Tag: political humor

Sarah Palin Jokes: Jokes about McCain Running Mate Sarah Palin

Sarah Palin Jokes: 8 UNTRUE RUMORS about Sarah Palin.

There are lots of rumors flying around about Alaskan governor Sarah Palin since McCain selected her as his running mate. Here are 8 of the most common rumors, and proof they are completely and utterly untrue:

Sarah Palin Rumors:

Rumor 1. Sarah Palin likes to eat raw polar bear meat. UNTRUE. She likes it medium rare.

Rumor 2. Sarah Palin uses live penguins for target practice. UNTRUE. The live ones wiggle too much.

Rumor 3. Sarah Palin doesn’t know much about defense. UNTRUE. She was once an excellent basketball player.

Rumor 4. Sarah Palin is under investigation for possible abuse of power. UNTRUE. She is under investigation for being CAUGHT possibly abusing power.

Rumor 5. Sarah Palin wants to drill for oil throughout the beautiful Alaskan wilderness. UNTRUE. She has no interest in doing that at all. She just wants oil companies to do it.

Rumor 6. Scholars say Sarah Palin is the least experienced, least qualified, least credentialed person to join a major-party ticket in the modern era. UNTRUE. According to a very recent Wikipedia entry, the “modern era” began in the year 1000 a.d. and records suggest there may have been as many as 3 other people with a comparable degree of inexperience who attempted to gain a national leadership position in their respective countries during that time.

Rumor 7. Sarah Palin strongly dislikes gays. UNTRUE. Her hair stylist for her first major campaign (her town’s beauty pageant) was gay, and she thought he did a fantastic job with her highlights, and used just the right amount of hairspray, and was a pretty likeable person considering his abominable lifestyle.

Rumor 8. Sarah Palin has less than two years of executive leadership experience, in one of the least populated states in the nation, and is completely unprepared to take on international issues. UNTRUE: Her several years of grueling leadership experience as both a PTA leader, and as a part time mayor of a small Alaskan town MORE than qualify her for trips to Russia to negotiate over the Georgian crisis, and trips to Jordon and Egypt to represent the U.S. in talks over Iran’s nuclear weapons program. These are basically the same issue as school bathroom graffiti, just on a slightly larger scale. In addition, Alaska is one of the most populated states in the U.S.*

* source:From Mice to Moose- The Millions of Alaskan Mammals“.




Page topic: Sarah Palin Jokes, : Jokes about Sarah Palin.  Sarah Palin Rumors. (C) Aug. 30, 2008.

McCain Jokes: Good Jokes about John McCain

McCain Jokes: Here are some good John Mccain Jokes from David Letterman, Conan O’Brien, Jay Leno, Craig Ferguson, and others.

Barack Obama said today that he is going to fight for votes in all 50 states. Yeah. That’s what he said. Meanwhile, John McCain said he’s going to fight for votes in all 13 colonies. ~Conan O’Brien

President Bush spoke at a campaign rally in support of John McCain. They raised millions and millions of dollars, most of which will be used to repair the damage of President Bush supporting John McCain at a campaign rally. So it’s kind of a wash ~Jay Leno

Sources say that Colin Powell is planning to endorse Barack Obama, which is bad news for John McCain. But at his age, he should expect some colon problems. ~ Craig Ferguson

Barack Obama’s staff and John McCain’s staff are busy now negotiating when the presidential debates will take place. That’s good, yeah. Yeah, Obama wants them to be in September, and McCain wants them to be after his nap, but before ‘Wheel of Fortune.’ ~Conan O’Brien

John McCain like the guy that goes to the curb for the paper and locks himself outside of the house. ~David Letterman

Arnold Schwarzenegger met John McCain today. And it was a very awkward moment when they shook hands because McCain’s hand broke off. ~Craig Ferguson

John McCain looks like the guy who thinks the nurses are stealing his stuff. ‘Dad, why would they take your socks? It doesn’t make sense. ~David Letterman

McCain of course has the nomination sewed up. He’s now auditioning candidates for vice president, and they’re visiting at his home in Arizona. I believe it’s called Casa Viagra. I believe it’s called the Lazy Artery. I believe it’s a ranch, I think it’s the Double Hernia. No no, his home in Arizona ~ the Rancho Prostato. ~David Letterman

According to the Washington Post, Barack Obama and actress Scarlett Johansson are email buddies… Not to be outdone today, John McCain admitted he had been exchanging flirty emails with Angela Lansbury. ~Jay Leno

McCain was asked how he’s going to conserve energy. He said by taking three naps a day. ~Jay Leno

Barack Obama went to the doctor today. He has a sore hip, apparently. Finally, the two presidential candidates have something in common. ~Craig Ferguson

John McCain looks like the kind of guy who brags that his new denture adhesive allows him to eat corn on the cob. ~David Letterman

John McCain is campaigning, out traveling around the country, looking for donors, mostly organ donors. ~Craig Ferguson

CNN reports that John McCain is aggressively trying to win over the independent vote. Yeah, of course, to John McCain, independent means anyone who can make it to the toilet without help. ~Conan O’Brien

John McCain says that if elected president, he will give a $300 million prize to anyone who can design a new car battery. McCain can get a new type of battery invented because he’s the guy that came up with the idea of not cranking the car up at the start. ~Craig Ferguson

And John McCain is campaigning very hard. Every day I pick up the newspaper, he’s someplace else. He’s got a new strategy. Well John McCain just announced he wants to do a series of town hall meetings where he’ll meet with the public. Yeah, it’s all part of McCain’s ‘Speak Up, I Can’t Hear You’ tour. ~Conan O’Brien

McCain came out this week with a list of 20 possible running mates. He would not reveal the names of all of them, but he said they all share certain traits, like knowing CPR. He said he wants someone who is ready take over on day two. ~Bill Maher

Hillary Clinton, Barack Obama and John McCain have all been arguing, claiming that they’re the most qualified person to answer the White House phone at 3 a.m. Yeah, McCain said, ‘I’m the most qualified, because I’m usually up at that hour peeing anyway.’ ~Conan O’Brien

John McCain is now crisscrossing the United States campaigning. Or, as they’re calling it, Antiques Roadshow. ~Jay Leno

Did you hear about this? Two State Department employees were fired ~ this is a bit of a scandal ~ because they were looking at Barack Obama’s passport file. Not only that, but the same person was also looking at John McCain’s Civil War records. ~David Letterman

This campaign is kind of fascinating, because the three major candidates have to be very careful when they criticize each other. Like, you can’t criticize Hillary. Ooh, that’s sexism. You can criticize Barack. Ooh, that’s racism. And you can’t go after McCain, because that’s elder abuse. ~Jay Leno

John McCain’s daughter is in the news. John McCain’s daughter says that a lot of guys don’t want to date her because her dad makes her too high~profile. Yeah. That’s part of the reason. It’s also because McCain’s daughter is 63 years old. ~Conan O’Brien

If you know any good John McCain jokes, please leave them in the comments.
Page topic: McCain Jokes
| John McCain Jokes

Good Politics quotes: Best famous quotes about Politics

Good Politics quotes: Best famous quotes about Politics

When they see me holding fish, they can see that I am comfortable with kings as well as with paupers. – Imelda Marcos

Our whole constitutional heritage rebels at the thought of giving government the power to control men’s minds. – Thurgood Marshall

The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed (and hence clamorous to be led to safety) by menacing it with an endless series of hobgoblins, all of them imaginary. – H. L. Mencken

Under democracy, one party always devotes its chief energies to trying to prove that the other party is unfit to rule -and both commonly succeed, and are right. – H. L. Mencken

In this world of sin and sorrow there is always something to be thankful for; as for me, I rejoice that I am not a Republican. – H. L. Mencken

Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives. – John Stuart Mill

The person who has nothing for which he is willing to fight, nothing which is more important than his own personal safety, is a miserable creature and has no chance of being free unless made and kept so by the exertions of better men than himself. – John Stuart Mill

A recent conversation: Dubya: Look at the clock, time is racing! Cheney: That’s the second hand, George. – Dennis Miller

You have not converted a man because you have silenced him. – John Morley

The reason there are so few female politicians is that it is too much trouble to put makeup on two faces. – Maureen Murphy

Turn on to politics, or politics will turn on you. – Ralph Nader

Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote. – George Jean Nathan

My hope is that 10 years from now, after I’ve been across the street at work for a while, they’ll all be glad they gave me that wonderful vote. – Sandra Day O’Connor

It is difficult to discern a serious threat to religious liberty from a room of silent, thoughtful schoolchildren. – Sandra Day O’Connor

It is a measure of the framers’ fear that a passing majority might find it expedient to compromise 4th Amendment values that these values were embodied in the Constitution itself. – Sandra Day O’Connor

We hold that the reckless disregard for human life implicit in knowingly engaging in criminal activity known to carry a grave risk of death represents a highly culpable mental state that may be taken into account in making a capital sentencing judgment not inevitable, lethal result. – Sandra Day O’Connor

Political theory provides a common language with which people in this town communicate with each other. – Kirk O’Donnell

You better take advantage of the good cigars. You don’t get much else in that job. – Thomas P. O’Neill

When buying and selling are controlled by legislation, the first things to be bought and sold are legislators. – P. J. O’Rourke

The Democrats are the party that says government will make you smarter, taller, richer, and remove the crabgrass on your lawn. The Republicans are the party that says government doesn’t work and then they get elected and prove it. – P. J. O’Rourke

Do you ever get the feeling that the only reason we have elections is to find out if the polls were right? – Robert Orben

‘Tis the business of little minds to shrink; but he whose heart is firm, and whose conscience approves his conduct, will pursue his principles unto death. – Thomas Paine

The activist is not the man who says the river is dirty. The activist is the man who cleans up the river. – Ross Perot

A war for a great principle ennobles a nation. – Albert Pike

One of the penalties for refusing to participate in politics is that you end up being governed by your inferiors. – Plato

Those who are too smart to engage in politics are punished by being governed by those who are dumber. – Plato

What you guys want, I’m for. – Dan Quayle

It’s time for the human race to enter the solar system. – Dan Quayle

We don’t want to go back to tomorrow, we want to go forward. – Dan Quayle

I have made good judgements in the past. I have made good judgements in the future. – Dan Quayle

The future will be better tomorrow. – Dan Quayle

The Holocaust was an obscene period in our nation’s history. I mean in this century’s history. But we all lived in this century. I didn’t live in this century. – Dan Quayle

Republicans understand the importance of bondage between a mother and child. – Dan Quayle

Welcome to President Bush, Mrs. Bush, and my fellow astronauts. – Dan Quayle

I believe we are on an irreversible trend toward more freedom and democracy – but that could change. – Dan Quayle

I love California, I practically grew up in Phoenix. – Dan Quayle

When I have been asked during these last weeks who caused the riots and the killing in L.A., my answer has been direct and simple: Who is to blame for the riots? The rioters are to blame. Who is to blame for the killings? The killers are to blame. – Dan Quayle

Illegitimacy is something we should talk about in terms of not having it. – Dan Quayle

Murphy Brown is doing better than I am. At least she knows she still has a job next year. – Dan Quayle

We are ready for any unforeseen event that may or may not occur. – Dan Quayle

The American people would not want to know of any misquotes that Dan Quayle may or may not make. – Dan Quayle

We’re all capable of mistakes, but I do not care to enlighten you on the mistakes we may or may not have made. – Dan Quayle

I want to be Robin to Bush’s Batman. – Dan Quayle

El Salvador is a democracy so it’s not surprising that there are many voices to be heard here. Yet in my conversations with Salvadorans… I have heard a single voice. – Dan Quayle

It’s rural America. It’s where I came from. We always refer to ourselves as real America. Rural America, real America, real, real, America. – Dan Quayle

I can identify with steelworkers. I can identify with workers that have had a difficult time. – Dan Quayle

Lookit, I’ve done it their way this far and now it’s my turn. I’m my own handler. Any questions? Ask me… There’s not going to be any more handler stories because I’m the handler… I’m Doctor Spin. – Dan Quayle

Let me just tell you how thrilling it really is, and how, what a challenge it is, because in 1988 the question is whether we’re going forward to tomorrow or whether we’re going to go past to the – to the back! – Dan Quayle

I was known as the chief grave robber of my state. – Dan Quayle

We will invest in our people, quality education, job opportunity, family, neighborhood, and yes, a thing we call America. – Dan Quayle

This election is about who’s going to be the next President of the United States! – Dan Quayle

I have a very good family. I’m very fortunate to have a very good family. I believe very strongly in the family. It’s one of the things we have in our platform, is to talk about it. – Dan Quayle

I’m going to be a vice president very much like George Bush was. He proved to be a very effective vice president, perhaps the most effective we’ve had in a couple of hundred years. – Dan Quayle

The President is going to benefit from me reporting directly to him when I arrive. – Dan Quayle

When you make as many speeches and you talk as much as I do and you get away from the text, it’s always a possibility to get a few words tangled here and there. – Dan Quayle

I happen to be a Republican president – ah, the vice president. – Dan Quayle

I’ve never professed to be anything but an average student. – Dan Quayle

The other day the President said, I know you’ve had some rough times, and I want to do something that will show the nation what faith that I have in you, in your maturity and sense of responsibility. He paused, then said, would you like a puppy? – Dan Quayle

In George Bush you get experience, and with me you get – The Future! – Dan Quayle

I spend a great deal of time with the President. We have a very close, personal, loyal relationship. I’m not, as they say, a potted plant in these meetings. – Dan Quayle

When I talked to him on the phone yesterday. I called him George rather than Mr. Vice President. But, in public, it’s Mr. Vice President, because that is who he is. – Dan Quayle

My friends, no matter how rough the road may be, we can and we will, never, never surrender to what is right. – Dan Quayle

Sometimes cameras and television are good to people and sometimes they aren’t. I don’t know if its the way you say it, or how you look. – Dan Quayle

I just don’t believe in the basic concept that someone should make their whole career in public service. – Dan Quayle

I do have a political agenda. It’s to have as few regulations as possible. – Dan Quayle

You have a part-time job and that’s better than no job at all. – Dan Quayle

I deserve respect for the things I did not do. – Dan Quayle

This President is going to lead us out of this recovery. – Dan Quayle

We have to do more than just elect a new President if we truly want to change this country. – Dan Quayle

Inflation is as violent as a mugger, as frightening as an armed robber and as deadly as a hit man. – Ronald Reagan

If you are going to sin, sin against God, not the bureaucracy. God will forgive you but the bureaucracy won’t. – Hyman Rickover

Political campaigns are designedly made into emotional orgies which endeavor to distract attention from the real issues involved, and they actually paralyze what slight powers of cerebration man can normally muster. – James Harvey Robinson

I don’t make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts. – Will Rogers

Diplomacy is the art of saying “Nice doggie” until you can find a rock. – Will Rogers

I’m not a member of any organized political party, I’m a Democrat! – Will Rogers

There ought to be one day – just one – when there is open season on senators. – Will Rogers

A conservative is a man with two perfectly good legs who, however, has never learned how to walk forward. – Franklin D. Roosevelt

A conservative is one who admires radicals centuries after they’re dead. – Leo Rosten

I can’t let important policy decisions hinge on the fact that an election is coming up every 90 days. – Gerhard Schroeder

If nominated, I will not run; if elected, I will not serve. – William T. Sherman

Bad politicians are sent to Washington by good people who don’t vote. – William E. Simon

It is enough that the people know there was an election. The people who cast the votes decide nothing. The people who count the votes decide everything. – Joseph Stalin

There ain’t no answer. There ain’t gonna be any answer. There never has been an answer. That’s the answer. – Gertrude Stein

The idea that you can merchandise candidates for high office like breakfast cereal – that you can gather votes like box tops – is, I think, the ultimate indignity to the democratic process. – Adlai E. Stevenson

A diplomat is a person who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip. – Caskie Stinnett

I’ve been to war, and it’s not easy to kill. It’s bloody and messy and totally horrifying, and the consequences are serious. – Oliver Stone

In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man; if you want anything done, ask a woman. – Margaret Thatcher

I am extraordinarily patient, provided I get my own way in the end. – Margaret Thatcher

There are many men of principle in both parties in America, but there is no party of principle. – Alexis de Tocqueville

All the president is, is a glorified public relations man who spends his time flattering, kissing, and kicking people to get them to do what they are supposed to do anyway. – Harry S. Truman

He loved politicians – even Republicans. – Margaret Truman

A leader in the Democratic Party is a boss, in the Republican Party he is a leader. – Harry S. Truman

Politics is war without bloodshed, while war is politics with bloodshed. – Mao Tse-Tung

Principles have no real force except when one is well-fed. – Mark Twain

Suppose you were an idiot, and suppose you were a member of Congress; but I repeat myself. – Mark Twain

We have, I fear, confused power with greatness. – Stewart L. Udall

Politics is the art of preventing people from taking part in affairs which properly concern them. – Paul Valery

The Vice-Presidency is sort of like the last cookie on the plate. Everybody insists he won’t take it, but somebody always does. – Bill Vaughan

Half of the American people have never read a newspaper. Half never voted for President. One hopes it is the same half. – Gore Vidal

Apparently, a democracy is a place where numerous elections are held at great cost without issues and with interchangeable candidates. – Gore Vidal

Any American who is prepared to run for president should automatically, by definition, be disqualified from ever doing so. – Gore Vidal

After much prayerful consideration, I feel that I must say I have climbed my last political mountain. – George C. Wallace

I’m the lamest lame duck there could be. – George C. Wallace

Why does the Air Force need expensive new bombers? Have the people we’ve been bombing over the years been complaining? – George C. Wallace

I met someone on the street who said wasn’t it great that we’re going to have a movie star for president, that it was so Pop, and (laughs) when you think about it like that, it is great, it’s so American. – Andy Warhol

This is an era of violent peace. – James D. Watkins

Justice, sir, is the great interest of man on earth. It is the ligament which holds civilized beings and civilized nations together. – Daniel Webster

Democracy is the recurrent suspicion that more than half of the people are right more than half of the time. – E. B. White

The flood of money that gushes into politics today is a pollution of democracy. – Theodore White

Conservatives define themselves in terms of what they oppose. – George Will

Voters don’t decide issues, they decide who will decide issues. – George Will

The unpleasant sound Bush is emitting as he traipses from one conservative gathering to another is a thin, tinny “arf” – the sound of a lap dog. – George Will

A conservative is a man who just sits and thinks, mostly sits. – Woodrow Wilson

There are no more liberals They’ve all been mugged. – James Q. Wilson

A free America… means just this: individual freedom for all, rich or poor, or else this system of government we call democracy is only an expedient to enslave man to the machine and make him like it. – Frank Lloyd Wright

The United States brags about its political system, but the President says one thing during the election, something else when he takes office, something else at midterm and something else when he leaves. – Deng Xiaoping

Page topic: Good Politics quotes: Best famous quotes about Politics