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Funny Pickup Lines Comebacks

Funny comebacks to stupid, dumb and funny pickup lines.

Here’s some funny responses to have in mind, just in case some guy tries any “clever”, funny or dumb pick up lines on you.

Top pick up line comebacks:

Man: “Haven’t we met before?”
Woman: “Maybe. I’m the receptionist at the VD Clinic.”

Man: “Haven’t I seen you someplace before?
Woman: “Yeah, that’s why I don’t go there anymore.”

Man: “Is this seat empty?”
Woman: “Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.”

Man: “So, wanna go back to my place ?”
Woman: “Well, I don’t know. Will two people fit under a rock?”

Man: “Your place or mine?”
Woman: “Both. You go to yours and I’ll go to mine.”

Man: “I’d like to call you. What’s your number?”
Woman: “It’s in the phone book.”
Man: “But I don’t know your name.”
Woman: “That’s in the phone book too.”

Man: “So what do you do for a living?”
Woman: “I’m a female impersonator.”

Man: “Hey, baby, what’s your sign?”
Woman: “Do not Enter”

Man: “How do you like your eggs in the morning?”
Woman: “Unfertilized !”

Man: “Hey, come on, we’re both here at this bar for the same reason”
Woman: “Yeah! Let’s pick up some chicks!”

Man: “I know how to please a woman.”
Woman: “Then please leave me alone.”

Man: “I want to give myself to you.”
Woman: “Sorry, I don’t accept cheap gifts.”

Man: “If I could see you naked, I’d die happy:
Woman: “Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I’d probably die laughing”.

Man: “Your body is like a temple.”
Woman: “Sorry, there are no services today.”

Man: “I’d go through anything for you.”
Woman: “Good! Let’s start with your bank account. Then the door.”

Man: “I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: “Yes, but would you stay there?

It’s a good thing I have my library card, because I’m checking you out.
Oh, sorry, I’m reserved for someone else.

This may be the all time most memorable response to a pick up line. From Erin Brockovich, starring Julia Roberts. Remember this scene?

George: Can I get your number?
Erin Brockovich: My number? Which one do you want?
George: How many numbers you got?
Erin Brockovich: Oh, I got numbers comin’ outta my ears. For instance: ten.
George: Ten?
Erin Brockovich: Yeah. That’s how many months old my baby girl is.
George: You got a little girl?
Erin Brockovich: Yeah. Yeah, sexy, huh? How ’bout this for a number? Six. That’s how old my other daughter is, eight is the age of my son, two is how many times I’ve been married – and divorced; sixteen is the number of dollars I have in my bank account. 850-3943. That’s my phone number, and with all the numbers I gave you, I’m guessing zero is the number of times you’re gonna call it!

Page Topic: Funny Pickup Lines Comebacks

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84 Responses to “Funny Pickup Lines Comebacks””

  1. Anonymous Says:
    February 12th, 2008 at 7:55 am

    you stink

  2. Anonymous 2 Says:
    February 21st, 2008 at 6:23 pm

    I agree. U guys need better jokes

  3. Anonymous Says:
    March 6th, 2008 at 3:54 am

    i like the one with the phonebook

  4. Anonymous 3 Says:
    March 6th, 2008 at 4:08 am

    there ok, they cood b a lot betta though but u need more … that r bout different stuff 2…

  5. Anonymous Says:
    March 8th, 2008 at 10:07 pm

    here’s one:
    man: if i could rearrange that alphabet, i’d put U and I togethor.
    woman: really? because i’d put F and U

  6. denise Says:
    March 10th, 2008 at 9:13 am

    all of these rock i love them good on ya

    March 10th, 2008 at 5:52 pm

    ive seen betta, these r crap,
    p.s- hicktown iowa rox!!

  8. Anonymous Says:
    March 11th, 2008 at 5:41 am

    These are alright i guess I’ve seen funnier.

  9. Jenna Mae Says:
    March 17th, 2008 at 5:26 pm

    Boy:hey baby how bout a number or two and i call you
    Girl:ok here is my number…… 2

    Boy: no i ment ur phone number

    Girl: ummm ya i dont think so

  10. chariot Says:
    March 26th, 2008 at 10:05 pm


  11. courtney Says:
    April 4th, 2008 at 9:50 am

    love it.

  12. bo Says:
    April 9th, 2008 at 2:38 pm

    boy-”why don’t you sit down on my lap and we can talk about the first thing that pops up!”

    girl-well that should be a SHORT conversation…

  13. Sydney Says:
    April 27th, 2008 at 7:39 pm

    boy: i think i’ve died and gone to heaven cause i’m lookin’ at an angel!
    girl: really? i wished i could have died and gone to hell the moment you walked in!

    girl: hey cutie, want to hang out?
    boy: i.. uh… i’m gay *COUGHCOUGH*

  14. Siobhan Says:
    May 2nd, 2008 at 1:04 am


    Guy: guess what I…..
    Girl: *cuts him off* Sorry you must have me confused with somebody who cares

  15. Sean Says:
    May 22nd, 2008 at 7:30 pm

    man, did you guyz fart cuz ur blowin me away! lol

  16. bob Says:
    May 23rd, 2008 at 4:25 pm

    this is the funniest website ever

  17. Anonymous Says:
    June 5th, 2008 at 11:35 am


  18. OMG Says:
    June 16th, 2008 at 5:05 pm

    kinda lame there could have been better but theyre ok

  19. natasha Says:
    July 22nd, 2008 at 5:09 pm

    Do you know any funny comeback to ever annoying ‘You are so beautiful’?

  20. Ruby Rabbit Says:
    August 22nd, 2008 at 8:31 am

    These were great. I like them

  21. albbb;] Says:
    September 21st, 2008 at 1:54 pm

    you can kinda tell that a girl made these.
    because their all making guys look stupid.
    yeah, i am a girl, but jeez, you could have at least evened it out.:)
    bite on them apples;]

  22. jj lyfe Says:
    October 10th, 2008 at 6:36 pm

    man yo momma so ugly the mirror broke be4 she got there

  23. chica honey Says:
    October 10th, 2008 at 9:12 pm

    cute.. but kinda lame

  24. sydney Says:
    October 11th, 2008 at 7:22 am

    Male:do you got a 5 dollars cos i have a foot long
    female:that is so not worth 5 dollars

    male:do you work for AT&T cos your raising my bars
    female:sorry out of service today

  25. william Says:
    October 15th, 2008 at 2:26 pm

    there is no i in team but there is a me

  26. sexyyass Says:
    November 4th, 2008 at 9:42 am

    ok girls, this ones for you, a guy asks you to dance, dance with him. Then if hes a sleezball, and he asks you or hints you that he wants to bang, say no, nd then say “i only danced wit you to see if pigs could talk”

  27. sexybaby Says:
    November 11th, 2008 at 12:08 pm

    wow… these are great… some of these have been stupid pickup lines that have beenused on me… lol love the phonebook one…

  28. chontelle Says:
    November 20th, 2008 at 3:45 am

    hi your jokes rock!!!

  29. Anonymous Says:
    December 10th, 2008 at 4:30 pm

    hey these r hilarious!!

  30. Anonymous Says:
    December 10th, 2008 at 8:01 pm

    guy: hey do you wanna dance?

    girl: no

    guy: come on, lower your standards a bit, i did.

  31. Edward_cullen_lover Says:
    January 20th, 2009 at 4:58 pm

    HAHA i guess theres funnier but some of these r hilarious.

  32. Anonymous Says:
    January 25th, 2009 at 3:56 pm

    These Totally Cracked me Up!

  33. Anonymous Says:
    April 7th, 2009 at 10:51 pm

    umm….that stinked. get some better jokes…

  34. Anonymous Says:
    April 13th, 2009 at 4:16 pm

    i love you

  35. Денис Милюков Says:
    May 20th, 2009 at 9:57 pm

    Что-то мне кажется, на вашем сайте развелось слишком много так называемых говн*комментатров, которым лишь бы ляпнуть чего-нибудь:)

  36. Ashleyy Says:
    June 1st, 2009 at 8:59 pm

    Man: Were have you been my hole life?
    Woman: Hiding from you.

  37. valerie Says:
    June 8th, 2009 at 4:36 pm

    they were ok!! i think the coments were better!!

  38. Tahliaa xx Says:
    July 6th, 2009 at 11:22 am

    No affence but ther crapp. Noooo wayy would i ever sayy anyy of these as a comeback – ther really really bad. And i havee seen these sum where else so yhuu aint even made um up – yhuu copied um! anywayy i bett yhuur a nice person soo dontt take anyy of thiss personalyyy coz i dont mean 2 affend, but takke me advice and dontt ever sayy any of thesse in publicc – EVER xx

  39. Alize Says:
    July 18th, 2009 at 12:30 pm

    well these are kinda boring……butt hey dont get me wrong sum are kinda funny for example.

    boy:”is this seat empty?”

    girl:Yes. and this one will be too if u sit down.

    see that wasn’t so bad but you guys need to put a lil more effort into your work cuz thats just embarrisng…..love you always

  40. Alize Says:
    July 18th, 2009 at 12:33 pm

    well these are kinda boring……butt hey don’t get me wrong sum are kinda funny for example.

    boy:”is this seat empty?”

    girl:Yes. and this one will be too if u sit down.

    see that wasn’t so bad but you guys need to put a little more effort into your work because that’s just emberrising…..love you always

  41. hey hey hey Says:
    July 25th, 2009 at 9:30 am

    these cracked me up u need some more to keep me laughin but keep it up cus it was funny

  42. Anna Says:
    September 30th, 2009 at 10:22 pm

    Are you a ninja? Cause your ass is kickin’!

  43. Nicola Says:
    November 25th, 2009 at 11:24 am

    yo mommas so dumb, she went to the dentist t get her bluetooth fixed !!!

  44. annonomous Says:
    November 28th, 2009 at 5:15 pm

    Guy: you wanna dance?
    Girl: no
    Guy: i’m sorry i think you missunderstood me, i said you look fat in those pants

  45. Anonymous Says:
    December 1st, 2009 at 9:41 pm

    these jokes suck

  46. anonymous Says:
    December 10th, 2009 at 9:55 am

    what’s wrong with you people?! these jokes are hilarious! its so irritating when a guy thats really into himself hits on you and you just wanna be left alone. these are like the bug spray to keep the pests away. loved em.

  47. CHEEZBURGA Says:
    December 28th, 2009 at 1:21 am


    Some were a bit confusing, but the rest of them rocked!!!

    I SOOO LOLLED!!! ;)

  48. imissmybaby:]] Says:
    January 15th, 2010 at 9:19 pm

    Just out of curiosity — are your parents siblings? hah.! i love you guys<33

  49. Minisoat'n Says:
    April 4th, 2010 at 10:52 am

    Hey, you guys would be a lot better if you guys had more jokes and comebacks lines…you should have something where you let readers contribute pick-up lines.

  50. i luv tacos Says:
    April 16th, 2010 at 7:32 pm

    those are good but im not OLD those are for old people durr

  51. Anonymous Says:
    April 21st, 2010 at 7:29 pm

    Guy: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I’d put “u” and “i” together.

    Girl: Really? If I could rearrange the alphabet, I’d put “f” and “u” together.

  52. lulalita Says:
    April 22nd, 2010 at 6:07 pm

    heres another one

    Boy “what are you looking at?”
    Girl “not much really!”

  53. Anonymous Says:
    April 29th, 2010 at 5:29 pm

    Man: You are so beautiful
    Woman: I know… You can leave now.

  54. buggy4evr16 Says:
    May 2nd, 2010 at 10:01 am

    guy: you wanna dance
    guy:hey i was wondering why you wear a bra since you have nothin 2 fill it
    girl:well you wear pants, dont you?

  55. Anonymous Says:
    June 5th, 2010 at 7:41 pm

    Boy: Why dont you come over to my place?
    Girl: Sorry im allergic to monkeys.
    Boy: What do you mean?
    Girl: I cant go to the zoo.

  56. Robert Says:
    September 11th, 2010 at 12:58 pm

    I think these are sexest against guys but the have every right to be cause a lot of guys are pigs I’m a pig but still

  57. Anonymous Says:
    September 25th, 2010 at 9:20 pm

    Guy: Are you from Tennessee? ‘Cause you’re the only ten I see!
    Girl: No, i’m from Arizona, so get out of my zone-a.

  58. A_M_A_Z_I_N_G Says:
    October 25th, 2010 at 1:45 pm

    These jokes are okay…..needs some more creativity

  59. kourtney Says:
    October 29th, 2010 at 4:30 pm

    these comebacks are funny ilike them
    u so ugly they used your face for halloween

    u so dumb u eat red crayons cause you think they taste like cherry
    your teeth so yellow they look like you eat yellow crayons

  60. Poop&PeePee Says:
    November 6th, 2010 at 7:34 pm

    i liked them they are awesome

  61. ..... Says:
    November 7th, 2010 at 7:08 pm

    so these are the best you got? oh well, another disappointment in life

  62. :) Says:
    November 9th, 2010 at 5:14 pm

    *you don’t wash your hands in the bathroom*

    Person: Didn’t your mother teach you to wash your hands after you pee?

    You: She also taught me not to get pee on them.

  63. billy bob Says:
    November 24th, 2010 at 8:42 pm

    i think your jokes are ok some are from other sites and you need to think of more funny and interesting jokes and sesible ones for kids to read NO dirty ones!

  64. CockRock Says:
    December 3rd, 2010 at 11:14 am

    Wow i lovvvvvvvvvvvveeeeee thessssseee. I used one of these to meet my now husband. i cannot thank you all enough. now i get pleased everynight

  65. gh,j Says:
    December 8th, 2010 at 3:57 pm



  66. ballar101 Says:
    December 12th, 2010 at 12:26 pm

    BOY:if i could rearrange the alphabet i would put u and i together.

    GIRL:thats ok i like the alphabet the way it is with n and o put together.

  67. Brianna Says:
    January 1st, 2011 at 11:09 pm

    these jokes are soooooooo funny, if people dont like them they dont have to read all of them just get off the freakin website huh now how bout that???????

  68. Brianna Says:
    January 2nd, 2011 at 3:45 am

    these are hilarious if people dont like them dont waste your time commenting just get off the freakin website

  69. Anonymous Says:
    January 6th, 2011 at 9:05 pm

    heres onee
    mAN: Where have u’ve been all my life?
    Woman: Hiding from you

  70. Emily Shoemaker Says:
    January 20th, 2011 at 12:03 pm

    Guy: There’s something wrong with my phone.
    Girl: What?
    Guy: Your number’s not in it.

  71. jake Says:
    February 5th, 2011 at 3:21 pm

    yo momas so fat, she has to iron her pants on the driveway

  72. Lola Says:
    February 10th, 2011 at 5:25 pm

    I like the one about the “Never going back to the place where we sorta met”!!! lol

  73. hiya Says:
    February 22nd, 2011 at 9:59 pm

    roses are red, violets are blue, god made me pretty, wat the hell happened 2 you ?!

  74. Anonymous Says:
    February 23rd, 2011 at 7:12 pm

    i have nothing 2 say besides no way in a million years would i use any of these sorry but its true they may be funny….

  75. justpassnby Says:
    February 24th, 2011 at 7:44 pm

    loved the one about the guy askN the girl to dance and she says no….guys says im sorry you must have misunderstD me..i SIAD..you look fat in them paints….ahhahahhahaahahahahah

  76. morganoe Says:
    March 2nd, 2011 at 8:22 pm

    ok i’ve seen these a thousand times. how about this one:

    guy: how about me and you go in the bathroom and have some fun? ;)
    girl: hmmm you know what? sure, i guess i can spare two minutes.

  77. Anonymous Says:
    March 3rd, 2011 at 2:02 pm

    Yeahhh…. ummm… if i used these i think i’d just look idiotic.

  78. Anonymous Says:
    March 12th, 2011 at 3:12 pm

    The comments are funnier.

    Boy: Can i borrow a pen?
    Girl: sure

    *gives him a pen*

    Boy: This pen doesnt work
    Girl: Yeah it does
    Boy: No it doesnt. Go ahead and try it. *takes out a piece of paper* Now just write you number right there.

  79. Anonymous Says:
    April 1st, 2011 at 12:28 pm

    these a hilarios

  80. ALEESHAA Says:
    July 5th, 2011 at 2:14 pm


  81. anon Says:
    July 6th, 2011 at 3:47 pm

    ur jokes are bad, get better ones or

  82. Lola x3 Says:
    July 7th, 2011 at 9:25 am

    I love dancers…may I love u?

  83. sierra Says:
    July 27th, 2011 at 5:48 pm

    guy:can i have your number?
    girl: yea here.
    *guy takes his phone out*
    1800 – g e t – l o s t

  84. sierra Says:
    July 27th, 2011 at 5:51 pm

    guy: did it hurt?
    girl: what?
    guy: when u fell from heaven?
    girl: no. i hurts me to talk to you tho.

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