Celebrity Poems: Send in your funny poetry about celebs.

by

 

Here are some funny and stupid celebrity poems from last year.  Now that the site has comments set up,  if you want to submit your own funny, stupid or timely celebrity poems, about recent celeb news or anything else Celeb, just send them in the comment form below. I try to keep the site pretty clean so I probably won’t be able to approve ones that have strong language, unless some letters are replaced with *.  

 

Cruise Control

As an actor, Tom Cruise is first rate
It’s some of the other stuff that isn’t so great
We had mostly forgiven how he dumped Nicole
And didn’t mind much his Scientology role

But then he met Katie, and everything changed
He jumped on that couch, looking crazed and insane
Suddenly the Kat was out of the bag
He was strutting and gushing and rushing to brag

We might have forgiven- New love has strange power
But then he attacked Brooke Shields and Matt Lauer
“There’s no such thing as a chemical imbalance” He blew.
“You don’t know the history of psychiatry. I do!”

Ironic but true, we say with a shrug,
Maybe it’s Tom in most need of a drug.
A quick message to Tom: Though we fear it’s begun,
If they brainwash Katie, your career is all done!

Angelina’s Big… Smile

Poor Jennifer A., the girl next door
So sweet and pretty
Not too much like a whore.
She had her dream man
They passed all the tests
Till he came too close
To Angelina’s big–
smile.

Yes, Jen had it all, but all good things must pass.
What man could resist Angelina’s big–
smile.

But Jen’s a big girl.
We know she’ll be fine
And that whole strange Vince Vaughn thing
It WILL fade in time.

Yes, the sky is the limit, or maybe beyond
(Even though most of her movies have bombed)
She’s got a future- of that there’s no question.
And it’s good all the Friends passed on season 11
(Well, unless you count “Joey”, what a mistake.
At one point I wanted to call Robert Blake.)

But the point is she’s strong, and she’ll persevere
(Hey, Billy Bob Thornton is single, I hear)
Well, we’ve all learned a lesson- it just goes to show
Don’t let your man play the husband of Angelina Jo.
With that perfect body and face it all fits.
Brad couldn’t resist kissing her big–
smile.

For Britney
February 23rd, 2006



Yes, a good mother lets her new baby nap
Safely and soundly upon her soft lap

But while driving your car far too fast down a road?
With Sean’s head near an airbag that just might explode?
While on the cell phone and eating some fries?
And putting on make up and swatting some flies?

And cleaning your nostrils of mucus and hairs?
And wearing dark glasses to avoid all the stares
And checking the rear view to see if the paparazzi is gone?
And finding a station that’s playing your song?

And steering and breast feeding, which isn’t too easy
With bumps in the road and your hands all greasy.
We’re not ones to judge- life is hard to perfect
But if this is how you show love, then what would be neglect?

A Lovers’ Quarrel
(Donald Trump and Martha Stewart)


Donald and Martha- Such passion they show!
Such fiery hearts- alive and aglow
Try as they might to hide their love
We know what those sparks are REALLY made of.

To have so much hatred- that comes from hurt
The hurt of a love that got squashed in the dirt.
Ahh- Donny and Mar Mar- What a couple they’d make
If only their egos would take a small break
But the chances of that- well we all agree
Are really quite small- like 0.3
But frankly their bickering to us is quite tired
So Don Don and Marty- Bad news. You’re both fired!

Extra Bonding:


Daniel Craig’s first day on the job as 007.
February 23rd, 2006

Joaquin Phoenix Needs a Brake

February 23rd, 2006

Joaquin played Johnny cash
With great skill and panache
But he took a sharp curve
with a touch too much verve
At which point he was starring in “Crash”.

Ode to Paris
February 23rd, 2006

hot?

Not!

Please submit your own poems about celebrities below, in the comment form. The best candidates rhyme or are otherwise “poetic”, are not too mean spirited or inappropriate for general adult audiences, and are based on relatively recent news stories or events related to celebrities or famous people. .

 

 

Page Topic: Celebrity Poems

 

 

23 thoughts on “Celebrity Poems: Send in your funny poetry about celebs.”

  1. There once was a little Witch
    Yes Britney Spears Was a b****
    She got real drunk
    And took her junk
    To the man alone in the ditch

  2. People say shes bootyful
    But I fink der craazzyy
    She finks shes all dat
    But shes jus a normal laddyy

    She mite be glitz and glam
    And yeh she she can sing
    Even though she’s rich
    It does’nt mean a fing

    Jus cuz she’s a wag
    N everyone calls her posh
    She always shows off
    Cuz she got so much dosh

  3. Amy Winehouse
    You’re on the news
    Like every day
    For really bad stuff
    It’s really gay

    You’ve probably done
    Like every drug
    I think someone
    Needs a hug

    Put your crackpipe
    On the shelf
    Your boyfriends want
    To kill themselves

    Your music’s good
    Your life span’s not
    Your hair is black
    And you like pot

  8. Axl Rose
    Axl Rose performed November Rain
    When he suddenly felt a stabbing pain
    Slash had shoved a knife in his back
    Axl Rose started to quack

    Axl Rose liked to sing
    Axl Rose liked to wear bling
    When Axl Rose lost his bandana
    Axl Rose got hit in the head with a banana

    Axl Rose hated David Lee Roth
    One day Axl Rose went completely goth
    Axl Rose ate a bee
    Axl Rose was not filled with glee

    Axl Roses voice was deep
    Axl Roses pool was deep
    One night Axl Rose got drunk
    In his pool Axl Rose sunk

  9. Hilary Duff
    Hillary Duff o Hillary Duff
    One day she got hit with a big ball of fluff
    Hillary Duff o Hillary Duff
    Got put in a very tight handcuff

  10. Harry Potter
    Harry Potter had a lovely daughter
    The Daughter loved to slaughter
    Poor animals underwater
    Oh harry potter

  13. Brittney Spears sins
    songs abut things
    but those songs are old
    thats why she went bald
    she got dumped by a dude
    and that was so rude
    and now she went wild
    her and her child

    =]] all credit to an 12 year old girl

  14. Justin Timberlake.

    Just a guy who thinks he is
    Ultra cool. The
    Senseless pop star is only just a fool.
    The thickheaded wangsta may be able to dance, but
    In reality he needs to hang up the baggy pants.
    Nothing will help him loose his ‘boy band’ look.

    The screeching sound of his voice makes you think,
    Is this guy for real?
    Maybe he is nervous his career will sink. His
    Behavior is superior to a monkey. His
    Ears must deceive him because he’s just too funky!
    Really shouldn’t covered Kurt Cobain’s own hump.
    Like disposable diapers, always getting dumped.
    Acting or singing, he has neither.
    Know what’s cool about JT? I don’t either.
    Epic fail, Justin.

  16. some people say shes pretty some people say shes rude some people say shes with chris brown have s** nude

  17. Jarryd hayne is pain
    in the game
    and his fame
    causes me so much pain
    coz he is so hot numba1# pain!OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH SMEXI PIECE OF SMEXINESS!

  20. Michael Jackson hadn’t a clue
    The press were sneaking near
    With their cameras flashing widely
    When Michael would appear

    He slept in an oxegyn chamber
    He’d bleached his skin white
    His own children weren’t his
    And his nose was out of sight

    He was hit by the deadly PAPARAZZI!

    With dark sunglasses on her face
    Britney Spears sat in her car
    Wondering if the paparazzi
    Were lurking very far

    She’d been an irresponsible mother
    After dropping her child
    Apparently, she’d taken drugs
    Which made the tabloids wild

    She was hit by the deadly PAPARAZZI!

    Lindsay Lohan sits in rehab
    Afting bumping into the press
    The paparazzi had gotten her
    Into a right mess

    She’d been clubbing all night
    Paris Hilton was there too
    She was drunk when driving in her car
    She didn’t have a clue

    She was hit by the deadly PAPARAZZI!

    Brad Pitt lay in bed at night
    Thoughts spinning in his head
    The tabloids were all wrong
    No matter what they said

    He betrayed his own religion
    He wanted Jennifer back
    He still loved Gwyneth Paltrow
    His reputation was turning black

    He was hit by the deadly PAPARAZZI

    Celebrities are people
    Just like me and you
    They eat, sleep, drink
    And have feelings too

    Untrue silly stories
    That you happen to overhear
    Can really hurt a person
    And make them stress with fear

    Don’t always believe something
    If you don’t know if it’s true
    Paparazzi want money
    They don’t care about you

    If you knew the truth about celebrities
    You’d get a big surprise
    So don’t go wasting your money
    And don’t believe those stupid lies.

  22. Hey hold on, at least Tom had the courage to admit his pass-time: other man naked with drugs! Not only did he proclaim “I’m not gay!” publically, he did group sex/sodomy and was doing it on drugs, allegedly… But hey, hold on, Tom is a genius. Who else would commit to such films as MINORITY REPORT or MAGNOLIA? His popular hits (Mission Impossible, etc.) withstanding; now that we all know what was on his mind?! What did EYES WIDE SHUT come to encompass, anyway? I could write a cute poem about Cruise and try to publish it here but anyway, not much else to say…

Leave a Comment