Funny Epitaphs and Tombstones from old cemeteries

Most of these funny cemetery tombstone epitaphs came from graveyards in the old West, where it was often left to acquaintances or even strangers to choose the words on a tombstone, and where a sense of humor was a survivor tool. Some came from elsewhere in the U.S., and some from England or elsewhere. many of these funny epitpahs are well-documented, and some can still be found. Boot Hill, in Tombstone Arizona, and also Boot Hill, in Dodge City, Kansas, have several preserved.



Here are some of the funniest epitaphs:



It was a Cough

That carried him Off

It was a Coffin

They Carried him Off In

On an attorney’s tombstone:


John E.


“The defense rests”

Here lies Johnny Yeast.

Pardon me For not rising.

Ruidoso, New Mexico

Jedediah Goodwin


Born 1828





Stranger tread

This ground with gravity.

Dentist Brown

Is filling his last cavity.

Here Lies Jane Smith

Wife of Thomas Smith

Marble Cutter:

This Monument Erected

By Her Husband

As A Tribute

To Her Memory.

Monuments of this style

are 250 Dollars.

Effie Jean Robinson


Come blooming youths,

as you pass by ,

And on these lines do cast an eye.

As you are now, so once was I;

As I am now, so must you be;

Prepare for death and follow me.

Upon which someone scribbled:

To follow you

I am not content,

How do I know

Which way you went.

Here lies Lester Moore.

Four slugs

From a forty-four.

No Les

No More.

Here lies Johnny Cole.

Who died upon my soul

After eating a plentiful dinner.

While chewing his crust

He was turned into dust

With his crimes undigested –

poor sinner.

Bill Blake

Was hanged by mistake.

Here lays Butch.

We planted him raw.

He was quick on the trigger

But slow on the draw.

Here lies a man named Zeke.

Second fastest draw

in Cripple Creek.

Here lies the body of Arkansas Jim.

We made the mistake, But the joke’s on him.

He called

Bill Smith

A Liar

I would

rather be here

than in Texas.

Here lies the body

Of Margaret Bent

She kicked up her heels

And away she went.

He got a fish-bone

in his throat

and then he sang

an angel note.

She was not smart,

she was not fair,

But hearts with grief

for her are swellin’;

All empty stands

her little chair:

She died of eatin’


Rebecca Freeland


She drank good ale,

good punch and wine

And lived to the age of 99.

Beneath this stone,

a lump of clay,

Lies stingy Jimmy Wyatt.

Who died one morning just at ten

And saved a dinner by it.

here lies AN athiest, John Doe

All dressed up and no place to go!

Here he lies, James T. Carson

He blew up his wife

and was hung for arson.

Here lies the body

of John Round.

Lost at sea

and never found.

And here’s an epitaph with a funny double meaning-
you might have to think about it…

Here lies Barnard Lightfoot

Who was accidentally killed

in the 45th year of his age.

This monument was erected

by his grateful family.



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38 thoughts on “Funny Epitaphs and Tombstones from old cemeteries”

  1. Here lies lesleyann dee,
    who died while eating a pea,
    she had a stroke,
    which made her choke,
    in her freezer
    cya later geezer!

  2. Here lies the body of John O’Day,
    Who died maintaining his right of way,
    His way was right, his will was strong,
    But he’s just as dead as if he were wrong

  3. Here lies an old man named Bert
    Peoples’ feelings he liked to hurt
    The children were sad
    The adults are mad
    And now he’s buried in dirt
    note:this may be stupid, im only 13

  4. it was snowing as i got out of bed
    i went outside to ride my sled
    i crashed into a tree and hit my head
    now i lye there dead

  5. Here lies the body of Richard Broughton
    Whose death, alas, was strangely brought on.
    Trying his corns one day to mow off,
    His razor slipped and cut his toe off.
    His toe, or rather, what it grew to
    An inflammation quickly few to.
    Which took, alas, to mortifying,
    And was the cause of Richard’s dying.

  6. “I lived my life, but now I’m dead.
    Obviously I don’t want any visitors,
    so get it through your thick head!”

    *Note* Seriously, I intend to have this put into my will and carved onto my tombstone, or something much like it.

  7. here she lies old mother magee
    died at the age of a hundred and three
    for fifty three years she kept her virginity
    not a bad record for this vicinity!

  8. A Busy Man’s Epitaph

    Here lies a man, who let the joy of living wait.
    He waited too long, and now it’s too late!

  9. Tom Laften was not skinny,
    And he loved his wife Ginny,
    One day he was eating dinner
    And he fell on the floor in a shiver.

    Here lies Tom Laften in his gravey. (grave, gravy)

  10. Help me out someone. I don’t understand the last eptiaph. I’ve thought about it but I just don’t get it. Thanks! :)

  11. “I found that first step, they told me to watch out for…”

    A first and last visit to an almost remodeled home. ;)

  12. I plan on having this put on mine eventually… no hurry though…

    “Loving Mother To Three Daughters & Two Sons, Tough as Nails, Wife To None.
    Off To Heaven… In Search Of Fun!”

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