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Tax Jokes

 

 

Giving away your hard earned dollars isn’t funny, but some of these tax jokes are.

 

 

If Congress can pay farmers not to raise crops, why can’t we pay Congress not to raise taxes?

 

 

Some people think the government owes them a living. The rest of us would gladly settle for a small tax refund.

 

 

Don’t you long for the good old days when Uncle Sam lived within his income and without most of yours?

 

 

The average man now lives thirty-one years longer than he did in 1850
He has to in order to get his taxes paid.

 

 

A certain tax attorney took on a very complex case of tax evasion for a rather mysterious client. He devoted over a year to the case, familiarizing himself with every loophole and angle of current legislation, and made a brilliant argument before the court.
His client was called out of town when the jury returned with its verdict, a sweeping victory for his client on every count.
Flushed with victory, the lawyer exuberantly cabled his client, “Justice has triumphed!”
A realistic fellow, the client immediately wired back, “Appeal at once!”

 

 

Doing your own income tax return is a lot like a do-it-yourself mugging.

 

 

An accountant dies and goes to Heaven. He reaches the pearly gates and is amazed to see a happy crowd all waving banners and chanting his name.
After a few minutes St. Peter comes running across and says, “I’m sorry I wasn’t here to greet you personally. God is looking forward to meeting such a remarkable man as yourself.”

The accountant is perplexed. “I’ve tried to lead a good life, but I am overwhelmed by your welcome,” he tells St. Peter.
“It’s the least we can do for someone as special as you are. Imagine, living to the age of 123 and still looking so young,” says St. Peter.
The man looks even more dumbfounded and replies, “123 years old? I don’t know what you mean. I’m only 40.”
St. Peter replies, “But that can’t be right – we’ve seen your time sheets!”

 

 

Today the IRS gave some guidelines on how to avoid getting audited. Number one, don’t list deductions that will raise a red flag. Number two; make sure you file on time. Number three, don’t make any stupid anti-war speech at the Academy Awards.

 

 

Page Topic: Tax jokes

 

 

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Comments

2 Responses to “Tax Jokes””

  1. someone Says:
    April 21st, 2008 at 6:51 am

    Nobody dies a virgin,
    The goverment screws everyone

  2. Albert Says:
    March 9th, 2011 at 11:44 pm

    There are a lot of large groups we pay to make things happen that we can’t do ourselves. I pay the airlines to fly me home on school breaks; I pay the appliance companies to manufacture my oven; I pay the clothing store to make my shirts and pants and socks.

    The nice thing about the government is that it’s exactly like those other big groups, except I have a say in it. Not only do I pay them for my roads, and clean water, and my education — I get to help decide what those things should be!

    Next time you knock your democratic government, remember that it’s much better than the alternative.

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