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Tag: office humor

Daily Quick Break: April 4, 2008: Top 50 Business and Office Slang Terms and expressions for 2007

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Every day InnocentEnglish.com posts a new funny or cool Quick Break. The Quick Break section has today’s quick break plus previous ones so you can browse through any you missed.

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Just in case you find yourself lost in the strange and exotic world of office conversations, InnocentEnglish presents the top 50 business slang terms for 2007.  If you read them out loud at work, you might notice some prairie dogging happening in the cube farm.

404 – Someone who is clueless. From the Web error message, “404 Not Found,” which means the document requested couldn’t be located. “Don’t bother asking John. He’s 404.”

Adminisphere – The rarified organizational layers above the rank and file that makes decisions that are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant.

Alpha Geek – The most knowledgeable, technically proficient person in an office or work group. “I dunno, ask Rick. He’s our alpha geek.”

Assmosis – The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss rather than working hard.

Betamaxed – When a technology is overtaken in the market by inferior but better marketed competition as in “Microsoft betamaxed Apple right out of the market”

Blamestorming – A group discussion of why a deadline was missed or a project failed and who was responsible.

Bookmark – To take note of a person for future reference. “After seeing his cool demo at Siggraph, I bookmarked him.”

Brain Fart – A byproduct of a bloated mind producing information effortlessly; a burst of useful information.

To read the rest, go to: Top 50 Business and Office Slang Terms and expressions for 2007

Daily Quick Break: March 25, 2008: Overheard at the Office: Funny and Stupid Sayings about Work Heard at the Office

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Every day InnocentEnglish.com posts a new funny or cool Quick Break. The Quick Break section has today’s quick break plus previous ones so you can browse through any you missed.

Quick Break Pic of the Day. Caption this Pic!

We’ve probably all heard people say stupid things at the office. We might have said 1 or 2 (hundred) ourselves. Here’s a collection of actual quotes people overheard their coworkers say. Some are funny, some are just stupid and a few are pretty sad… So here are funny things people overheard at the office:

“Do you think I’ve been sitting here twiddling my ass?”

“At no time do I ever condone you making changes to improve things in the office.”

“Snakes on a Plane – what’s that about?”

“Go jump off a lake.”

“He’s not the sharpest canister in the ocean.”

“Keep a stiff upper chin.”

“The squeaky wheel gets the spoke.

To read the rest, go to: Overheard at the Office: Funny and Stupid Sayings about Work Heard at the Office

Top 40 things you wish you could say to your boss or at work but can’t

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OK, so it’s not always smart to say exactly what you are thinking at work. (Alright, it’s almost NEVER smart). But if you hold it all in, that quiet ticking sound you’ll hear is the countdown till you completely lose it. So what’s the solution? How about 1) open an anonymous email account, and 2) send this to your boss. And if you are a boss, odds are there’s someone else you’d love to send it to… So, here it is: A little office humor for you: The top 40 things you’d love to say at work.

Things you’d love to say out loud at work

1. I can see your point, but I still think you’re full of sh*t
2. I don’t know what your problem is, but I’ll bet its hard to pronounce
3. How about never? Is never good for you?
4. I see you’ve set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public
5. I’m really easy to get along with once you people learn
6. I’ll try being nicer if you’ll try being smarter
7. I’m out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message
8. I don’t work here. I’m a consultant
9. It sounds like English, but I can’t understand a word you’re saying
10. Ahhh…I see the ****-up fairy has visited us again
11. I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid
12. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers
13. I have plenty of talent and vision; I just don’t give a damn
14. I’m already visualising the duct tape over your mouth
15. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you
16. Thank you. We’re all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view
17. The fact that no one understands you doesn’t mean you’re an artist
18. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental
19. What am I? Flypaper for freaks?
20. I’m not being rude. You’re just insignificant.
21. It’s a thankless job, but I’ve got a lot of karma to burn off
22. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial
23. And your cry-baby whiny-assed opinion would be..?
24. Do I look like a people person?
25. This isn’t an office. Its hell with fluorescent lighting
26. I started out with nothing and I still have most of it left
27. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer
28. If I throw a stick, will you leave?
29. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed
30. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed
31. I’m trying to imagine you with a personality
32. A cubical is just a padded cell without a door
33. Can I trade this job for what’s behind door #1?
34. Too many freaks, not enough circuses
35. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
36. Chaos, panic and disorder – my work here is done
37. How do I set a laser printer to stun?
38. I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted pay.
39. You know the good thing about your bad breathe is it almost masks the fact that you never shower.
40. I know you’re trying to increase productivity and all, but don’t you think blocking porn sites is taking it a little too far? Besides, it’s the only time I get too see your wife.

page topic: Work Humor, Office jokes: Top 40 things you would love to say at work but can’t. Things you wish you could say to your boss.