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Funny Kids’ Mistakes about the Bible


These mistakes have been collected from Sundayschool teachers, Catholic school teachers and others

This comes from a Catholic elementary school. Kids were asked questions about the Old and New Testaments.


In the first book of the bible, Guinessis, God got tired of creating the world, so he took the Sabbath off.


Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. Noah’s wife was called Joan of Ark. Noah built an ark, which the animals come on to in pears.


Lot’s wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night.


The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with the unsympathetic Genitals.


Samson was a strong man who let himself be led astray by a Jezebel like Delilah.


Samson slayed the Philistines with the axe of the Apostles.


Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread which is bread without any ingredients.


The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. Afterwards, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten ammendments.


The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.


The seventh commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.


Moses died before he ever reached Canada. Then Joshua led the Hebrews in the battle of Geritol.


The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him.


David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. He fought with the Finklesteins, race of people who lived in Biblical times.


Solomon, one of David’s sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.


When Mary heard that she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna Carta.


When the three wise guys from the East side arrived, they found Jesus in the manager.


Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption.


St. John the blacksmith dumped water on his head.


Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says to do one to others before they do one to you. He also explained, “a man doth not live by sweat alone.”


It was a miracle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the tombstone off the entrance.


The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 decibels.


The epistles were the wives of the apostles.


One of the oppossums was St. Matthew who was also a taximan.


St. Paul cavorted to Christianity. He preached holy acrimony, which is another name for marriage.


Christians have only one spouse. This is called monotony.

 

 

Page Topic: Funny Kids’ Mistakes about the Bible

 

 

Funny Bulletin and Church Service Announcement


More real mistakes and mistatements from Church Sunday service bulletins and announcements.Some of these are mildly amusing, some are really funny, and some approach hilarious.

At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be “What Is Hell?” Come early and listen to our
choir practice.


Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.


Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.


Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy lunch.


The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility. Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM – prayer and medication to follow.


The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.


This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.


Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. is done.


The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next week.


Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.


The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare’s Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.


Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.


Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.


The Associate Minister unveiled the church’s new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: “I Upped My Pledge. – Up Yours.”

 

 

Page Topic: Funny Bulletin and Church Service Announcement