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Tag: Catholic

Choir Boy Jokes: Jokes about and for Choir Boys

I’ve spent my time in a Catholic Church and I have to say that I don’t envy the choir boys. They’re the butt of so many jokes and they’re notorious for attracting the seedier elements of the priesthood. For those not in the know, choir boys are young kids that sing treble in a choir. A long standing tradition, choir boys are chosen because youngsters can hit notes that are out of reach for adults. Recently they’ve switched to the gender neutral term of “chorister” though, as young girls have also been joining the choir.We’ll have to see how long that term takes to get accepted in popular culture though…

A Choir Boy Confesses

“Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl”.

The priest asks, “Is that you, little Johnny Parisi?”

“Yes, Father, it is.”

“And who was the girl you were with?”

“I can’t tell you, Father, I don’t want to ruin her reputation.”

“Well, Johnny, I’m sure to find out her name sooner or later, so you may as well tell me now.

“Was it Tina Minetti?”

“I cannot say.”

“Was it Teresa Volpe?”

“I’ll never tell.”

“Was it Nina Capelli?”

“I’m sorry, but I cannot name her.”

“Was it Cathy Piriano?”

“My lips are sealed.”

“Was it Rosa Di Angelo, then?”

“Please, Father, I cannot tell you.”

The priest sighs in frustration. “You’re very tight lipped, Johnny Parisi, and I admire that.

But you’ve sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself.”

Johnny walks back to his pew, and his friend, Nino, slides over and whispers, “What’d you get?”

“4 months vacation and five good leads.”

Frogs and Choir Boys

One fine sunny morning, the priest took a walk in the local forest. He had been walking by the small stream when he noticed a sad, sad looking frog sitting on a toadstool.

“What’s wrong with you?” said the priest.

“Well,” said the frog, “the reason I am so sad on this fine day is because I wasn’t always a frog.”

“Really!” said the priest. “Can you explain!”

“Once upon a time I was an 11 year old Choir boy at the local church. I too was walking through this forest when I was confronted by the wicked witch of the forest. ’Let me pass!’ I yelled, but to no avail. She called me a cheeky little boy and with a flash of her wand, turned me into this frog you see before you.”

“That’s an incredible story” said the priest. “Is there no way of reversing this spell that the witch has cast upon you?.”

“Yes” said the frog, “It is said, that if a nice kind person would pick me up, take me home, give me food & Warmth and with a good nights sleep would wake up a boy once again.”

“Today’s your lucky day!” said the priest, and picked up the frog and took him home. The priest gave the frog lots of food, placed him by the fire and at bedtime put the frog on the pillow beside him. When the priest awoke, he saw the 11-year-old Choirboy beside him in bed,

“And that my lord is the case for the Defense……. ”

The Choir Boy and the Holy Water

One Sunday morning a minister and a choirboy were getting the church ready for mass. The minister prepared his sermon while the choirboy filled the holy water fountain.

Suddenly, the choirboy burst into the minister’s room and yelled, “father father, I just saw the most amazing thing! I filled the holy water fountain. Then a man came in on crutches. He moved to the fountain, dipped his left hand in the holy water, blessed himself and threw away his left crutch. Then he dipped his right hand in the holy water, blessed himself and threw away his right crutch. Then he turned to me … and he took a step forward”!

The minister was awe struck by what he just heard. “My boy, he said, you just witnessed a miracle from God! Where’s this man now?”

The Choirboy replies…
“flat on his face in front of the holy water fountain”!

Post Topic: Choir Boy Jokes

Irish Jokes: Jokes about the Irish

We’re all a little bit Irish, aren’t we? Well, at least on Saint Patrick’s Day I mean. The Irish have had a long and varied history, tracking their roots 9000 years back! Can you believe that when the Irish first started to immigrate to America they were faced with hatred, racism, and anti-catholic sentiment? It seems that us Americans have to always hate some ethnic group and we tend to choose the most recent immigrants as are target. Luckily, we’ve gotten over our prejudices for the Irish and now celebrate their culture alongside ours. I think it might be the inclination for drink and a good time and their ability to have a hearty laugh at themselves…. Now if only we could get others to loosen up too!

The Irish Daughter

An Irish daughter had not been home for over five years. Upon her return, her father cursed her.

Where have ye been all this time? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why didn’t ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old mum thru?

The girl, crying, replied, “Sniff, sniff… Dad… I became a prostitute…”

“Ye what!!? Out of here, ye shameless harlot! Sinner! You’re a disgrace to this family.”

“OK, Dad — as ye wish. I just came back to give mum this luxurious fur coat, title deed to a ten bedroom mansion plus a savings certificate for $5 million.”

“For me little brother, this gold Rolex and for ye daddy, the sparkling new Mercedes limited edition convertible that’s parked outside plus a membership to the country club… (takes a breath)… and an invitation for ye all to spend New Years’ Eve on board my new yacht in the Riviera, and…”

“Now what was it ye said ye had become?” says dad.

Girl, crying again, “Sniff, sniff….a prostitute dad! Sniff, sniff.

“Oh! Be Jesus! Ye scared me half to death, girl! I thought ye said a Protestant. Come here and give yer old man a hug.”

An Englishman, an Irishman, and a Scotsman

An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman were reading a newspaper article about which nationalities’ brains were for sale for transplant purposes. An Irishman’s or a Scotsman’s brain could be bought for £500 but an Englishman’s brain cost £10,000. That proves,’ said The Englishman, ‘that Englishmen are much cleverer than Irishmen or Scotsmen.’
‘No it doesn’t,’ said The Irishman, ‘it just means that an Englishman’s brain has never been used.’

An Irish Lass returns home

As soon as she had finished parochial school, a bright young girl named Lena shook the dust of Ireland off her shoes and made her way to New York where before long, she became a successful performer in show business.

Eventually she returned to her home town for a visit and on a Saturday night went to confession in the church which she had always attended as a child. In the confessional Father Sullivan recognized her and began asking her about her work. She explained that she was an acrobatic dancer, and he wanted to know what that meant.

She said she would be happy to show him the kind of thing she did on stage.

She stepped out of the confessional and within sight of Father Sullivan, she went into a series of cartwheels, leaping splits, handsprings and backflips. Kneeling near the confessional, waiting their turn, were two middle-aged ladies. They witnessed Lena’s acrobatics with wide eyes, and one said to the other:

“Will you just look at the penance Father Sullivan is givin’ out this night, and me without me bloomers on!”

Page Topic: Jokes about the Irish