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Tag: Jerry Seinfeld

Daily Quick Break: April 26, 2008: The Best of Jerry Seinfeld Stand Up Comedy

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Every day InnocentEnglish.com posts a new funny or cool Quick Break. The Quick Break section has today’s quick break plus previous ones so you can browse through any you missed.

Quick Break Pic of the Day. Caption this Pic!

 

Here are some of Jerry Seinfeld’s funny comedy stand ups:

I will never understand why they cook on TV.
I can’t smell it. Can’t eat it. Can’t taste it.
The end of the show they hold it up to the camera, “Well, here it is. You can’t have any. Thanks for watching. Goodbye.”

Whenever you ask for a doggie bag at a restaurant, there’s a certain sense of failure there, isn’t there? People always whisper it to the waiter, “Uh, excuse me. Can I get the doggie bag? I, uh, I-I couldn’t make it” It’s embarrassing, because the doggie bag means either you’re out on a restaurant when you’re not hungry, or you’ve chosen the stupidest possible way there is to get dog food.
How about the doggie bag on a date? There’s a good move. Let me tell you, if you’re a guy and you ask for the doggie bag on a date, you might as well just have them wrap up your genitals too. You’re not going to be needing them for a while, either.

The problem with the mall garage is that everything looks the same.

To read the rest, go to: The Best of Jerry Seinfeld Stand Up Comedy

Jerry Seinfeld on Larry King: Jerry Puts Larry in his Place During Bee Movie Interview

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When Jerry Seinfeld appeared on Larry King recently, to promote Bee Movie, Larry King said to him “You gave it up right? They didn’t cancel you, you canceled them?”

Seinfeld, obviously not very used to such a preposterous question, replied “You’re not aware of this? You think I got canceled?…. Do you know who I am?” This one minute video captures the best snippets of this part of the interview. Jerry seinfeld manages to be indignantly insulted while also keeping a kind smile on his face and making it funny. Not easy to balance but he manages…

 [youtube NZfUgVSfKdQ nolink]

“Bee Movie” Review: The First Review of Jerry Seinfeld’s “Bee Movie”

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“Bee Movie” movie review, from: 

InnocentEnglish.com Scoop: Tomorrow’s News Today *

 InnocentEnglish.com Scoop is proud to be the first website to offer a review of Jerry Seinfield’s “Bee Movie”.

The cast of “Bee Movie” includes  Jerry Seinfeld, Renee Zellweger, Matthew Broderick, John Goodman, and Chris Rock. And not one single actual bee.

Synopsis: In “Bee Movie”, Jerry Seinfield plays a bee who is shocked to find out that humans have been stealing honey from bees for centuries.  As he just graduated from college (probably getting all “b”s), he decides to sue the human race for the honey that was stolen.

First let me say isn’t there an ORIGINAL idea out there? This is like, what, the 5th movie in so many years, about insects suing humans for taking something from them.  And it almost completely parallels the plot of “Michael Clayton”, save for a few differences such as the story line and mood.   

In addition, The notion that bees would name their children with such English sounding names, and even farther- would actually SPEAK English with very little accent, really broke the belief barrier for me.  It’s a well known fact that a great many bee colonies in recent years have come from Australia due to the bummer bee disease that has been floating around.  But is there even ONE bee with an Australian accent In this movie? Is there????  (I’m honestly asking. I haven’t seen it yet).

Another problem I had with this movie was that even though it is a children’s movie (sorry, a “family movie”, meaning, I assume, there’s sex jokes aimed at going over the children’s heads but hitting the adult’s in their own funny bone), there was really no nudity.  Now, I suppose the bees were nude, however this is hardly considered a plus for the majority of movie goers (and I’d rather not talk about this minority).  But if you are going to have beautiful Renee in your movie, SURELY you can think of SOME reason to, at the least, have a towel scene.  Jerry Seinfeld is revered for his creative mind, and yet he missed this glaring opportunity to increase the size of his audience??? (and I’m not just talking about the number of people in the audience).

Matthew Broderick was one of the bright spots of the movie, primarily because his voice reminded me of the time I watched “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off” slightly altered.

In any event, based on the movie poster, the synopsis, and my mood at the moment since my girlfriend wants to “take some space” to “explore other options” and maybe “sleep with more of your friends but not secretly this time”, I have little choice but to give this unrealistic movie (they didn’t even use REAL BEES!) 2 out of 4 honeycombs.

*Due to the lack of dependability of making wild guesses about the future, news articles in InnocentEnglish’s “Scoop” section may or may not even remotely have anything to do with reality.

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