OK, so itâ€™s not always smart to say exactly what you are thinking at work. (Alright, itâ€™s almost NEVER smart). But if you hold it all in, that quiet ticking sound youâ€™ll hear is the countdown till you completely lose it. So whatâ€™s the solution? How about 1) open an anonymous email account, and 2) send this to your boss. And if you are a boss, odds are thereâ€™s someone else youâ€™d love to send it toâ€¦ So, here it is: A little office humor for you: The top 40 things youâ€™d love to say at work.
Things youâ€™d love to say out loud at work
1. I can see your point, but I still think youâ€™re full of sh*t
2. I donâ€™t know what your problem is, but Iâ€™ll bet its hard to pronounce
3. How about never? Is never good for you?
4. I see youâ€™ve set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public
5. Iâ€™m really easy to get along with once you people learn
6. Iâ€™ll try being nicer if youâ€™ll try being smarter
7. Iâ€™m out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message
8. I donâ€™t work here. Iâ€™m a consultant
9. It sounds like English, but I canâ€™t understand a word youâ€™re saying
10. Ahhhâ€¦I see the ****-up fairy has visited us again
11. I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid
12. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers
13. I have plenty of talent and vision; I just donâ€™t give a damn
14. Iâ€™m already visualising the duct tape over your mouth
15. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you
16. Thank you. Weâ€™re all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view
17. The fact that no one understands you doesnâ€™t mean youâ€™re an artist
18. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental
19. What am I? Flypaper for freaks?
20. Iâ€™m not being rude. Youâ€™re just insignificant.
21. Itâ€™s a thankless job, but Iâ€™ve got a lot of karma to burn off
22. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial
23. And your cry-baby whiny-assed opinion would be..?
24. Do I look like a people person?
25. This isnâ€™t an office. Its hell with fluorescent lighting
26. I started out with nothing and I still have most of it left
27. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer
28. If I throw a stick, will you leave?
29. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed
30. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed
31. Iâ€™m trying to imagine you with a personality
32. A cubical is just a padded cell without a door
33. Can I trade this job for whatâ€™s behind door #1?
34. Too many freaks, not enough circuses
35. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
36. Chaos, panic and disorder â€“ my work here is done
37. How do I set a laser printer to stun?
38. I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted pay.
39. You know the good thing about your bad breathe is it almost masks the fact that you never shower.
40. I know youâ€™re trying to increase productivity and all, but donâ€™t you think blocking porn sites is taking it a little too far? Besides, itâ€™s the only time I get too see your wife.
page topic: Work Humor, Office jokes: Top 40 things you would love to say at work but can’t. Things you wish you could say to your boss.