There are only three things that are guaranteed on this earth, death, and the Red Sox losing the World Series. Taxes really are supposed to pay for social benefits, parks, schools, roads, but instead, as we all know, it is funneled into military and bloated social programs like Medicare and Social Security. Not saying those arenâ€™t good things to have, just that money is always used in wildly inefficient ways. For the love of all things slightly reverent, give our military proper armor! Iâ€™m getting sidetracked though; the real target of ridicule is the IRS, so enjoy some jokes at their expenseâ€¦.
(oh please donâ€™t audit me nice IRS man!)
A Bar Contest
A local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man Around that they offered a standing $1,000 bet. The bar tender would Squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and then give the Lemon to a patron.
Anyone who could squeeze another drop of juice out would win the Money. Many people tried but nobody could do it.
One day a scrawny, little man came in, wearing thick glasses and a Polyester suit. He said in a squeaky voice, “I’d like to try the bet.” After the laughter died down, the bartender grabbed a lemon and squeezed it. Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the rind to the little man who clenched it in his small fist.
Soon the crowd’s laughter turned to total silence as six drops of Juice fell into the glass. As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the $1,000 and asked the little man, “what do you do for a living?” The Little man replied with a winning smile, “I work for The IRS!”
The Stockbroker and the IRS
The stockbroker received notice from the IRS that he was being audited. He showed up at the appointed time and place with all his financial records, then sat for what seemed like hours as the accountant poured over them.
Finally the IRS agent looked up and commented, “You must have been a tremendous fan of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle.”
“Why would you say that?” wondered the broker.
“Because you’ve made more brilliant deductions on your last three returns than Sherlock Holmes made in his entire career.”
Americans and their Flag
A Dutchman was explaining the red, white, and blue Netherlands flag to an
American. â€œOur flag is symbolic of our taxes. We get red when we talk about
them, white when we get our tax bills and blue after we pay them.â€
The American nodded. â€œItâ€™s the same in the USA only we see stars too!â€
page topic: IRS Jokes