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Daily Quick Break: April 11, 2008: Funny Kids’ Mistakes about the Bible

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These mistakes have been collected from Sundayschool teachers, Catholic school teachers and others

This comes from a Catholic elementary school. Kids were asked questions about the Old and New Testaments.

In the first book of the bible, Guinessis, God got tired of creating the world, so he took the Sabbath off.

Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. Noah’s wife was called Joan of Ark. Noah built an ark, which the animals come on to in pears.

Lot’s wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night.

The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with the unsympathetic Genitals.

Samson was a strong man who let himself be led astray by a Jezebel like Delilah.

To read the rest, go to: Funny Kids’ Mistakes about the Bible

Christian Jokes and Sermon Jokes

Here are some funny Christian jokes, bible jokes, sermon jokes and Sunday school jokes

A man, down on his luck, went into a church which catered to the “uppity”. Spotting the man’s dirty clothes a deacon, worried about the churches image, went to the man and asked him if he needed help. The man said, “I was praying and the Lord told me to come to this church.”
The deacon suggested that the man go pray some more and possibly he might get a different answer. The next Sunday the man returned. The deacon asked, “Did you get a different answer?”
The man replied, “Yes I did. I told the Lord that they don’t want me in that church and the Lord said, ‘Don’t worry about it son; I’ve been trying to get into that church for years and haven’t made it yet.”

A pastor, known for his lengthy sermons, noticed a man get up and leave during the middle of his message. The man returned just before the conclusion of the service. Afterwards the pastor asked the man where he had gone.
“I went to get a haircut,” was the reply.
“But,” said the pastor, “Why didn’t you do that before the service?”
“Because,” the gentleman said, “I didn’t need one then.”

One beautiful Sunday morning, a priest announced to his congregation: “My good people, I have here in my hands three sermons…a $100 sermon that lasts five minutes, a $50 sermon that lasts fifteen minutes, and a $10 sermon that lasts a full hour.
“Now, we’ll take the collection and see which one I’ll deliver.”

Two priests died at the same time and met Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter said, “I’d like to get you guys in now, but our computer is down. You’ll have to go back to Earth for about a week, but you can’t go back as priests. So what else would you like to be?”
The first priest says, “I’ve always wanted to be an eagle, soaring above the Rocky Mountains.”
“So be it,” says St. Peter, and off flies the first priest.
The second priest mulls this over for a moment and asks, “Will any of this week ‘count’, St. Peter?”
“No, I told you the computer’s down. There’s no way we can keep track of what you’re doing.”
“In that case,” says the second priest, “I’ve always wanted to be a stud.”
“So be it,” says St. Peter, and the second priest disappears.
A week goes by, the computer is fixed, and the Lord tells St. Peter to recall the two priests. “Will you have any trouble locating them?” He asks.
“The first one should be easy,” says St. Peter. “He’s somewhere over the Rockies, flying with the eagles. But the second one could prove to be more difficult.”
“Why?” asketh the Lord.
“He’s on a snow tire, somewhere in North Dakota.”

The Pope, Billy Graham, and Oral Roberts were in a three-way plane crash over the Pacific Ocean. They all died and went to heaven together.
“Oh, this is terrible,” exclaims St. Peter, “I know you guys think we summoned you here, but this is just one of those coincidences that happen. Since we weren’t expecting you, your quarters just aren’t ready… We can’t take you in and we can’t send you back….”
Then he got an idea. He picked up the phone, “Lucifer, this is Pete. Hey, I got these three guys up here. They’re ours, but we weren’t expecting them, and we gotta fix the place up for ’em. I was hoping you could put them up for a while. It’ll only be a couple of days. What d’ya say?”
Reluctantly, the Devil agreed.
However, two days later, St. Peter got a call.
“Pete, Lu. Hey, you gotta come get these three clowns.
This Pope fellow is forgiving everybody,
the Graham guy is saving everybody,
and that Oral Roberts has raised enough money to buy air conditioning.”

After the fall in Garden of Eden, Adam was walking with his sons Cain and Abel.
They passed by the ruins of the Garden of Eden. One of the boys asked, “What’s
that?” Adam replied, “Boys, that’s where your mother ate us out of house and
home.”

A minister was opening his mail one morning. Drawing a single sheet of paper from an envelope, he found written on it only one word: “FOOL.” The next Sunday he announced, “I have known many people who have written letters and forgot to sign their names. But this week I received a letter from someone who signed his name and had forgotten to write a letter.”

An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief, finally asked him, “How do you expect to get into Heaven?”
The boy thought it over and said, “Well, I’ll run in and out and in and out and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says, “For Heaven’s sake, Dylan, come in or stay out!'”

Page Topic: Christian Jokes, sermon jokes and Sunday school jokes for ministers, preachers, etc.

Funny Kids’ Mistakes about the Bible


These mistakes have been collected from Sundayschool teachers, Catholic school teachers and others

This comes from a Catholic elementary school. Kids were asked questions about the Old and New Testaments.


In the first book of the bible, Guinessis, God got tired of creating the world, so he took the Sabbath off.


Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. Noah’s wife was called Joan of Ark. Noah built an ark, which the animals come on to in pears.


Lot’s wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night.


The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with the unsympathetic Genitals.


Samson was a strong man who let himself be led astray by a Jezebel like Delilah.


Samson slayed the Philistines with the axe of the Apostles.


Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread which is bread without any ingredients.


The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. Afterwards, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten ammendments.


The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.


The seventh commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.


Moses died before he ever reached Canada. Then Joshua led the Hebrews in the battle of Geritol.


The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him.


David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. He fought with the Finklesteins, race of people who lived in Biblical times.


Solomon, one of David’s sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.


When Mary heard that she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna Carta.


When the three wise guys from the East side arrived, they found Jesus in the manager.


Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption.


St. John the blacksmith dumped water on his head.


Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says to do one to others before they do one to you. He also explained, “a man doth not live by sweat alone.”


It was a miracle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the tombstone off the entrance.


The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 decibels.


The epistles were the wives of the apostles.


One of the oppossums was St. Matthew who was also a taximan.


St. Paul cavorted to Christianity. He preached holy acrimony, which is another name for marriage.


Christians have only one spouse. This is called monotony.

 

 

Page Topic: Funny Kids’ Mistakes about the Bible