Funny Sayings 4: More of the best really funny sayings

Here are some more of the best really funny sayings


For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.


For every problem there is one solution which is simple, neat and wrong.


For good, return good. For evil, return justice.


Free speech carries with it some freedom to listen.


Freedom of speech is wonderful – right up there with the freedom not to listen.


Friendly fire – isn’t.


Friends come and go, enemies accumulate.


Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.


Friendship is like money, easier made than kept.


Frog blast the vent core!


Getting screwed while everybody else is getting laid.


Give a jackass an education and you get a smartass.


Goals are deceptive. The unaimed arrow never misses.


God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.


God made us brothers, but Prozac made us friends.


God will forgive me. That’s his job, after all.


Great minds discuss ideas. Average minds discuss events. Small minds discuss people.


Half the people you know are below average.


Happiness isn’t having what you want, it’s wanting what you have.


Hear and you forget; see and you remember; do and you understand.


Help wanted: Telepath. You know where to apply.


Hey Santa, how much for your list of naughty girls?


Hey! It compiles! Ship it!


Hey, you want to go out for pizza and some sex? What, you don’t like pizza?


Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defense.


How come wrong numbers are never busy?


How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you’re on.


I am not single, I’m romantically challenged.


I am willing to make the mistakes if someone else is willing to learn from them.


I can’t complain, but sometimes I still do.


I can’t spell and beer doesn’t help.


I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.


I don’t mind coming to work, but that eight hour wait to go home is a bitch!


I don’t suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.


I doubt, therefore I might be.


I drink to make other people interesting.


I have a strong will but a weak won’t.


I like being single. I’m always there when I need me.


I never think of the future. It comes soon enough.


I prefer old age to the alternative.


I still miss my ex. But my aim is getting better.


I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.


I thought I was wrong once, but it turns out I was mistaken.


I went to a fight and a hockey game broke out.


I’d buy you a drink, but i’d be jealous of the straw.


I’d rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.



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