Funny Love Quotes and Quips

Here are some funny love quotes and quips from famous celebrities:

The Japanese have a word for it. It’s Judo — the art of conquering by yielding. The Western equivalent of judo is, ‘Yes, dear.’
J. P. McEvoy

The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
Henny Youngman

My wife tells me that if I ever decide to leave, she is coming with me.
Jon BonJovi

If love is the answer, could you rephrase the question?
Lily Tomlin



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The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing — and then marry him.

I haven´t spoken to my Mother-In-Law for eighteen month….I don´t like to interrupt her.

A guy was invited to some old friends’ home for dinner. His buddy preceded every request to his wife by endearing terms, calling her Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, Jaanu, etc.

The guy was impressed since the couple had been married almost 70 years. While the wife was off in the kitchen he said to his buddy: “I think it’s wonderful that after all the years you’ve been married, you still call your wife those pet names.”

His buddy hung his head. “To tell you the truth,” he said, “I forgot her name about ten years ago.”

Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There’s too much fraternizing with the enemy.
Henry Kissinger

Love is an electric blanket with somebody else in control of the switch.
Cathy Carlyle

In olden times sacrifices were made at the altar — a practice which is still continued.
Helen Rowland

Love: a temporary insanity, curable by marriage.
Ambrose Bierce

Marriage is when a man and woman become as one; the trouble starts when they try to decide which one.

By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you’ll be happy
If you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.

I take my wife everywhere I go. She always finds her way back.
Henny Youngman

I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
Rita Rudner

“The trouble with being the best man at a wedding is that you never get to prove it.”

How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
We don’t know – it’s never happened.

A woman’s husband has been slipping in and out for a coma for several months yet she stayed by his bedside every single day. When he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer. As she sat by him, he said, “You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business fell, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you gave me support. When my health started failing, you were still by my side. When I think about it now, I think you bring me bad luck.”

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