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Tag: funny puns

More really bad puns: Here are some more funny puns and not so funny puns

Ready to groan? Here are some more really bad puns.  From stupid to mildly amusing to pretty funny,  all these puns are groan-worthy. 

Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says:
“A beer please, and one for the road.”

Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: “Does this
taste funny to you?”

“Doc, I can’t stop singing ‘The Green, Green Grass of Home.'” “That
sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome.” “Is it common?” Well, “It’s Not
Unusual.”

Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to
Dolly,
“I was artificially inseminated this morning.” “I don’t believe you,”
says
Dolly. “It’s true, no bull!” exclaims Daisy.

An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to
look at either.

DejaMoo: The feeling that you’ve heard this bull before.

I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn’t
Find any.

A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted,
“Doctor, doctor, I can’t feel my legs!” The doctor replied, “I know you
can’t – I’ve cut off your arms!”

I went to a seafood disco last week…and pulled a mussel.
Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The
ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent.

A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, “I’ll serve you,
but don’t start anything.”

What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and
says”Dam!”

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in
the craft.Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can’t have
your kayak and heat it too.

A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing
in
the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an
hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. “But
why,” they asked, as they moved off. “Because”, he said, “I can’t stand
chess-nutsboasting in an open foyer.”

A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes
to a family in Egypt and is named “Ahmal.” The other goes to a family in
Spain ; they name him “Juan.” Year’s later; Juan sends a picture of himself to
His birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she
wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her usband responds, “They’re
twins! If you’ve seen Juan, you’ve seen Ahmal.”

Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which

produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very
little which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad
breath. This made him a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

And finally, there was the person who sent twenty different puns to
His friends, with the hope that at least ten of the puns would make them
laugh. No pun in ten did.

Page topic: Funny and not so funny puns

Daily Quick Break: December 24, 2007: Top 10 Puns of All Time

Every day InnocentEnglish.com posts a new funny or cool Quick Break. The Quick Break section has today’s quick break plus previous ones so you can browse through any you missed.

The best puns of all time are:

1. A three legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and announces: “I’m looking for the man who shot my paw.”

2. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was a nurse said ‘No change yet’.

3. The butcher backed up into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.

4. What’s the definition of a will? (It’s a dead giveaway).

5. She used to have a boyfriend with a wooden leg, but she broke it off.

6. Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I’ll show you A-flat minor.

To read the rest, go to: Top 10 Puns of All Time

Quick Break Pic of the Day:

Top 10 Puns of All Time

 

 

The best puns of all time are:

 

 

1. A three legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and announces: “I’m looking for the man who shot my paw.”

2. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was a nurse said ‘No change yet’.

3. The butcher backed up into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.

4. What’s the definition of a will? (It’s a dead giveaway).

5. She used to have a boyfriend with a wooden leg, but she broke it off.

6. Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I’ll show you A-flat minor.

7. I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

9. A scientist doing a large experiment with liquid chemicals was trying to solve a problem when he fell in and became part of the solution.

10. Did you hear about the guy who emailed ten puns to friends, in the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh? Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

 

 

Page Topic: Top 10 Puns of All Time