Funny Sayings

Funny sayings:Sstupid and witty quotes  and Funny Sayings from bumper stickers, T-shirts, graffiti etc.

Funny Sayings:
The sex was so good even the neighbors had a cigarette.

Join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them.

Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.

Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms!

If you smoke after sex, you’re doing it too fast.

I don’t suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.

If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic.

I don’t have to be dead to donate my organ.

WARNING! Driver only carries $20.00 in ammunition.

This would be really funny if it wasn’t happening to me.

I have the body of a god… Buddha!

Funny Sayings Part 2

I get enough exercise pushing my luck.

Auntie Em- Hate you, hate Kansas, taking dog. Dorothy

If you don’t like the news, go out and make your own.

Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let her sleep

Guns don’t kill people… but they make it real easy.

I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather … Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

We are Microsoft. Resistance Is Futile. You Will Be Assimilated.

Born free… taxed to death.

The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.

Some people are alive only because it’s illegal to kill them.

Funny Sayings Part 3

A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.

There’s too much blood in my alcohol system.

I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

Don’t take life too seriously, you won’t get out alive.

WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.

If you can read this, I’ve lost my trailer.

You’re just jealous because the voices only talk to me.

The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

BEER: It’s not just for breakfast anymore.

I got a gun for my wife, best trade I’ve ever made.

So you’re a feminist…Isn’t that cute, honey!

Anyone can give up smoking, but it takes a real man to face cancer.

If, a two letter word for futility

I don’t care, I don’t have to.

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

To all you virgins, thanks for nothing.

I’m not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.

Horn broken, watch for finger.

All men are idiots … I married their king.

The more you complain, the longer God lets you live.

My kid had sex with your honor student.

Earth first…we’ll mine the other planets later.

Give pizza chants.

Page Topic: Funny Sayings: a collection of some of the best funny sayings and quotes.



214 thoughts on “Funny Sayings”

  1. quit with life and lemons .

    im 4th in line to the thrown , but it smells pretty bad out here so i think i’ll use another one .

    heaven must be some place theres folk dying to get in there .

  2. im 13 i cant get up early enough to read these so i read them at night cos im a sad individual whos only friend only talks to in my sleep . my psycologist said its abnormal but i think he is trying to kill me .

  3. if life gives you lemons, chuck them back and demand candy or you’ll scream and life dosent want that now does it?

    Vampires r pains in the neck

    Sometimes your knight in shining armor turns out to be an idiot in tin foil!

  4. My dog ate a box of crayons. Next day I saw rainbows in the backyard.

    About a month before grandpa died, grandma rubbed some lard on his back side. After that he went downhill rather quickly.

    It doesn’t matter how much milk you spill as long as you don’t lose the cow.

    No matter how well you bake, it’s all much a-dough about muffin.

    Nero fiddled while Rome burned because he liked to see people’s faces light up.

    My wife and I never go to bed angry. We fight all night.

Leave a Comment