When Life Gives You Lemons...  |  Cute Kittens

<< Top 10 Puns of All Time  |  

Best (& Worst) Funny Puns of all time

Top 10 Puns of all time

The butcher backed up into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.

What’s the definition of a will? (It’s a dead giveaway).

She used to have a boyfriend with a wooden leg, but she broke it off.

Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I’ll show you A-flat minor.

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

Seven days without a pun makes one weak.

When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair she thought she’d dye.

A scientist doing a large experiment with liquid chemicals was trying to solve a problem when he fell in and became part of the solution.

If you leave alphabet soup on the stove and go out, it could spell disaster.
When they bought a water bed, the couple started to drift apart.

A three legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and announces: “I’m looking for the man who shot my paw.”

A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was a nurse said ‘No change yet’.

Did you hear about the guy who sent ten puns to friends, in the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

To write with a broken pencil is pointless.

Police were called to a daycare where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.

What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing – but it let out a little whine.

A criminal’s best asset is his lie ability.

Be true to your teeth, or they will be false to you.

If you give some managers an inch they think they’re a ruler.

She was only a whisky maker but he loved her still.

The optician fell into the lens grinding machine and made a spectacle of himself.

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

Gravity is studied a lot because it’s a very attractive field.

Old lawyers never die they just lose their appeal.

Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.

When women enter middle age, it gives men a pause.

Prison walls are never built to scale.

The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.

If you don’t pay your exorcist you get repossessed.

There was a guy who was fired from the orange juice factory for
lack of concentration.

We were so poor when I was growing up we couldn’t even afford to pay attention.

I used to be a tap dancer until I fell in the sink.

When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U C L A.

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

The poet had written better poems, but he’d also written verse.

Santa’s helpers are subordinate clauses.

There was a ghost at the hotel, so they called for an inn spectre.

Ancient orators tended to Babylon.

The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

You didn’t hear about the three big holes in the ground? Well, well, well.

A backwards poet writes inverse.

It was raining cats and dogs. There were poodles all over the road.

When chemists die, we barium.

You feel stuck with your debt if you can’t budge it.

Page Topic: Funny Puns

<< Top 10 Puns of All Time  |  


18 Responses to “Best (& Worst) Funny Puns of all time””

  1. Avman Says:
    March 7th, 2008 at 6:01 am

    great ones

  2. Anonymous Says:
    June 12th, 2008 at 1:30 pm

    i can’t wait to see the best ones. the worst ones arent really too bad

  3. beast Says:
    November 13th, 2008 at 7:26 pm


  4. beast inda club Says:
    November 13th, 2008 at 7:28 pm

    they dont make me feel warm and fuzzy on the inside

    January 23rd, 2009 at 9:12 pm

    awwwww my god, i am like honestly obsessed with puns!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!iloveeiloveemmiloveemiloveemiloveemiloveemiloveem i have ADHD two! what does adhd mean caus like i forgot and if u know just hit me up cause i need some help or somethin! idk but i sure do love me some puns!

  6. Missfoxy Says:
    January 13th, 2010 at 9:15 pm

    Wow you are ADHD boy,you need to chill it on out take some
    meds man. Do you see a phyciatrist??

  7. Fred Says:
    January 31st, 2010 at 8:41 pm

    These puns are terrible and you should feel bad for posting them.

  8. Anonymous Says:
    January 31st, 2010 at 8:43 pm

    These are terrible puns are you should feel bad for making them. Try good one like sand-witch. HA HA HA.

  9. lillz Says:
    February 27th, 2010 at 7:57 am

    There was a guy who was fired from the orange juice factory for
    lack of concentration.
    We were so poor when I was growing up we couldn’t even afford to pay attention.
    are pretty old but FUNNY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    the gravity one, fruit flies like bananas, actress one and criminal was myt favourites!!

  10. no name Says:
    April 19th, 2010 at 9:19 pm

    AWSOME PUNS!!!!! :)

  11. *facepalm* Says:
    May 25th, 2010 at 4:13 am

    i hate puns. i hate these puns a lot. this obviously makes them good

  12. bigbry Says:
    September 29th, 2010 at 1:29 am

    These are great.

  13. JUSTIN Says:
    October 7th, 2010 at 9:34 am


  14. John G. Says:
    December 9th, 2010 at 3:55 pm

    I worked as a commercial fisherman, until I realized I couldn’t survive off my net income !!

  15. bloxansox Says:
    December 21st, 2010 at 12:04 am

    wow these are punny

  16. Redwine Says:
    March 8th, 2011 at 4:06 am

    Davy Crockett had 3 ears. A left ear, a right ear and a wild frontier.

  17. Raza Says:
    March 23rd, 2011 at 8:33 am

    Nice ones…some extra-ordinarily brilliant

  18. Izzy Says:
    April 5th, 2011 at 9:19 am


COMMENT (Not all comments are approved, including rude comments and those with strong language).

Section: Best Funny Puns

<< Top 10 Puns of All Time  |  

Click for privacy policy

All content is © InnocentEnglish.com: Funny Jokes, Signs, Pics, Bloopers, English mistakes and More, 2005-2011, or is in the public domain, or is © by the respective copyright holders. Please contact for prompt removal of any inadvertent © content, with apologies.

privacy policy