Tag: funny stories

Funny Doctor Stories and True Medical Exam Stories

Embarrassing medical exam stories and Funny doctor examination stories:  True funny stories and accounts reported by doctors asked to give the funniest or most unusual physical exam stories.

The physical exam: Sometimes awkward, sometimes embarrassing, and quite a ripe set up for some humorous unexpected moments.  This collection includes funny and embarrassing stories by doctors and ER physicians.

Embarrassing medical exam stories and funny doctor stories.

A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room when a young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered. It was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate surgery. When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it there was a tattoo that read, ‘Keep off the grass.’ Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient’s dressing, which said, ‘Sorry, had to mow the lawn.’
-Submitted by RN no name

During a patient’s two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of his medications. ‘Which one?’ I asked. ‘The patch, the Nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I’m running out of places to put it!’ I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn’t see. Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body! Now, the instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a new one.
-Submitted by Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk , VA

An elderly patient became irate during a medical examination when he peaked at the doctor’s chart and saw that the doctor had written Major S.O.B. underlined at the bottom.
The physician stopped him in mid-rant by saying “Major Shortness of Breath. But now they both apply.”
-unnamed physician

A man comes into the ER and yells, ‘My wife’s going to have her baby in the cab!’ I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady’s dress, and began to take off her under-wear. Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs — and I was in the wrong one.
-Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Francisco

At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient’s anterior chest wall. ‘Big breaths,’ I instructed. ‘Yes, they used to be,’ replied the patient.
-Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA

While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, ‘How long have you been bedridden?’ After a look of complete confusion she answered, ‘Why, not for about twenty years — when my husband was alive.’
-Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis, OR

I was performing rounds at the hospital one morning and while checking up on a woman I asked, ‘So how’s your breakfast this morning?’ ‘It’s very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can’t seem to get used to the taste,’ the patient replied. I then asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labeled ‘KY Jelly.’
-Submitted by Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit , MI

page topic: true funny stories about Doctor examinations. Accounts by physicians about funny medical exams and physicals.

Daily Quick Break: March 13, 2008: The Fur Trade

Every day posts a new funny or cool Quick Break. The Quick Break section has today’s quick break plus previous ones so you can browse through any you missed.

Quick Break Pic of the Day. Caption this Pic!

These funny bloopers are actual mistakes by students I have tutored in Conversational English, and are from my humor book.

All over Europe people wanted more animal hair.

The Hudson Bay company was found in the
Canada woods.

Fur hunters catch furry animals, wash them,
and dry them, and then sell them for women
who wear them at fancy parties.

Many people in England wore beavers
and other big rodents like the French.

Most beavers and foxes died and went to Europe.

To read the rest, go to: The Fur Trade

Jessica Simpson Jokes: Funny Jokes about Jessica Simpson

Here are some Jessica Simpson jokes (at least, hopefully they are jokes): 

Jessica Simpson came close to death today while horseback riding. She was enjoying a leisurely ride, when the horse started bouncing out of control. Her agent said Jessica attempted to hold on, but failed, and fell off the side of the horse.  Her foot got caught in the stirrup as she fell.  The horse didn’t stop, and her head was on the ground.  “Jessica started screaming for help “Make him stop! Make him stop! Please somebody!”.  
Fortunately, a Wal-mart greeter heard her, and unplugged it.

An Entertainment Tonight reporter was interviewing Jessica Simpson recently, When Jessica took off her shows.  The reporter noticed each shoe had written inside, in small letters, TGIF, and asked Jessica about it.  “Oh, that?” Jessica replied.  “Just a little helpful reminder, because I can be pretty sleepy in the mornings.  It means Toes Go in First.
Why does Jessica Simpson always smile during lightning storms?
A: She thinks her picture is being taken.

Jessica Simpson was driving to Disneyland for a commercial when she saw a big highway sign that said “DISNEYLAND LEFT.”   Disappointed, she turned around and drove back home.
Photographers staked out in front of Jessica Simpson’s new house yesterday saw her come out and walk to her mailbox, and then go back in. She repeated this five times. One of the photographers yelled “What are you doing Jessica?”  She yelled back “My stupid computer keeps telling me I’ve got mail.

Jessica Simpson was eight hours late to a photo shoot in San Diego.  She arrived dirty and exhausted. When asked what happened she said Well I thought I’d just drive down from L.A. but I kept passing damn signs that said “Clean Restrooms ahead”. I must have cleaned like 15 of them.

Jessica, why did you move to L.A.?
Oh, I just thought I should try to live in a city that I can usually remember how to spell.

Page topic: Jessica Simpson Jokes and almost quotes