Movie Quotes from History of the World: Part I: Quotes from the movie History of the World: Part I

(Brooks is a waiter at the Last Supper.)
WAITER: Are you all together or is this separate checks?

(Pop sound)Wash this.

(Soldier)Goodbye head! (Comicus)Hello balls!

*stripper dances* hes a unique..
*stripper dances* hes a unique..
*stripper dances* hes dead..

1 – Occupation?
2 – Soldier
1 – Have you killed anybody in the last week?
2 – No
1 – Have you tried to kill anybody in the last week?
2 – Yes

1) Do you care if it falls? 2) What? 1) The Roman Empire. 2) F*ck it. 1) Hee hee hee…

1) Giiive to Oedipuuus! Giiive to Oedipuuus!…Heeey, Josefus!! 2) heeey Mother f*cker….

1) Where you from? 2) Ethiopia 1) What part? 2) 125th street!

1)(pouring tea) Tell me when 2) 8:30

1. That’s it sire, you look like the piss boy.
2. And you look like a bucket of shit.

1. They shove a living snake up your ass. 2. No but that’s very creative.

1.Excuse me sir do u own this store? 2. yes i do. 1: well we’re lookin for a pack of trojans. 2: shit i just ran out

1: do u have any requests? 2: mophine. 1: theres no such thing in medical science. 2: i’ll wait

Ah! But the sevant waits, while the master baits!

Ah, but the servant waites….while the master bates!

Ah, but the servant waits, while the master baits.

Blind Man: Hey Josephus, what’s up?
Jospehus: Hey, what’s up, mother fucker?

Bob…oh Bob…do I have any openings in which this man might fit?

Boy you are nuts N V T S Nuts!!!!!!

Bring In The Swimming Nuns!

Did he just say big, fat pig?
I believe he did, sire.
Do you think he meant me?
I believe he did, sire.
Kill him!!!!
Boy, when you die at the Palace, you really die at the Palace!

Did you bullshit last week?…NO!…Did you try to bullshit last week?…YES!

Did you bullshit today?

Don’t get saucy with me, Bernaise.

Dungeoun Munk: Hey tuaqumatta, what do you say?
Tuaqumatta: I just got back from the autadufay.
Dungeoun Munk: Aytadufay, what’s a autadufay?
Tuaqumatta: It’s what you aud’t to do, but you do anyway.

Emperor- Bring me a small lyre!
Roman Office- Small liar, small liar.
Small Liar- I didn’t do it! I didn’t do it! I wasn’t even there! I was at a friend’s house. The Check is in the mail!

Everything Looks So Green!

Get the horses! Get the men! Get me an icepack!

Goodbye head! Hello Balls!

Here, Wash this…

How does the Senate vote (in unison) Fuck the Poor

Howz it goin’ Marie?

Hump or death! Hump or death! Hump, death! Hump, death!

I Just Thought Up Something. I Call It Centerfold.

I love quick time harch!!

I was sitting in a temple, I was minding my own business, I was lisntening to a lovely Hebrew mass. When these Papest persons plung-in and they throw me in a dungeon and they shove a red hot poker up my ass. Is that considerate? Is that polite? And not a tube of preparation H in site!

I was sitting in a temple, I was minding my own business, I was listening to a lovely Hebrew mass. when along came all these soldiers and they threw me in a dungeon and they shoved a red-hot poker up my ass. Is that considerate? Now is that right? and not a tube of Preperation H in sight !

I’m a Stand Up Philospher. Oh, a Bullshit Artist.

I’m Josefus…and I’m the main course at the coliseum.

I’m Selling Nothing! Get Your Nothing. Just a few coins will do it! Getyour nothing!

I’m sittin’ flippin chickens and I’m lookin through the pickin’s, when suddenly these guys break down my walls…I didn’t even know them and they grabbed me by the scrotum and they started playing ping-pong with my balls! Oy the agony! Oy the shame! To make my privates public for a game!

It’s good to be the king

It’s good to be the King.


jewish ha… They missed. i jumped and they missed.

King: It’s either hump or death.
Girl: Humperdink?
King: Not Humperdink. Hump or death. You have ten seconds to decide.
hump-death, hump-death, hump-death, your time is running out!!!
Girl: allright, alright, hump! oh! (walk away in shame)

Knight jumps Queen. Bishop jumps queen. Pawns jump queen. GANG BANG!

MADAME DuFARGE: And now, let’s end this meeting on a high note. (All sing high notes)

Nice….Nice….not thrilling but nice….

Okay faggot! Whats next!?

Okay, faggot! What’s next?

Only a miracle can save us…

Osdipus:Hey Josephus! Josephus:Hey motherfucker!

person 1: Did you see a pack of trojans running thru here?
Person 2: (Snaps Fingers) Damn, I just rean out.

Person 1:Jesus!! Person 2: Yes? Person 1: What? Person 2: Nothing.

Rolling Papyrus…

Roman #1) You take the left flank, I’ll take the right flank. GO!! (crash)Don’t u know your left flank from your right flank
Roman #2)I flunked flanks, sir.
Roman #1) U flunked Flank?!?!? Get the flunk outta here

Roman Red…….Quick get I eed some rolling Papyrus…..You know E-Z Widers.

Roman Soldier) Druggist can you help me? I’m looking for a pack of trojans. Druggist) Darn I just ran out

See Hitler On Ice! See A Viking Funeral! See Jews In Space!

sir, you look like the piss-boy

Sire! The peasents are revolting!
You said it! They stink on ice!

soldiers an autadufe whats an autadufe brookes its what you audnt do but you do anyway

That man is definitely no Unique

That’s a naughty bit o’ crumpet

The Christians are so poor … (Brooks waits for a second and finally his manager yells out) How poor are they? (Brooks nods at his manager and sighs) They are so poor, that they have only ONE God, us Romans have a God for everything, except premature ejaculation … but I hear thats CUMMING soon! (A homosexual giggles, no one else laughs and Brooks replies) …The fag got it.

The Jig is up…..AND GONE!

the jigg is up and gone!!!

The queen is such a good sport!

Theeeese are miiine!

These 15…oye..10..these ten commandments

Walk this way!

We are now armed with mighty joint.

We are now armed with… Mighty Joint.

We are so poor, we don’t even have a language! Just this stupid accent!

We are zo poor we don’t even ‘ave a language, joost a stoopid accent.

We’re Jews in Space, Flying around protecting the Hebrew Race!

What’s next faggot ?

When you bomb at the palace, you really bomb at the palace.

Yes, no, no, no, no,no, no, yes, no, no, no, no, yes, no, no, no, no, yes, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, -wait a minute…YES!!!! OLA!

You are nuts, Comicus, N-V-T-S, nuts.

You dont put out…. he dont get out

You Have Picked A Great Selection Of Guys. Oh, well wait till they find that their dates are Vestal Virgins! He..He..He.

You look like the piss-boy>Yeah, well you look like a bucket a’shit!

You men, go northward, you go southward. I’m gonna walk around here in a circle.

You sir are going on a looooooooong trip yes yes….you sir are going to ROME. But i am in Rome! Did i lie!?

Page Topic: Movie Quotes from ‘History of the World: Part I’: Quotes from the movie ‘History of the World: Part I’

2 thoughts on “Movie Quotes from History of the World: Part I: Quotes from the movie History of the World: Part I”

  1. @ Last Supper: Mel Brooks as waiter, “OK OK..Jesus!”…Jesus:”Yes?”…Mel Brooks”Yes? What? would you like to order?”…Jesus,”No”…Mel brooks, “Oh, OK, Jesus!”…Jesus, “Yes?”..Mel brooks…”What?”…Jesus..”What?”..Mel Brooks “Yes? What?”…Jesus,”What?”..Mel Brooks…”Nevermind..” rolls eyes instead…..

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