Tag: online dating jokes

 Here are some real, funny online personals, dating want ads and dating site profiles from real dating sites.  

 

 

Seeking rich old men with bad hearts and no relatives.

Bitter, disillusioned SM recently rejected by longtime fiancee seeks decent, reliable woman, If such a thing exists in this cruel world of hatchet faced witches.

 

OBSESSIVE, COMPULSIVE, NEUROTIC, ANTI-SOCIAL, MANIC and PARANOID, but BASICALLY NORMAL

 

FOXY LADY:
Sexy, fashion-conscious blue-haired beauty,
80’s, slim, 5’4″ (used to be 5’6″),
searching for sharp-looking, sharp-dressing companion.
Matching white shoes and belt a plus.

 

LONG-TERM COMMITMENT:
Recent widow who has just buried fourth husband, and am looking
for someone to round out a six-unit plot.
Dizziness, fainting, shortness of breath not a problem.

Desperately lonely loser, SWM,32,miserable,apathetic, tired of tv and watching my roomates hair fall out. Seeks depressed, unattractive SWF, 25-32, no sense of humor, for long talks about the macabre.

SERENITY NOW:
I am into solitude, long walks, sunrises, the ocean, yoga and meditation.
If you are the silent type, let’s get together,
take our hearing aids out and enjoy quiet times.

 

Someone just messaged me and let me know that when my profile comes up in the search, it starts with “Fall is coming and I’m not….” *sigh* ain’t it the truth….

Frisky pup seeks some tail. Tired of going in circles. Lets catch up sometime–you can lead the way.

Seeking: Female companionship due to carpal tunnel syndrome.

Break out of the tired old traditional male/female roles. I’ll be the baby seagull and you feed me regurtitated raw fish like a nurturing momma bird. I’ll provide the raw herring and vomit inducer, you bring the strap-on beak. No weirdos, please.

MEMORIES:
I can usually remember Monday through Thursday.
If you can remember Friday, Saturday and Sunday, let’s put our two heads together.

Your idea of camping is pulling hotel sheets over your head, calling it a tent…

My ideal lot in life would consist of wandering through a pre-industrialized, pre-agriculturalized Earth, eating fruit and squirrels, occaisionally stopping to sleep and hump. I can’t do that, however, because most of the world is now considered someone’s or some government’s property, which if you ask me, is a fantasy. But I guess you didn’t ask me, so forget that I just said (er, wrote) that.”

SINGLE BLACK FEMALE seeks male companionship, race unimportant. I’m a very good looking girl who LOVES to play, take long walks in the woods, hunting, camping, fishing trips and cozy winter nights by the fire. Really like a man with a pickup truck. A candlelight dinner will have me eating out of your hand. I’ll be at the front door when you get home from work, wearing only what nature gave me. Rub me the right way and watch me respond. Kiss me and I’m yours.
Call (***) ***-6420 and ask for Daisy.

[Daisy was black labradour retreiver. The Ad was placed by the Atlanta Humane Society. Over 15,000 males responded to the ad.]

 

And here is a FAKE funny craig’s list roomate wanted ad. The poster, Daniel, said he got many real replies!

 

1) I have a cat so if you are allergic please don’t inquire. He is a very nice cat named General Tso.
2) I keep the floors extremely clean, so clean that you can eat off of them, which is actually what I do. I have a thing about plates and utensils. I eat 2 well cooked fried eggs off of a small tile in the middle of the living room with chopsticks every evening at 7:15 PM. You cannot touch my chopsticks.
3) My mother stops by twice a week and yells at me for an hour or so and sobs about her only son being gay. I’m actually not gay I just don’t date a lot. She doesn’t get this. She is harmless though but may pinch your cheeks when she see’s you.
7) I sometimes come home reeking of fish. Please don’t ask me about this.
5) I hum a lot, sometimes for hours. It’s not usually loud but if I am in the living room brushing General Tso and I’m humming, it may get to you and you would have to go into your room.

 

 

 

Page topic: Funny want adds: Real online personals and online dating site profiles: Funny dating jokes and funny profiles.