Tag: male female jokes

Top 50 Reasons It’s Great To Be a Guy

It’s not always easy being a guy in this cold, cruel world. But just in case you are getting close to the end of your rope from burning the midnight oil at both ends, burning rubber in the hour glass of your life, here is a little pick me up.

Here are the top 50 reasons it’s great to be a guy.
1. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
2. Movie nudity is virtually always female.
3. A five day vacation requires only one suitcase.
4. You don’t have to monitor your friends’ sex lives.
5. Your bathroom lines are 80% shorter.
6. You can open all your own jars.
7. Dry cleaners and haircutter’s don’t rob you blind.
8. When clicking through the channel, you don’t have to stall on every shot of someone crying.
9. Guys in hockey masks don’t attack you.
10. You don’t have to lug a bag of useful stuff around everywhere you go.
11. Your last name stays put.
12. You can leave a hotel bed unmade.
13. You can kill your own food.
14. The garage is all yours.
15. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
16. You can be showered and ready in 10 minutes.
17. Wedding plans take care of themselves.
18. Your underwear is $10 for a three pack.
19. You can write your name in the snow quite a bit faster and more legibly.
20. Chocolate is just another snack.
21. Flowers fix everything.
22. You can wear a white shirt to a water park.
23. Three pair of shoes are more than enough.
24. Foreplay is optional.
25. Nobody stops telling a good dirty joke when you walk into the room.
26. You can whip your shirt off on a hot day.
27. You don’t have to clean your apartment if the meter reader is coming by.
28. Car mechanics tell you the truth.
29. You don’t give a rat’s ass if someone notices your new haircut.
30. You can watch a game in silence with you buddy for hours without even thinking “He must be mad at me”.
31. The world is your urinal.
32. You never misconstrue innocuous statements to mean your lover is about to leave you.
33. You can sit with your knees apart no matter what you are wearing.
34. Gray hair and wrinkles add character.
35. You don’t have to leave the room to make an emergency crotch adjustment.
36. Wedding Dress $2000; Tux rental $100.
37. If you retain water, it’s in a water bottle.
38. People never glance at your chest when you’re talking to them.
39. You can drop by to see a friend without bringing a little gift or food.
40. Bachelor parties kick ass over bridal showers.
41. If you don’t call your buddy when you say you will, he won’t tell you friends you’ve changed.
42. All your orgasms are real.
43. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
44. You never have to miss a sexual opportunity because you’re not in the mood.
45. If something mechanical didn’t work, you can bash it with a hammer and throw it across the room.
46. Adult movies are designed with your brain in mind.
47. You don’t have to remember everyone’s birthdays and anniversaries.
48. Not liking a person does not preclude having great sex with them.
49. Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: “So…notice anything different?”
50. There is always a game on somewhere.

Page topic: 50 reasons it’s great to be a guy | gender jokes, sex jokes, male female jokes  dating jokes

Rules for women: A Funny List of Rules that Men wish Women Knew

Here are the rules of manhood, just in case you didn’t get your copy as a teenager. Read it, learn it, live it. If you don’t follow these rules, you are breaking the male code. This is bad karma, and may create judgmental glares by other men.



1. Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.


2. It is ok for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:

· When a heroic dog dies to save its master.

· The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.

· After wrecking your boss’ car.

· One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into “The Crying Game”.


3. Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his buddies.


4. Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.


5. If you’ve known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her.


6. Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy’s fridge is forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.


7. No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy’s birthday is strictly optional.


8. On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.


9. When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who is playing.


10. You may be flatulent in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she’s officially your girlfriend.


11. It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you’re sunning on a tropical beach… and it’s delivered by a topless model and only when it’s free.


12. Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.


13. Unless you’re in prison, never fight naked.


14. Friends don’t let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.


15. If a man’s fly is down, that’s his problem, you didn’t see anything.


16. Women who claim they “love to watch sports” must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.


17. A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.


18. Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that’s just greedy.


19. If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you’d better be talking about his choice of beer.


20. Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if she’s withholding sex pending your response.


21. Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting weights:

· Yeah, Baby, Push it!

· C’mon, give me one more! Harder!

· Another set and we can hit the showers!


22. Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing (i.e. both urinating, both waiting in line, etc.) For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.


23. Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.


24. The morning after you and a girl who was formerly “just a friend” have carnal drunken monkey sex, the fact that you’re feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was occurs.


25. It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.


26. Thou shall not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime green, orange or sky blue.


27. The girl who replies to the question “What do you want for Christmas?” with “If you loved me, you’d know what I want!” gets an Xbox. End of story.


28. There is no reason for guys to watch ice skating or men’s gymnastics. Ever.



Page Topic: Rules for women: A Funny List of Rules that Men wish Women Knew

Rules for women: A Funny List of Rules that Men wish Women Knew

Here is a list of rules that men secretly wish women followed. If you don’t believe it, ask your guy, but first convince him he won’t get in trouble for being honest.



Rules For Women


This is a list of rules that guys wished women knew…


1. Learn to work the toilet seat: if it’s up put it down.


2. Don’t cut your hair. Ever.


3. Don’t make us guess.


4. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you don’t want to hear.


5. Sometimes, he’s not thinking about you. Live with it.


6. He’s never thinking about “The Relationship.”


7. Get rid of your cat. And no, it’s not different, it’s just like every other cat.


8. Dogs are better than cats.


9. Sunday = Sports. It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.


10. Shopping is not everybody’s idea of a good time.


11. Anything you wear is fine. Really.


12. You have enough clothes.


13. You have too many shoes.


14. Crying is blackmail. Use it if you must, but don’t expect us to like it.


15. Your brother is an idiot.


16. Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don’t work.


17. No, he doesn’t know what day it is. He never will. Mark anniversaries on a calendar.


18. Share the bathroom


19. Share the closet.


20. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers.


21. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.


22. Nothing says ‘I love you’ like sex in the morning.


23. Foreign films are best left to foreigners.


24. Check your oil.


25. Anything we said 6 or 8 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.


26. Christopher Columbus didn’t need directions, and neither do we.


27. If you think you’re getting on the heavy side, you probably are. Don’t ask us.


28. Yes, peeing standing up is more difficult than peeing from point blank range. We’re bound to miss sometimes.


29. Don’t fake it. We’d rather be ineffective than deceived.


30. If you don’t dress like the Victoria’s Secret girls, don’t expect us to act like soap opera guys.


31. Let us ogle. If we don’t look at other women, how can we know how pretty you are?


32. Don’t rub the lamp if you don’t want the genie to come out.


33. You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done-not both.


34. Women wearing Wonder bras and low-cut blouses lose their right to complain about having their boobs stared at.



Page Topic: Rules for women: A Funny List of Rules that Men wish Women Knew