Tag: jewish

O, dradle dradle dradle I made you out of clay, dradle dradle dradle with dradle I shall play! Everyone loves a little Hanukkah (or Chanukah if you prefer). Christmas is only one (or two if you count Christmas Eve) days a year, but Hanukkah is an entire eight days! Sadly, there seems to be a dearth of Hanukkah jokes on the internet, something I felt we should rectify. Christmas hogs the limelight in this season anyways, its Hanukkah’s turn!

Top 10 Reasons to Like Hanukkah

10. No roof damage from reindeer
9. Never a silent night when you’re among your Jewish loved ones
8. If someone screws up on their gift, there are seven more days to correct it
7. Betting Hanukkah gelt (the chocolate coins) on candle races
6. You can use your fireplace
5. Naked spin-the-dreidel games
4. Fun waxy buildup on the menorah
3. No awkward explanations of virgin birth
2. Cheer optional
1. No Irving Berlin songs

Hanukkah at the Deli

During the first day of Hanukkah, two elderly Jewish men were sitting in a wonderful deli frequented almost exclusively by Jews in New York City. They were talking amongst themselves in Yiddish – the colorful language of Jews who came over from Eastern Europe.

A Chinese waiter, only one year in New York, came up and in fluent impeccable Yiddish asked them if everything was okay and if they were enjoying the holiday.

The Jewish men were dumbfounded. “Where did he ever learn such perfect Yiddish?” they both thought. After they paid the bill they asked the restaurant manager, an old friend of theirs, “Where did our waiter learn such fabulous Yiddish?”

The manager looked around and leaned in so no one else will hear and said… “Shhhh. He thinks we’re teaching him English.”

Hanukkah Sweater

My mother once gave me two sweaters for Hanukkah. The next time we visited, I made sure to wear one. As we entered her home, instead of the expected smile, she said, “What’s the matter? You didn’t like the other one?”

Hanukkah & Latkes

It was Hanukkah and the tiny village was in fear of not having any latkes because they had run out of flour.

Rudi, the rabbi, was called upon to help solve the problem.

He said, “don’t worry, you can substitute matzo meal for the flour and the latkes will be just as delicious!”

Sheila looks to her husband and says, “Mortey…you think it’ll work?” and Mortey says,

“of course! Everybody knows…………………….

Rudolph, the Rab, knows grain dear!”

Hanukkah Gifts

Stan and John are walking to school one day and Stan is describing his new Playstation 2 to John. “Where did you get that?” John asked “I got it last night for Hanukkah,” said Stan. “What’s Hanukkah?” John asked.

“It’s the Jewish holiday where we get presents every night for eight nights to celebrate the festival of lights.”

“Wow, I wish we got that!” John exclaimed. The next day on the way to school John runs up to Stan, curious to see what he got. He sees that Stan is upset, “What’s wrong? Where’s your present from last night?” asks John.

Stan holds up a ball of crumpled wrapping paper, “It was leftovers night.”

Post Topic: Hanukkah Jokes