, party, have fun, and look twice as good as the bitch standing next to you!
April 16th, 2009 at 3:54 am
Never try, never fail
April 21st, 2009 at 3:07 am
dont face your problem if your problem is your face
April 22nd, 2009 at 5:53 am
When Life gives you lemons, put them in your shirt to make your boobs look bigger!
dun dun dunCATMAN!! Says:
April 24th, 2009 at 5:46 pm
Winter is nature’s way of saying “Up yours”
April 25th, 2009 at 3:07 pm
Its all fun and games…
until someone gets hurt…
then its HALARIOUS!
when life gives you lemons, you throw them back and say why the hell do I want these?
Frank from Corsicana Says:
May 26th, 2009 at 4:58 pm
I read ALL of these. Many thanks to all the contributors. Thanks to you I found some clever, short quips to put on my marquee which is exactly what I was looking for. Keep the witticisms coming.
June 19th, 2009 at 8:44 pm
whoever said nothing is imposible, never tried slamming a revolving door!!!
July 1st, 2009 at 12:31 pm
UR MOMMA’S SO STUPID SHE SAT ON THE TV AND WOTCHED THE SOFA!!!
July 1st, 2009 at 12:32 pm
Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make mistakes when nobody is looking
July 1st, 2009 at 12:33 pm
If ur parents didnt hav children then thers a good chance u wont
July 25th, 2009 at 12:36 pm
why are there no round stickmen?
July 25th, 2009 at 12:39 pm
when you get pulled over by the police for a DUI and the officer says “sir your eyes look red have you been drinkin lately” don’t say “officer your eyes looked glazed have you been eating donuts lately?”
July 25th, 2009 at 12:42 pm
a good friend would come bail you out of jail a great friend would be sittin in the jail cell with you saying that way fun
July 25th, 2009 at 12:44 pm
When you are sad,
I will jump on the person
who made you sad
like a spider monkey
jacked up on Mountain Dew!!!
July 25th, 2009 at 12:45 pm
When you are blue,
I will try to dislodge
whatever is choking you.
When you smile,
I will know you are
that I must be involved in.
When you’re scared,
we will high tail it out of here.
When you are worried,
I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse
it could be until you
quit whining, ya big baby!!!!
When you are confused,
I will use little words.
When you are sick,
Stay away from me
until you are well again.
I don’t want whatever you have.
When you fall,
I’ll pick you up
and dust you off–
After I laugh my rear off!!
October 7th, 2009 at 8:53 pm
never hold farts in. it travels up your spine and into your brain and thats where crappy ideas come from
October 28th, 2009 at 3:51 pm
Guns don’t kill people, dad’s with teenage daughters do!!!!!!!!!!
November 4th, 2009 at 2:17 pm
Smile and the world smiles with you, fart and you stand alone!!!
November 9th, 2009 at 4:48 am
If you notice this notice, You;ll notice this notice is not worth noticing
November 15th, 2009 at 1:15 am
I know a little about everything and alot about nothin…..
December 4th, 2009 at 10:30 am
I Just Wanna Thank Everyone For All These Funny Words, I Read Some Every Morning To Start My Day Off In A Great Mood.
December 4th, 2009 at 1:04 pm
these are all old
December 17th, 2009 at 4:46 am
When life gives you lemons, make apple juice then sit back and watch the world wonder how you did it.
February 27th, 2010 at 4:59 pm
1.BREAKING NEWS: There’s no news today.
2.TO THE GUYS:
If life give you LEMONS, just rearrange the letters and you have MELONS so you wouldn’t be tempted to touch any girl’s melons.
when life gives you lemons,… ask for salt & tequila HAHAHA
June 29th, 2010 at 9:05 am
If life gives you lemons….do tequila shooters! :)
July 27th, 2010 at 9:06 am
Unless life also gives you water and sugar, your lemonaide is gonna suck!!
August 7th, 2010 at 1:23 pm
there’s no I in Team, yeah but there is in WIN
August 7th, 2010 at 10:43 pm
Last night I played a blank tape and the mime next door when NUTz!! :)
August 7th, 2010 at 10:53 pm
Save Water shower with ur girlfriend! :)
ur future depends on your dreams so go to sleep right now!
Children in the back seat cause accidents… accidents in the back seat cause children!
After monday and tuesday – even the calenday says W T F
If aliens are looking for itteligent life … why are you scared? :)
Despite the cost of living – have you noticed that its very popular?
Man walks into bar … ouch!
Behind every succesful women – theres a succesful man staring at her arse!
Those who critize our generation seem to forget who raised it!! :)
I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out
kuXxmaster! :) Says:
August 7th, 2010 at 11:00 pm
Dont follow in my footstepz … I walk into wallz
Man who goes to bed with an itchy butt … wakes up with a stinky finger! :)
When you feel there is no point in life – draw a triangle and then there will be three
The brain is a wonderful organ – it starts working as soon as I wake up and then stops once I get to school! LOLz :@
Better to be pissed off then pissed on
Like many women my age – I’m a 23
Heres to me, heres to you, I hope we never disagree, but that should ever been – tah hell with you and heres to me! :)
I would love to have a battle of wits with you bt it seems you have come unarmed!
My imaginary friend thinks you have serious mentals problemz
August 13th, 2010 at 8:38 pm
whaen life hands you lemons….put them in your pants and pretend you have big balls
August 22nd, 2010 at 12:39 pm
Whoever says Paper beats Rock is an idiot. Next time I see someone say that I will throw a rock at them while they hold up a sheet of paper
August 24th, 2010 at 3:50 am
Life’s not about waiting for the storm to pass…its about learning to dance in the rain
August 25th, 2010 at 8:07 pm
I just hopped on my menstral cycle and drove over my husband.
August 25th, 2010 at 8:09 pm
The only good thing about going bra-less at my age is that it pulls the wrinkles right out of my face.
August 26th, 2010 at 5:09 pm
What would happen if you got scared half to death twice?
Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.
I wanted a Chippendales dancer for my birthday, but after marriage and 15 years later, all I get is the Chips-Ahoy dancer.
Ali! xx. Says:
September 10th, 2010 at 3:14 am
Come to the dark side… We have cookies =D
Don’t tell me the skies the limit when there’s footprints on the moon.
I called your boyfriend gay so he hit me with his purse!
Do you believe in love at 1st site or should I walk by again…?
Psst… Me and the Gummy Bears plan to take over the world… But Shh, its a secret!!
HEYY guyss!! I’d just like to thank everyone for these amazing quotes, I put them on my msn and everyone loved them!!! I’m 13 and spend alot of the time when i’m on the computer doing assignments looking this stuff up LoL!! xx.
September 12th, 2010 at 5:18 pm
Friends are like bras, they are close to your heart, and they give you support!
September 13th, 2010 at 10:23 pm
If you’re gonna be stupid, you gotta be tough.
September 19th, 2010 at 9:45 pm
when life gives u skittles, throw them at people and scream “taste the rainbow!”
September 22nd, 2010 at 5:18 am
you’re just jealous cause the doctor called ME special!
September 25th, 2010 at 9:30 pm
come to the light side we stole the cookies from the dark side
what does idk stand for i dont know omg nobody knows
forgive your enemies it messes with their heads
when life gives you lemons trade them for rocks and throw them at people you hate
those who throw objects at the crocodiles will be asked to retrieve them
if a #2 pencil is so popular why is it still #2
life doesn’t give me lemons anymore not after what happened last time
death is a once in a lifetime experience
death the #1 killer in the USA tell your friends
don’t throw your cigarette ends on the floor the cockroaches are getting cancer
the zombies are after brains don’t worry your safe
please do not drop your cigarette bu
September 26th, 2010 at 2:37 pm
when life give u lemons throw them back and ask for cupcakes!!!!!!!!!!!
September 28th, 2010 at 5:37 pm
Lite at the end of the tunnel is not always the sign of hope…………….. It may also be the headlight of an oncoming train ..
September 28th, 2010 at 5:40 pm
If i eat an entire box of crayons….. will i get a rainbow out the other end .
September 28th, 2010 at 8:54 pm
Once I got in trouble in class and the teacher said to me:”Sit down! Do you think you’re special?!” and I said: Yeah, because my momma said so.”
ur shoestrings is so dirty that your teeth looks whiter HAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!
reggie jackson Says:
November 19th, 2010 at 8:59 am
how do you know when you are too drunk to drive? When you swerve to miss a tree then realize it was your airfreshener.
mike c. Says:
November 19th, 2010 at 12:07 pm
told to boss : most a-holes have a penis and a pair of testicles with it, yours has a nose and a pair of eyes.
Rachel & Brit Says:
November 20th, 2010 at 1:37 am
November 23rd, 2010 at 7:55 pm
Is thinking of combining youtube,myspace,facebook, and twitter to make,”my face you twit!!” haha
November 26th, 2010 at 7:23 am
i am going to combined myspace facebook and twitter. = twit face my space.
November 26th, 2010 at 10:43 am
behind every b*@/! is a man who made her
November 28th, 2010 at 7:11 pm
silence is golden but duck tape is silver
Cest Moi Says:
December 7th, 2010 at 9:37 am
I laughed at some of these but others are really bad
December 13th, 2010 at 7:00 pm
Ke$ha, I don’t think “love” is the only drug your on…..
December 21st, 2010 at 10:56 am
December 26th, 2010 at 5:56 am
Dumbest quistion ever ‘ where was it made?’
duh china!! XD
December 28th, 2010 at 10:48 pm
yo momma so old she was a waitress at the passover
yo momma so fat she wore a blue dress skydiving and some kid started to yell mommy the sky is falling the sky is falling!
December 31st, 2010 at 6:47 am
Cowboy butts drive me nutts
I’m the plumbers daughter ur parents warned u bout
Potty Mouth 88 Says:
December 31st, 2010 at 5:54 pm
If you die on an elevator make sure you press the Up button!
January 1st, 2011 at 4:48 pm
quit with life and lemons .
im 4th in line to the thrown , but it smells pretty bad out here so i think i’ll use another one .
heaven must be some place theres folk dying to get in there .
January 1st, 2011 at 4:52 pm
im 13 i cant get up early enough to read these so i read them at night cos im a sad individual whos only friend only talks to in my sleep . my psycologist said its abnormal but i think he is trying to kill me .