Some of the Best And Funniest Jokes ever, including Jokes Voted as the Best, Funniest Jokes in the World.This section has some great jokes, including jokes selected by comedians as the funniest jokes ever, and jokes voted on by thousands of people in several different countries as the funniest jokes ever (this was for a scientific research project).
Here are a few jokes from the section:
A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can. Three years later, thereâ€™s a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says â€˜What the hell was that all about?”
I have a large seashell collection, which I keep scattered on beaches all over the world (Steven Wright).
The Funniest Joke in the world, according to a large research project:
A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn’t seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head.
The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?”
The operator, in a calm, soothing voice, says: “Just take it easy. I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.”
There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy’s voice comes back on the line. He says: “Okay, now what?”
The Preacher’s Visit
Sarah hadn’t been to church lately, so her minister thought he’d go pay her a visit and see how the 85 year old church matriarch was doing. He knocked on her door and after a time he heard her spirited voice holler
“Hello, who is it?”
“It’s Reverend Dave”, he answered.
“OH Hi-Come in, Come in, how’s the church doing?” She said.
“Great! The Smith’s had their little baby girl, and Mary and Tom got married- Everything is wonderful. But I just wanted to see how you are doing. We’ve missed you.”
“Well, I haven’t been feeling too well lately. I had quite the root canal last week- they are trying to save the few survivors.”
Just then the phone rang and she excused herself to get it. The minister sat near a table with an old reader’s digest and a bowl of peanuts. After a few minutes passed,he started flipping through the magazine. After anotehr ten minutes or so, he heard his stomach growl and began to get restless,so he started in on the bowl of peanut while he read. After a while,he suddenly realized that he had eaten the whole bowl of peanuts.
Just then Sarah returned and said, “Oh I sure am sorry, that was my sister from Pittsburgh. She only calls once per month so when she does we have to catch up on everything.” The minister, feeling a little embarrassed, said “I must also apologize. While you were gone I got hungry and ate all the peanuts in your little bowl there.
Mrs. Jones replied, “Oh that’s ok. Since the root canal, the best I can do is suck all the chocolate off of ’em!”