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Here are some of Jerry Seinfeld’s funny comedy stand ups:
I will never understand why they cook on TV.
I can’t smell it. Can’t eat it. Can’t taste it.
The end of the show they hold it up to the camera, “Well, here it is. You can’t have any. Thanks for watching. Goodbye.”
Whenever you ask for a doggie bag at a restaurant, there’s a certain sense of failure there, isn’t there? People always whisper it to the waiter, “Uh, excuse me. Can I get the doggie bag? I, uh, I-I couldn’t make it” It’s embarrassing, because the doggie bag means either you’re out on a restaurant when you’re not hungry, or you’ve chosen the stupidest possible way there is to get dog food.
How about the doggie bag on a date? There’s a good move. Let me tell you, if you’re a guy and you ask for the doggie bag on a date, you might as well just have them wrap up your genitals too. You’re not going to be needing them for a while, either.
The problem with the mall garage is that everything looks the same.
To read the rest, go to: The Best of Jerry Seinfeld Stand Up Comedy