Tag: greatest puns

Top 10 Puns of all time

The butcher backed up into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.

What’s the definition of a will? (It’s a dead giveaway).

She used to have a boyfriend with a wooden leg, but she broke it off.

Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I’ll show you A-flat minor.

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

Seven days without a pun makes one weak.

When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair she thought she’d dye.

A scientist doing a large experiment with liquid chemicals was trying to solve a problem when he fell in and became part of the solution.

If you leave alphabet soup on the stove and go out, it could spell disaster.
When they bought a water bed, the couple started to drift apart.

A three legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and announces: “I’m looking for the man who shot my paw.”

A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was a nurse said ‘No change yet’.

Did you hear about the guy who sent ten puns to friends, in the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

To write with a broken pencil is pointless.

Police were called to a daycare where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.

What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing – but it let out a little whine.

A criminal’s best asset is his lie ability.

Be true to your teeth, or they will be false to you.

If you give some managers an inch they think they’re a ruler.

She was only a whisky maker but he loved her still.

The optician fell into the lens grinding machine and made a spectacle of himself.

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

Gravity is studied a lot because it’s a very attractive field.

Old lawyers never die they just lose their appeal.

Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.

When women enter middle age, it gives men a pause.

Prison walls are never built to scale.

The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.

If you don’t pay your exorcist you get repossessed.

There was a guy who was fired from the orange juice factory for
lack of concentration.

We were so poor when I was growing up we couldn’t even afford to pay attention.

I used to be a tap dancer until I fell in the sink.

When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U C L A.

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

The poet had written better poems, but he’d also written verse.

Santa’s helpers are subordinate clauses.

There was a ghost at the hotel, so they called for an inn spectre.

Ancient orators tended to Babylon.

The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

You didn’t hear about the three big holes in the ground? Well, well, well.

A backwards poet writes inverse.

It was raining cats and dogs. There were poodles all over the road.

When chemists die, we barium.

You feel stuck with your debt if you can’t budge it.

 

 

Page Topic: Funny Puns