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Here are the top 50 best George Carlin jokes, quotes and one liners from his stand up routine. It wasn’t easy to narrow down the hundreds of great lines from comedian George Carlin, but these are 50 of his funniest, most thought provoking and sometimes controversial lines.
1. Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
2. Swimming is not a sport; swimming is a way to keep from drowning. Thatâ€™s just common sense!
3. A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.
4. Have you ever noticed that their stuff is shit, and your shit is stuff?
5. If the Cincinnati Reds were really the first major league baseball team, who did they play?
6. Honesty may be the best policy, but itâ€™s important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.
7. If itâ€™s true that our species is alone in the universe, then Iâ€™d have to say that the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.
8. Itâ€™s never just a game when youâ€™re winning.
9. The very existence of flamethrowers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, â€œYou know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but Iâ€™m just not close enough to get the job done.
To read the rest, go to: Top 50 George Carlin jokes, quotes, sayings and lines