Tag: funny jokes

bad pickup lines: The worst terrible, awful, cheesy and bad pick up lines and chat up lines

Here are some of the worst bad pickup lines ever.   Some are stupid, some are dumb, some are– well, If you like cheese, you’ll love some of these very cheesy pick up lines.  We can’t imagine any of them actually working, unless they are said with a twinkle in the eye that says “Hey, Know this is a stupid pickup line, but what can you do?”  So try chatting up a girl with one of these pickup lines at your own risk.  

Best Worst pickup lines ever: Bad and cheesy pickup lines


You know, winning the lottery doesn’t mean much when you have a weak heart.

Say, didn’t we go to different schools together?

Hi. there. Inheriting 50 million dollars doesn’t mean much when you have a weak heart.

Are you Jamaican cause your Jamaican me crazy.

I may not be Fred Flintstone but I can sure make your bed rock!

Wow. You still look pretty good for how old you must be.

Hi. I suffer from amnesia. Do I come here often?

Excuse me, but I’m new in town, can I have directions to your place?

You know what? Your eyes are the same color as my Porsche.

Do you believe in the hereafter? Well, then I guess you know what I’m here after.

How much does a polar bear weigh? Enough to break the ice- can I get your number?

Can I buy you a drink – or would you just prefer the five bucks?

Here i will make things easy. I’ll give you my phone and i’ll call you.

Am I cute enough yet? Or do you need more to drink?

Hi. I bet you 50 bucks I’m easier than you are.

Can I even get a fake number?

What’s a nice girl like you doing talking to a loser like me?

I may not be the best looking guy in here, but hey, I’m the only one talking to you.

I’m easy, are you?

Hi. The only reason I’m talking to you is because I’m hoping that in 20 minutes we’ll be having sex at my place.

I have had a really bad day and it always makes me feel better to see a pretty girl smile. So, would you smile for me?

When you look into the mirror holding up a dozen roses, you see the 13 most beautiful things in the world.

I’m feeling kind of insecure right now. Could I have a hug?

Can i get your picture to prove to all my friends that angels really do exist?

Do you have a GPS on your phone? Because I keep getting lost in your eyes.

Excuse me. Can I borrow your cell? it is an emergency. My mom told me to give her a call the first time I fell in love.

Does your watch have a second hand? I want to know how long it took for me to fall in love with you.

I lost my number, can I have yours?

Let’s make like a fabric softener and snuggle.

Is your dad a thief or something? Because someone stole the stars and put them into your eyes!

I wish I were a tear so i could start in your eyes, live on your face, and die on your lips.

I think I need to call heaven because they’ve lost one of their angels.

You look like my first wife. And I’ve never been married.

Hello, I’m a thief, and I’m here to steal your heart.

Hello. Cupid called. He says to tell you that he needs my heart back.

I dropped a tear in the ocean, the day I find it is the day I’ll stop loving you.

If beauty were sunlight, you’d shine from a million light-years away.

If beauty were time, you’d be an eternity.

If beauty were water you’d be the ocean.

If a star fell for every time I’ll think of you, the sky would soon be as empty as my life would be without you in it.

I think you’ve got something in your eye. Oh never mind, it’s just a sparkle.

Now I know why the sky is so gray today. All the blue is in your eyes.

I don’t know how to say this but I think you have stolen my heart

I must be a snowflake because I’m falling for you.

is your dad a baker, because you have some great buns!

I may not be Fred Flintstone but I can sure make your bed rock!

I’ve heard sex is a killer. Want to die happy?

What has 142 teeth and holds back the incredible hulk? My zipper.

Do you have a mirror in your pocket? Because I can see myself in your pants.

All those curves! And me with no brakes!

That’s a nice shirt. Can I talk you out of it?

Do you like bananas or blueberries? I wanna know what kind of pancakes to make in the morning.

I’m a thief, and I’m here to steal your heart.

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together.

Is your name Gillette? Because you’re the best a man can get!

Baby you must be tired because you’ve been running through my mind all night!

I’d walk a million miles for one of your smiles.

Are you from Tennessee? because your the only ten i see!!!

When I marry I wonder if God will be mad that I stole one of his angels.

Baby, you must be a broom, cause you just swept me off my feet!

Can i get your picture to prove to all my friends that angels really do exist?

I would say God bless you but it looks like He already did.

Is there an airport nearby or is that my heart taking off?

Are you an overdue book? Because you’ve got FINE written all over you!

Is there a rainbow today? I just found the treasure I’ve been searching for!

Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?

Do you believe in love at first site, or should I walk past you again?

Did u get that body at Macdonald’s? Because ‘I’m lovin it’.

*Fall in front of a girl* Wow, I’ve never fallen for a girl like you before

I’ve heard milk is good for the body, but DAMN how much did you drink!?

If you were Sprite, I’d obey my thirst!

If I followed you home, would you keep me?

What time do you have to be back in heaven?

Your eyes are as blue as my toilet water at home. Wanna see?

You’ve got to refer me to your plastic surgeon.

if you were a book you would be considered FINE PRINT

If I told you you had a gorgeous body, would you hold it against me?

You look like my second wife! And I’ve only been married once!

Is your name Gillette? Because you’re the best a guy can get

If beauty were a grain of sand, you’d be a million beaches.

You are so beautiful that I would marry your brother just to get into your family.

You know what? Your eyes are the same color as my Porsche.

do u like sleeping? Me too! Wow! Hey, let’s do it together sometime.

I have Skittles in my mouth, wanna taste the rainbow?

If I had a garden I’d put your tulips and my tulips together.

If you were a new sandwich at Mcdonalds, you’d be called McGorgeous.

My neck hurts.  Because as soon as you walked by i whipped my head!

I noticed you noticing me noticing you. Did you notice?

If you were a laser, you’d be set on “stunning”.

If you were a library book, I would check you out.

Are you Jamaican cause your Jamaican me crazy.

It’s a good thing I have my library card, because I’m checking you out.

Don’t walk into that building — the sprinklers might go off!

Baby, somebody better call God, cuz he’s missing an angel!

Don’t you know me from somewhere?

Excuse me? You dropped something back there. My jaw!

I would buy you a drink but I would be jealous of the glass.

Is your father an alien? cause you’re body is outta this world!

Are you a parking ticket? You got fine written all over you.

Got me? I’ll do your body good.

Hi, I’m Mr. Right. Someone said you were looking for me.

i love your outfit but think it would look alot better on my bedroom floor.

Do you know CPR? cuz you just took my breath away.

I hate to see you go, but I LOVE watching you leave….

well there’s the exit. Will u go out with me?

Excuse me, Do you have a band-aid? Because i cut my knee when i fell for you.

Hi. Do you sleep on your stomach? Then can I?

I lost my teddy bear. Will you sleep with me?

I must be lost. I thought paradise was further south.

I think I must be dying because I’m looking at Heaven.

Are you a magician? Because ever time I look at you, everyone else disappears.

There you are! All of us other angels up in Heaven have been worried sick about you! 

Hey, didn’t you hear? The modeling convention was changed to tomorrow.

Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by again.

Should i call you in the morning or just nudge you.

Hi. So, smile if you want to sleep with me.

Hi. Just say no if you don’t want me to not kiss you now.

When I saw you from across the room, I passed out cold and hit my head on the floor…so I’m going to need your name and number for insurance reasons.

I may not be mr. right, but i’ll do you till he shows up.

i really like your peaches, and wanna shake your tree.

Do you know why I cant see any stars tonight ? – You outshine them.

Let’s save water. Let’s shower together.

I envy your lipstick, can u put some on me?

Hey, do u have like one minute? I want to hit on u.

Are you tired? because you’ve been running through my mind all day.

You’ve been a bad girl. Go to my room.

Baby did you fart, ’cause you blow me away!

Are you free tonight? Or will it cost me?

Your mom was pretty good, so i figured you would be too.

I’ll give you a nickel to tickle my pickle!

Do you have any Irish in you? Would you like some?

*pat butt* “Pardon me, is this seat taken?”

Hi, the voices in my head told me to come over and talk to you.

You have 206 bones in your body. Do you want another one?

if you where my home work, I’d do you on the table.

Do you like to dance? Then go over there and dance so i can talk to your friend.

You must be a general cuz my privates are at attention!

Hi. I’m an astronaut, and my next mission is to explore uranus.

Hey baby, how about we do some math? We’ll subtract our clothes, divide your legs and multiply.

Want to make an easy 50 bucks?

If you were a booger I’d pick you first.

Screw me if I’m wrong, but haven’t we met before?

What has 148 teeth and holds back the incredible hulk? My zipper!!!

Is ur shirt felt? Do u want it to be?

I’m like Taco Bell. I’ll spice up your night

Did you just fart?? …Cause you blew me away!

Do you work at subway??? because you just gave me a footlong!!!

Do you have a mirror in your pocket?
cause i swear i see myself in your pants!

Nice legs. What time do they open?

How about you sit down on my lap and we talk about the first thing that pops up?

do you have a ninja in your pants because your ass is kicking.

Do you deliver peoples mail, because i don’t want to surprise you with my package.

how do you like your egg’s in the morning? fertilized?
You must be the reason for global warming because you’re hot.

You know what would look great on you? Me.

Can I read your T shirt in brail?

The body is made up of 90% water and I’m thirsty.
Excuse me for interrupting and I’m not trying to make a pass, but you must be leaving the country if you’re packing that much ass.

Nice shoes. Let’s go DO IT.

Hey aren’t you forgetting something? Me!

Do you know anything about computers? I need a hand with my hardware.

Smells like I’m not the only one who hasn’t showered recently. Shall we?

Nice shoes. Can I wear them?

If love is blind, can I check out your clothes in Braille?

Do you do karate? cause your ass is kickin!

If you were a chicken, you’d be impeccable.

Hi. Promise me you won’t die like the others.

You might as well sleep with me because I’m going to tell everyone we did anyway!

Wow! Are those REAL?

is your name CAMBELL? cos ur ‘MMM MMM GOOD!’

You are like a candy bar: half sweet and half nuts.

Damn girl! I’m glad I’m not blind!

If one of your legs was Thanksgiving, and the other Christmas, well, that would be really really weird, wouldn’t it?

You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away.

Can I buy you a drink or are you already easy?

Hi. I have only three months to live.

My name isn’t Elmo, but you can tickle me anytime you want to.

I don’t really stalk women so much anymore, but you are definitely stalk worthy!

Hey, I bet we have some of the same prescriptions!

Oh crap. You stopped my heart! I need mouth to mouth, quick!

Pull my finger.

Hey cucumber can I get your number.

Hey zucchini take off your bikini.

Hey are you wearing space pants because your ass is out of this world.

Hello. Are you taking any applications for a girlfriend?

Hey baby. Roses are red, violets are blue. I’m not a poet, but damn girl, you’re hot!

Does this smell like chloroform to you?

Do you like fruits? Because your the apple of my eye.

So, are you going to give me your phone number, or am I going to have to stalk you?

I’m not really this tall….I’m sitting on my wallet.

Well, here I am. What were your other two wishes?

Is your dad a baker, because you got hot buns.

Baby, are you in a car cause you driving threw my mind

Did you know there’s no cure for Herpes? I’ve been learning a lot about it recently.

I’m going to stare at your boobs now. Here I go.

Hey! I think we might be related!

If this were a meat factory, you’d be prime rib.

Hi. I’m looking for a lover withOUT a disease for once.

Your hair flows like a waterfall down the craggy mountain which is your head.

You know the more I drink, the closer to pretty you get!

I put the STD in stud now all i need is u.

Nice shirt. It would look great crumpled up in the alley behind my car.

Wow, your hair has a really unique aroma. Do you work at Denny’s?

Hi. Before I blow five bucks, is this a good time of the month for you?

Are you stalking me cuz that would be super.

You’ll do.


Page topic: Worst pickup lines and chat up lines ever. truly bad and cheesy pickup lines.

Clean Jokes



Check out some of the funniest clean jokes on the internet.



Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Person asked a young engineer who was fresh out of MIT, “What starting salary were you thinking about?” The Engineer said, “In the neighborhood of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package.” The interviewer said, “Well, what would you say to a package of 5 weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every 2 years – say, a red Corvette?” The Engineer sat up straight and said, “Wow! Are you kidding?” The interviewer replied, “Yeah, but you started it.”



“An abstract noun,” the teacher said, “is something you can think of, but you can’t touch it. Can you give me an example of one?”
“Sure,” a teenage boy replied. “My father’s new car.”



There were these two cows, chatting over the fence between their fields. The first cow said, “I tell you, this mad-cow-disease is really pretty scary. They say it is spreading fast; I heard it hit some cows down on the Johnson Farm.” The other cow replies, “I ain’t worried, it don’t affect us ducks.”



When the waitress in a New York City restaurant brought him the soup du jour, the Englishman was a bit dismayed. “Good heavens,” he said, “what is this?” “Why, it’s bean soup,” she replied. “I don’t care what it has been,” he sputtered. “What is it now?”



A young businessman had just started his own firm. He’d rented a beautiful office and had it furnished with antiques. Sitting there, he saw a man come into the outer office. Wishing to appear busy, the businessman picked up the phone and started to pretend he had a big deal working. He threw huge figures around and made giant commitments. Finally, he hung up and asked the visitor, “Can I help you?” The man said, “Sure. I’ve come to install the phone!”



A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.

After becoming very frustrated with the “no haggle” attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, “Maybe I’ll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!” The shopkeeper said, “By all means, be my guest. Maybe you’ll luck out and catch yourself a big one!” Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator.
Later in the day, the shopkeeper is driving home, when he spots the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he sees a huge 9 foot alligator swimming quickly toward her. She takes aim, kills the creature and with a great deal of effort hauls it on to the swamp bank. Lying nearby were several more of the dead creatures. The shopkeeper watches in amazement. Just then the blonde flips the alligator on its back, and frustrated, shouts out, “Darn, this one isn’t wearing any shoes either!”



Page Topic: Funny Clean Jokes: Funny jokes that are clean and can be enjoyed by the whole family.



Clean Funny Jokes



Here are some pretty good clean funny jokes.



Passengers on a small commuter plane are waiting for the flight to leave. The entrance opens, and two men walk up the aisle, dressed in pilots’ uniforms–both are wearing dark glasses, one is using a seeing-eye dog, and the other is tapping his way up the aisle with a cane.
Nervous laughter spreads through the cabin; but the men enter the cockpit, the door closes, and the engines start up. The passengers begin glancing nervously around, searching for some sign that this just a little practical joke. None is forthcoming. The plane moves faster and faster down the runway, and people at the windows realize that they’re headed straight for the water at the edge of the airport territory.
As it begins to look as though the plane will never take off, that it will plow into the water, panicked screams fill the cabin–but at that moment, the plane lifts smoothly into the air.
The passengers relax and laugh a little sheepishly, and soon they have all retreated into their magazines, secure in the knowledge that the plane is in good hands. Up in the cockpit, the copilot turns to the pilot and says, “You know, Bob, one of these days, they’re going to scream too late, and we’re all gonna die. . .”



There were these 2 blondes standing outside in a parking lot next to there Mercedes vehicle. They were locked out so they were trying to get the door open with a close hanger. The 1st blonde said, “You need to try harder. It’s starting to rain and the top is down!”



Two Canadian guys, Mike and Rob were on the roof, laying tile, when a sudden gust of wind came and knocked down their ladder.
“I have an idea,” said Mike. “We’ll throw you down, and then you can pick up the ladder.”
“What, do you think I’m stupid? I have an idea. I’ll shine my flashlight, and you can climb down on the beam of light.”



An atheist was walking through the woods.
“What majestic trees”!
“What powerful rivers”!
“What beautiful animals”!
He said to himself.
As he was walking alongside the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. He turned to look. He saw a 7-foot grizzly charge towards him. He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over his shoulder & saw that the bear was closing in on him.
He looked over his shoulder again, & the bear was even closer. He tripped & fell on the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up but saw that the bear was right On top of him, reaching for him with his left paw & raising his right paw to strike him. At that instant the Atheist cried out, “Oh my God!”
Time Stopped.
The bear froze.
The forest was still.
As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky. “You deny my existence for all these years, teach others I don’t exist and even credit creation to cosmic accident. Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer”?
The atheist looked directly into the light, “It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps You could make the BEAR a Christian”?
“Very Well,” said the Voice.
The light went out. The sounds of the forest resumed. And the bear dropped his right paw, brought both paws together, bowed his head & spoke:
“Lord bless this food, which I am about to receive from thy bounty through Christ our Lord, Amen.”



An Englishman, Frenchman, Mexican, and Texan were flying across country on a small plane when the pilot comes on the loud speaker and says,
“We’re having mechanical problems and the only way we can make it to the next airport is for 3 of you to open the door and jump. At least one of you will survive.”
The four open the door and look out below.
The Englishman takes a deep breath and hollers, “God Save The Queen,” and jumps.
The Frenchman gets really inspired and hollers, “Viva La France,” and he also jumps.
This really pumps up the Texan so he hollers, “Remember the Alamo,” and he grabs the Mexican and throws him out of the plane.



Did you hear about the farmer who ploughed his field with a steamroller?
He wanted to grow mashed potatoes!



Q: What do you call cattle with a sense of humor?
A: Laughing stock.



Page Topic: Clean Funny Jokes