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Daily Quick Break: March 23, 2008: Some Great Funny One-liners From The Best Stand Up Comics and Comedians

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Here are a few one-liners from comics and comedians

Relationships are hard. It’s like a full-time job, and we should treat it like one. If your boyfriend or girlfriend wants to leave you, they should give you two weeks’ notice. There should be severance pay, and before they leave you, they should have to find you a temp.
Bob Ettinger

I ask people why they have deer heads on their walls. They always say because it’s such a beautiful animal. There you go. I think my mother is attractive, but I have photographs of her.
Ellen DeGeneres

A lady came up to me on the street and pointed at my suede jacket. ‘You know a cow was murdered for that jacket?’ she sneered. I replied in a psychotic tone, ‘I didn’t know there were any witnesses. Now I’ll have to kill you too.
Jake Johansen

To read the rest, go to: Some Great Funny One-liners From The Best Stand Up Comics and Comedians

Daily Quick Break: December 18, 2007: One Liners 1: A collection of the best funny one liners

Every day InnocentEnglish.com posts a new funny or cool Quick Break. The Quick Break section has today’s quick break plus previous ones so you can browse through any you missed.

A friend sent me this list of favorite one liners that someone had sent her. There are some great sayings, quotes and one liners here. Much thanks to whoever collected them.

43% of all statistics are worthless.

7/5th of all people do not understand fractions.

99% of lawyers are giving the rest a bad name.

A Smith & Wesson beats four aces.

A bachelor’s life is no life for a single man.

A bad plan is better than no plan.

A city is a large community where people are lonesome together.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking.

A day for firm decisions! Or is it?

A day without sun shine is like, you know, night.

A drunk mans’ words are a sober mans’ thoughts.

To read the rest, go to: One Liners 1: A collection of the best funny one liners

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