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Funny Epitaphs and Tombstones from old cemeteries


Most of these funny cemetery tombstone epitaphs came from graveyards in the old West, where it was often left to acquaintances or even strangers to choose the words on a tombstone, and where a sense of humor was a survivor tool. Some came from elsewhere in the U.S., and some from England or elsewhere. many of these funny epitpahs are well-documented, and some can still be found. Boot Hill, in Tombstone Arizona, and also Boot Hill, in Dodge City, Kansas, have several preserved.

 

 

Here are some of the funniest epitaphs:

 

 

It was a Cough

That carried him Off

It was a Coffin

They Carried him Off In

On an attorney’s tombstone:

Goembel

John E.

1867-1946

“The defense rests”

Here lies Johnny Yeast.

Pardon me For not rising.

Ruidoso, New Mexico

Jedediah Goodwin

Auctioneer

Born 1828

Going!

Going!!

Gone!!!

1876

Stranger tread

This ground with gravity.

Dentist Brown

Is filling his last cavity.

Here Lies Jane Smith

Wife of Thomas Smith

Marble Cutter:

This Monument Erected

By Her Husband

As A Tribute

To Her Memory.

Monuments of this style

are 250 Dollars.

Effie Jean Robinson

1897-1922

Come blooming youths,

as you pass by ,

And on these lines do cast an eye.

As you are now, so once was I;

As I am now, so must you be;

Prepare for death and follow me.

Upon which someone scribbled:

To follow you

I am not content,

How do I know

Which way you went.

Here lies Lester Moore.

Four slugs

From a forty-four.

No Les

No More.

Here lies Johnny Cole.

Who died upon my soul

After eating a plentiful dinner.

While chewing his crust

He was turned into dust

With his crimes undigested -

poor sinner.

Bill Blake

Was hanged by mistake.

Here lays Butch.

We planted him raw.

He was quick on the trigger

But slow on the draw.

Here lies a man named Zeke.

Second fastest draw

in Cripple Creek.

Here lies the body of Arkansas Jim.

We made the mistake, But the joke’s on him.

He called

Bill Smith

A Liar

I would

rather be here

than in Texas.

Here lies the body

Of Margaret Bent

She kicked up her heels

And away she went.

He got a fish-bone

in his throat

and then he sang

an angel note.

She was not smart,

she was not fair,

But hearts with grief

for her are swellin’;

All empty stands

her little chair:

She died of eatin’

water-mellon.

Rebecca Freeland

1741

She drank good ale,

good punch and wine

And lived to the age of 99.

Beneath this stone,

a lump of clay,

Lies stingy Jimmy Wyatt.

Who died one morning just at ten

And saved a dinner by it.

here lies AN athiest, John Doe

All dressed up and no place to go!

Here he lies, James T. Carson

He blew up his wife

and was hung for arson.

Here lies the body

of John Round.

Lost at sea

and never found.

And here’s an epitaph with a funny double meaning-
you might have to think about it…

Here lies Barnard Lightfoot

Who was accidentally killed

in the 45th year of his age.

This monument was erected

by his grateful family.

 

 

Page Topic: Funny Epitaphs and Tombstones

 

 

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Comments

38 Responses to “Funny Epitaphs and Tombstones from old cemeteries””

  1. Becki Says:
    March 31st, 2008 at 6:49 am

    Here lies lesleyann dee,
    who died while eating a pea,
    she had a stroke,
    which made her choke,
    in her freezer
    cya later geezer!

  2. lesleyann Says:
    March 31st, 2008 at 6:51 am

    Here lies sammy burgess
    and miss abbot too
    they died while making
    love on the loo
    Goodnight

  3. Bill Says:
    April 6th, 2008 at 12:49 pm

    Looked up the elevator shaft
    To see if the car was on the way down.
    It was!

  4. no one Says:
    October 30th, 2008 at 4:12 pm

    well living men view my tomb,
    just remember theres room for you.

  5. Stirling West Says:
    October 30th, 2008 at 4:13 pm

    Here lies the body of John O’Day,
    Who died maintaining his right of way,
    His way was right, his will was strong,
    But he’s just as dead as if he were wrong

  6. blahblahblah Says:
    March 4th, 2009 at 3:33 pm

    Here lies an old man named Bert
    Peoples’ feelings he liked to hurt
    The children were sad
    The adults are mad
    And now he’s buried in dirt
    =)
    note:this may be stupid, im only 13

  7. frkdrytgfy Says:
    March 31st, 2009 at 10:17 am

    im a dead dude

  8. hug jazz Says:
    June 1st, 2009 at 7:12 pm

    it was snowing as i got out of bed
    i went outside to ride my sled
    i crashed into a tree and hit my head
    now i lye there dead

  9. Darc Discordia Says:
    June 5th, 2009 at 1:28 pm

    Here lies the body of Richard Broughton
    Whose death, alas, was strangely brought on.
    Trying his corns one day to mow off,
    His razor slipped and cut his toe off.
    His toe, or rather, what it grew to
    An inflammation quickly few to.
    Which took, alas, to mortifying,
    And was the cause of Richard’s dying.

  10. Dee Says:
    July 20th, 2009 at 1:48 pm

    “I TOLD YOU I WAS SICK!”

  11. L.J Says:
    October 21st, 2009 at 6:38 pm

    here lies
    i.m.
    dead
    put a bullet through his head

  12. jeff blackman Says:
    October 27th, 2009 at 3:23 pm

    6 feet down
    The dirty hound
    watch yer step
    never more

  13. jeff blackman Says:
    October 27th, 2009 at 3:39 pm

    Farewell Governor Halifax
    paid his own Hanging tax
    which stretched his patience
    and his neck

  14. Brian W. Johnson (Mauzerolle) Says:
    November 13th, 2009 at 5:01 pm

    “I lived my life, but now I’m dead.
    Obviously I don’t want any visitors,
    so get it through your thick head!”

    *Note* Seriously, I intend to have this put into my will and carved onto my tombstone, or something much like it.

  15. Sean Shiverz Says:
    December 28th, 2009 at 4:50 pm

    “If you can read this your standing on my Balls!
    Wish you were here.”

  16. Lew Says:
    February 16th, 2010 at 6:26 pm

    here she lies old mother magee
    died at the age of a hundred and three
    for fifty three years she kept her virginity
    not a bad record for this vicinity!

  17. priya Says:
    February 16th, 2010 at 10:12 pm

    Here lies Angelica
    With hair of red
    We realized she was on fire
    After she was already dead.

  18. scrambles Says:
    February 27th, 2010 at 5:19 pm

    I want this on my tombstone:
    Be right back

  19. jerry b Says:
    April 2nd, 2010 at 10:35 pm

    here lies the body of jonathon hauer,
    who cut of the ground instead of the power.

  20. DocJohn Says:
    April 8th, 2010 at 1:38 am

    Rest in pieces

    This will go on my tombstone

  21. Carol Says:
    April 8th, 2010 at 2:36 pm

    Where you stand,
    once stood I.
    Thanks a lot
    for stopping by.

  22. Carol Says:
    April 8th, 2010 at 4:05 pm

    A Busy Man’s Epitaph

    Here lies a man, who let the joy of living wait.
    He waited too long, and now it’s too late!

  23. ryan Says:
    October 12th, 2010 at 7:55 am

    ahhh and there was me thinking my wife loved me

  24. ryan Says:
    October 12th, 2010 at 7:56 am

    i always wanted to view the world at a diffren angle

  25. ryan Says:
    October 12th, 2010 at 7:57 am

    it could be worse i could look like you

  26. josh Says:
    October 15th, 2010 at 1:15 pm

    Well i’ll never do that again.
    john doe

  27. Michael from Australia. Says:
    October 27th, 2010 at 11:08 am

    “Here Lies Jane Bright
    She stuck out her left hand
    and turned to the right”…

  28. Texas Teri Says:
    October 28th, 2010 at 1:31 pm

    RIP S.F Giants
    Burred By The Texas Rangers

  29. gravey Says:
    October 28th, 2010 at 5:29 pm

    Tom Laften was not skinny,
    And he loved his wife Ginny,
    One day he was eating dinner
    And he fell on the floor in a shiver.

    Here lies Tom Laften in his gravey. (grave, gravy)

  30. Brandy Says:
    November 13th, 2010 at 10:23 pm

    Help me out someone. I don’t understand the last eptiaph. I’ve thought about it but I just don’t get it. Thanks! :)

  31. Daroob Says:
    November 20th, 2010 at 7:19 pm

    Blues singer’s epitath:

    “I didn’t get up this morning”

  32. sarah Says:
    December 16th, 2010 at 11:51 pm

    “I found that first step, they told me to watch out for…”

    A first and last visit to an almost remodeled home. ;)

  33. Beth Says:
    February 18th, 2011 at 12:45 am

    I plan on having this put on mine eventually… no hurry though…

    “Loving Mother To Three Daughters & Two Sons, Tough as Nails, Wife To None.
    Off To Heaven… In Search Of Fun!”

  34. Beth Says:
    February 18th, 2011 at 12:49 am

    Or how ’bout…

    “Don’t cry for me,
    I am not here.
    Just dance in the rain,
    And celebrate my life with beer!”

  35. timmyboy65 Says:
    February 28th, 2011 at 9:59 pm

    Here beneath you is poor old Jake, who stepped on the gas instead of the brake.

  36. Mike from Columbia, MD Says:
    April 12th, 2011 at 9:48 pm

    Here lies the body of nanny McPhee
    who fixed all the bad kids she met,
    except me!

  37. James Says:
    July 7th, 2011 at 9:02 pm

    Here lies Anne Mann.
    She lived an old maid.
    She died an old mann.

  38. Jack Says:
    July 7th, 2011 at 9:03 pm

    This one really is real:

    Here lies a dead guy

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