Ready to groan? Here are some more really bad puns. From stupid to mildly amusing to pretty funny, all these puns are groan-worthy.Â
Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.
A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says:
“A beer please, and one for the road.”
Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: “Does this
taste funny to you?”
“Doc, I can’t stop singing ‘The Green, Green Grass of Home.'” “That
sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome.” “Is it common?” Well, “It’s Not
Unusual.”
Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to
Dolly,
“I was artificially inseminated this morning.” “I don’t believe you,”
says
Dolly. “It’s true, no bull!” exclaims Daisy.
An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to
look at either.
DejaMoo: The feeling that you’ve heard this bull before.
I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn’t
Find any.
A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted,
“Doctor, doctor, I can’t feel my legs!” The doctor replied, “I know you
can’t – I’ve cut off your arms!”
I went to a seafood disco last week…and pulled a mussel.
Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The
ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent.
A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, “I’ll serve you,
but don’t start anything.”
What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and
says”Dam!”
Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in
the craft.Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can’t have
your kayak and heat it too.
A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing
in
the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an
hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. “But
why,” they asked, as they moved off. “Because”, he said, “I can’t stand
chess-nutsboasting in an open foyer.”
A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes
to a family in Egypt and is named “Ahmal.” The other goes to a family in
Spain ; they name him “Juan.” Year’s later; Juan sends a picture of himself to
His birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she
wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her usband responds, “They’re
twins! If you’ve seen Juan, you’ve seen Ahmal.”
Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which
produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very
little which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad
breath. This made him a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
And finally, there was the person who sent twenty different puns to
His friends, with the hope that at least ten of the puns would make them
laugh. No pun in ten did.
Page topic: Funny and not so funny puns
Here’s another one:
Q: Did you hear about the man who lost his left arm and his left leg in a car crash?
Ans: He’s all right now!
talk to the left cause you aint right
I’ve got the best joke ever!
Theres two cows standing in the field,
the one turns to the other and says: “aren’t you worried about this mad cow disease?”
To which the other replies: “what do you mean? I’m a helicopter.”
A woman gets a job at a factory that assembles children toys. On her first day her boss takes her down to the end of the ‘Tickle Me Elmo’ assembly line, right before packaging. The supervisor tells her, “All you have to do is give the Elmo doll two test tickles. It’s not that hard, can you manage it?” The woman shacks her head and the boss leaves. Two hours later one of the packaging ladies walks into the boss’ office and says “Boss, you need to come down to the floor, the new girl is messing things up” The boss gets up and the two go down to the assembly line. There are ‘Tickle Me Elmo’ dolls falling of the converor belt, and its the new womans fault. THe boss walks over to the woman and sees that she has a peice of red thread, needle, and a box of marbles. He continued to watch in a confused state, the new woman took the doll, layed it down, took out two marbles and sewed the marbles between elmos legs. At this point the boss is hystarical, he goes up to his new employee and says, ” I told you to give Elmo two test tickles, not two testicles!!!!”
thats not punny
halrious
a person eating thai food droped it on his top then some 1 came up to him and telled him he has got a good tast of tie
One day, 3 men rushed their wives into the Emergency Room for labor.
After a while, the doctor came out and said, “Mr. Smith, Mr. Smith, are you here?”
“Yes doctor, im right here,” he said anxiously.
“Great news,” explained the doctor, “Twins!”
“Wow, thats great, because I work for the DoubleMint company.”
About 5 minuter later, the doctor came out and yelled, “Mr. Jones, Mr. Jones, are you hear?”
“I’m right year Doc,” he said.
“Mr. Jones, great news, triplets!”
“Spectacular!” he said. “Because I work for 3M.”
A while later, the doctor came out again and said, “Mr. Ford, Mr. Ford, are you here?”
“Right here docta,” he said.
“Wonderful news! It’s-”
“Wait a minute!” the man said. “I ain’t stickin’ around for this! I work at the 7-11.