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Politics: Thoughts and funny political jokes about politics

School 1958 vs Now: 1958 vs Now, How Times Have Changed

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How times have changed in the past fifty years. Presidents have come and gone …. Entire countries have come and gone in that time. The formation of the EU, the collapse of Soviet Russia, so many major events have happened in the last 50 years. Not all of the changes have good though. While we’ve ended the Cold War, America has gotten neck-deep in the Korean, Vietnam, aaaaand the Iraq/Afghanistan War. In 50 years our mindsets have changed too. We value cheap goods over well made but expensive products … with the exception of cars. There we’ve gone foreign, choosing well made and inexpensive, abandoning our local car producers to government bailouts. Sadly, the mindset of our school system has changed too. Just check out the list below…

Scenario:

Jack goes quail hunting before school, pulls into school parking lot with shotgun in gun rack.

  • 1958- Vice Principal comes over, looks at Jack’s shotgun,goes to his car and gets his shotgun to show Jack.
  • Now – School goes into lock down, FBI called, Jack hauled off to jail and never sees his truck or gun again. Counselors called in for traumatized students and teachers

Scenario:

Johnny and Mark get into a fistfight after school.

  • 1958 – Crowd gathers. Mark wins. Johnny and Mark shake hands and end up buddies.
  • Now – Police called, SWAT team arrives, arrests Johnny and Mark. Charge them with assault, both expelled even though Johnny started it.

Scenario:

Jeffrey won’t be still in class, disrupts other students.

  • 1958 – Jeffrey sent to office and given a good paddling by the Principal. Returns to class, sits still and does not disrupt class again.
  • Now – Jeffrey given huge doses of Ritalin. Becomes a zombie. Tested for ADD. School gets extra money from state because Jeffrey has a disability.

Scenario:

Billy breaks a window in his neighbor’s car and his Dad gives him a whipping with his belt.

  • 1958 – Billy is more careful next time, grows up normal, goes to college, and becomes a successful businessman.
  • Now – Billy’s dad is arrested for child abuse. Billy removed to foster care and joins a gang. State psychologist tells Billy’s sister that she remembers being abused herself and their dad goes to prison. Billy’s mom has affair with psychologist.

Scenario:

Mark gets a headache and takes some aspirin to school.

  • 1958 – Mark shares aspirin with Principal out on the smoking dock.
  • Now – Police called, Mark expelled from school for drug violations. Car searched for drugs and weapons.

Scenario:

Pedro fails high school English.

  • 1958 – Pedro goes to summer school, passes English and goes to college.
  • Now – Pedro’s cause is taken up by state. Newspaper articles appear nationally explaining that knowing English as a requirement for graduation is racist. ACLU files class action lawsuit against state school system and Pedro’s English teacher. English banned from core curriculum. Pedro given diploma anyway but ends up mowing lawns for a living because he cannot speak English.

Scenario:

Johnny takes apart leftover firecrackers from 4th of July, puts them in a model airplane paint bottle, blows up a red ant bed.

  • 1958 – Ants die.
  • Now- BATF, Homeland Security, FBI called. Johnny charged with domestic terrorism, FBI investigates parents, siblings removed from home, computers confiscated, Johnny’s Dad goes on a terror watch list and is never allowed to fly again.

Scenario:

Johnny falls while running during recess and scrapes his knee. He is found crying by his teacher, Mary. Mary hugs him to comfort him.

  • 1958 – In a short time, Johnny feels better and goes on playing.
  • Now – Mary is accused of being a sexual predator and loses her job. She faces 3 years in State Prison. Johnny undergoes 5 years of therapy.

Page Topic: School 1958 vs Now, How Times Have Changed.

Politics Explained: Cows Explain Politics Simply

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Current politics has you confused beyond all belief? Can’t tell socialism from feudalism, democracy from bureaucracy? Sick and tired of all the pundits and pacifists arguing on TV about who is what? Do not worry, we have you covered. Here’s our handy guide to the whole political spectrum, laid out in cows! Follow this manual to cows and politics and you will be caught up in no time. Never worry again if you’re mixing your political terms, labels, or titles.  There is nothing like a good dose of humor to lighten the heavy atmosphere of today’s political scene.

Politics Explained:

DICTATORSHIP: You have two cows. The government takes both and shoots you.

ENVIRONMENTALISM: You have two cows. The government bans you from milking or killing them.

FEMINISM: You have two cows. They get married and adopt a veal calf.

FEUDALISM: You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.

TOTALITARIANISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and denies they ever existed. Milk is banned.

SOCIALISM: You have two cows, give one to your neighbor.

PURE SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else’s cows. You have to take care of all the cows. The government gives you as much milk as you need.

BUREAUCRATIC SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else’s cows. They are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk and as many eggs as the regulations say you should need.

BUREAUCRACY: You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. After that it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows.

COMMUNISM: You have two cows. Give them to the government. The government gives you milk.

PURE COMMUNISM: You have two cows. Your neighbors help you take care of them,and you all share the milk.

RUSSIAN COMMUNISM: You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the government takes all the milk.

FASCISM: You have two cows. Give the milk to the government.

PURE FASCISM: You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them, and sells you the milk.

NAZISM: The government shoots you, takes the cows and feeds one to the army and the other to the police.

CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull OR you slaughter the cows & compete with McDonalds.

HONG KONG CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax deduction for keeping five cows. The milk rights of six cows are transferred via a Panamanian intermediary to a Cayman Islands company secretly owned by the majority shareholder, who sells the rights to all seven cows’ milk back to the listed company. The annual report says that the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. Meanwhile, you kill the two cows because the fung shui is bad.

ANARCHISM: Keep the cows. Steal a few more cows.

ANARCHY: You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price or your neighbors try to kill you and take the cows.

CONSERVATISM: Milk the cows, enbalm the cows, freeze the milk, nuke the cows to keep from spreading the disease. Phase out over five years the amount of milk you’re required to give to the government.

LIBERALISM: Give the milk back to the cows. Let them escape. Put the cows on the Voter Registration list.

LIBERTARIANISM: Milk the cows and keep it for yourself; hope the populace can find milk elsewhere.

MILITIAISM: Start shooting if they come for your cows.

MILITARIANISM: You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you.

PURE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbors decide who gets the milk.

AMERICAN DEMOCRACY: The government promises to give you two cows if you vote for it. After the election, the president is impeached for speculating in cow futures. The press dubs the affair “Cowgate”.

BRITISH DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. You feed them sheeps’ brains and they go mad. The government doesn’t do anything.

REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbors pick someone to tell you who gets the milk.

SINGAPOREAN DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. The government fines you for keeping two unlicensed farm animals in an apartment.

SURREALISM: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

POLITICAL CORRECTNESS: You are associated with (the concept of “ownership” is a symbol of the phallocentric, war-mongering, intolerant past) two differently-aged (but no less valuable to society) bovines of non-specified gender.

COUNTER CULTURE: Wow, dude, there’s like… these two cows, man. You got to have some of this milk!

page topics: Cows explain politics simply