Category: Best One Liners

Here are some funny sayings, witty one liners and thought provoking oxymorons  that make you think. 
The future isn’t what it used to be.

This man’s work cannot be underrated.

Way down deep he’s shallow.

Before they made him they broke the mold.

Anyone who goes to a psychoanalyst should have his head examined.
—Samuel Goldwyn
 
I feel a lot more like I do now than I did when I came in.
   
UFO’s show than our worst fears were groundless.
 
He’s a unique type.
 
You have one choice.
 
Acupuncture is pointless.
 
It’s 90% too late.

It’s probably a lot worse than it is.
   
The Avant-Garde is Passe.

While these results may seem rather trivial, their importance cannot be underestimated.
 
There’s more to photography that meets the eye.

If you think about it long enough, you’ll see that it’s obvious.
 
Anyone who always tells the truth is a big liar.

The main trouble with impossibility is that it is never total.

If there’s anything I can’t stand, it’s intolerance.
 
I am going to be healthy if it kills me.
 
The only attitude I trust is skepticism.
 
Our lack of cooperation is mutual.

I’d give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
 
Life should have a purpose, however meaningless.
  
If everything goes perfectly, something’s wrong.
 
There’s nothing new in originality.

Down with propaganda!
 
Thinking is the last thing on my mind!
 
I have become more optimistic and now believe that things could get worse.
 
If it involves me, I want nothing to do with it.

I absolutely refuse to be assertive.

A little pain never hurt anyone.

Why should I consider your questions, when you don’t even know the answers?

The last time I took advice, it only worked because I changed it.

How do you expect me to ignore you when you’re never around?

Please – I can only ignore one thing at a time.

At the last technical meeting I attended, so much went on that I was underwhelmed.
This book fills a much-needed gap.

People who like this sort of thing will fmd it just the sort of thing they like.
—Abraham Lincoln
 
I can’t stand people who look down on people who look down on people.

If he were alive today, he’d turn over in his grave.

Our advance is so rapid that we are falling farther and farther behind.

Whenever I look for something, it’s always in the last place I look.

We have worked ourselves into a frenzy of lethargy.

If God intended man to understand the human mind, he wouldn’t have given him one!

If I had known how successful I was going to be, I wouldn’t have worked so hard when I was young!

I gave you an unlimited budget, and you have already exceeded it!

This presents us with an insurmountable opportunity.

I won’t hesitate for a moment to avoid answering!
 
I have something to say, but I don’t know what.

You don’t stand alone. I also stand alone!

I’m an atheist, thank God.

I swear to make no promises I cannot keep.

The time has come to rise above principles.

Include me out!
—Samuel Goldwyn

Page topic: Funny deep thoughts: Funny, clever and witty sayings, oxymorons and thoughts that make you think…

 Here are more funny, stupid, clever and witty one liners from T shirt slogans, bumper stickers, buttons and elsewhere.

I don’t suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.

Some people are alive only because it’s illegal to kill them.

I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

Don’t take life too seriously, you won’t get out alive.

WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.

You’re just jealous because the voices only talk to me.

BEER: It’s not just for breakfast anymore.

I got a gun for my wife, best trade I ever made.

So you’re a feminist…Isn’t that cute!

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

I’m not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.

I’m just driving this way to piss you off.

Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

Keep honking, I’m reloading.

As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.

I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather … not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

God must love stupid people, he made so many.

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

It IS as BAD as you think, and they ARE out to get you.

I took an IQ test and the results were negative.

Always remember you’re unique, just like everyone else.

Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes.
Page topic: Clever and Witty One Liners: More funny, witty, clever, stupid and dumb lines from t shirts, bumper stickers, buttons and elsewhere.

Here are more funny, cute, clever and witty bumper stickers and one liners:

Honk If Anything Falls Off.

 

Cover Me, I’m Changing Lanes.

 

I Refuse To Have A Battle Of Wits With An Unarmed
Person.

 

You! Out Of The Gene Pool – Now!

 

I Do Whatever My R ice Krispies Tell Me To.

 

Fight Crime: Shoot Back!

 

If You Can Read This, Please Flip Me Back Over…
(Seen Upside Down On A Jeep)

 

Stop Lights Timed For 35 mph
Also Are Timed For 70 mph

 

Guys: No Shirt, No Service

Gals: No Shirt, No Charge

 

Body By Nautilus; Brain By Mattel.

 

Boldly Going Nowhere.

 

Caution – Driver Legally Blonde.

 

Heart Attacks: God’s Revenge
For Eating His Animal Friends

 

Horn broken – watch for finger

 

Man who walks thru airport turnstile sideways is going to Bangkok

 

People who say “nothing is impossible” have never tried slamming a revolving door.

Page topic: Funny, witty, cute and clever bumper stickers and one liners