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Love & Wedding Poems


A Love Poem of the Transcendalist Mystic Emerson: The Flushing Bride

This poem was recently found hidden in the back cover of a small locked diary which was inside a locked jewelry box hidden in the frame of an old sofa found inside a locked closet found in a recently discovered secret hallway of the closed wing of the Emerson Mansion in the walled-off estate of Emily Walden Emerson. Believing she would have wanted to share it with the world, her great grandchildren recently sold it on ebay for $80,000.

More mature than her earlier works, which were largely clumsy attempts at erotic poems while avoiding using any letter more than once in each sentence, it is believed this poem was written in her later years, and that it was based on a true story. A Bollywood producer in India recently bought the story rights and is in the process of making a full scale musical of the poem.

The Flushing Bride
By Emily Walden Emerson

He a desk clerk, her a maid
Of a huge hotel where tourists stayed
He only saw her now and then
But he knew how their tale should end

He tried and tried to find a time
He could ask her “Please be mine”,
When he could be on bended knee
And speak the most poetic plea
From such a classical position
Could she resist his proposition?

But she was busy, he was shy
And fast the time went by and by
Until she caught another’s eye
And he thought the second man might try

So he knew he must act fast
He’d find her now and ask at last
He searched and searched to no avail
But was determined not to fail

Then he smelled her sweet perfume
Right outside the ladies room
He took some flowers in full bloom
And went in after, to be her groom

Well she was shocked (how would you feel
To see a man approach, then kneel
While you were emptying your bladder
It would be quite an awkward matter)

“Please don’t think it too upsurd
If I could have a little word
I know my timing’s rather bad
But to lose this chance would be more sad
If you’re having trouble concentrating
I’ll wait till you’re through urinating”

“Well”, the maid said, full of dread
“If you must speak then go ahead”
So he bravely took her hand
Took a deep breath and then began

“For so long, I’ve dreamed of this
To propose and then to kiss
I know that you don’t know me well
Ask anything and I will tell
Yes there’s still so much to learn
We’ll have surprises every turn
But as I see you there, upon the throne
The sweetest frown, ever I’ve known
I’ve seen your best and smelled your worst
And still my heart it longs to burst

So take this ring it is a symbol”
She said “It looks just like a thimble.”
He said “Sorry, I had to hurry
The other man, he made me worry.”
“The other man? What nonsense utter,
That man you mean, he is my brother.”

“Your brother? That’s such a relief
But I found courage in my false belief
So here we are, and here’s the ring
Or the closest thing that I could bring
So please say yes, once and for all
Right here and now inside this stall”

Somehow, just then, the ring fell in
“Shall I reach in, or is that a sin?”
“I think it better that you not
It really wasn’t worth a lot”
Then she added, with a blush
“And I haven’t yet a chance to flush”

As you wish, but I’ve no issue
To touch your urine or your tissue
I swear I’d swim in a sea of pee
If that would make you marry me
My Lady, let your heart decide,
Would you consent to be my bride?”

“I can’t resist. That’s so romantic!
And I see that yours is quite gigantic!
I’m speaking of, of course, your heart
For it’s the most important part

So I say yes, I’ll be your bride
You’ve won me with how hard you’ve tried”
They shared a kiss, he smiled wide
For a touch of tongue she had applied

“Please carry me out, if it sounds not dumb
(It’s not for romance, my legs are numb)
One last thing, please don’t place blame
If I might ask, per chance, your name?”

And that’s the story of how they began
The Flushing Bride, and her brave, brave man
And how that day he did trap her
Then and there upon the crapper
(Yes, they lived happy, ever after)

 

 

Page Topic: Love & Wedding Poems

The Flushing Bride (C) 2004, InnocentEnglish.com

 

 

More Funny Limericks

Here are some funny limericks that reference limericks. Inside joke poems poking fun at the process of writing limericks.

Credit is given when it’s known.

Limericks about Limericks


There was a young poet quite fine,
Whose limericks repeated a line.
Though this was redundant,
Though this was redundant,
His limericks repeated a line.
Carl Muckenhoupt


A newspaper poet for Hearst
Deprived of his reason
By uncontrolled sneezing
Was by phantasmal demons coerced
To write all of his limericks reversed.
Elliott Moreton


A cardiac patient named Fred
Made a limerick up in his head.
But before he had time
To write down the last line
Elliott Moreton


This poem is copyright ©
By the author, 1983.
Prior written consent
Is required to present
It on radio, film, or TV.
Elliott Moreton


There was a young bard of Japan
Whose limericks never would scan
When they said it was so,
He replied, “Yes, I know,
But I always try to fit as many syllables into the last line as I possibly can.”


There was a young man from Peru
Whose limericks stopped at line two


And presumably by the same author, taking that one step further:

There was a young man from Verdun.

 

 

Page Topic: More Funny Limericks