Funny Poems

And Funny Clean Limericks:

Here are some funny poems and good, clean limericks. Credit is given when it’s known.

I heard that old Reggie McGarr
Died peacefully, with his cigar,
Peacefully dreaming,Not yelling and screaming
Like the folks in the back of his car.

-Albert Van Hoogmoed

There was a young woman named Bright
Whose speed was much faster than light.
She set out one day
In a relative way,
And returned on the previous night.

There once was a farmer from Leeds,
Who ate six packets of seeds,
It soon came to pass,
He was covered with grass,
And he couldn’t sit down for the weeds!

There once was a man from Great Britain
Who interrupted two girls knittin’.
Said he with a sigh,
“That park bench, well I
Just painted it right where you’re sittin’.”

There was a young lady from Niger.
Who smiled as she rode on a tiger.
They returned from the ride
With the lady inside,
And the smile on the face of the tiger.

A flea and a fly in a flue
Were imprisoned, so what could they do?
Said the fly, “let us flee!”
“Let us fly!” said the flea.
So they flew through a flaw in the flue.

A pet store employee named Blair
Was missing a small patch of hair.
A tarantula crawled
To the spot that was bald
And nobody noticed it there!

A mouse in her room woke Miss Dowd
She was frightened, it must be allowed,
Soon a happy thought hit her
To scare off the critter
She sat up in bed and meowed

“There’s a train at 4:04,” said Miss Jenny
“Four tickets I’ll take; have you any?”
Said the man at the door,
“Not four for 4:04,
For four for 4:04 is too many”

As a beauty, I’m not a great star.
There are others more handsome by far.
But my face, I don’t mind it,
Because I’m behind it.
Tis the folks in the front that I jar.
-Anthony Euwer

No zebras did board Noah’s ark
Only horses, two white, and two dark
But for forty black nights
There were no bedroom lights
Which caused zebras galore to disbark!

My girlfriend had put on my sweater,
The one with my big high school letter,
And it then seemed to me,
And I’m sure you’ll agree,
On her it looked quite a bit better.

This is my poor attempt to clean up a crude limerick:

There once was a fellow named Dave
Who lived in a miniature cave
He said I admit I can’t stand or sit
But think of the money I save!

There was a young fisher named Fischer
Who fished for a fish in a fissure.
The fish with a grin,
Pulled the fisherman in
Now they’re fishing the fissure for Fischer.



Page Topic: Funny Poems and Limericks



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