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Tag: blonde jokes

Really Stupid Jokes

 

 

These are some jokes that are so stupid that they’re actually funny. Sort of. In a sense. After a beer. Or two. Dozen.

 

 

The Blondes at the university were tired of not fitting in. They
were tired of other students assuming they were just stupid
bimbos. They wanted somewhere where they felt they belonged. So they pressured the administration to set up a new department especially for them. The university agreed, and set up the Blonde Education Department.
The Blondes were ecstatic to have a department of their own
where they could gather without being ridiculed. They felt they really belonged now.
They wanted other students to see that they weren’t just stupid bimbos — after all, they now had their own department at the university.
So they now all proudly wear the official sweatshirt of the Blonde Education Department which sports the saying: “I Belong in B.E.D.”

 

 

One summer, a drought threatened the crop in a small town.
On a hot and dry Sunday, the village parson told his
congregation, “There isn’t anything that will save us except to
pray for rain. Go home, pray, believe, and come back next
Sunday ready to thank God for sending rain.”
The people did as they were told and returned to church the
following Sunday. But as soon as the parson saw them, he
was furious.
“We can’t worship today. You do not yet believe,” he said.
“But,” they protested, “we prayed, and we do believe.”
“Believe?” he responded. “Then where are your umbrellas?”

 

 

I was walking home last night when I noticed an old drunk staggering along the road. He passed a woman who was walking a young child. “Lady”, said the drunk, “that’s the ugliest kid I’ve ever seen. Damn, that is one ugly child!.” As the drunk wandered off, the lady burst into tears. Just then, a mailman came to her rescue. “What’s the matter, madam?” he asked. “I’ve just been horribly insulted” she sobbed. “There there,” said the mailman, reaching into his pocket. “Dry your eyes with this tissue, and here’s a banana for the chimp”

 

 

A man was in his front yard mowing grass, when his attractive blonde female neighbor, Judy, came out of her house and went straight to the mailbox. She opened it, then slammed it shut and stormed back into the house.
A little later she came out of her house again, went to the mail box, and again opened it and slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.

As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, she came out again, marched to the mailbox, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever. Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, “Is something wrong?” To which she replied, “There certainly is! My stupid computer keeps saying, YOU’VE GOT MAIL.”

 

 

An idiot decides to start up a chicken farm, so he buys a hundred chickens to get up and running.
A month later he returns to the dealer to get another hundred chickens because the first lot had died.
Another month passes and he’s back at the dealers for another hundred chickens, “I think I know where I’m going wrong” he tells the dealer,
“I think I’m planting them too deep.”

 

 

Did you here about the idiot who won the ‘Tour De France’?
He did a lap of Honour!

 

 

A man was carpeting his living room, and once finished, he couldn’t find his pack of cigarettes. Then he saw the lump in the middle of the carpet. He decided he didn’t want to pull up the new carpet for one pack of smokes, so he took his hammer and pounded the lump flat. His wife came in the room just then and handed him his cigarettes.
“I found them in the kitchen,” she told him. “Now if I can just find our pet hamster.”

 

 

The man asked the doctor for birth control pills, and the doctor asked why he would need birth control. “To help me sleep better.” Birth control pills don’t help with insomnia, the doctor explained. “Yes they do,” the man insisted, “I put them in my daughter’s drink before she goes out and I sleep much better.”

 

 

Page Topic: Really Stupid Jokes

 

 

Hilarious Jokes

 

 

OK, hilarious is a pretty strong word. Let’s just say here are some pretty funny jokes.

 

 

A blonde walks into the library. She walks up to the counter, SLAMS a book down and screams at the librarian, – “This is the WORST book I’ve ever read!” “It has NO plot and far too many characters!”
The librarian looks up and calmly remarks – “So, you’re the one who took our phone book…”

 

 

Oscar drove his brand new Mercedes to his favorite sporting goods store. He parked it outside and went in to do a little perusing with Jan, his regular sales woman. Jan was a pretty blonde, and as Oscar walked into the store, she happily greeted him. But he requested to look around alone today before he needed her help. She obliged him and let him do his thing.
Five minutes later, Jan came running up to him yelling, “Oscar! Oscar! I just saw someone driving off with your new Mercedes!”
“Dear God! Did you try to stop him?”
“No,” she said, “I did better than that! I got the license plate number!”

 

 

After Quasimodo’s death, the bishop of the cathedral of Notre Dame sent word
through the streets of Paris that a new bell ringer was needed. The bishop
decided that he would conduct the interviews personally and went up into the
belfry to begin the screening process.
After observing while several applicants demonstrated their skills, he
decided to call it a day. Just then a lone, armless man approached him and
announced that he was there to apply for the bell ringer’s job.
The bishop was incredulous. “You have no arms!”
“No matter,” said the man, “observe!” He then began striking the bells with
his face, producing a beautiful melody on the carillon.
The bishop listened in astonishment, convinced that he had finally found a
suitable replacement for Quasimodo. Suddenly, while rushing forward to strike a
bell, the armless man tripped and plunged headlong out of the belfry window to
his death in the street below.
The stunned bishop immediately rushed down the stairways. When he reached the
street, a crowd had gathered around the fallen figure, drawn by the beautiful
music they had heard only moments before. As they silently parted to let the
bishop through, one of them asked, “Bishop, who was this man?”
“I don’t know his name,” the bishop sadly replied, “but his face rings a
bell.”

 

 

Q: What kind of work does a weak cat do?
A: Light mouse work.

 

 

A young businessman had just started his own firm. He rented a beautiful office and had it furnished with antiques. Sitting there, he saw a man come into the outer office. Wishing to appear the hot shot, the businessman picked up the phone and started to pretend he had a big deal working.
He threw huge figures around and made giant commitments. Finally he hung up and asked the visitor, “Can I help you?”
The man said, “Yeah, I’ve come to activate your phone lines.”

 

 

A doctor vacationing in Panama met an old lawyer friend and asked him what he was doing there. The lawyer replied, “Remember that lousy real estate I bought? Well, it caught fire, so here I am with the fire insurance proceeds. What are you doing here in Panama?” The doctor replied, “I’m looking for Panama Real Estate .”  “You have the money?” asked the lawyer.  “Well, remember that lousy real estate I had in Mississippi? Well, the river overflowed, and here I am with the flood insurance proceeds.” The lawyer looked puzzled. “Gee,” he asked, “how did you start the flood?” 

 

 

A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, “Wanna hear a blonde joke?”
In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, “Before you tell that joke, you should know something. Our bartender IS blonde, the bouncer is blonde. I’m a 6′ tall, 200 lb black belt. The guy sitting next to me is 6’2″, weighs 225, and he’s a rugby player. The fella to your right is 6’5″ pushing 300 and he’s a wrestler. Each one of US is blonde. Think about it, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?”
The blind guy says, “Nah, not if I’m gonna have to explain it five times.”

 

 

Page Topic: Hilarious Jokes

 

 

Dumb Blonde Jokes

 

 

Here are some pretty funny blonde jokes. If they are over your head, don’t dye.

 

 

Funny Blonde Pic

 

 

A young woman said to her doctor, “You have to help me, I hurt all over.”
“What do you mean?” said the doctor.
The woman touched her right knee with her index finger and yelled, “Ow, that hurts.” Then she touched her left cheek and again yelled, “Ouch! That hurts, too.” Then she touched her right earlobe. “Ow, even THAT hurts.”
The doctor asked the woman, “Are you a natural blonde?”
“Why yes,” she said.
“I thought so,” said the doctor… “You have a sprained finger.”

 

 

A person went into the office kitchen one morning and found a new blonde girl painting the walls. She was wearing a new fur coat and a nice denim jacket.
Thinking this was a little strange; he asked her why she was wearing them rather than old clothes or an overall.
She showed him the instructions on the tin,
“For best results, put on two coats”.

 

 

A blonde cop stops blonde motorist and asks for her driving license.
The Motorist scuffles around in her purse and can’t find it. She says to the cop, “I must have left it at home officer.”
The cop says, “Well, do you have any kind of identification?” The motorist scuffles around in her purse again, and finds a pocket mirror.
She looks at it and says to the cop, “All I have is this picture of myself.” The cop says, “Let me see it, then.” So the blonde motorist gives the mirror to the blonde cop, who looks at it, and replies, “Well, if I had known you were a police officer, I wouldn’t have even pulled you over. You can go now.”

 

 

A blonde was walking her dogs when a man walking in the opposite direction says “Oh my, you have such beautiful dogs. What are their names?”
The blonde replies “Well, the taller one is Timex and the shorter one is Rolex.”
The man responds “Huh, that’s interesting. Why did you name them such names?”
The blonde sighs and shakes her head “Everyone keeps asking me the same thing… duhh, what else would you name your watch dogs?”

 

 

A blonde asked someone what time it was, and they told her it was 4:45. The blonde, with a puzzled look on her face replied,
“You know, it’s the weirdest thing, I have been asking that question all day, and each time I get a different answer.”

 

 

A dumb blonde was really tired of being made fun of, so she decided she would look like a brunette.
When she had brown hair, she decided to take a drive in the country.
After she had been driving for a while, she saw a farmer and a flock of sheep and thought,
“Oh! Those sheep are so adorable!”
She got out and walked over to the farmer and said,
“If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I take one home?”
The farmer, being a bit of a gambler himself, said she could have a try.
The blonde looked at the flock and guessed, “157.”
The farmer was amazed – she was right! So the blonde, (who looked like a brunette), picked one out and got back into her car.
Before she left, farmer walked up to her and said.
“If I can guess the real color of your hair, can I have my dog back?”

 

 

On the first day of training for parachute jumping, a blonde listened intently to the instructor. He told them to start preparing for landing when they are at 300 feet.
The blonde asked, “How am I supposed to know when I’m at 300 feet?”
“That’s a good question. When you get to 300 feet, you can recognize the faces of people on the ground.”
After pondering his answer, she asked, “What happens if there’s no one there I know?”

 

 

Page Topic: Dumb Blonde Jokes