Funny Dear Abby Letters: Hilarious letters to Dear Abby

Dear Abby has been around a long, long time. And she’s received tens of thousands of letters over the years. It just stands to reason that a few of those are going to be a little bit humorous, or even laugh out loud funny. Here is a collection of funny letters to Dear Abby, which have been circulating around the net for years. They are from a book of interesting and funny letters to Dear Abby, first published in the 1980s.

So here they are: Some of the best hilarious but true (and sometimes sad but true) funny letters to advice columnist Dear Abby.

Dear Abby,

A couple of women moved in across the hall from me. One is a middle-aged gym teacher and the other is a social worker in her mid-twenties. These two women go everywhere together and I’ve never seen a man go into or leave their apartment. Do you think they could be Lebanese?

 

Dear Abby,

What can I do about all the Sex, Nudity, Fowl Language and Violence On My VCR?

 

Dear Abby,

I have a man I can’t trust. He cheats so much, I’m not even sure the baby I’m carrying is his.

 

Dear Abby,

I am a twenty-three year old liberated woman who has been on the pill for two years. It’s getting expensive and I think my boyfriend should share half the cost, but I don’t know him well enough to discuss money with him.

 

Dear Abby,

I’ve suspected that my husband has been fooling around, and when confronted with the evidence, he denied everything – and said it would never happen again.

 

Dear Abby,

Our son writes that he is taking Judo. Why would a boy who was raised in a good Christian home turn against his own?

 

Dear Abby,

I joined the Navy to see the world. I’ve seen it. Now how do I get out?

 

Dear Abby,

My forty year old son has been paying a psychiatrist $50.00 an hour every week for two and a half years. He must be crazy.

 

Dear Abby,

I was married to Bill for three months, and I didn’t know he drank until one night he came home sober.

 

Dear Abby,

My mother is mean and short tempered – I think she is going through mental pause.

 

Dear Abby,

You told some woman whose husband had lost all interest in sex to send him to a doctor. Well, my husband lost all interest in sex – and he is a doctor. Now what do I do?

 

Remember these people can vote…

DEAR ABBY: I’ve been going steady with this man for six years. We see each other every night. He says he loves me, and I know I love him, but he never mentions marriage. Do you think he’s going out with me just for what he can get?

GERTIE

DEAR GERTIE: I don’t know. What’s he getting?

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend is going to be twenty years old next month. I’d like to give him something nice for his birthday. What do you think he’d like?

CAROL

DEAR CAROL: Never mind what he’d like. Give him a tie.

 

DEAR ABBY: Are birth control pills deductible?

KAY

DEAR KAY: Only if they don’t work.

 

DEAR ABBY: Our son was married in January. Five months later his wife had a ten-pound baby girl. They said the baby was premature. Tell me, can a baby this big be that early?

WONDERING

DEAR WONDERING: The baby was on time, the wedding was late.

 

DEAR ABBY: I have always wanted to have my family history traced, but I can’t afford to spend a lot of money to do it. Any suggestions?

SAM IN CAL.

DEAR SAM: Yes. Run for public office.

 

DEAR ABBY: What inspires you most to write?

TED

DEAR TED: The Bureau of Internal Revenue.

 

DEAR ABBY: What’s the difference between a wife and a mistress?

BESS

DEAR BESS: Night and Day.

Page topic: Funny Dear Abby letters: True, Real life, letters to Dear Abby (and some of Abby’s responses).  Funny Newspaper Columns: Dear Abby Letters.