When Life Gives You Lemons...  |  Cute Kittens

<< Funny Graffiti  |   Funny Epitaphs and Tombstones from old cemeteries >>

Funny Southern Expressions, Sayings Phrases and Colloquialisms


These are actual expressions, primarily from the Southern United States. Many of these colloquialisms are fading away, as they aren’t often continued by younger generations. But many of us have fond memories of hearing many of these funny sayings and expressions back when we were knee high to a bull frog. My grandmother used many of these old expressions even back when I was over the hill picking watermelons (before I was born).

I got a good laugh out of some of these. I hope you do to. Feel free to send in any favorites I missed.

Well that just dills my pickle!

That’s about as useful as a trap door on a canoe!

You look about as happy as a tick on a fat dog.

I’m finer than frog hair split four ways.

If you don’t stop I’ll knock you in the head and tell God you died.He couldn’t carry a tune in a bucket.

He’s busier than a one-legged man at a butt kickin contest!

She was so tall if she fell down she would be halfway home.

He thinks the sun comes up just to hear him crow.

Don’t you piss on my leg and tell me it’s rainin’!

He was as mad as a mule chewing on bumblebees!

You’re lyin’ like a no-legged dog!

Excuses are like backsides. Everybody’s got one and they all stink.

That was faster than green grass through a goose.

She could make a preacher cuss!

Hell, she could even depress the devil.

You could start an argument in an empty house.

That coffee’s strong enough to float an iron wedge.

You look as happy as a dead pig in the sunshine.

He’d gripe with a ham under each arm.

Why are you smilin’ like a goat in a briarpatch?

Our preacher’s as full of wind as a corn-eating horse.

Each one of his sermons is better than the next!

He’s so windy he could blow up an onion sack.

He’s so useless if he had a third hand he would need another pocket to put it in!

She needs some fries to go with that shake.

That boy’s more slippery than snot on a glass doorknob.

Why don’t you just take a long walk off a short pier.

They’re off like a herd of turtles.

She’s resting in peace in the marble orchard.

Well, don’t you look prettier than a glob of butter melting on a stack of wheat cakes!

He’s about as handy as a back pocket on a shirt.

She’s so clumsy she could trip over a cordless phone!
(yeah, my great, great grandfather used to say that one when he was a boy).

He’s about as useful as a pogo stick in quicksand.

If brains were leather, he wouldn’t have enough to saddle a junebug.

Well, if that don’t put pepper in the gumbo!

Well, slap my head and call me silly!

Well tie me to a pig and role me in the mud!

Well tie me to an anthill and fill my ears with jam!

He’s not particularly intelligent:

The engine’s runnin’ but nobody’s driving.

If his brains were dynamite, he couldn’t blow his nose

He’s so dumb, he could throw himself on the ground and miss.

He’s so dumb he couldn’t piss his name in the snow.

He’s a little strange…

That boy’s two bricks shy of a full load.

I think that boy’s about two sandwiches shy of a picnic.

I think he’s one fry short of a Happy Meal.

He’s acting crazier than a sprayed roach!

He’s so rich, he buys a new boat each time one gets wet.

You’ve got champagne taste with a beer pocketbook.

He’s tighter than a flea’s ass over a rain barrel.

He squeezes a quarter so tight the eagle screams.

He doesn’t have a pot to pee in or a window to throw it out.

It’s drier than happy hour at the Betty Ford clinic!

It’s cold enough to freeze the balls off a pool table!

It’s so dry the trees are bribing the dogs.

It’s hotter than two rabbits making babies in a sock!

He’s not particularly handsome….

He’s uglier than the east end of a horse headed west

He looks like something the dog’s been keepin’ him under the porch.

He is so ugly that my mother had to tie pork chops to his ears so the dog would play with him.”

She’s so ugly I’d hire her to haunt a house!

If I had a dog as ugly as him, I’d shave his butt and make him walk backwards.

“Living in sin”:

I heard they ate supper before they said grace!

 

 

Page Topic: Funny Southern Expressions, Sayings Phrases and Colloquialisms

 

 

<< Funny Graffiti  |   Funny Epitaphs and Tombstones from old cemeteries >>

Comments

535 Responses to “Funny Southern Expressions, Sayings Phrases and Colloquialisms””

  1. Ashley Says:
    January 24th, 2008 at 4:01 pm

    My Ma(a Brooklyn girl turned Southern Baptist) picked this up in Tennessee;

    ‘He’s about as useful as tits on a bull!’

  2. TK Says:
    February 5th, 2008 at 1:41 pm

    Growing up in the Deep South, I’ve heard many a funny saying. I thought you might enjoy this one.
    My family always used to say it about some of the guys my cousins dragged in…lol. ” That boy looks like he’s been whooped with an ugly stick” or the alternate version ” He looks like he’s been whooped with an ugly stick…ugly stick, hell, he fell out of an ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down.”

  3. Ruck Says:
    February 6th, 2008 at 7:34 pm

    He was raised so far down a dirt road he thanks ASPHALT is someting wrong with your BUTT

  4. Ruck Says:
    February 6th, 2008 at 7:35 pm

    He is busier than a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs.

  5. Ruck Says:
    February 6th, 2008 at 7:36 pm

    He is smiling like a mule eating briars !

  6. Ruck Says:
    February 6th, 2008 at 7:39 pm

    Cold as a well diggers butt in Maine !

  7. Ruck Says:
    February 6th, 2008 at 7:40 pm

    That politician is so crooked he can hide behind a cork screw !

  8. Ruck Says:
    February 6th, 2008 at 7:42 pm

    She is so skinney if she stuck her tongue out she would look like a zipper.

  9. Ruck Says:
    February 6th, 2008 at 7:43 pm

    He is so skinney if he drank tomato juice, he would look like a thermometer !

  10. Ruck Says:
    February 6th, 2008 at 7:46 pm

    His family tree ain’t got no branches on it.

  11. Ruck Says:
    February 6th, 2008 at 7:47 pm

    His family tree looks like a telephone pole !

  12. Ruck Says:
    February 6th, 2008 at 7:48 pm

    She is so ugley she would stop a MACK truck at 100 yards.

  13. Ruck Says:
    February 6th, 2008 at 7:51 pm

    The baby was so ugley that the Doctor spanked the Moma !

  14. Ruck Says:
    February 6th, 2008 at 7:55 pm

    When she walked away, it looked like to Puppies fighting in a Burlap bag.

  15. Ruck Says:
    February 19th, 2008 at 11:50 pm

    Change number 14 , It is TWO puppies not to puppies. Ruck

  16. The_Ranger Says:
    February 20th, 2008 at 10:08 am

    “Y’all’re like talkin’ to a rock.”

  17. Cory Says:
    February 20th, 2008 at 9:40 pm

    To an unattractive girl; “She’s got ten foot pole marks all over her”

    If its hot; “It’s hotter than two rats humpin’ in a wool sock”

    If he is dumb; “He’s dumber than a bag of hammers”

  18. Gary Stewart Says:
    March 11th, 2008 at 6:02 am

    She is so ugly she would make a buzzard back off from a bucket of guts.

    She would make a freight train take a dirt road.

    His teeth are so buck he could eat corn thru a picket fence.

    I am going to beat you like a red headed step child.

  19. Howie Luvzus Says:
    March 11th, 2008 at 1:04 pm

    She’s so ugly her feet wouldn’t go to bed with her!

  20. Ruck Says:
    March 12th, 2008 at 10:16 pm

    Teeth so bucked she could eat corn out of a coke bottle !

  21. Ruck Says:
    March 13th, 2008 at 5:47 am

    She was such an ugly baby her Mama had to tie a bone around her neck to get the dog to play with her.

  22. Nathalia Says:
    March 13th, 2008 at 5:22 pm

    Ok Here are a couple I picked up in GA

    “That dawg won’t hunt” – It’s not going to work
    “Short like a gnats tail”
    “Busted two sets of knee caps” – Walked too much
    “Ding Dang if That Ain’t!” – Isn’t it so
    “I’ll be darned….”

  23. P.M.BRIER third Says:
    March 19th, 2008 at 12:05 pm

    The first say’in my dad, from New Orleans, ever taught me was; “Don’t insult the alligator before you cross the stream” (he was taught and added his own;” and not at all, if you go home that way!”

  24. Anonymous Says:
    March 19th, 2008 at 1:58 pm

    Yall/ You’re slower than maple syrup on a cold Winter’s mornin’

  25. Nicole Says:
    March 26th, 2008 at 1:26 pm

    He’s a good ol’dog, but sometimes he sh*ts to close to the porch.

    Poor Mouth or Poor Mouthin (someone who pitty parties too much)

    Dumber than a box of rocks

    Meaner than a skunk

    “Rattlin” (talk to much)

    In her skin…ie…Where is she? “In her skin when she jumps out you can jump in”

  26. Kevin Says:
    April 4th, 2008 at 8:07 pm

    Here’s one my Grandpa used to use “Sounds like a cow pissing on a flat rock” for when it’s really raining hard

  27. Darlene Says:
    April 5th, 2008 at 11:46 am

    “He ain’t got no dawg in that fight.” Meaning it’s none of his business.

  28. Marti Says:
    April 8th, 2008 at 11:12 pm

    I’m serious as a haert attack!
    Yer Lyin and yer feet don’t match!

  29. Cinni Says:
    April 15th, 2008 at 6:49 am

    He’s so skinney..looks like he swaped legs with a wasp and got cheated out of the stinger!

    Scarce as hens teeth

    What is that?….It’s a lay over to catch meddlers

    If wishes were horses…beggars would ride

    What goes over the back comes back under the belly

    He’s windy as a fartin’ coon!

    He’s loose as a goose s*#&in’ by moonlite
    Useless as tits on a boar showe

  30. Cinni Says:
    April 15th, 2008 at 6:56 am

    Well honey..looks like you came to a goat’s house for wool!(wanting something someone doesn’t have)

    Looks like socks on a rooster! (frilly socks on skinny legs)

    Want in one had…spit in the other…see which fills up first

    Gone to hell in a handbasket

  31. youric Says:
    April 20th, 2008 at 9:45 am

    Ain’t nothing open after midnight, but legs.

  32. Randall Says:
    April 21st, 2008 at 5:28 pm

    If you walk in the pasture’s long enough, your bound to step in shit. (hanging with the wrong crowd)

  33. Tad Says:
    April 23rd, 2008 at 8:12 am

    That’s so good tastin’ it’ll make your tongue slap your brains out!!!

  34. Stephanie(Toledo) Says:
    April 24th, 2008 at 7:51 am

    have an understandin and make sure its understood. old men/women will give you worms. someone too old or too young for you will shame you. you play with a puppy he will lick yo face. Don’t buy no man no shoes cause he’ll kick you in your behind and walk out on you with them. God don’t need no help. misery loves company. you mad? scratch your a** and get glad.if you lay down with dogs you’ll will get up with fleas. theres no fool like an old fool.

  35. Ruck Says:
    May 1st, 2008 at 12:32 am

    I am busier than a set of jumper cables at Redneck picnic !

  36. kenny Says:
    May 1st, 2008 at 11:07 am

    busier than a three peckered billygoat at a sheep breeding contest.

  37. Ruck Says:
    May 1st, 2008 at 6:51 pm

    She is too old. I like a gal where her skin fits a little better.

  38. Ruck Says:
    May 1st, 2008 at 6:54 pm

    Are her legs that skinny or is she riding a “Chicken”

  39. Tonya Says:
    May 14th, 2008 at 5:01 pm

    He’s the spittin’ image of his daddy!
    This actually came from a phrase used in the civil war era that was badly mangled by the slaves blending their native speach patterns with english spoken Southern style. The correct phrasing is, “He’s the spirit and image of his father”.

  40. Tonya Says:
    May 14th, 2008 at 5:10 pm

    I’magoodamy to do it.
    The original phrasing is, “I’m of a good mind” to do it.

  41. Myrsal Says:
    May 27th, 2008 at 2:47 pm

    your makin a mountain out of an ant hill

  42. Ruck Says:
    May 31st, 2008 at 12:08 am

    My Daddy use to tell me. “Son, ain’t nobody out at that time a night but burglers and bad women”/

  43. Ruck Says:
    May 31st, 2008 at 12:12 am

    If brains were cotton, she wouldn’t have enough to make a Kotex for a flea !

  44. nk Says:
    June 2nd, 2008 at 6:28 pm

    1. he could tear up a steel ball.
    2. ill knock you into next week
    3. we are on the dance floor but cant see the microphone
    4. she’ll bite your head off
    5. your meaner that a rattle snake
    6. you better shut up or ill knock the shit out of you

  45. SIKNIK Says:
    June 11th, 2008 at 6:18 am

    as a biker;

    He’s about as usefull as an ashtray on a motorbike!

  46. SIKNIK Says:
    June 11th, 2008 at 6:20 am

    not quite so fitting but im sure this pages audience will apprieciate ne way;

    Remember you are unique, just like everbody else!

  47. Ruck Says:
    June 11th, 2008 at 7:07 am

    You are rude, crude, grossly unattractive, your feet stink, your Mother makes your clothes and you don’t love your Jesus. ( Big loser )

  48. Ruck Says:
    June 11th, 2008 at 7:11 am

    He lives so far back in the country, he thinks a VOLVO is a woman’s body part.

  49. Thehuge83 Says:
    June 18th, 2008 at 2:45 am

    You’re about as useful as a rubber crutch

  50. Randall Says:
    June 20th, 2008 at 10:50 am

    They call him “blister” because he does’nt show up until the work is finished. (LAZY)

  51. Randall Says:
    June 20th, 2008 at 10:52 am

    You are so lazy, if you had a 3rd hand, you would need a pocket to put it in.

  52. kyle Says:
    June 22nd, 2008 at 4:53 pm

    he was madder than fire

  53. kyle Says:
    June 22nd, 2008 at 4:57 pm

    heres one my boss used to alwasy say “youins”. its used the same way yall would be but you say it like you + ins all smashed together.

  54. Andrew Says:
    June 27th, 2008 at 3:58 pm

    I’m sweatin’ like a dog shittin’ peach seeds!

  55. belanger Says:
    June 28th, 2008 at 7:58 pm

    my grandfather used to often say “You’re drivin me up the wall” i always got a mental picture and thought it was hilarious.

  56. Frenchy, TN Says:
    July 17th, 2008 at 8:59 am

    Well, I’ve been living in Tennessee for four years, and I’ve heard all king of good expressions:
    - We’re off like a herd of turtle on peanut butter!
    - He could fall in a barrel of sh*t and come out smelling like a rose
    - Give me some sugar.
    - I’m freezing my tail off
    - Like a ‘coon in the wood
    - It is so good, it makes you want to slap your momma!

    I’ve heard many more from my dixie wife and her southern family, but I reckon I can’t recall ‘em all.

  57. Mary Says:
    July 18th, 2008 at 2:09 pm

    When a guy looked hungover, somewhat weary or on drugs, my mom would say “His eyes looked like two piss-holes in a snowbank.”

  58. christy Says:
    July 23rd, 2008 at 7:29 pm

    KINCK NACK PADDY WACK

    IM gonna throw u in the paddy wagon little mister

  59. IAMKRISTIEDAMMIT Says:
    August 1st, 2008 at 9:08 am

    When someone looks sick or worn out:
    You look like you’ve been rode hard and put away wet.
    The reference is a horse — nothing dirty.

  60. Scott Says:
    August 1st, 2008 at 2:27 pm

    Crazier than a run over dog.

  61. Kiki Says:
    August 18th, 2008 at 6:41 pm

    “You look like a cat having Diareah on a busy dirt road!”

  62. Adrienne Says:
    August 19th, 2008 at 7:43 am

    Tighter than a frog’s ass.

    Knee-high to a grasshopper.

    A fruitloop shy of a whole bowl.

    Two eggs short of a breakfast.

  63. Slicer Says:
    August 19th, 2008 at 1:21 pm

    Regarding two people that hate each other:

    They’re like two cheeks on an ass, the only thing they have in common is a fart.

  64. ronnie Says:
    August 19th, 2008 at 10:33 pm

    you couldnt catch a catfish in a coffee cup

  65. Nanney Says:
    August 20th, 2008 at 9:31 pm

    Smilin’ like a possum eatin’ grapes
    Greener than goose sh*t
    Gotta piss like a pregnant camel

  66. LF Says:
    August 21st, 2008 at 11:47 am

    Well ah.. Suwannee!

  67. Allie Says:
    September 10th, 2008 at 10:45 am

    Hot enough to fry an egg.
    There’s more n’ one way ta skin a cat.
    You best mind me.
    Ima skin you alive.
    Well butter my but and call me a biscuit.
    Quit bein’ ugly.
    Slower than molasses in January.
    I’m so angry I could spit(nails).
    Madder than a wet hornet.
    Mind your P’s and Q’s.
    God gave you two ears and one mouth for a reason.
    Keep it up and you’re gonna get a switchin.
    Most of these are attributed to my great-grandmother, and the others to my grandmother, my hero.

  68. saintchuck Says:
    September 16th, 2008 at 10:59 am

    I’m in need of colorful Southern expressions that mean something like “I’m gonna put all my cards on the table,” and “Faster than… (whatever, such as,
    “Faster than a hound’ll suck an egg!”)

    Thanks!

  69. Tx Says:
    September 21st, 2008 at 8:45 am

    Well spit in the fire and call the dogs.

  70. Jenny in Kentucky Says:
    September 24th, 2008 at 10:07 pm

    “It’s hotter than an hootenanny.” – (A hootenanny is a barn dance.)

    “It’s hotter than a bitch in heat.”
    “It’s colder than a witch’s tit.”
    “It’s like trying to put a dress on a worm.” (meaning something is difficult to do)
    “Shit or get off the pot.” (Hurry up and do something or forget about it.)
    “He looks like his face caught fire and someone put it out with a pitchfork.” (he’s ugly)
    “Gayer than a two dollar bill.”

  71. Jenny in Kentucky Says:
    September 24th, 2008 at 10:12 pm

    “Nobody here but us chickens.” (we’re all alone)

    “We hoofed it.” (We were moving fast/hurrying.)

    “I’m touching cotton.” (I’ve got to use the bathroom really badly.)

    “Have to piss like a Russian race horse.” (have to pee really badly.)

  72. CUMMINGS IN TN Says:
    October 17th, 2008 at 12:47 am

    Old saying when your getting in trouble “I am gonna skin your neck and run your leg through it !’

  73. Ruck Says:
    October 19th, 2008 at 8:16 pm

    He is acting crazier than a “sprayed roach” !

  74. BrittanyTN Says:
    October 21st, 2008 at 11:50 am

    My uncle used to always say “I could stand flat footed and piss over a dump truck” meanin he’s gotta go bad

  75. Anonymous Says:
    October 21st, 2008 at 10:16 pm

    When referring to someone of good character: “He’s good people.”

    To express surprise:”Good-NIGHT!” “Great day!” or :Great day in the mornin!”

    “Who do you favor?” (Which of your relatives do you look like?

    “Where do you fall?” (in your line of siblings e.g. Oldest, youngest, middle child)

    To describe where one is staying: “He’s over to ____’s”

    Unkempt hair= kitchen

    Something favorable = the cat’s pajamas

    Something inferior = can’t cut mustard

  76. jpbrunner Says:
    November 4th, 2008 at 1:36 pm

    Here’s a few…

    Tighter than a camel’s ass in a sandstorm.
    Tighter than a hawks ass in a nosedive.

    Like trying to get fly shit off a pinhead with boxing gloves on.

  77. Jenni Says:
    November 5th, 2008 at 10:26 pm

    My PawPaw couldn’t stand a lazy person. He’d say stuff like, “That boy wouldn’t work in a pie factory, afraid he’d get full and have to quit. and my favorite was, ” that boy wouldn’t holler sooey if the hogs was eatin’ eem.

  78. Beka~TN Says:
    November 6th, 2008 at 8:25 am

    “It’s colder than a witches titty in a brass bra”

    “It’s hotter than forty hells”

    “I’m sweatin’ like a $2 whore in Church”

    “I feel like a bag of smashed a$$holes”

    “i feel like i’ve been ate by a wolf and sh*t of a cliff” (used usually when you’re hungover)

    “Does a bear sh*t in the woods?” (when you’re refering to something that’s true)

    “He doesn’t know his head from his a$$”

    “Just cut your shamer off and feed it to the chickens” (basically that guilt isn’t helpful)

    “SWeet mother of all that is Good and Holy!”

    “Well slap me silly and call me _____!”

  79. Jaspar Says:
    November 12th, 2008 at 4:59 pm

    Going to church dos not make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car

  80. Chopper Says:
    November 18th, 2008 at 4:43 pm

    From my Okie born (1917) and Okie bred mother:”As stubborn as a blue-nose mule” and “As busy as a cranberry merchant”.

  81. KT Says:
    November 19th, 2008 at 11:43 am

    Jenny: The expression is “Queerer than a THREE dollar bill” meaning something that is strange or unusual, because there IS such a thing as a two dollar bill. I have several of them XD

    “Busier than a one-armed paper hanger”- really busy

    “More nervous than a long-tailed cat in a roomful of rocking chairs”- extremely nervous

    “Not the sharpest spoon in the drawer”- extraordinarly dumb (because there’s no such thing as a sharp SPOON)

    “A few grains short of a full silo”- quite strange

    “A bit left of center”- a little strange

    “Couldn’t find his rear with his hands in his back pockets”- dumb

    “Shallower than spit in a paper towel”- referencing someone who is superficial or something that is very shallow

    “An ounce of prevention’s worth a pound of cure”- take care of business before it gets out of hand

    “Drier than lizard spit on a hot rock”- really dry; compliments of old folk in my family XD

  82. Cajunkent Says:
    November 19th, 2008 at 7:57 pm

    Don’t set that bowl on your head or your tongue will slap your brains out to get at it.

    That gumbo will make a Chihuahua break a chain.

    That’s the worst taste I’ve had in my mouth with the lights on!

    That tastes like eatin’ a lard sandwich in a outhouse.

    It’s on like a chicken bone!

  83. Barbi Says:
    November 20th, 2008 at 9:51 am

    It’s hotter than a donkey’s a$$ in a pepper patch

  84. Jan Says:
    November 28th, 2008 at 11:33 am

    lower than a worms belly in a wagon rut(for someone feeling bad or poorly)

  85. Katie Says:
    December 2nd, 2008 at 6:21 pm

    he’s just a hole in search of a donut

  86. Tom Says:
    December 3rd, 2008 at 12:15 am

    He’s poorer than Job’s turkey.

  87. Ty Says:
    December 4th, 2008 at 2:26 pm

    Sweatin’ like a hooker on nickel night

  88. Ty Says:
    December 5th, 2008 at 11:08 am

    Nuttier than squirrel shit.

  89. Ty Says:
    December 5th, 2008 at 11:09 am

    That smell could knock a buzzard off a gut truck.

  90. Tim Says:
    December 5th, 2008 at 9:11 pm

    Drunker than Hogans goat
    Fit to be tied
    F#$@ked up as a football bat
    Dumb as a soup sandwich
    madder than an old wet hen
    Busier than a 2-bit whore on nickel night

  91. sally Says:
    December 7th, 2008 at 1:27 am

    i live in the south and ive heard this a couple times- “your face looks like someone tried to put out a forest fire with a jack hammer.”

    haha. i like that one.
    oh and for the dumb people out there, it means your UGLY!

  92. sally Says:
    December 7th, 2008 at 1:31 am

    “i have to piss like a race horse”

    i say that sometimes. lol

  93. o.r. original redneck Says:
    December 8th, 2008 at 12:11 am

    that girls hotter then a 2 dollar pistol

    *&%^ fire save the matches

    hello hand (talkin to a dumb person who dont listen)

    countin your chickens before they’re hatched

    you look the south end of a north bound cow

  94. Ma Beastie Says:
    December 8th, 2008 at 2:57 pm

    Shit fire and save matches!
    Queer as a football bat
    Assin’ around
    Too lazy to scratch his own ass
    Goin’ around your ass to get to your elbow (going the long way to get somewhere, and not because it’s the scenic route)
    I’m fixin’ to show you what a whuppin’ is all about! (I’m about to beat your butt like it’s never been beaten before)
    Pretty is as pretty does.
    He’d argue with a wall as long as it’d stand there and take it.
    If it was in your ass you’d know! (In response to “Where is the ___?”)
    Bless her heart/bless her buttons! (Usually after saying something like “she’s ugly as homemade sin” or “her blood is pink from ‘shine” (moonshine))
    Jesus loves him, but he’s the only one.
    He could talk the ears off an elephant!
    He’s like a mule halfway home after plowin’ all day. (You’re not going to change his mind or his path.)
    She’s pretty as a pumpkin and half as smart.
    If that boy was any smarter we’d have to water him every week.

  95. will sc Says:
    December 9th, 2008 at 10:32 pm

    its hotter than a three d*&$ed dog

  96. Carly Says:
    December 11th, 2008 at 7:08 pm

    Get your straw out of my kool aid(mind your own business)

    make like a tree and leave(leave)

    flake off(go away)

    when someone says “there are starving kids in Africa, eat your food” say then ship it to them

    who put grummpy in ur cereal this morning(grummpy)

    when someone says “wats up”say UR CHOLESTERAL!!!!

    I broke the theremometer(im really sick)

    when someone says can i have_____ say sure i’ll pull it out my butt

  97. Morgan Says:
    December 12th, 2008 at 8:21 pm

    “He wouldn’t have the sense to pour piss out of a boot with directions on the bottom”

    “Wish in one hand, shit in the other, see which one fills up first”

  98. Denise Says:
    December 14th, 2008 at 1:23 pm

    Busier than a one armed paperhanger with the crabs.

    Heard the geece fart in the water before. (smart)

  99. Texas Tuit Says:
    December 19th, 2008 at 5:02 pm

    She was so ugly when she was born,our momma used to borrow a baby to take to church on Sunday.

    He’s so skinny he has to run around in the shower too get wet.

    He’s so mean, he’d bite himself.

    It’s so dry, the Baptist are sprinkling and the Methodist are using a damp washcloth.

    It’s raining so hard the animals are starting to pair up.

    I’ve been to two goat ropin’s and a county fair and I ain’t seen nothin’ like this.

    Raisin’ kids is like being pecked to death by a chicken.

    She’s so fat, it takes two dogs to bark at her.

  100. Texas Tuit Says:
    December 20th, 2008 at 4:14 pm

    “Son, if it’s got tits or tires, your’re gonna have trouble with it”

  101. BB Says:
    December 27th, 2008 at 9:12 am

    Dilly as the day is long.

    Where does that expression come from and what does it mean?

  102. chris Says:
    December 29th, 2008 at 3:17 pm

    Pot calling the kettle black.

  103. chris Says:
    December 29th, 2008 at 3:18 pm

    Jam up and jelly tight

  104. chris Says:
    December 29th, 2008 at 3:18 pm

    Fit to be tied

  105. TexasTuit Says:
    December 29th, 2008 at 5:04 pm

    He was so ugly when he was born, his Momma carried him upsidedown for a year thinking he had only one eye.

  106. David Says:
    December 31st, 2008 at 12:22 pm

    Even a blind pig finds an acorn once in a while.

    I heard this one from a teacher I had who was from Tennessee. It means that a lucky person can get the right answer, even though they have no idea how to solve the problem (or even though their methods are invalid).

  107. Caleb Says:
    January 2nd, 2009 at 12:10 am

    My great grandma always says, “Why. It got so mad I could shit a squealin worm.

  108. Joey Says:
    January 2nd, 2009 at 3:04 pm

    Colder than a cast iron commode on the shady side of an iceberg.

    I remember when he was knee high to a grasshopper.

  109. Lea Says:
    January 7th, 2009 at 3:30 am

    What does the following expression mean?: She always had a hair in her bonnet.

  110. TexasTuit Says:
    January 12th, 2009 at 3:08 pm

    “It’s raining so hard the animals are starting to pair up.”
    “He’s mean enough to bite himself.”
    “She was so ugly when she was born, her Momma used to borrow a baby to take to church on Sunday.”
    “It was so crowded that you couldn’t cuss the cat without getting fur in your mouth”
    “He’s so skinny, he has to run around in the shower to get wet”
    “His pants were so tight that if he farted, he’d blow his boots off”

  111. Brad Says:
    January 14th, 2009 at 5:35 am

    It’s raining so hard that it’s like a cow pissing on a flat rock!!

  112. TexasTuit Says:
    January 17th, 2009 at 10:29 am

    “We were so poor growing up, we used to go down to Kentucky Fried Chicken to lick other people’s fingers”
    “My ol’ grandpa used to say, “Son, if it’s got tits or tires, sooner or later you’re gonna have trouble with it.”
    “I’m so poor that if it cost a nickle to go around the world, I couldn’t get out of sight.”
    After eating something spicy, my ol’ grandpa used to say “I’m gonna have to shit in the creek to keep from setting the woods on fire.”

  113. Down in Kentucky Says:
    January 24th, 2009 at 1:18 pm

    Things my Mom used to say…

    1. “Her teeth are so bucked that girl could eat corn through a picket fence.”

    2. grinning like a possum eat’n sh#t

    3. Crookeder than a dogs hind leg

    4. Who put a bee in her bonnet?

    5. Happier than a hound on a gut wagon.

    and many many more. I’ve often thought of writing them down. Some were so unique that I never heard anyone else use them.

  114. Redbird Says:
    February 4th, 2009 at 9:44 am

    My grandma used to say “What goes over the Devil’s back comes back over his belly.”
    “Those wise decisions you make when you’re young are those foolish ones you’ll live with when your old.”
    “When poverty comes in the front door, love goes out the back.”
    “If a frog had wings, he wouldn’t bump his butt.”
    “A dog that will bring a bone, will carry a bone.”

  115. TexasTuit Says:
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:47 am

    “Raising kids is like being pecked to death by a chicken”
    “He’s so skinny, his pants had only one back pocket”
    “She’s so fat, it takes two dogs to bark at her”
    Positive attitude – “He’s the kind of guy, that if he fell into a pile of horse shit, he’d start looking for a pony”

  116. snuffy_in_ark Says:
    February 5th, 2009 at 8:43 pm

    Wilder than a peach orchard boar.

    Wound up tighter than Dick’s hat band.

  117. David Says:
    February 9th, 2009 at 11:33 am

    they live out in plum damn!

    meaning plum out of the county damn near out of the state

  118. Josh Says:
    February 12th, 2009 at 8:22 am

    These are from the Florida panhandle where I was born and raised. The first few are credited to my dad…

    If a grasshopper carried a 45, the birds wouldn’t mess with him. (after someone uses an “if” excuse)

    If a frog had wings, he wouldn’t bump his a** whenever he hopped. (same)

    Credited to an ond highschool party buddy –

    I’m so slick I can stand on my head in the bathtub naked and stack greased B.B.s with boxing gloves on. (one of my favorites lol)

    Anonymous –

    He’s dumber than owl sh*t.

    He’s so tight you could shove a quarter up his a** and he’d grind it into a dime. (being cheap)

  119. David-Taylor Says:
    February 15th, 2009 at 12:30 am

    Lea, the phrase is actually that somebody’s got a “bee in their bonnet.” which means that they’re awful angry over somethin’. I don’t feel like putting a lot, but a few include,
    “It’s hotter than two possums makin’ love in a wool sock.”
    “It’s hotter than a nun out here!”
    “I’m just as fine as froghair!”
    “I feel fatter than a possum stuck in a fence hole.”
    “He/She’s just as cute as a bug’s butt!” (they’re really cute. usually referring to a little kiddo)

  120. jo Says:
    February 22nd, 2009 at 11:10 pm

    djaeetyit??
    garbled: did you eat yet > didya eat yit > djaeetyit

  121. Niki from NC Says:
    February 23rd, 2009 at 7:37 pm

    “Well I be John Brown” (surprised)
    “we in the short rows” (almost finished)

  122. Niki from NC Says:
    February 23rd, 2009 at 7:42 pm

    “She’s lost as last years Easter egg”
    “Hangin in there like a hair in a biscuit”
    “Oh shine!” (surprise)
    “I do all I can and the easy ones twice”

  123. Niki from NC Says:
    February 23rd, 2009 at 10:48 pm

    “I done told you fifty eleven times”
    “I’m fair to middlin”
    “We’ll be leaving around noon-thirty”
    “She went to shit and the hogs ate ‘er”
    “Looka here!” (listen to me)
    “Don’t let the door hit ya on the way out” (get out)
    “pop a squat” (sit down)
    “Well look what the cats dragged in”

  124. John Says:
    February 26th, 2009 at 3:42 am

    My dad used to always say when someone asked him how he was doing, “Fine as froghair, and twice as jumpy”

  125. David Blankenship Says:
    March 17th, 2009 at 7:39 am

    “She’d scare a haint up a thorn tree.” (Ugly girl)
    “He’s so skinny he has to run around in the shower to get wet.”

  126. peep Says:
    March 19th, 2009 at 12:52 am

    You don’t have the sense God gave a chigger!

    In case you didn’t know, a chigger is a little grass bug that buries its head in your skin before suffocating.

  127. J.B. Says:
    March 19th, 2009 at 10:32 am

    referring to someone with bad aim…
    he couldn’t hit the water if he fell out of a boat!

  128. Brock Says:
    March 20th, 2009 at 9:25 am

    The rain is coming down like a double cocked bull peeing on a flat rock!

  129. G. W. Says:
    March 29th, 2009 at 11:01 am

    If you’re gonna run with the big dogs, you got to learn how to pee in the tall grass!
    (Don’t get in over your head)

  130. Andrew Says:
    April 3rd, 2009 at 6:03 pm

    Growin up in Virginia, my father would always say

    “You look like a monkey humpin a football”

    when I was having trouble carrying something or confused.

  131. Cuntry Says:
    April 6th, 2009 at 3:22 pm

    “she’s about a half a bubble off plum” (not quite right)

    “you ken put your boots in the oven – but that don’t mak’em biscuits” (when someone tells a lie)

  132. philip Says:
    April 7th, 2009 at 5:46 pm

    id rather have a broke back in hell

  133. David D Says:
    April 11th, 2009 at 1:22 am

    When something doesn’t matter: “It’s six of one, half a dozen of another. Which means, one is about as long as the other is short : )

    When your girl says she’s leaving ya: Don’t let the door knob hit ya where the good lord split ya.

    Someone ugly: That poor boy’s uglier than a mud fence and it dabbed with tadpoles!

    Someone who talks too much: Her tongue was tied in the middle and loose at both ends.

    Someone slow: That poor boy’s so slow, it would take him 2 hours to watch 60 minutes

    I better run now, cuz I’m busier than Rosanne Barr on a bag of Cheetos

  134. Anonymous Says:
    April 14th, 2009 at 1:43 pm

    its a funny song , i like the words (y):]
    But it drags on to long and it gets a bit boring afta a bit (n) :[ x

  135. adan s Says:
    April 15th, 2009 at 1:14 am

    I’m sweetier than a porn star on a hot day between satin sheets!

  136. Bill Says:
    April 15th, 2009 at 6:13 am

    Crying like a pine knot in a sawmill

  137. Bill Says:
    April 15th, 2009 at 11:03 am

    My wife is so cold when she spreads her legs the furnace kits on.

  138. Bill Says:
    April 16th, 2009 at 4:26 am

    He was so nervous he was shaking like a .50 cent ladder.

  139. Giggity Says:
    April 16th, 2009 at 7:20 am

    this is so funny

  140. Jaspar Says:
    April 18th, 2009 at 8:54 am

    this is something I heard from my auntie once

    birdie birdie flying high dropped a message from the sky angry farmer wiped his eye and said what a good job cows can’t fly

  141. mw Says:
    April 21st, 2009 at 7:44 pm

    Im fixin’ to give you a knuckle sandwitch (I’m going to hit you)

  142. mw Says:
    April 21st, 2009 at 7:46 pm

    She can burn water(can’t cook)

  143. Lou Says:
    May 7th, 2009 at 11:24 am

    He’s tightern bark on a tree. (He’s cheap)

  144. Justin Says:
    May 22nd, 2009 at 9:32 am

    “The devil’s beating his wife.”

    (means it’s raining while the sun is shining. happens a lot during the summertime in the deep south. I work with guy from New York. He was down here in the Baton Rouge office one day, and I made that comment during a summer shower, and he didn’t get it. I had to explain it to him over and over and he was still confused. In case you’re a Yankee reading this I will explain once more: The sun represents the devil, and the rain represents tears. Thus, “the devil’s beatin his wife.” And I can’t believe southerners are the ones who gets the “stupid” stereotype.)

  145. Justin Says:
    May 22nd, 2009 at 9:35 am

    Ooops… I made an error in my previous comment when I said “Yankee”, for there is no such term in the South. “Damn Yankee” was what I meant.

  146. Chaz Says:
    May 23rd, 2009 at 12:45 pm

    “Tougher then a $2 steak” (something’s tough)
    “It’s like trying to put a g-string on an alligator” (Something’s hard)

  147. trevor Says:
    May 31st, 2009 at 11:21 pm

    That boy had about the same chance as a fart in a whirlwind That really tourques my jaw Im ganna count to three and if you dont get over here im ganna count to ten

  148. Cristy Says:
    June 16th, 2009 at 10:40 pm

    I’m from Georgia and there are a whole lot of sayings we use in regular conversations that aren’t really funny but that most Yankees don’t understand.
    “I’ve got a blue million things to do today.” or “We’ve got a blue million of those.” It just means a great many.
    “I’m starting to get ill.” this does not mean you are getting sick. It just means you are getting angry/frustrated.
    “They’re sitting in tall cotton.” meaning that they are wealthy.
    “Don’t get your knickers in a twist.” don’t get riled up over nothing.
    we also use the word “coke” for any and all sodas, even if it is a pepsi or sprite or other flavor. It is still a “coke.”

  149. Cristy Says:
    June 16th, 2009 at 10:43 pm

    and also, forty eleven can mean the same as blue million. As in, “I’ve got forty eleven things to do today.”

  150. Cristy Says:
    June 16th, 2009 at 10:50 pm

    When you “cotton on” to something it means you understand it. As in “She didn’t cotton on to my sarcasm.”

  151. Laurie Says:
    June 17th, 2009 at 2:12 pm

    My favorite to use.. IT’s an Alabama thing:

    Too much Sugar For A Dime!!!

    and

    You Don’t Believe a Cow Horns A Hook!!

  152. Ruck Says:
    June 23rd, 2009 at 11:23 pm

    He was so nervous, he could thread a sewing machine while it was running.

  153. Ruck Says:
    June 23rd, 2009 at 11:24 pm

    You wait—that Gal is gonna drop him like a Hot Rock

  154. lisa from esat Tn. Says:
    June 26th, 2009 at 10:14 am

    I’m sweatin’ like a whore in church on Sunday.

    It’ two degrees hotter than the hinges of Hell.

    You better get left cos’ you aint’ right.

    WHEN SOME SAYS THEY MIGHT?…. A GOOD I’VE HEARD FOR YEARS is….. Mites don’t fly this time of the year.

    Duller than a bag of hammers.

    WHEN SOME ASKS YOU IF IT WILL HAPPEN AND YOU KNOW IT WON’T HAPPEN AND/OR ASK WHEN YOU ARE GOING TO DO SOMETHING A SMART REMARK IS…………

    The 10th of never. or When Satan goes iceskatin’ in Hell.

    Another Fav of mine another Smart A%* remark when someone ask you will I want……
    Sometimes I’ll say “Well people in Hell want ice water too and that aint’ goin happen either.”

    If a frog had wings it wouldn’t bump its ass-a-hoppin’

  155. tnstan Says:
    July 5th, 2009 at 4:05 pm

    if u want something
    “ya and i bet people in hell like some air conditioning too”

    convicing person
    “he could sell ice to an eskmo”
    “he could sell firewood in hell”

  156. chaun Says:
    July 8th, 2009 at 6:01 pm

    gag a maggot off a gut wagon (as gross as it gits)

  157. Peyton Says:
    July 8th, 2009 at 10:58 pm

    I love using these for my family members that live in the north. Them damn yankees

  158. yogi Says:
    July 9th, 2009 at 4:17 am

    144… Justin… in the South we do differentiate between Yankees and Damn Yankees……. Yankees come to visit, Damn Yankees come to stay!

  159. Gladi8er Says:
    July 9th, 2009 at 7:29 pm

    Can’t remember where I heard this one and I hope I am saying it right;

    “Don’t let that bulldog mouth over-run that puppydog ass.”

    I assume it means; don’t talk trash/run your mouth, knowing you going to get your ass kicked. If this is incorrect, someone correct me please.

  160. Anne Nance Says:
    July 11th, 2009 at 2:04 am

    That boy is wound up like a cheap alarm clock

  161. Anne Nance Says:
    July 11th, 2009 at 2:05 am

    When sonmeone says they “might” do somethng, my Louisiana husbann says, “Mites stay on a chicken’s ass.”

  162. Hamey-isms Says:
    July 16th, 2009 at 7:59 am

    “He’s so crooked when he dies… They will have to screw him in the ground!”

  163. Rachel Kirkland Says:
    July 22nd, 2009 at 3:46 pm

    “The only way to tell if a girl is a true football fan is for her to be able to tell all the player’s apart by the their butt.”

  164. pete Says:
    July 22nd, 2009 at 5:00 pm

    “Great Day in the Morning” (a polite exclamation that replaces “God Damn It”

    “Boy, I will walk a mud hole in you and stomp it dry” (a threat always made by my elementary school teacher)

    “I will be all over you like white on rice” (same teacher)

    “Tits on a Boar Hog” (something useless)

  165. Jill Says:
    July 23rd, 2009 at 11:19 am

    I look like I was sent for and couldn’t go. (I look bad)

  166. Ruck Says:
    July 31st, 2009 at 8:23 pm

    Them two old maids. One was trying to diet and the other was dying to try it.

  167. Toni Says:
    August 5th, 2009 at 8:00 am

    I am as happy as a clam at high tide.

  168. Toni Says:
    August 5th, 2009 at 8:03 am

    Joking around:
    I am just joshin’ you.
    I am just pullin’ you pud.
    I am just chokin’ your chicken.

  169. Julie Says:
    August 7th, 2009 at 9:04 am

    It’s hotter than a fritter!

    She’s finer than hair on a frog!

    You’re prettier than a spotted heifer in a pansy patch!

    You could just charm the dew right off of a honey suckle.

  170. Megan Says:
    August 8th, 2009 at 4:40 pm

    beat it to fit and paint it to match :)

  171. Megan Says:
    August 8th, 2009 at 4:41 pm

    what the samhill is goin’ on?

  172. Megan Says:
    August 8th, 2009 at 4:41 pm

    well i’ll be ((surprised))

  173. Megan Says:
    August 8th, 2009 at 4:42 pm

    ’bout tickled me to death ((something thats funny))

  174. AusTex Paul Says:
    August 12th, 2009 at 5:10 pm

    “You can put a porcupine in a wood chipper, but you will not make maple syrup.”

  175. Emma Says:
    August 14th, 2009 at 9:32 pm

    “that went over like a pregnant polevaulter”
    and
    “good Lord willin’ and the creeks don’t rise”

  176. cj Says:
    August 25th, 2009 at 1:03 am

    the mosquitos in lousiana are so big , they can stand flat foot and screw a chicken!

  177. Cooper Says:
    August 28th, 2009 at 11:22 pm

    Sh*ttin in tall cotton
    Ain’t got a lick of sense past a bisquits please
    Break a few eggs to make an omelet
    Sh*t the bed and clean it up tomorrow
    Greener than grass

  178. Anonymous Says:
    September 1st, 2009 at 11:42 pm

    im so hongry my guts a rubbin a blister on my backbone

  179. Doc Says:
    September 3rd, 2009 at 10:09 pm

    I’m goin’ to be on you quicker than a duck on a Junebug.

    Joke: A Texas couple were stuck in an airport with a couple from New York after their flight was cancelled. The Texas woman asked the New York woman, “Where ya’ll from?” The New York woman replied, “Where we are from we don’t end our sentences with a preposition!” To which the Texas woman replied, “Oh well, where ya’ll from b**ch?”

  180. DJ Says:
    September 9th, 2009 at 8:17 pm

    A couple from my TN family:
    “She don’t know whether she’s washing or hanging out!”
    “I ate so much, I feel like a tick about to pop”

  181. Kilala Says:
    September 18th, 2009 at 2:21 am

    “uglier than a lard bucket full of armpits”

  182. Ken Says:
    September 19th, 2009 at 2:17 pm

    “I am just plum tired” LOL, I’ve said it myself a time or two…

  183. Thalia Says:
    September 22nd, 2009 at 2:31 pm

    When disciplining someone ” I’m going to paint your back porches red if you keep talkin like that!”

  184. Todd Says:
    September 28th, 2009 at 11:14 pm

    I am as tired as a cucumber in a convent

  185. Kara Says:
    October 1st, 2009 at 6:16 pm

    my dad used to say my mom could “tear up a steel ball with a rubber hammer” also if someone was a notorious liar he’d say “someone else calls his dog”

  186. The Mayor Says:
    October 2nd, 2009 at 3:55 pm

    Finer than hair on a frogs rear, cuter than a speckeled pup , dumb as a box of rocks, slicker than butter on a marble , now you’re cooking with wesson oil ,i’m going to jerk a knot in your tail ,

  187. The Mayor Says:
    October 2nd, 2009 at 4:01 pm

    its raining like pouring piss out out a boot

  188. The Mayor Says:
    October 2nd, 2009 at 4:07 pm

    fixin means i’m about to do something , happy as a hog in slop, i’m going to whip you like cornbread batter

  189. The Mayor Says:
    October 2nd, 2009 at 4:13 pm

    soda or pop = coke or a dope
    grocery bag = a sack or a poke
    shopping cart = a buggy
    mowing the lawn= cutting grass
    garden hose = hosepipe
    BBQ = pork
    tea = always sweet(there is no place for unsweetened in the south)

  190. Cody Says:
    October 12th, 2009 at 6:10 pm

    yall r funny lol

  191. Anonymous Says:
    October 15th, 2009 at 9:48 pm

    raining like cats and dogs

  192. Casey Says:
    October 15th, 2009 at 9:50 pm

    hotter than a nanny goat in a pepper patch!

  193. Casey Says:
    October 15th, 2009 at 9:51 pm

    Right smart = sufficient amount

  194. Casey Says:
    October 15th, 2009 at 9:52 pm

    Countrier than cornbread!

  195. Casey Says:
    October 15th, 2009 at 9:53 pm

    Slicker than snot on a door knob!

  196. Casey Says:
    October 15th, 2009 at 9:54 pm

    “Madder” than a hornet!

  197. Casey Says:
    October 15th, 2009 at 9:55 pm

    Honey, I love you like a fat kid loves cake.

  198. Casey Says:
    October 15th, 2009 at 9:56 pm

    git-r-done!

  199. Casey Says:
    October 15th, 2009 at 9:57 pm

    Colder than a witches tit!

  200. The Avenger Says:
    October 20th, 2009 at 4:33 pm

    If you follow a woman uphill hopefully she is properly attired.

  201. The Avenger Says:
    October 20th, 2009 at 4:46 pm

    It’s like eating a pumpkin on Sunday and watching the crows fly.

  202. The Avenger Says:
    October 20th, 2009 at 4:46 pm

    brighter than a bees bum

  203. The Avenger Says:
    October 20th, 2009 at 4:53 pm

    The puppy who barks the loudest gets the mints.

  204. The Avenger Says:
    October 20th, 2009 at 4:57 pm

    Too many old people spoil the view

  205. The Avenger Says:
    October 20th, 2009 at 4:58 pm

    I’m as lucky as a gardener in the weeds.

  206. The Avenger Says:
    October 20th, 2009 at 4:59 pm

    She is so smart, even her teachers play chess with her.

  207. Haystack Says:
    October 25th, 2009 at 4:51 pm

    Dumb as rocks.

    She’s hotter than the sun, but not as bright.

  208. anonymous Says:
    October 26th, 2009 at 3:57 pm

    I’m from West Tennessee

    “Well, that just frosts my ankles!”
    “Aww bear’s ankle!”
    “dad-burn” it or that “dad-burned” “dad-gum it” or “dad-gum” “cotton-pickin’” (all used as adjectives something that is frustrates you)
    I “reckon” instead of I guess
    I’m “fixin” to do something
    I’m sweatin like a whore in church
    How’s yur momma an’ ‘em?
    I’m in hog heaven!
    I could just ring his neck!
    He’s runnin’ around like a chicken with it’s head cut off
    (both refer to how they used to kill chickens)
    You’re grinnin’ like a possom
    I got way-laid(knocked over)
    they’ll have a hay day with that(fun)
    mean as a goose/wild goose chase
    and we pronounce the word “aunt” the same as “ain’t”

  209. Anonymous Says:
    October 28th, 2009 at 7:44 am

    just because there is a rat in the barn does’nt mean you need to burn it down.

  210. Deb Says:
    October 29th, 2009 at 10:24 pm

    It tastes so bad ya gotta lick the cat’s A$$ to get the taste outta yer mouth

  211. Beau Regard Says:
    October 30th, 2009 at 8:28 pm

    Ugly as a box of frogs

  212. Super Honey Says:
    November 3rd, 2009 at 2:33 pm

    From friends in North Carolina and South Carolina:

    That’s worth about as much as a fart in a bucket.

    She’s/He’s totin’ the high leg (think this means acting up or being spastic or struttin’ her/his stuff) not sure

  213. john broyles Says:
    November 3rd, 2009 at 6:11 pm

    I feel like a billy goat ate me and shit me off a cliff…(hungover)

  214. GA girl Says:
    November 4th, 2009 at 2:59 am

    Well that ought to go over like a turd in the punch bowl.

    It’s hotter than hell toasted bacon outside.

    Don’t let your alligator mouth overload your tadpole a**.

    She’s (or he) got teeth like a rake.

    She (or he) has to sneak up on water fountain to get a drink.

    Well sh@# fire and save the matches!

    Shut up and git in the truck!

    I’ll slap you and not even tell you why!

    We say “cut the light on/off” not “turn”

    We “mash” the gas (gas pedal in the car) and we also mash the buttons in the elevator. not press

    kick a** and take names

    it’s pronounced dawg not dog

    who licked the red off your candy cane?

    I had to park out in the back south 40

    he lives out in east bumble f&@k

    You can just get glad in the same pants you got mad in.

    His/her family tree don’t fork.

    not alot of genes in that pool.

    when you are in trouble your momma calls you by all of your names (first middle last…)

    I’ll whup you like a yard dawg

    A little piece of advice: If you are in trouble and told to go out and cut your own switch…don’t come back with a little one…that aint going to work for ya

    he’s not the sharpest knife in the drawer

    I already know I’m going to hell, I’m just paving the road.

    what is your major malfunction?!

    have you lost all of your mind?!

    have you taken leave of your senses?!

    That’ll do it.

  215. Al Brown Says:
    November 11th, 2009 at 2:14 pm

    “I could eat the a$% out of a porcupine”

    (really hungry)

  216. kristina Says:
    November 12th, 2009 at 9:36 am

    “its so quiet, you could hear a coon piss on a piece of cotton.”

  217. L. Chapman Says:
    November 12th, 2009 at 1:05 pm

    I’m so mad I could chew up nails and spit out a barbed wire fence.

    Even a blind squirrel gets an acorn once in awhile

    Even a blind hog gets an ear of corn once in a while.

    I need one for “It adds up faster than??????

  218. L. Chapman Says:
    November 12th, 2009 at 1:07 pm

    Being from Tn., I have heard most of these but enjoyed reading them all. Thanks for some good laughs.

  219. crazyfist Says:
    November 15th, 2009 at 12:59 am

    that could puke a buzzard off a gut wagon

  220. crazyfist Says:
    November 15th, 2009 at 1:04 am

    ‘cut a chuggy’ IT MEANS LIKE GET OUT OF HERE MY MOM SAYS IT TO ME TO TELL ME TO LEAVE THE ROOM

  221. admin Says:
    November 19th, 2009 at 8:34 pm

    Well butter my butt and call me a biscuit!

  222. Jusquici Says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 4:07 pm

    I’m from Arkansas. So how about:

    Why that couldn’t pull a buttered string out of a cat’s a*s.

    Faster than a cat can lick its a*s.

    All over that like white on rice.

    Pickin’ the fly sh*t out of the pepper.

    So hungry you can eat a stink bug off a dead skunk.

    He goes to church on Sunday, steals chickens on Monday.

  223. Anonymous Says:
    November 24th, 2009 at 6:55 pm

    Time to cowboy up, ya’ll. (time to get brave even tho your scared.)

  224. Stevie Rae Says:
    November 25th, 2009 at 9:12 pm

    Busier than bees in a field full o’ flowers.

  225. Cindy Says:
    November 27th, 2009 at 3:23 pm

    She’s as cute as a speckled puppy dog’s tail end.

  226. Stevie Rae Says:
    November 27th, 2009 at 10:22 pm

    You guys are awesome i love all of these!

  227. Anonymous Says:
    November 30th, 2009 at 8:20 pm

    -Smilin’ like a donkey chewin’ on briars
    -Can’t tell the difference between the rat s**t an’ raisins
    -Jeetyet? (did ya eat yet)

  228. Luke Says:
    December 2nd, 2009 at 5:03 pm

    Sweatier than a whore in church

  229. Ret5i Says:
    December 6th, 2009 at 11:20 am

    I want that mouth shut tighter than a ticks ass!

  230. JP Kadish Says:
    December 7th, 2009 at 11:18 pm

    Sounds worse than a stray cat in a fan belt.

  231. Kellie Says:
    December 10th, 2009 at 10:46 am

    I am going to slap you naked and hide your drawers.

    Slicker than greased owl sh*t.

    Well I will be dipped in sh*t and rolled in cornflakes.

  232. ^WOoDY^ Says:
    December 11th, 2009 at 3:10 pm

    aint go no pot to piss in or a window to throw it out

  233. Anonymous Says:
    December 14th, 2009 at 10:22 am

    I’d rather eat s#*t with a toothpick

  234. Newgene Says:
    December 14th, 2009 at 5:18 pm

    I’m fixin to run over to the bank. (Drive there)

    That goes over like a turd in a puch bowl.

    Yankee’s think “that” and “here” are one sylable words.

    A yankee visits the south, but a damn yankee stays.

    Yes, we do wear shoes.

    grits is singular, not plural.

    We’re off like a heard of turtles.

  235. Newgene Says:
    December 17th, 2009 at 6:28 pm

    Grinnin’ like a possum eatin’ persimmons.
    Fer (for)
    Far (fire)

  236. Stephanie Says:
    December 23rd, 2009 at 1:58 pm

    I’m all over that like a dog on a three-legged cat.

  237. Stephanie Says:
    December 23rd, 2009 at 2:00 pm

    you show put yo foot in that!

    (that food is really good.)

  238. Stephanie Says:
    December 23rd, 2009 at 2:01 pm

    I don’t know that person from a whole in the wall.

    (i don’t know that person at all)

  239. Taylor Says:
    December 24th, 2009 at 10:48 am

    Kansas or Oklahoma Panhandle

    It is so flat, you can stand on a milk crate and watch your dog run away for three days.

  240. William Says:
    December 28th, 2009 at 2:54 am

    It’s colder than a witch’s tit.

    You could piss off the pope.

  241. GA girl Says:
    December 28th, 2009 at 10:42 pm

    when you are talking about someone who’s drunk you say “he’s been in the ignorant oil”.

    when someone asks how are you? you can say:
    “I’m still on the north side of the grass”.

  242. Anonymous Says:
    December 29th, 2009 at 7:00 pm

    hornier than a two pecked billy goat

  243. Graf von Schlitz Says:
    January 4th, 2010 at 12:45 pm

    My Grandfather used to tell me that, “Smoking makes your breath smell so bad, that it’ll drive a dog off a gut wagon!” Had to ask my father to explain that one to me! I love reading these…but how about, “I feel like I’ve been shot at and missed, but s**t at and hit!” We used to say that in college when we had a hangover. Which was often.

  244. Graf von Schlitz Says:
    January 4th, 2010 at 12:48 pm

    Or, when someone has lost everything, you could say, “He lost his hat, ass, and spats!” That’s an old one. I really liked the one above about being as tired as a cucumber in a convent…that’s funny and novel as well.

  245. Tammy Says:
    January 6th, 2010 at 6:49 pm

    I ask my husband one day if he was hungry, and he come back with “is a pigs a*s pork”

  246. Big Dog n TN Says:
    January 7th, 2010 at 2:48 pm

    If I was doin’ any better, I’d have ta hire somebody to help me enjoy it!

    He ain’t worth a bucket of warm spit!

  247. audra Says:
    January 18th, 2010 at 8:58 am

    Best thing since sliced bread

  248. k Says:
    January 19th, 2010 at 7:18 pm

    Close/Open the dow
    Now yall come back now ya hear
    Come back before the street light come on
    Go get me some soda water
    Get me something out the icebox

  249. kristen Says:
    January 21st, 2010 at 1:05 pm

    After I was complaining about doing house work..My mom would add on chores and then say “So put that in your pipe and smoke it”

  250. mandgandbo Says:
    January 24th, 2010 at 8:43 pm

    I feel ’bout as dumb as a cow lookin’ at a new gate
    He’s dumber than a two-eyed clod of dirt
    I feel as full as a rocky mountain tick on a
    blue-speckled hound dog! (ate too much)
    she’s as cute as a bug’s ear (usually refers to kid)
    reckon I’ll see ya’ll directly (catch up with you later)
    see ya round like a donut
    later sweet potata
    see you later, if nothin’ don’t happen and the creek don’t rise…
    you can’t play with the big dogs unless you git off the porch
    grass don’t grow on the playground (hairless chest)
    makes no never mind… (whatever)
    I’ll be diddly dee! (surpised)
    You DON’T say!
    The hell you say!
    I’m gettin’ a wild hair (about to do something spontaneous)
    There’s lots o’ ways to skin a rabbit.
    I’m gonna tan yer hide! (spank you)
    Well, look what the cat drug in…
    Sloppier than two pigs in a bucket
    I need to pop a squat (urinate outdoors) or hunker down,
    hover craft (over toilet seat)
    references to #2…
    pinch a loaf,
    go see a man about a dog,
    turtle headin’
    takin’ the browns to the super bowl
    babies often make “boodie cakes” in their diapers

  251. mandgandbo Says:
    January 24th, 2010 at 8:46 pm

    He’s not the smartest peanut in the turd.

  252. John Says:
    January 26th, 2010 at 9:15 am

    If maybes and buts were candy and nuts, oh what a Merry Christmas we’d have. (But and Maybe being said a lot)((You know…Maybe, but…))

  253. Big Dog n TN Says:
    February 3rd, 2010 at 12:59 pm

    ain’t got both oars in the water (stupid)

  254. Big Dog n TN Says:
    February 4th, 2010 at 6:00 pm

    If he was any dumber, he’d have to be watered twice a week!

    Some village is missin’ their idiot!

    His Momma shoulda thrown him away and kept the stork!

  255. Sandy in Texas Says:
    February 7th, 2010 at 1:29 am

    Don’t let your mouth write checks that your ass can’t cash.

  256. Debbie Casto Says:
    February 12th, 2010 at 2:59 pm

    West Virginia

    “When you do a job, be proud enough to put your name on it.”

    Getting to know someone well: “I’ll turn him inside out and scrape him.”

    Moving fast: “He’s like a fart in a wind storm.”

    Something impossible to do: “like stretching a nats ass over a wash tub”

    “I’m so hungry I could eat a rag off of a sore toe.”

    When someone wears skimpy clothes: “Not enough clothes to flag a hand car.”

    When someone gets pregnant and doesn’t know who the father is: “Well when you go through a briar patch you don’t know which briar scratched you.”

    Making a big deal out of something: “That’s so small you could snuff it up your nose.”

    “The best way to a man’s heart is a knife through the chest cavity.”

    Keeping your good deeds unmentioned: “Never let your left hand know what your right hand does.”

    Cry baby: “The more she cries, the less she’ll piss.”

  257. Big Dog n TN Says:
    February 18th, 2010 at 9:02 pm

    When something fits real tight –
    “Like a bull’s butt in fly season!”

    When you misbehave, your Momma says -
    “I’ll slap you nekked n’ hide your clothes!”

  258. G. W. Says:
    February 19th, 2010 at 9:06 pm

    “You might as well play Hob with the hoe-handle!” (You’re wasting your time)

  259. Tina Says:
    February 21st, 2010 at 2:33 am

    Colder than a brass tit on a witch

  260. Becky Says:
    March 1st, 2010 at 2:39 pm

    I was raised in the backwoods of PA.. and we said things like “thats a knee slapper right der” and “that messier than a cow pissin on a flat rock”
    A thing that every1 said for a long time in my school was “yous smellin what im steppin in?, u pickin up wat im puttin down?”

  261. Sammi Says:
    March 5th, 2010 at 11:15 am

    Stuff I heard my parents sayin growin up in Florida:

    Well now that’s kinda like closin’ the barn door after the horse is already loose dontcha think? (when somebody asks you to do something AFTER the fact)
    Somebitch (Son of a Bitch)
    Chewed me up one side and down the other! (Got yelled at)
    I’m on it like cheese on grits!
    That girl’s meaner than cuss!
    I’m goin’ to see a man about a horse. (Response when someone asks where your goin and it’s none of their business)
    He’s dumber than a box of rocks.
    I’m fixin’a tan your hide! (Spanking)
    He was goin’ hog wild! (crazy)

    Ahhh, the memories!

  262. Marlana Says:
    March 10th, 2010 at 1:05 pm

    I haven’t seen you in a month of Sundays.

  263. Big Dog n TN Says:
    March 11th, 2010 at 9:33 am

    Busier ‘n (than) one-legged man in a butt-kickin’ contest!

  264. Big Dog n TN Says:
    March 17th, 2010 at 1:45 pm

    Speaking about someone who was “not blessed with beauty”….

    “she cain’t help bein’ugly, …but she coulda stayed at home!”

  265. Dave Johnson Says:
    March 17th, 2010 at 5:49 pm

    Here are a few I still use:

    He’s grinnin’ like a jackass eating briars.

    She farted like a mule eatin’ green corn.

    He’s dumber than a bag of hammers.

  266. Dave Johnson Says:
    March 17th, 2010 at 5:52 pm

    When girl watchin’: Must be Jello cause jelly don’t shake like that.

  267. Dave Johnson Says:
    March 17th, 2010 at 5:58 pm

    Refering to people who do not get along: They are like to cats in a sack.

  268. Dave Johnson Says:
    March 17th, 2010 at 6:34 pm

    Commenting on dental features (Buck toothed) : She could eat watermelon through a chicken wire fence.

    On a gossippy female: Her tongue is so long she could lick a skillet from the front porch. (Skillet is in the kitchen)

  269. Jimmy D Says:
    March 18th, 2010 at 2:40 pm

    “I ain’t tellin’ ya how the cow ate the cabbage”

    “That boy don’t know if he’s washin’ or hangin’ out”

  270. Jimmy D Says:
    March 18th, 2010 at 2:44 pm

    It don’t make me no never mind “I don’t care”

  271. Big Dog n TN Says:
    March 18th, 2010 at 3:38 pm

    (She’s so ugly…) She could make a locomotive take a dirt road!

    Uglier than a mud fence!

    He’s so ugly, when he was born, the doctor slapped his Momma!

    I’ll beat you like a rented mule!

  272. Anonymous Says:
    March 19th, 2010 at 3:50 pm

    Don’t what me, I ain’t a light bulb!

  273. gus Says:
    March 19th, 2010 at 3:52 pm

    Busier than a one legged cat trying to cover poop on a marble floor.

  274. gus Says:
    March 19th, 2010 at 3:52 pm

    Don’t what me, I ain’t a light bulb!

  275. Ashley Says:
    March 22nd, 2010 at 8:56 pm

    im a Tennessean so heres a few for ya..

    colder than a well diggers ass..

    i could eat the ass end outta a skunk

    and you can say the meanest thing to someone but as long as you end it with “Bless his/her heart” it always comes out sounding nice.

    if your gonna take a shower, ya fixing to go jump in the puddle.

    or one of my other faves..if something was great, “it’s enough to make you wanna slap yer momma”

  276. chad Says:
    March 23rd, 2010 at 2:24 pm

    busier than a one eyed cat watchin 3 mice holes

  277. james Says:
    March 25th, 2010 at 9:45 pm

    shes so ugly she makes onions cry

  278. Phil Says:
    March 26th, 2010 at 11:42 pm

    Well looks like he’s up shits creek without a paddle.

  279. vickie Says:
    March 30th, 2010 at 12:16 pm

    Grandpa used to describe anybody who was staggerin’ drunk as bein’ “plum loopdylegged” or “drunk as a boiled owl.

  280. C. Davis Says:
    April 4th, 2010 at 4:14 pm

    My grandma and mom always said, “I’m a grain mind to … what ever it was they were going to do.

    Has anyone else ever heard that?

  281. Rebekah Says:
    April 9th, 2010 at 4:55 pm

    I’m happier than a possum smilin’ in the shower!

  282. Big Dog n TN Says:
    April 14th, 2010 at 10:22 am

    I’m so confused I don’t know whether to scratch my watch or wind my butt.

  283. Jaybird (GA) Says:
    April 15th, 2010 at 10:55 pm

    Quit bumpin’ ya gums!

  284. Tonie Says:
    April 18th, 2010 at 4:52 am

    I grew up hearing most of the ones on this site. Hear are some more I didn’t see.

    “Whose/I’m skinning this cat? You just hold the legs”
    “Prettier than two speckled pups under a yeller wagon”
    Roll up/down the window- even for power windows
    “Couldnt hit the broad side of a barn”- bad aim
    “Shit fire and little green onions” – my Mom’s favorite exclaimation
    “He’s as useful as a white crayon”
    “Ustacould” – meaning before you could do that
    “He lives out in Rooster Poot” or “Bum F#%k Egypt”
    “Till the cows come home” – a long time
    “Don’t let your Mocking Bird mouth overload your Jaybird ass”- as in bragging
    “Shit Eating Grin”- smiling big like your guilty
    “White as a sheet” – pale
    “He couldn’t find his ass with a flashlight and a roadmap” – stupid
    “He couldnt fight his way out of a wet paper bag” – weak or not a good fighter
    He wouldn’t know his ass from a hole in the ground” – stupid
    “Eat shit and die” – comeback in argument
    “Bite Me”- comeback in argument
    “Drunker than Cooter Brown”
    “Stubburn as a mule”
    “You better shut your face”- shut up
    “She can dish it out but she cant take it”- talks trash but can’t handle it when you respond
    “Don’t you sass me”- smart off or talk back
    “Don’t get smart with me”- smart off or talk back
    “Your gettin’ too big for your britches”-acting up or smart talking
    “High Falootin’ ” or “HoyteeToytee”-(not sure on spelling) something rich or fancy or someone acting snobby
    “Hes so cheap he carries a rock around to fart on to save the grease”- my Dad’s favorite
    “He was so scared you couldn’t have shoved a greased BB up his ass”
    “He thinks his S*%t dont stink”- stuck up
    “Rob Peter to pay Paul”- being broke
    “Plum tuckered” – tired
    “I’ll snatch you bald headed”- threat of punishment
    “We don’t air our dirty laundry out in public”- talk about our business
    “Living high on the hog” – rich
    “I’ve a mind to” – I’m thinking about
    “Skeeters” – mosquitos
    “Taters” – potatoes
    “Put your money where your mouth is”- prove it or do it
    “Put up or shut up”- prove it or do it
    “Bar Fly”- older woman who hangs out in bars
    “Bar Ditch” drainage ditch beside the road drunks might end up in
    “I wouldn’t trust him as far as I can throw him”
    “Madder than an old wet hen”- very angry
    “Im so hungry my stomach thinks my throats been slit”
    “Jackin yer jaw”- talking
    “Tie a knott in yer tail”- spank you
    “Bumfuzzled”- confused
    “Slicker than Snott”
    “Pretty as you please”- easy
    “Going ninety to nothin’ “- busy or fast
    “To beat the band”- busy or fast
    “That don’t mean diddly squat”- doesn’t mean anything
    “That ain’t no hill for a stepper”- its not hard

  285. Julia Says:
    April 19th, 2010 at 11:02 pm

    Don’t let your alligator mouth overload your hummingbird a@@! (someone who is talking harsh about someone…but might not can back it up)

    Every tub has to sit on it’s own bottom. (meaning you have to be responsible for your own things)

    You had better go lick that calf over. (when you didn’t do the job right the first time and sent back to do it again)

  286. Anonymous Says:
    April 21st, 2010 at 11:57 pm

    My grandpa says my grandma is part Cherokee and part bulldog because when she ain’t on the war path she’s sittin’ on her a$$ growling.

    When someone asks if it is raining there’s always the response ‘No, it’s liquid sunshine.

    The Devil’s beatin’ his wife with a frying pan.

    About as bright as a burnt out light bulb in a dark room with no windows.

  287. Stephanie Says:
    April 24th, 2010 at 9:43 am

    “She’s so ugly she could snag lightning on a clear day!”

    Dumb-”His porch light’s on, but he aint home!”

    Boring- “It was like watching paint dry!”

  288. Stephanie Says:
    April 24th, 2010 at 9:44 am

    “If you put your head up your ass and jump, you might disappear!”

  289. Gavin Says:
    April 28th, 2010 at 7:17 am

    from Texas:
    It’s hotter then two rats screwing in a wool sock.
    It’s so hot, I don’t know whether to brush my butt, or wipe my teeth.
    Their teeth are so bad, they could eat an apple through a chain link fence.
    That’s as funny as a fart in a space suit.

  290. jed Says:
    April 28th, 2010 at 2:54 pm

    he couldnt hit a bull in the ass with a base fiddle.

    thats about as rare as a bucktoothed rooster.

  291. Michael Says:
    May 2nd, 2010 at 7:27 pm

    “its colder than a mother in laws kiss”
    “its colder than a witches tit in a brass bra”
    “i’ll put a pop knot on your head big enough to hitch a trailor to it”
    “i’ll put so many knots on your head it’ll look like a bowl full of plums”

  292. Adam Gouge Says:
    May 3rd, 2010 at 9:14 pm

    TENNESSEE..
    She’s finer than a new set of snow tires.
    You cant fix stupid.
    Like a one legged man in a ass whipping contest.
    You can put lipstick on a pig but its still a pig.
    Dont let that bulldog mouth overload that puppy
    dog ass.
    Which one of my eyes looks the most concerned ?

  293. Jai Kenebrew Says:
    May 12th, 2010 at 6:07 pm

    “If I tell you a duck can pull a truck, shut up an hook it up.” It means you should have believed me. (Its usually said after you have been proven right.)

  294. Warren Says:
    May 13th, 2010 at 5:46 pm

    That’s about as useless as a poop flavored lollipop

  295. Nells Says:
    May 16th, 2010 at 6:30 pm

    i need one that could finish …”im blushin’ like a…-” please and thank yall

  296. amanda Says:
    May 18th, 2010 at 7:14 pm

    can’t ride two horses with one ass!

  297. Cara Says:
    May 22nd, 2010 at 5:37 pm

    “She was as mad as a hornet”

    “You keep that up, I’ll skin you alive” (often hollered by my mother)

    “I’ll stomp a mud hole in your ass!” (hollered by my dad)

    “That’s as useless as a pocket on a cow”

    “They live just a hoot and a holler down the road” (Referring to where someone lives, who lives close by)

    “Don’t put the cart before the horse”

    “Your a dime holdin’ up a dollar” (Said when someone is getting in your way when you’re trying to get something done)

  298. Chuckie Says:
    May 24th, 2010 at 2:26 pm

    This one is for somebody not seeing something…
    “As blind as a 9 eyed coondog with cataracts in a sandstorm”

  299. dan riomano Says:
    May 24th, 2010 at 2:55 pm

    I may have invented this but can’t remember:

    He’ so horny he’d date a stick on the chance it might be a dead snake.

  300. Michael Tucker Says:
    May 24th, 2010 at 8:13 pm

    A lie don’t care who tell it, it’ll jump outta anybody’s mouth!

    Throw a brick in a crowd, somebody bound to get hit!

    A bit dog will holler!

    She looks better goin than comin!

    You thought you farted but you wipin now!

  301. Big Dog n TN Says:
    May 26th, 2010 at 9:27 am

    I ain’t got a dog in that hunt! (Don’t really care what happens)

  302. someone Says:
    May 27th, 2010 at 5:36 pm

    he’s slower than molasses on a cold winters night.

  303. someone Says:
    May 27th, 2010 at 5:39 pm

    he’s so ugly that i’m beginning to think his parents are siblings

  304. Gary Says:
    June 2nd, 2010 at 12:08 pm

    I’m fuller than a tick on a Hound Dog’s ass.

    I’ve seen better teeth on a Jack-O-Lantern.

    He’s got summer teeth…..some are over here, some are over there.

    She’s so buck toothed she could eat an apple through a picket fence.

    That space between his teeth is so wide he could eat a pineapple through a tennis racket.

    I’m sweatin’ like a whore in church.

    She has such pretty blond hair, I don’t know why she dyes her roots black.

    I seen better hair on an Anchovie.

    Well butter my biscuit, look who’s here.

  305. harry Says:
    June 3rd, 2010 at 12:02 am

    dumber than 4 oclock noon

  306. harry Says:
    June 3rd, 2010 at 12:03 am

    its hotter than my neighbors wife

  307. harry Says:
    June 3rd, 2010 at 12:04 am

    get your ass in the saddle meaning lets go

  308. harry Says:
    June 3rd, 2010 at 12:07 am

    like a thoroug bred in a donkey race ill beat ya ass

  309. harry Says:
    June 3rd, 2010 at 12:10 am

    get your helmet on meaning get in the game pay attention

  310. harry Says:
    June 3rd, 2010 at 12:10 am

    this aint my first rodeo

  311. harry Says:
    June 3rd, 2010 at 12:12 am

    slow down your speaking swahilli meaning your misunderstood or talking to fast or what not

  312. Heather Says:
    June 3rd, 2010 at 10:52 am

    Ugly as home made sin, drunker than Cooter Brown!

  313. junebug Says:
    June 4th, 2010 at 9:12 pm

    Mean enough to charge Hell with a quart of ice water.

    So ugly she has to sneak up on her own bath water.

  314. junebug Says:
    June 4th, 2010 at 9:13 pm

    So buck toothed he could eat an apple out of a pop bottle

  315. Stacy Young Says:
    June 8th, 2010 at 2:21 pm

    Ive heard my Grandma say…”He’s useless as a plugged nickel”….

  316. Stacy Young Says:
    June 8th, 2010 at 2:23 pm

    Useless as a screen door on a submarine….

  317. Mark Anders Says:
    June 10th, 2010 at 6:08 pm

    I’m from the mountains of Western NC and these are some I grew up with:

    “It’s colder than a well-digger’s butt in the Yukon.”

    “It’s raining like pouring piss out of a boot.” (said whenever it was raining very hard)

    “He was as dead as four o’clock”

    “You can’t drive a spike with a tack-hammer” (a response often used by a guy accused of having a big butt)

    “We were just talking about her and bless Pat here she come” (this is only one of a thousand ways the phrase “bless Pat” is used. It can be used in just about any conversation where somebody wants to give special emphasis to something, i.e.”I started down them steps and bless Pat if I didn’t slip and roll all the way to the bottom.” lol!!)

  318. Dawn Says:
    June 11th, 2010 at 12:34 am

    That smell will gag a maggot.

  319. Taylor Says:
    June 12th, 2010 at 2:37 am

    “Man if I were him I wouldn’t buy any green bananas.”

  320. DRV Says:
    June 16th, 2010 at 12:34 pm

    (When you don’t feel good…) I feel like I been eat by a bear and s%&t down a cliff….

  321. Stacy Young Says:
    June 18th, 2010 at 9:35 am

    He’s madder than a mashed cat

  322. Stacy Young Says:
    June 18th, 2010 at 9:36 am

    ’bout as dumb as a box of hair

  323. Stacy Young Says:
    June 18th, 2010 at 9:37 am

    hes tighter than dicks hat band

  324. Scooter Says:
    June 19th, 2010 at 12:49 pm

    To describe someone who looks tired – “You looked like you were pulled through a knothole backwards”

  325. Hannah Says:
    June 22nd, 2010 at 1:12 pm

    Hes blinkin’ like a frog in a hailstorm!

  326. Brad H. in NC says: Says:
    June 26th, 2010 at 6:09 pm

    “Sh*t fire, n save matches!”
    “Call him Bream,cause he’s got hands like a fish!”
    “Yer d*mn skippy!”
    “He’s bout’ smart as a post!”
    “She’s dumb as dirt n twiced as ugly!”
    “He could talk a hound off a meat wagon!”

  327. Anonymous Says:
    July 3rd, 2010 at 7:06 am

    “hes got an alligators mouth and a hummingbirds ass”

  328. Big Dog n TN Says:
    July 7th, 2010 at 7:56 am

    You could throw her in the river and skim ugly for two days!

  329. Big Dog n TN Says:
    July 7th, 2010 at 7:59 am

    I feel like I’ve been rode hard an’ put away wet! (tired)

  330. Tony Says:
    July 7th, 2010 at 3:50 pm

    Don’t worry about the mule going’ blind, load the wagon.

  331. anonmyous Says:
    July 11th, 2010 at 2:01 pm

    It’s colder than a well digger’s as*

  332. Alabama Says:
    July 13th, 2010 at 11:55 am

    I grew up in Alabama my whole life… Here’s some phrases..

    1) Your so mean, a snake wouldn’t bite you without dying..
    2) Who pissed in your Cheerios? (Who made you mad?)
    3) Yeatyet? (Have you ate?)
    4) You’ont to? (Do you want to?)
    5) Bless your pea-picking heart?
    6) You ain’t the brightest bolb/crayon in the box… (Your dumb..)
    7) She/he’s over the hill.. (He/she is old..)
    8) Goes to bed with the chickens/ rises with the chickens.. (in bed early or up ealy..)
    9) Busy as a bee..
    10) Why buy the cow.. When you get’n the milk for free? (Why get married, when your get’n the benefits anyway?)
    11) Your so hot you could fry an egg on your forehead.. (Running a fever.)
    12) Ain’t got a pot to piss in.. (Don’t have anything..)
    13) I’m gonna knock the fire outta you.. (I’m going to kick your butt..)
    14) Sweatin’ like a pig.. (Hot)
    15) You kiss your mama with that mouth? (Used when someone uses bad language..)

    There are some many phrases that Rednecks/Hillbillies use that Yankees don’t… Thank God for that…

  333. Anonymous Says:
    July 13th, 2010 at 2:54 pm

    Ah honey, No one would notice on a even on a gallopin goose.

    Ya didnt bring that ladder witch-ya-ditch-ya? ( with you did you)

  334. Anonymous Says:
    July 13th, 2010 at 2:56 pm

    MY grandma would always say this in shock or surprise: ” Well Good Lands!!”

  335. Austin in Texas Says:
    July 16th, 2010 at 11:58 pm

    ” she is as beautiful as rain in west Texas”

  336. Austin in Texas Says:
    July 17th, 2010 at 12:04 am

    “busier than a snub tailed cow in fly season”

  337. Austin in Texas Says:
    July 17th, 2010 at 12:10 am

    “im so hungry i could eat the back end out of a dead skunk”

    “she looked at me like a cow looking at a new gate” (confused as hell)

    “he was as happy as a two peckerd billy goat”

    “that floor is slicker than a greased up dog turd”

  338. Austin in Texas Says:
    July 17th, 2010 at 12:19 am

    “the only way them britches aint to tight is if she got shot in the ass and was trying to stop the bleeding”

  339. Anonymous Says:
    July 17th, 2010 at 4:41 pm

    She is about as exciting as a broken rake!!

  340. Hunter Says:
    July 19th, 2010 at 8:16 am

    Shes colder than a nudist on an iceberg.

  341. Chloe Judd Says:
    July 20th, 2010 at 3:01 pm

    Well butter my buns and call me a biscuit!

  342. noah Says:
    July 20th, 2010 at 8:59 pm

    u have to walk softer than a rabbit pees on cotton

  343. Sammy Says:
    July 22nd, 2010 at 1:31 pm

    you couldn’t hit the broad side of a barn (bad aim)

  344. Mark Shea Says:
    July 22nd, 2010 at 7:42 pm

    She’s got more Chins than a chinese Phone Book.

  345. sheila Says:
    July 25th, 2010 at 1:58 am

    If you don’t quit that I’m gonna snatch you bald headed.

    Busier than a peg-legged preacher at an a$$ kickin contest.

    she’s so dumb she couldn’t pour piss out of a boot with directions on the bottom.

    that ain’t right.

  346. sheila Says:
    July 25th, 2010 at 2:04 am

    Not No but Hell No!

    He’s higher than a kite.

    She couldn’t carry a tune with a bucket with a lid on it.

    There’s nothing like pot liquor poured over cornbread! (It’s the pea juice)

    Oh yeah and we crank our cars to carry people places!

  347. Kyledavid Says:
    July 25th, 2010 at 9:42 pm

    Thats crazier than a dog in a hubcap factory.

  348. DAWN Says:
    July 27th, 2010 at 10:52 am

    DUMB AS A DAY OLD HOG!

  349. Delaney Says:
    July 28th, 2010 at 11:05 am

    Ive got quite a few…ive lived in the south my whole life…
    1) Your as useless as tits on a boar hog
    2) Your making a mountain out of a moll hill (making it a big deal)
    3) I walked all over hell and half acre
    4) Shes playing possum (pretending to be asleep)
    5) Going to hell in a handbasket
    6) Couldnt carry a tune in a bucket
    7) You could argue with a fence post

  350. HAHAHA Says:
    August 2nd, 2010 at 10:30 pm

    “Couldn’t shoot fish in a barrel”

    “Grinnin’ like a possum”

    “Up before the chickens”

    “Till the cows come home”

    “Were you raised in a barn, child?” Referring to someone who leaves the front door open behind them.

  351. miya Says:
    August 7th, 2010 at 6:51 pm

    well ain’t that the berries!

  352. Rick Says:
    August 8th, 2010 at 8:10 pm

    I lived in the south most of my life. Here are some of the funnier ones I remember:

    1) Dumber than a box of rocks
    2) Dumber than a bag of doorknobs
    3) Fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch coming down
    4) Built like a brick sh** house
    5) That smell could knock a buzzard off a sh** wagon.
    6) He was God’s own drunk.
    7) Commode huggin drunk
    8) He was gay as a spring dress
    9) Sh***in in tall cotton now (means doing very well)
    10) He’s so dumb he could mess up a wet dream.
    11) Wouldn’t believe him if he told me the sun comes up in the morning.
    12) Messed up as a soup sandwich
    13) Went home to Jesus (died)
    14) Went home to Elvis (died for the non-religious)
    15) He’s so lucky if he fell in a bucket of sh** he’d come up with a silver dollar in his teeth

  353. Wayne Wiles Says:
    August 10th, 2010 at 7:03 pm

    He’s as lost as last years Easter egg
    She’s so fat she could sit on a quarter and squish a booger out of George Washington’s nose
    If you get rejected while asking a girl to dance you say “I didn’t ask you to dance, I said you look fat in them pants”
    If you wanna impress a girl ‘Boy you’re dad must’ve been a thief, it looks like he stole the stars from the sky and put them in your eyes” or “You must be dog tired, cause since I’ve laid eyes on you, you’ve been running through my mind”
    If you hear a guy say a fat girls pretty you say “Yeah pretty fat”
    For a slow person “You move like peanut butter in January”
    to a fast person ‘Boy he’s gone like yesterdays wind”
    When you’re financially ruined “I couldn’t get a graham cracker on credit with 15 cents down”
    I once heard an old man say “I’ve got one foot in the grave and another on a banana peel”

  354. Rick Says:
    August 10th, 2010 at 8:17 pm

    A few more:

    1)She looks like she got beat with the ugly stick.
    2)Sweatin like a Democrat on election day.
    3)He ran off like a turpentined kitty.
    4)These pants are like the Grand Hotel– no ballroom.
    5)If I tell you a banty rooster will pull a wagon, hitch him up.
    6)He’s so tight he squeaks when he walks.
    7)Can you carry me down to the store? (give me a ride)
    8)I’m fixin to…
    9)If you want to fight me you better pack a lunch and bring a flashlight.

  355. Rick Says:
    August 10th, 2010 at 8:20 pm

    She’s uglier than homemade sin.

  356. Kevin Says:
    August 12th, 2010 at 3:47 pm

    My PawPaw refered to high strung people as wound up tighter than dicks hatband.

  357. Kevin Says:
    August 12th, 2010 at 3:50 pm

    Here’s another. Useless as a one legged man in an a$$ kicking contest.

  358. anne Says:
    August 12th, 2010 at 3:52 pm

    Has anyone heard the saying: “I’ll be there with bells on!” Do you know what it means?

  359. Big Dog n TN Says:
    August 12th, 2010 at 7:24 pm

    ..give a 50 cent answer for a nickle question. (too much detail ….talks to much)

  360. John N. Says:
    August 17th, 2010 at 1:16 pm

    I’ll knock you so far down in your shoes you’ll have to pull your socks down to look out!

  361. John N. Says:
    August 17th, 2010 at 1:18 pm

    I’ll slap a knot on your head and slap it off before it has time to rise!

  362. John N. Says:
    August 17th, 2010 at 1:21 pm

    If I tell you a rooster dips snuff look behind his wing and you’ll find a can!

  363. John N. Says:
    August 17th, 2010 at 1:25 pm

    He (or she) is uglier than homemade soup!

  364. John N. Says:
    August 17th, 2010 at 1:35 pm

    The lights are oon but nobody’s home.

  365. John N. Says:
    August 17th, 2010 at 1:36 pm

    He’s a few bricks short of a load!

  366. John N. Says:
    August 17th, 2010 at 1:37 pm

    She’s a few fries short of a Happy Meal!

  367. John N. Says:
    August 17th, 2010 at 1:44 pm

    If someone is dunning you for money and you have none- “you can’t get blood from a turnip”

  368. John N. Says:
    August 17th, 2010 at 1:47 pm

    If someone thinks you’re inexperienced or don’t know what you’re talking about “I didn’t just fall off the turnip truck yesterday.”

  369. southeasttexas Says:
    August 18th, 2010 at 12:48 am

    “meaner than a junkyard dog”

  370. Anonymous Says:
    August 19th, 2010 at 6:49 pm

    Goin up a coon’s ass to get a milkshake. (me and my dad says this when someone asks where we’re goin)

  371. Alejandra Says:
    August 20th, 2010 at 3:06 am

    Hell no!! We don’t say anything even close to that in the “South”.

  372. Elli Says:
    August 23rd, 2010 at 4:31 pm

    He could talk the hind leg off a donkey.

  373. Mick Says:
    August 25th, 2010 at 12:13 am

    Oh Gawd-amighty! She’s drunk as the Lord again!

  374. Michelle A. Says:
    August 25th, 2010 at 12:14 am

    1. She’s so ugly, she’d back lightnin’ up a tree.
    2. Dog-tired (wore out slap-dab out…tired! haha!)
    3. I’d rather build a tin beak and go pick sh*t with the chickens! (…if you are opposed to a certain activity-Courtesy of my Gramma Mozelle)
    4. That makes my butt want to chop stove wood! (makes you mad)
    5. Blow your snot-horn (blow your nose- courtesy my aunt mae)
    6.

  375. Mick Says:
    August 25th, 2010 at 12:25 am

    Mind that frayed cord – it’ll knock your pecker into yer watchpocket! (for the would-be electricians)

  376. Jim M. Says:
    August 26th, 2010 at 3:58 pm

    I’m so broke I can’t afford to pay attention.

  377. chad Says:
    August 26th, 2010 at 11:44 pm

    whats the difference between a yankee and a damn yankee? a yankee comes to visit and a damn yankee comes to stay1

  378. Joe Says:
    September 2nd, 2010 at 1:55 pm

    We was so poor we’d eat cereal with a fork and share the milk

  379. Brittany Says:
    September 2nd, 2010 at 3:08 pm

    Tennessee
    “Madder than a wet hen!”
    “quit yer yappin!”
    “If ifs and buts were gifts and nuts we’d all be happy”
    “Mad as a hornet”
    “Like a bump on a log”
    “Talkin a mile’ a minute”
    “All(of)Y’all”
    “Like the east bound end of a west bound mule”
    “You could wear the horns off a billy goat”
    “laughin like a kookabura”

  380. Amber Says:
    September 7th, 2010 at 1:45 pm

    I grew up in Georgia and here are a few ive heard:

    Your more miserable than a horse in a hay less barn!

    I feel like a pork chop at a barmitzvah.

    Your a couple of cards short of a full deck!

  381. Jacki Says:
    September 7th, 2010 at 8:44 pm

    This guy is going down quicker than a pogostick in quicksand!

  382. J.R.R. Says:
    September 10th, 2010 at 1:01 am

    Use the ones you want if any. Also, I like the site.
    1) It’s colder than a witches tits in a brass bra
    2) Nothing exceeds like excess
    3) She’s so Buck toothed I bet she could eat a pineapple through a picket fence!
    4) I heard they weren’t married, but I’m not gonna gossip
    5) I’m wound up tighter than an 8 day clock
    6) Heck I knew you were sorry, now apologize!

  383. Tiffany Says:
    September 10th, 2010 at 6:19 am

    dont get ya panties in a bunch

    happier than a pig in poop

    dumber than a door-nail

    i use to walk up hill 5 miles both ways

    dont let the door hit ya where the good lord split ya

  384. cupcakebaby Says:
    September 12th, 2010 at 7:28 am

    I was about as nervous as a virgin at a prison rodeo! meaning one was really nervous!!

  385. Scott Says:
    September 12th, 2010 at 7:51 am

    Some old sayings from my papaw and father.

    …no thanks I just had a watermelon..(definately don’t want any)

    ….If I had that car (house-ect) and he had a feather up his A#@ we’d both be tickled

    …Ugly as a moose chewin ice..

    ..could break an anvil with a rubber hammer..

    ..seen better heads in a cabbage patch -(real ugly)

  386. Jokrs Says:
    September 13th, 2010 at 12:38 pm

    Well butter my butt and call me a bisquit

    (don’ argue with the idiots)
    Grandma always said, don’t wrestle with the pig, you both get dirty, and the pig likes it.

    cute as a puppy dogs ear.

    it’s as cold as a well diggers ass.
    it’s as cold as a witches tit.

  387. The Missouri Redneck Says:
    September 14th, 2010 at 7:59 pm

    “All that meat and no tators.”-Grandpa Jake

    “I need a tampon, my nipples hurt.”-My brother Hunter

    “You comin’ down with a cold youngin’?” “No it’s just my ovary’s actin’ up.”- My 3 yr old cousin Tristan

    “Hey Bubba! Ma burned supper!” “Awwww……again?”- My 1 yr old cousin Beau (Tristan’s brother)

  388. Rick Says:
    September 18th, 2010 at 7:02 pm

    He’s all hat and no cattle

    That kid could break an anvil

    Pissin’ in the wind (doing something useless/hopeless)

    If brains were gunpowder he wouldn’t have enough to blow his nose.

    He’s screw a snake in a sandstorm if someone’d hold it out straight for him.

    I hope the good lord loves him cause no one else ever will.

  389. Rick Says:
    September 18th, 2010 at 7:11 pm

    Don’t try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time and it annoys the pig.

  390. Old Joe Says:
    September 19th, 2010 at 12:36 pm

    Well, ain’t that just tits on a duck! (Mild surprise.)

  391. Local sayings/words unique to Atlanta/southern states - Georgia (GA) - City-Data Forum Says:
    September 20th, 2010 at 8:23 am

    [...] Originally Posted by coming2america We all have our own slang from where we come from. Like here in oz we have various sayings such as "flat out like a lizard drinking" which means that you are so busy like a lizard on a hot summers day drinking. "As mad as a cut snake", "Strewth" in which I have learnt it means in what you say "Dang" so please enlighten me what are some Georgian/Atlanta/Southern sayings! (p.s I dont want any racial ones) Go Here>>> Funny Southern Expressions, Sayings and Phrases from the Deep South [...]

  392. Big Dog n TN Says:
    September 23rd, 2010 at 3:30 pm

    I’d walk through hell and half of Georgia to be with you!

    Like nailin’ Jello to a tree. (difficult)

    Ornery as an old Pine Knot!

  393. Kristen Says:
    September 23rd, 2010 at 7:46 pm

    My grandma and aunt always use to say:
    “It’s colder than a well diggers butt in china”
    “It’s hotter than a witches tit in a brass bra”

  394. Butch Says:
    September 28th, 2010 at 2:01 pm

    Most of these are usually preceeded or followed by God bless him. This seems to make it OK to utter almost any critisism.

    A couple more:
    Beauty is only skin deep but ugly is to the bone
    Longer than a visit from my mother-in-law
    Only got one oar in the water
    Slicker than two eels in a barell of snot
    10 pounds of shit in a five pound sack
    No matter how good she looks somebody is tired of putting up with her shit.

  395. Rick Says:
    October 3rd, 2010 at 5:01 pm

    Don’t cut off your nose to spite your face.

    It’s as cold as a banker’s heart.

  396. Rick Says:
    October 3rd, 2010 at 5:10 pm

    You’re gettin’ on my last nerve.

  397. Harvey Says:
    October 7th, 2010 at 12:10 pm

    That boy theres meaner than a rattle snake

    Shoot Fire

    Hand me that Bippy over there

    Well I reckon that outta work

    Slower than molasses

    Stubborn as a mule

  398. Maryanne Says:
    October 8th, 2010 at 7:20 pm

    does anyone have sayings for someone who is a good liar? Like:they ought to give that girl an Emmy she’s such a good liar? Anything like that?

  399. Gabby lou Says:
    October 8th, 2010 at 7:25 pm

    If it had a brain it would be dangerous!:)

  400. Elk Says:
    October 8th, 2010 at 8:48 pm

    “Oh, he wouldn’t know his ass from a hole in the ground”

    My great grandfather said in defense of why his neighbor backed his truck down a cliff

  401. Hailey Says:
    October 10th, 2010 at 12:20 am

    hes as dumb as a post

  402. Hailey Says:
    October 10th, 2010 at 12:21 am

    ya’ll are as fun as a root canal

  403. Hailey Says:
    October 10th, 2010 at 12:22 am

    theres two ways u can say this

    its hotter en’ sin
    or
    its hot as sin out here

  404. Hailey Says:
    October 10th, 2010 at 12:23 am

    its hot as four hells out here!

  405. Trina Says:
    October 12th, 2010 at 5:33 pm

    Well bless your thumping little gizzard!

  406. Heather Says:
    October 17th, 2010 at 7:36 pm

    -Said to someone after they get hurt. Jesus don’t like stupid
    -Don’t assume anything. You make an ass out of you and me
    -When someone asks Well? My son always say’s, a well is a deep hole in the ground
    -The original saying was Well? A well is a deep subject for such a narrow mind
    -If brains was gas he would not have enough to power a go-cart around the inside of a cheerio
    -When someone says Hey the reply is. Hay is just the first stage of bullshit

  407. Big Dog n TN Says:
    October 19th, 2010 at 6:51 am

    Barking at a knot (wasting your time trying to explain something.)

  408. redfog Says:
    October 27th, 2010 at 1:50 pm

    Hells Bells!

    If wishes were horses Beggers would ride.

    She’d argue with the devil himself.

    We’d better lick this calf all over again. (something not done right)

    Six of One-Half a dozen of the other.(meaning same thing)

    Hotter’n blue blazes.

    She looks like 5 lbs a sugar in a 10 lb sack. (fat)

    Y’all could throw a cat through it. (talking about a hous not well built)

    Well, Gooose Greese and Horse Turds!

  409. Anonymous Says:
    October 27th, 2010 at 1:56 pm

    (from Alabama) In reference to an OCD spouse.

    “You can’t lay a fart down here without someone picking it up.”

  410. Anonymous Says:
    October 27th, 2010 at 1:57 pm

    (from Alabama)

    You’re about as grateful as a toothache.

  411. Big Dog n TN Says:
    October 28th, 2010 at 8:32 am

    If you can’t run with the big dogs, stay on the porch.

  412. Stevie Says:
    October 28th, 2010 at 8:15 pm

    tougher than the tits on a boar hog

  413. Big sis WA Says:
    October 30th, 2010 at 1:07 am

    Dumber than a box a rocks… for someone who’s not too smart

    He thinks his crap don’t stink, but his farts’ll give ‘em away… for someone who thinks they are better ‘n everybody else

    Not the brightest light on the tree

    Colder then a well digger’s wallet

    Dumber than a stump

    Slower than a seven-year itch

    Hotter than a tinker’s ass

    One burger short of a HAppy Meal

    Tasted bad enough to gag a maggot

    Don’t know shit from Shinola (I think Shine-ola was shoe polish?)

    He wouldn’t move if his ass was on fire!

    uglier than a mud fence

  414. Nicole Y Says:
    November 1st, 2010 at 12:01 pm

    My granny from Mississippi says:
    When it’s really cold, “It’s colder than a witches tit”
    About a skinny woman, “Nothing wants a bone but a dog, and he buries it when he finds it.”

    My Mississippi mom always said:
    Just before applying discipline to a child, “You don’t believe fat meat is greasy.” In other words, I told you I was about to tear you up if you don’t do what I say, and since you still haven’t you must not believe anything logical… followed by a beating. It would also be substituted by things like “You don’t believe Jesus rode a jackass.”

  415. Thivanka Says:
    November 6th, 2010 at 11:38 am

    Cold as an Eskimo’s ass

  416. Thivanka Says:
    November 6th, 2010 at 11:39 am

    I’m frazzled as a cow’s hide under a branding iron

  417. BigOrangeNation Says:
    November 6th, 2010 at 1:36 pm

    ..I’d like to have that _______ and him have a feather up his ass!! then we’d both be tickled!!

  418. Aussiepride Says:
    November 10th, 2010 at 5:25 am

    Built like a brick shithouse (muscular)

    Went down like a sack of shit (it fell fast)

    Id look outside if he told me it was raining (hes a liar)

    Its a rolls-canardly, rolls down one side of the hill can hardly get up the other (your car sucks)

    Step one drag one (walking with a limp)

    Goes to show you dont have to have a long neck to be a goose (hes an idiot)

    Dont beat around the bush (get to the point)

  419. Americas Favorite Inspector Says:
    November 10th, 2010 at 7:57 am

    That’s slicker than 2 eels, screwing in a bucket of snot. – Meaning Really Cool

  420. Paula Says:
    November 11th, 2010 at 2:10 pm

    I’m from Alabama and I’ve used this one for years but haven’t seen it on your list:

    She/He’s as ugly as a burnt snake.

  421. Paula Says:
    November 11th, 2010 at 2:14 pm

    When you are starving/hungry: “I could eat the ass end out of a rag doll!”

  422. me Says:
    November 13th, 2010 at 1:20 pm

    he was so stupid, he would come out of a bucket of tits sucking his thumb

  423. Sherry Says:
    November 15th, 2010 at 11:50 am

    “He couldn’t fall out of a tree in a hurry!”

  424. SouthernYankee Says:
    November 16th, 2010 at 12:35 am

    “If it were a snake it woulda bit ya!”

    (when you point something out that someone was looking for but was actually close or obvious the whole time)

  425. Damn Yankee Says:
    November 19th, 2010 at 8:06 pm

    The Civil War is over – and you lost. Get over it.

  426. Ally bobba Says:
    November 20th, 2010 at 10:38 pm

    useless as tits on a bull

  427. Anonymous Says:
    November 21st, 2010 at 3:43 pm

    ugly:
    “why, that coat is god-fearing ugly!”
    “uglier than sin”
    “he’s so ugly, he’d stop an eight-day clock!”

    surprise:
    “good night nurse!”
    “holy shit, Myrtle!”
    “good grief Annabelle!”
    “great scott!”

    anger:
    “madder than a wet hen”
    “madder than a hornet”

    random:
    “grinnin’ like a possum eatin’ peach seeds”
    “you ornery little shit!”
    “bless his/her heart” — you can say whatever you want about somebody, so long as you say “bless her heart”

  428. Jackie Says:
    November 23rd, 2010 at 12:46 pm

    can you give me the meaning of a Southern Phrase: Throw a Screw worm? I think it means throwing a fit, getting angry, etc.

  429. Elaina G. Says:
    November 24th, 2010 at 1:33 am

    Happier than a turtle on an escalator!

  430. David P. Says:
    November 24th, 2010 at 7:40 pm

    “Last night I had the big eye” (Couldn’t sleep last night.)

    “Quiet as a flea pissing on a cotton ball.”

  431. Josh Says:
    December 5th, 2010 at 9:55 pm

    If a frog had wings it wouldn’t drag it’s butt.

  432. Michel - Michigan Says:
    December 6th, 2010 at 4:03 pm

    Well, we Yankees, Damned or not, have our sayings too. Thought you might enjoy them:
    She’s so ugly she could gag a maggot.
    I hate him/her so much I wouldn’t cross the street to piss on them if they were on fire.
    Scarcer than hens teeth.
    I don’t want no truck with them. (don’t want to bother with them)
    Higher than a cats back. (costs a lot)
    Uglier than a spider sandwich.
    Uglier than a booger on a birthday cake.
    Nasty as a hair shirt (mean spirited)
    Is that a wiggle or a struggle? (girs walking)
    If you don’t stop that, I’ll knock you into next week.
    If you don’t stop, I’m going to slap you so hard that when you get up your clothes will be out of style!
    If you keep on, I’m going to kick your ass so high up your back you’ll have to take your shirt off to take a shit!
    Oh, right, and I’m a virgin, ask my kids! (when someone says something you just know is a lie)
    Yeah, that’s as funny as a rubber crutch.

  433. Grayson Says:
    December 7th, 2010 at 4:53 pm

    Like water off a duck’s back

    Hollow leg

    Happier than a pig in slop

    He couldn’t pour piss out of bucket if the directions were written on the bottom.

    Bitterer than quinine

    Throwing the baby out with the bathwater

    I’m gonna box your ears.

    As big around as a bean pole

    Slower than molasses

    Slow as Christmas

    Slower than Moses

    Older than Methuselah

    I’m gonna have to put a book on your head.

    Except by the grace of God, there go I.

    Ten pounds of potatoes in a five pound sack (about someone wearing pants that are too small for them)

    Thicker than Thieves

    Cotton pickin’ (precedes some noun when that person is irritated)

  434. Anonymous Says:
    December 7th, 2010 at 8:14 pm

    He/She’s got a face like a bucket of worms!

  435. Jethreene Says:
    December 9th, 2010 at 3:02 pm

    I feel so bad I feel like I been eat by a bear and s$%t down a cliff

  436. Jethreene Says:
    December 9th, 2010 at 3:04 pm

    I’m so hungry I could eat a horse and a half, a cow and a calf and chocolate mule with a peppermint tail !

  437. Jethreene Says:
    December 9th, 2010 at 3:08 pm

    …he was madder’n a bat in a suitcase

  438. Dawn - Tennessee Says:
    December 10th, 2010 at 7:20 pm

    “That went over like a turd in a punch bowl”

    This is when you are really thirsty- “I’m fartin dust!”

    “I gotta piss like a cow on a flat rock”

  439. Fido Says:
    December 11th, 2010 at 10:54 pm

    Looks like Fido’s ass

  440. Johnna Says:
    December 15th, 2010 at 9:04 am

    Instead of a “little bit more”, my family says, “Just a grunt more”

  441. Big Dog n TN Says:
    December 17th, 2010 at 7:41 am

    We were so poor we had to eat dough for breakfast and sit out in the sun for lunch!

  442. jennifer Says:
    December 18th, 2010 at 12:37 pm

    Well dont you look preiter than a glob of butter melting on a stack of wheat cakes!

  443. jt brown Says:
    December 19th, 2010 at 9:34 pm

    its hotter than a four balled dog

  444. mark Says:
    December 21st, 2010 at 1:47 am

    He/She’s got the kind of face that would make a train take a dirt road.

    He was madder ‘en a centipede standin’ barefoot on a hot rock!

  445. dave Says:
    December 29th, 2010 at 6:55 am

    it was so cold i was shivering like dog poopin a pine cone

  446. Mo Says:
    January 5th, 2011 at 10:41 am

    You’re ’bout as goofy as a bow-legged hound dog.

  447. Idann Says:
    January 6th, 2011 at 8:54 am

    I grew up all over the South as my pop was in the Military and here are a few from him and my mom…..

    “Shore as shit stinks”
    runnin like a scared rabbit.
    he/she would rather stand in a tree and tell a lie than stand on the ground and speak the truth.
    meaner than a two tailed rattler with no teeth.
    quick as a cat can blink it’s eyes.
    higher than a cats ass
    come here and let me smack you……..
    I’m going up the road apiece will be back directly.
    I’ll slap the s@#T outta you and slap ya for s@#$$%^g.
    To a pregnant girl: should a kept that nickel between yer knees like your mamma tolt ya.

  448. Jwade Says:
    January 7th, 2011 at 7:05 pm

    Heres a couple more from the great state of TN.

    “Go get you sumthin ta drank!” (Please have a drink)

    “I want you to look at.”(WOW)

    “Hell”(oh well)

  449. Cay Says:
    January 8th, 2011 at 7:49 pm

    She Could Argue With A Fence Post All Day

  450. Jenny Says:
    January 9th, 2011 at 1:58 pm

    This is one is my favorite to use:

    “She’s crazier than a shithouse rat!”

  451. Wildfire Says:
    January 19th, 2011 at 2:08 pm

    Born and raised in Georgia and have heard many a funny saying.

    You look like a jackass eatin briars.

    It’s hotter than a whore on dollar day.

    Starvin like Marvin.

    My stomach thinks my throat’s been cut.

    Slow as molasses in the winter.

    He/ she would gag a maggot on a gut truck.

    Response to where ya goin? Up a hogs ass to get a ham sandwich.

    The dog who barks is the dog who bites.

    Your nose is growing Pinochio. (when someone tells you a lie)

    Liar liar pants on fire.

    Slick as owl shit.

    I was born at night but it wasn’t last night.

    You’re so ugly you’d make a freight train take a dirt road.

    I’m so broke I’d have to fart to have a cent.

    Lawyers are so crooked when they die we will have to screw them in the ground

    Guess I ran outta steam for now.

  452. MikeNC Says:
    January 19th, 2011 at 9:43 pm

    Another horse been in his barn (Means that that his spouse is cheating)

    Boy ‘s a rock star without a guitar (some one that smokes crack)

    That sure is a peach. (a good idea)

    He lives so far out they have to pump sunshine in.

    He gets tuesday’s paper on friday (a person lives way out in the country)

    Its right over there a piece. (It will probably take you ten minutes to get there.)

    Its up the road a piece (If it takes less than thirty or forty minutes to get there you’re lucky.)

    Sounds like the angels are having a tournament. (A lot of thunder)

    The angels must be bowling. (Just a little bit of thunder)

    Sharper than a straight razor (a man in a particularly fancy suit)

  453. MikeNC Says:
    January 19th, 2011 at 10:36 pm

    That’s your tail I sit on mine. (I think you’re lying)

    If it was a snake it would’ve bit ya. (You missed something obvious)

    He’s ’bout as confused as a fart in a fan factory.

    Drunker than Hogan’s goat.

    You could worry the horns off a billy goat.

    You’ld make a preacher want to cuss.

    Her @$$ would make you a Sunday face. (Stop talking about her looks you’re no prize)

    Ugly as home made sin on a Sunday.

    You goin’ to get molly whopped. (You’re gong to get hit real hard)

    We’re going to see aunt Betty Lou Carden. (Going to the ABC store to buy liqour)

    Eatin’ brains don’t make you a scientist (You’re still just a dumb country boy no matter how smart you think you are.)

    Been half way through hell in gasoline pants. (had a hard day)

    He’s still kickin dirt and draggin’ @$$. (A person that still partys a lot evn though they are too old.)

    Still got milk on his breath (a person is young or inexperienced)

    It is hotter than the hinges of hades.

    He’s going to blow the gates of hell wide open when he goes. (A particularly wild or mean person)

    Too mean for Jesus, too dumb for the Devil

    He wouldn’t know his name if it won’t written in his shorts.

    Who died and left the gate open (traffic is really bad)

  454. shelley Says:
    January 21st, 2011 at 8:51 pm

    Im bout to bust a gut! (full from eating)
    Beans and taters stick to ur ribs!
    If you can’t take the heat, get out the kitchen!

  455. charlie Says:
    January 22nd, 2011 at 2:45 am

    from Oklahoma Hotter than a fourball tomcat
    craizer than a stomped ant

    from Tennesee smother than a sun possums belly
    I dont know what a sum possum is, but it sounds cool

  456. OkieRon Says:
    January 22nd, 2011 at 8:17 am

    Howbout when asked a dumb question:

    Does a one legged duck swim in a circle?
    Does a fat baby fart?

  457. OkieRon Says:
    January 22nd, 2011 at 8:51 am

    Some more:
    It’s about as easy as herding cats.
    Harder’n baptizing a cat.
    Better than a sharp stick in the eye.
    More nervous than a long tailed cat in a room full of rockin chairs.

  458. Kikki Says:
    January 23rd, 2011 at 12:31 pm

    Lord she is homely…she’d make a train take a dirt road!

    Q:What’s that?
    A:cat fur to make kitten britches.

  459. OkieRon Says:
    January 25th, 2011 at 12:04 pm

    I had a friend that would say: I’ll give you a dollars worth of nickel knots.

  460. OkieRon Says:
    January 29th, 2011 at 8:03 am

    That’s all I got so break out your blue crayons and color me gone.

  461. Abby Elkins Says:
    January 29th, 2011 at 12:29 pm

    He could worry the balls off a brass monkey.

    It’s hotter than a black leather seat on a hot summer day.

  462. ritchard long Says:
    February 2nd, 2011 at 12:28 pm

    his truck runs like a stiped ass ape

  463. Jennifer Says:
    February 5th, 2011 at 9:28 pm

    When describing something difficult: It’s like trying to put a wet noodle up a wildcats ass.

    When you’ve worked really hard for someone: Wow He worked me like a borrowed horse.

    Describing people who spout off at the mouth: Don’t let your mouth write any checks that your ass can’t cash. Also, Don’t have a battleship mouth and a rowboat ass.

  464. patrickinKENTUCKY Says:
    February 7th, 2011 at 8:57 pm

    We have a million of these sayings in Kentucky…here are a couple of my favorites:

    Hotter than a whore in a pecker patch
    Hotter than a queer eating a corndog
    prettier than socks on a rooster
    Sadder than a one-car funeral!
    That would bring tears to a glass eye!
    Hotter than a bitch wolf with pups

  465. Ron Says:
    February 8th, 2011 at 3:39 pm

    If I had money like yours I’d burn mine!
    Your just piss in up a rope.
    That politicians crooked as a dogs hind leg
    Hush up afore I slap the taste out your mouth

  466. jay Says:
    February 12th, 2011 at 8:44 pm

    here is some i got from my aunt from tennessee.

    It’s colder, then a two day old biscuit.

    you’re as handy as socks on a roster.

    I’m more nervous then a long tail cat in a room full of rocking chairs.

  467. Jennifer Says:
    February 13th, 2011 at 7:22 am

    Madder than a mosquito in a mannequin factory!

  468. patrickinKENTUCKY Says:
    February 13th, 2011 at 7:35 am

    My dad uses this one a lot when someone or something is loud or noisy.

    “That sounds like a dying calf in a hailstorm!”

  469. patrickinKENTUCKY Says:
    February 13th, 2011 at 8:13 am

    I didn’t realize that these are more than just sayings in the South, they are part of everyday language. LOL Anyway, here are here more:

    I could shit through a screen door-when you have diarhea

    She is two ax handles across the ass (big ol’ girl)

    He is confused as a baby raccoon!

    That is harder than Chinese arithmatic!

    Harder than a whore’s heart!

    Noisier than two skeletons screwing on a tin roof.

    He’s as nervous as an old boy with his pecker in a goat’s ass.

    He’s as nervous as a cat shitting razor blades!

    It’s hotter than a West Texas highway out here!

  470. Anonymous Says:
    February 13th, 2011 at 9:52 am

    You’re uglier than a lard bucket full of armpits.

  471. DP Says:
    February 15th, 2011 at 10:40 pm

    When you don’t close the door behind you during the summer with the air conditioner going: “quit letting out the bought air”

    When you’re just browsing or looking at a store: “we’re just nosing through the trough”

  472. Willa Cotten Says:
    February 20th, 2011 at 12:00 am

    You think you’re nickel slick, but I got your penny change!

  473. Train Says:
    February 22nd, 2011 at 6:17 pm

    That boy don’t know his ass from his elbow.

  474. Mike Says:
    February 23rd, 2011 at 3:23 pm

    I heard this one yesterday and I have been told that it’s a secret way of saying I need a drink:

    My foot is itching for number one in the sun (and her son).

  475. Desirae Says:
    February 24th, 2011 at 8:14 pm

    I remember whenever I was little, my Ma Maw would always say, “See ya later, alligator!” I still say that today, and my Dad does too. Another:
    ‘There ain’t nothin wrong in my head!
    ‘If life gives ya some lemons, plant em. What? Better than making lemonade then starvin!’
    ‘Happier than a tornado in a trailer park!’
    ‘Do I care?’
    ‘I reckon.’

  476. ryann Says:
    February 24th, 2011 at 11:53 pm

    i dont pay him no nevermind

  477. Deb Says:
    February 25th, 2011 at 12:29 pm

    I can’t think of any sayings that haven’t been duplicated at least a hundred times on this site, but I sure found some new ones to use! I wrote some down so I could remember them, because I have a photographic memory, but I’m out of film.

  478. redneckBirth Says:
    February 26th, 2011 at 10:49 am

    Reflecting on an un-hospitable social situation:

    They made me feel about as welcome as a turd in a swimming pool.

  479. redneckBirth Says:
    February 26th, 2011 at 11:13 am

    To someone with bad breath:

    You could knock a buzzard off a shit wagon.

  480. Anonymous Says:
    March 1st, 2011 at 6:47 am

    “can’t hang yourself if you ain’t got enough rope” it’s hard to take advantage of the things you have when you got just enough to get by

  481. Bobby Says:
    March 1st, 2011 at 10:20 pm

    Colder than a brass toilet seat in the Yukon.

  482. alan from murphy Says:
    March 5th, 2011 at 8:27 am

    i live so far back in the sticks that monday night football dont come on till thursday.

  483. chelsea Says:
    March 6th, 2011 at 1:26 pm

    make like a horse tured and hit the trail

  484. prof Says:
    March 6th, 2011 at 8:41 pm

    He’s mean as a striped snake.

    Well just cut my legs off and call me shorty. (something unbelievable)

    (A confused person) Like a duck looking for thunder.

  485. Bobby Says:
    March 7th, 2011 at 10:42 am

    She’s so buck toothed, she could rake the seeds out of a watermelon and not get her lips wet.

  486. seth Says:
    March 8th, 2011 at 2:06 am

    If a person is ugly-”They could make a freight train take a dirt road.”

    “He didn’t know me from Adam.”

    “He’s so tight, you could stick coal in his butt and have a diamond in two weeks.”

    “Bless their heart.”

    “You’re nervin me.”

    If the answer is obviously yes, but the person wants to be sarcastic “Does a chicken got lips?”

    “Home again, home again, jiggity jig. A kiss and a peck and a hug around your neck.”

    Someone’s tickling you, they tell you to yell “Calf rope” or they ask “You steal sugar?”

    Someone says something to make the other mad, they’ll say “You don’t want to ride this train.”

    “Say when.”

    “You fibbin?”-You lying?

    If someones pants are pulled up high-”Here comes old high pockets.”

    About to eat supper-”Puttin on the feedbag”

    “Hotter than two people fornicatin in a portapotty.”

    Someone’s tired-”They’ve been rode hard and hung up wet.”

    Someone is unexpectedly mad-”You’d have thought I kicked his dog.”

    “Back in the hollow.”-Pronounced holler.

    “Fightin like two hogs in a den.”

  487. Bubba Says:
    March 10th, 2011 at 5:40 am

    “She’s so ugly she’d make a train back up a dirt road”

    “Dumb as a brick”
    “His bread’s not quite done”
    “Nervous as a whore in church”
    “You need to sh#t or git off the pot”( Commonly used when waiting in traffic)
    “They’re mean as a snake”
    “Grinning like a sh#t eating dog”
    “Purtier than a peach”
    “Ain’t you a sight for sore eyes”
    “Get it while the gettin is good”
    “Queer as a 3 dollar bill”
    “Good as grits”
    “Use your head for something besides a hat rack”
    “I’m sick as a dog”
    “Stop beating a dead horse” (Repeating things over and over)
    “Why don’t you pipe down” (Be quiet)
    “Does a bear sh#t in the woods?”

  488. Bubba Says:
    March 10th, 2011 at 5:48 am

    “That boy doesn’t know his ass from a hole in the ground”
    “Crazier than a hoot owl”
    After an interesting bathroom visit or fart
    “you didn’t eat that, that crawled up in you and died”

  489. Bubba Says:
    March 10th, 2011 at 5:51 am

    “you were so ugly, when you were born the doctor slapped your momma”

  490. Bubba Says:
    March 10th, 2011 at 6:03 am

    “you’re full of sh#t as a Christmas turkey”

  491. Bubba Says:
    March 10th, 2011 at 9:43 am

    “you ain’t got the sense God gave a mule”
    “you could fall in a bucket of sh#t and come out smelling like a rose”
    “you’re luckier than a dog with two peckers”

  492. lzhxvlis Says:
    March 12th, 2011 at 5:51 pm

    My grandmother was telling me about one of her friends and I said how long did you ya’ll know each other and she said “Oh lord! I’ve known her since I was knee high to a grass hopper”. I thought it was the funniest thing ever! Haha!

  493. darkness Says:
    March 15th, 2011 at 10:43 pm

    as happy as a pig in poop

  494. Sandy Says:
    March 19th, 2011 at 3:43 pm

    You get more bees with honey than you do with vinegar!

  495. Married a Razorback Says:
    March 21st, 2011 at 12:58 am

    You ought to buy two of them, one to crap on and one to cover it up with.

  496. Carrie Says:
    March 21st, 2011 at 4:03 pm

    My dad used to say, “If a frog had pockets, he’d carry a pistol to shoot snakes.” This was usually used for instances when someone was worrying too much.

    As useless as a blind man’s driver’s license…

    As careless as a typhoon…

    Texas tornadoes and Arkansas divorces always cause someone to lose a trailer house.

  497. Savannah Patinka Says:
    March 31st, 2011 at 8:19 pm

    Dang, that’s more obvious than a cow peeing on a flat rock!

    That makes less than no sense.

    You look more scared than a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs!

  498. Ava Says:
    April 2nd, 2011 at 10:50 pm

    He’s slower than molasses running up the hill backwards.

  499. Rod Says:
    April 5th, 2011 at 1:56 am

    She could talk a dog down off a meat wagon.

    She’s so big, it takes two men and a boy just to look at her!

    Southern Redneck’s Famous Last Words:

    “Hey, y’all! Watch’is (this)!”

    Dumb as a bag o’ doorknobs
    Looks like he went to a knife fight but forgot to bring his knife.

    Uglier than homemade sin.

    Fell asleep under the ugly tree…and killed it!

  500. Susan Says:
    April 9th, 2011 at 12:06 am

    My dad was born and raised in Mississippi.

    It’s root hog or die (In response to “How are you?” if he’s flat broke)

    That dawg don’t hunt (He doesn’t buy your argument, or doesn’t believe you)

    Colder ‘n a witch’s tit.

  501. Marc Says:
    April 10th, 2011 at 5:40 pm

    “Finer than Frog hair and twice as fuzzy

  502. Anonymous Says:
    April 12th, 2011 at 5:28 pm

    any body got one for ohio?

  503. Anonymous Says:
    April 13th, 2011 at 7:45 pm

    My aunt used to say:
    “Lets hit the trail like a horse turd” (Meaning lets get goin!)

  504. kristi miranda Says:
    April 16th, 2011 at 1:55 pm

    I about wet my britches readin this..what can I say I’m frm Dallas tx

  505. Cooper Says:
    April 20th, 2011 at 11:20 am

    One’s I use and have heard around Texas:

    “Tastes like a cat shit in my mouth”
    (what your mouth tastes like after a long night of drinking and smoking)

    “I was drunker than a five eyed spider”

    “I want to ____ like I want to take a shit in the ocean”
    (say it when you don’t want to do something)

    “quick as a whip”

    “slow as molasses running upstream in January”

  506. CountryDawg Says:
    April 24th, 2011 at 8:58 am

    To someone who is quick….”He’s faster than a fart in a windstorm!”

  507. DangYankee Says:
    April 27th, 2011 at 5:24 am

    The South:

    “This is my Uncle-Brother Jed”

  508. Larry Says:
    April 29th, 2011 at 11:09 am

    It was so quiet, you could hear a mouse pissin’ on a cotton ball.
    He could sell socks to a rooster.
    He could talk the pope into openin’ a whore house.
    He could get dirty in a hospital.
    He don’t know if his ass was punched or bored. Or countersunk.
    Harder than Chinese arithmetic.

  509. Lizzy Says:
    May 1st, 2011 at 5:04 am

    What does a Texas Tornaduh and a tennessee dayvorce got in commen?….Some’n’ is gonna lose a trayler….

    Written in the dialect of NC lol

  510. Cole Says:
    May 7th, 2011 at 10:50 am

    You’d aggravate the balls off a brass monkey..

    You’re about as awkward as a cow on crutches.

    He doesn’t know whether to check his ass or scratch his watch.

  511. Annie in South Carolina Says:
    May 9th, 2011 at 8:55 am

    That’ll go over like a turd in a punch bowl (response to a bad idea)

    I don’t know whether to wind my watch or scratch my ass (when you’re confused)

  512. Junebug Says:
    May 10th, 2011 at 8:49 pm

    Tough Guy sayings:

    “I’ll rattle the windows in your wheelhouse, buster!”

    “I’ll slap you so hard your shadow will $*&^ his pants.”

    “I’ll lay you out thinner piss on a plate.”

    “Go outside and practice standing up before you talk to me like that.”

    “I’ll run up your ladder and kick every rung out on the way down”.

  513. MikeNC Says:
    May 12th, 2011 at 2:20 am

    I’ld sooner eat ass holes for breakfast. (You refuse to do something)

    If he keeps using them five cent words he’ll be broke soon. (If he doesn’t stop trying to sound more intelligent than he is everybody is going to find out.)

    He’s a seven story buildin’ with a five story elevator. (The person is either stupid or crazy.)

  514. Marye Says:
    May 30th, 2011 at 12:14 am

    I’m from Mississippi and I have thoroughly enjoyed reading these euphemisms. Some have brought back memories of growing up in the deep south. There were even a couple I had never heard. The only ones I know that I did see were:

    When you need to leave just tell the person, I’ve got to get up at the butt-crack of dawn.

    If some one isn’t that smart you can say. The elevator goes up, but the door doesn’t open. Or He’s one beer short of a six pack.

  515. Lesley From Kentucky Says:
    May 30th, 2011 at 5:21 pm

    Ive grown up my entire life hearing these sayings—-I have several friends from New York,…I actualy lived there for awhile,…however–I would say some of these myself…and it would just “blow their mind”!!

    “Lord willing and the creek dont rise”
    “Cant cuss a cat without getting a hair in your mouth”
    “Make ya tongue slap ya brains out”
    “Uglier than homemade sin”
    “Shaking like a dog shitting razor blades”
    “Shes hotter than a 2$ pistol”
    “I gotta shake the dew off the lily”
    There are more,….I can’t think….

  516. Beth Says:
    June 6th, 2011 at 6:51 am

    That room was so small you couldn’t cuss a cat without gettting fur in your mouth!

  517. anissa Says:
    June 10th, 2011 at 10:21 am

    its colder then a welldiggers ass on 4th of july. and its hotter then a 2 pucker billgoat haha i got these from my momma

  518. Jan Says:
    June 10th, 2011 at 11:04 am

    I’m finer than frog hair, slicker than a cricket.

  519. clark Says:
    June 13th, 2011 at 7:50 pm

    He as useless as rubber lips on a woodpecker

    Thats harder than nailing jello to a tree

  520. Jan Says:
    June 13th, 2011 at 7:50 pm

    If your birds were in a bluebird’s butt, it would be flying backwards!

  521. Joe M. Says:
    June 13th, 2011 at 8:01 pm

    1. As useless as tits on a boar hog

    2. So lazy, he/she wouldn’t say “soo” if the hogs had him/her.

  522. Elizabeth Says:
    June 15th, 2011 at 11:21 am

    I’m loving this! Remembered a few from my Southern parents and grandparents.

    got a nose that could gut a punkin through a rail fence.’ (Long, pointed nose.)

    is kyarney. (I have no idea of the spelling of this and suspect it’s a corruption of a Scots pronunciation of ‘carrion’. Pronounced ‘kee-YAR-ney.’ Means dirty, filthy, good for nothing. My Appalachian grandmother used to use this phrase.

    Ain’t fit to carry guts to a bear. (Someone who’s worthless.)

    I wouldn’t piss on him if he were on fire. (Someone you dislike.)

    Full as a tick (having eaten too much.)

  523. Justin Says:
    June 16th, 2011 at 12:37 pm

    Some of the ones my Grandpa used to say was- “what do you mean WE? you have a mouse in your pocket”

    “Damn that’s slipperier then greased owl shit”

  524. Paul Says:
    June 17th, 2011 at 5:00 pm

    Redder than a foxes a$$ in a pepper patch.
    (embarrassed)

    Everybody wants to go to heaven but nobody wants to die. (all want rewards but don’t want to work for it)

    That gives me the heebie-jeebies! (freaks you out)

    A faint heart never won a fair lady or stole a watermelon. (have guts…go for your dreams)

  525. Angie Says:
    June 18th, 2011 at 10:23 pm

    A couple from my Dad:

    He’s so dumb he couldn’t pour piss out of a boot with the directions on the heel!

    She’s a holy fright! (She’s ugly)

    Flat as a flitter.

    Sexier than socks on a rooster.

    Slow as Christmas.

    You look like death eating a cracker.

    Your eyes are as red as a monkey’s butt.

    He’s got more dollars than cents (sense).

  526. Shelby Says:
    June 22nd, 2011 at 9:11 pm

    My brothers say this when seeing a hot girl: “damn that chick is hotter than doughnut grease in the middle of july”

  527. John C. Says:
    July 6th, 2011 at 3:54 pm

    My great grandma used to say:

    “You kids are windier than a barrel full of a$$ holes.” (you kids are noisy and talk too much)

    “This knife is so dull you could ride it down the Guyandotte River and back and it wouldn’t cut your a$$.” (dull knife)

    My grandfather would often say:

    “bigger than Pete” as in “He ran that red light bigger than Pete!”

    “Crazier than a bed bug”

    “Shanny boat” actually “shanty boat” (Used to describe something of poor build quality or in severe disrepair like the old makeshift houseboats cobbled together by drifters that traveled the Ohio River back in the day.)

    “Don’t know sh*t from Shinola.” (a reference to an old brand of shoe polish in describing someone who lacks knowledge, intelligence and general good sense.)

  528. Tadpole From KY Says:
    July 9th, 2011 at 12:38 am

    Lookin at me like a country mule lookin at a freight train.

    Couple bricks shy of a load.

    Their elevator don’t go to the top.

    Couple cans short of a six pack.

    Bout a useless as an elevator in an outhouse.

  529. James Andrew TX Says:
    July 12th, 2011 at 6:37 pm

    Some of my favorites from my grandpa:

    “Aw foot”
    “What’s the matter? You got the can’t help-its?”
    “Them that don’t work, don’t eat.”
    “Don’t let yer eyes overload yer belly.”
    “Wall yer eyes, back yer ears and grit yer teeth.”
    “Come here and gimme a yankee dime.”
    “You ain’t worth a plug nickel.”
    “Did you let a stinker?”
    “Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth.”
    “You’re about as slow as molasses.”
    “If the Lord’s willing and the creek don’t rise.”
    “She’s madder than an old wet hen.”
    “I’m as nerveous as a cat on a hot tin roof.”
    “He’s as worthless as tits on a boar hog.”
    “It’s deader than a door knob.”
    “He was fit to be tied.”
    “That’s as green as a goard.”
    “He don’t have a lick of sense.”
    “Stop runnin’ around like a chicken with it’s head cut off.”
    “He’s about as crooked as a snake.”
    “Boy, I’m gonna tear your hind end up.”
    “Come here whistle britches.”
    “They’re livin’ in sin.”
    “Don’t count yer chickens before they hatch.”
    “He ain’t got a lick of sense.”
    “Don’t bite off more ‘en you can chew.”
    “You’re barking up the wrong tree.”
    “Just sit there like a bump on a log.”
    “I’m as full as a tick on a dog.”
    “You’d complain if they were gonna hang you with a gold rope.”
    “That money’s burnin’ a hole in your pocket.”
    “You’re a pistol.”
    “You’re meaner than a rattle snake.”
    “I’ve know you since you were knee high to a grasshopper.”
    “There’s more than one way to skin a cat.”
    “You’re about as stubborn as a mule.”
    “It’s rainin’ cats and dogs.”
    “He couldn’t hit the broad side of a barn.”
    “He’s got about as much chance as a stinker in a whirl wind.”
    “The smell would gag a maggot on a gut wagon.”
    “All yer gettin’ for Christmas is a bundle of switches.”
    “It’s as flat as a flitter.”
    “I’m fixin’ to give you a switchin’”
    “I’m fixin’ to tan your hide.”
    “You can just get glad in the same pants you got mad in.”
    “I was so mad I could spit nails.”
    “She’s was as cute as a speckled pup.”
    “Are you outta’ pocket again?”
    “There’ll be be doo-doo on the moon.”
    “That’s like closin’ the barn door after the horse gets loose.”
    “She’s goin’ hog wild.”
    “He was as white as a sheet.”
    “Yer gettin’ too big for yer britches.”
    “Yer barkin’ up the wrong tree feller.”
    “Yer livin’ pretty high on the hog.”
    “That ain’t no hill for a stepper.”
    “Every dog has his day.”
    “I’m fixin’ to skin you alive.”
    “Uglier than sin.”
    “He’s higher than a kite.”
    “Stop playin’ possum.”
    “He couldn’t carry a tune in a bucket.”
    “You’d argue with a sign post.”
    “He’s so tight, he squeaks when he walks.”
    “He was wound up tighter ‘en a bango string.”
    “That kid could tear up a rail-road anvil.”
    “He is as tough as a pine knot.”
    “Don’t cut off yer nose to spite yer face.”
    “The water was higher than a cat’s back.”
    “It’s as scarce as hens teeth.”
    “He’s happier than a pig in slop.”
    “You could talk the horns off a billy goat.”
    “Stop beating a dead horse.”
    “Cryin’ like a dying cow in a hail storm.”

  530. TNTater Says:
    July 14th, 2011 at 3:50 am

    It’s colder than a cast iron toilet on the north side of an iceberg.

  531. jlynn Says:
    July 14th, 2011 at 4:40 pm

    when you see someone with really crooked teeth…”Now thats what you call tooth salad”!

  532. jlynn Says:
    July 14th, 2011 at 4:41 pm

    It’s hotter than two mice screwing in a wool sock!!

  533. Angie Says:
    July 17th, 2011 at 10:35 pm

    You’re as useless as tits on a boar hog.

    I’m lost as last year’s Easter egg.

    We’re as lost as three bats in a hail storm.

  534. T-Mar Says:
    July 22nd, 2011 at 12:28 pm

    I’m from Mississippi and my Mother (God rest her soul) Would always say..You better watch him ..He talks so Smooth he could steal Grease out of a Biscuit without breaking the Crust!! ;)

  535. Lemmiwinks Says:
    July 28th, 2011 at 9:31 am

    You’re so ugly you could eat corn off the cob through a picket fence!

COMMENT (Not all comments are approved, including rude comments and those with strong language).

Section: Stupid, Funny Quotes, Questions & Sayings

<< Funny Graffiti  |   Funny Epitaphs and Tombstones from old cemeteries >>

Click for privacy policy

All content is © InnocentEnglish.com: Funny Jokes, Signs, Pics, Bloopers, English mistakes and More, 2005-2011, or is in the public domain, or is © by the respective copyright holders. Please contact for prompt removal of any inadvertent © content, with apologies.

px_area:0;max-width:none;margin:0px 0px 0px 0px;padding:0px 0px 10px 0px;">Hotter than a tinker’s ass

One burger short of a HAppy Meal

Tasted bad enough to gag a maggot

Don’t know shit from Shinola (I think Shine-ola was shoe polish?)

He wouldn’t move if his ass was on fire!

uglier than a mud fence

  • Nicole Y Says:
    November 1st, 2010 at 12:01 pm

    My granny from Mississippi says:
    When it’s really cold, “It’s colder than a witches tit”
    About a skinny woman, “Nothing wants a bone but a dog, and he buries it when he finds it.”

    My Mississippi mom always said:
    Just before applying discipline to a child, “You don’t believe fat meat is greasy.” In other words, I told you I was about to tear you up if you don’t do what I say, and since you still haven’t you must not believe anything logical… followed by a beating. It would also be substituted by things like “You don’t believe Jesus rode a jackass.”

  • Thivanka Says:
    November 6th, 2010 at 11:38 am

    Cold as an Eskimo’s ass

  • Thivanka Says:
    November 6th, 2010 at 11:39 am

    I’m frazzled as a cow’s hide under a branding iron

  • BigOrangeNation Says:
    November 6th, 2010 at 1:36 pm

    ..I’d like to have that _______ and him have a feather up his ass!! then we’d both be tickled!!

  • Aussiepride Says:
    November 10th, 2010 at 5:25 am

    Built like a brick shithouse (muscular)

    Went down like a sack of shit (it fell fast)

    Id look outside if he told me it was raining (hes a liar)

    Its a rolls-canardly, rolls down one side of the hill can hardly get up the other (your car sucks)

    Step one drag one (walking with a limp)

    Goes to show you dont have to have a long neck to be a goose (hes an idiot)

    Dont beat around the bush (get to the point)

  • Americas Favorite Inspector Says:
    November 10th, 2010 at 7:57 am

    That’s slicker than 2 eels, screwing in a bucket of snot. – Meaning Really Cool

  • Paula Says:
    November 11th, 2010 at 2:10 pm

    I’m from Alabama and I’ve used this one for years but haven’t seen it on your list:

    She/He’s as ugly as a burnt snake.

  • Paula Says:
    November 11th, 2010 at 2:14 pm

    When you are starving/hungry: “I could eat the ass end out of a rag doll!”

  • me Says:
    November 13th, 2010 at 1:20 pm

    he was so stupid, he would come out of a bucket of tits sucking his thumb

  • Sherry Says:
    November 15th, 2010 at 11:50 am

    “He couldn’t fall out of a tree in a hurry!”

  • SouthernYankee Says:
    November 16th, 2010 at 12:35 am

    “If it were a snake it woulda bit ya!”

    (when you point something out that someone was looking for but was actually close or obvious the whole time)

  • Damn Yankee Says:
    November 19th, 2010 at 8:06 pm

    The Civil War is over – and you lost. Get over it.

  • Ally bobba Says:
    November 20th, 2010 at 10:38 pm

    useless as tits on a bull

  • Anonymous Says:
    November 21st, 2010 at 3:43 pm

    ugly:
    “why, that coat is god-fearing ugly!”
    “uglier than sin”
    “he’s so ugly, he’d stop an eight-day clock!”

    surprise:
    “good night nurse!”
    “holy shit, Myrtle!”
    “good grief Annabelle!”
    “great scott!”

    anger:
    “madder than a wet hen”
    “madder than a hornet”

    random:
    “grinnin’ like a possum eatin’ peach seeds”
    “you ornery little shit!”
    “bless his/her heart” — you can say whatever you want about somebody, so long as you say “bless her heart”

  • Jackie Says:
    November 23rd, 2010 at 12:46 pm

    can you give me the meaning of a Southern Phrase: Throw a Screw worm? I think it means throwing a fit, getting angry, etc.

  • Elaina G. Says:
    November 24th, 2010 at 1:33 am

    Happier than a turtle on an escalator!

  • David P. Says:
    November 24th, 2010 at 7:40 pm

    “Last night I had the big eye” (Couldn’t sleep last night.)

    “Quiet as a flea pissing on a cotton ball.”

  • Josh Says:
    December 5th, 2010 at 9:55 pm

    If a frog had wings it wouldn’t drag it’s butt.

  • Michel - Michigan Says:
    December 6th, 2010 at 4:03 pm

    Well, we Yankees, Damned or not, have our sayings too. Thought you might enjoy them:
    She’s so ugly she could gag a maggot.
    I hate him/her so much I wouldn’t cross the street to piss on them if they were on fire.
    Scarcer than hens teeth.
    I don’t want no truck with them. (don’t want to bother with them)
    Higher than a cats back. (costs a lot)
    Uglier than a spider sandwich.
    Uglier than a booger on a birthday cake.
    Nasty as a hair shirt (mean spirited)
    Is that a wiggle or a struggle? (girs walking)
    If you don’t stop that, I’ll knock you into next week.
    If you don’t stop, I’m going to slap you so hard that when you get up your clothes will be out of style!
    If you keep on, I’m going to kick your ass so high up your back you’ll have to take your shirt off to take a shit!
    Oh, right, and I’m a virgin, ask my kids! (when someone says something you just know is a lie)
    Yeah, that’s as funny as a rubber crutch.

  • Grayson Says:
    December 7th, 2010 at 4:53 pm

    Like water off a duck’s back

    Hollow leg

    Happier than a pig in slop

    He couldn’t pour piss out of bucket if the directions were written on the bottom.

    Bitterer than quinine

    Throwing the baby out with the bathwater

    I’m gonna box your ears.

    As big around as a bean pole

    Slower than molasses

    Slow as Christmas

    Slower than Moses

    Older than Methuselah

    I’m gonna have to put a book on your head.

    Except by the grace of God, there go I.

    Ten pounds of potatoes in a five pound sack (about someone wearing pants that are too small for them)

    Thicker than Thieves

    Cotton pickin’ (precedes some noun when that person is irritated)

  • Anonymous Says:
    December 7th, 2010 at 8:14 pm

    He/She’s got a face like a bucket of worms!

  • Jethreene Says:
    December 9th, 2010 at 3:02 pm

    I feel so bad I feel like I been eat by a bear and s$%t down a cliff

  • Jethreene Says:
    December 9th, 2010 at 3:04 pm

    I’m so hungry I could eat a horse and a half, a cow and a calf and chocolate mule with a peppermint tail !

  • Jethreene Says:
    December 9th, 2010 at 3:08 pm

    …he was madder’n a bat in a suitcase

  • Dawn - Tennessee Says:
    December 10th, 2010 at 7:20 pm

    “That went over like a turd in a punch bowl”

    This is when you are really thirsty- “I’m fartin dust!”

    “I gotta piss like a cow on a flat rock”

  • Fido Says:
    December 11th, 2010 at 10:54 pm

    Looks like Fido’s ass

  • Johnna Says:
    December 15th, 2010 at 9:04 am

    Instead of a “little bit more”, my family says, “Just a grunt more”

  • Big Dog n TN Says:
    December 17th, 2010 at 7:41 am

    We were so poor we had to eat dough for breakfast and sit out in the sun for lunch!

  • jennifer Says:
    December 18th, 2010 at 12:37 pm

    Well dont you look preiter than a glob of butter melting on a stack of wheat cakes!

  • jt brown Says:
    December 19th, 2010 at 9:34 pm

    its hotter than a four balled dog

  • mark Says:
    December 21st, 2010 at 1:47 am

    He/She’s got the kind of face that would make a train take a dirt road.

    He was madder ‘en a centipede standin’ barefoot on a hot rock!

  • dave Says:
    December 29th, 2010 at 6:55 am

    it was so cold i was shivering like dog poopin a pine cone

  • Mo Says:
    January 5th, 2011 at 10:41 am

    You’re ’bout as goofy as a bow-legged hound dog.

  • Idann Says:
    January 6th, 2011 at 8:54 am

    I grew up all over the South as my pop was in the Military and here are a few from him and my mom…..

    “Shore as shit stinks”
    runnin like a scared rabbit.
    he/she would rather stand in a tree and tell a lie than stand on the ground and speak the truth.
    meaner than a two tailed rattler with no teeth.
    quick as a cat can blink it’s eyes.
    higher than a cats ass
    come here and let me smack you……..
    I’m going up the road apiece will be back directly.
    I’ll slap the s@#T outta you and slap ya for s@#$$%^g.
    To a pregnant girl: should a kept that nickel between yer knees like your mamma tolt ya.

  • Jwade Says:
    January 7th, 2011 at 7:05 pm

    Heres a couple more from the great state of TN.

    “Go get you sumthin ta drank!” (Please have a drink)

    “I want you to look at.”(WOW)

    “Hell”(oh well)

  • Cay Says:
    January 8th, 2011 at 7:49 pm

    She Could Argue With A Fence Post All Day

  • Jenny Says:
    January 9th, 2011 at 1:58 pm

    This is one is my favorite to use:

    “She’s crazier than a shithouse rat!”

  • Wildfire Says:
    January 19th, 2011 at 2:08 pm

    Born and raised in Georgia and have heard many a funny saying.

    You look like a jackass eatin briars.

    It’s hotter than a whore on dollar day.

    Starvin like Marvin.

    My stomach thinks my throat’s been cut.

    Slow as molasses in the winter.

    He/ she would gag a maggot on a gut truck.

    Response to where ya goin? Up a hogs ass to get a ham sandwich.

    The dog who barks is the dog who bites.

    Your nose is growing Pinochio. (when someone tells you a lie)

    Liar liar pants on fire.

    Slick as owl shit.

    I was born at night but it wasn’t last night.

    You’re so ugly you’d make a freight train take a dirt road.

    I’m so broke I’d have to fart to have a cent.

    Lawyers are so crooked when they die we will have to screw them in the ground

    I about wet my britches readin this..what can I say I’m frm Dallas tx

  • Cooper Says:
    April 20th, 2011 at 11:20 am

    One’s I use and have heard around Texas:

    “Tastes like a cat shit in my mouth”
    (what your mouth tastes like after a long night of drinking and smoking)

    “I was drunker than a five eyed spider”

    “I want to ____ like I want to take a shit in the ocean”
    (say it when you don’t want to do something)

    “quick as a whip”

    “slow as molasses running upstream in January”

  • CountryDawg Says:
    April 24th, 2011 at 8:58 am

    To someone who is quick….”He’s faster than a fart in a windstorm!”

  • DangYankee Says:
    April 27th, 2011 at 5:24 am

    The South:

    “This is my Uncle-Brother Jed”

  • Larry Says:
    April 29th, 2011 at 11:09 am

    It was so quiet, you could hear a mouse pissin’ on a cotton ball.
    He could sell socks to a rooster.
    He could talk the pope into openin’ a whore house.
    He could get dirty in a hospital.
    He don’t know if his ass was punched or bored. Or countersunk.
    Harder than Chinese arithmetic.

  • Lizzy Says:
    May 1st, 2011 at 5:04 am

    What does a Texas Tornaduh and a tennessee dayvorce got in commen?….Some’n’ is gonna lose a trayler….

    Written in the dialect of NC lol

  • Cole Says:
    May 7th, 2011 at 10:50 am

    You’d aggravate the balls off a brass monkey..

    You’re about as awkward as a cow on crutches.

    He doesn’t know whether to check his ass or scratch his watch.

  • Annie in South Carolina Says:
    May 9th, 2011 at 8:55 am

    That’ll go over like a turd in a punch bowl (response to a bad idea)

    I don’t know whether to wind my watch or scratch my ass (when you’re confused)

  • Junebug Says:
    May 10th, 2011 at 8:49 pm

    Tough Guy sayings:

    “I’ll rattle the windows in your wheelhouse, buster!”

    “I’ll slap you so hard your shadow will $*&^ his pants.”

    “I’ll lay you out thinner piss on a plate.”

    “Go outside and practice standing up before you talk to me like that.”

    “I’ll run up your ladder and kick every rung out on the way down”.

  • MikeNC Says:
    May 12th, 2011 at 2:20 am

    I’ld sooner eat ass holes for breakfast. (You refuse to do something)

    If he keeps using them five cent words he’ll be broke soon. (If he doesn’t stop trying to sound more intelligent than he is everybody is going to find out.)

    He’s a seven story buildin’ with a five story elevator. (The person is either stupid or crazy.)

  • Marye Says:
    May 30th, 2011 at 12:14 am

    I’m from Mississippi and I have thoroughly enjoyed reading these euphemisms. Some have brought back memories of growing up in the deep south. There were even a couple I had never heard. The only ones I know that I did see were:

    When you need to leave just tell the person, I’ve got to get up at the butt-crack of dawn.

    If some one isn’t that smart you can say. The elevator goes up, but the door doesn’t open. Or He’s one beer short of a six pack.

  • Lesley From Kentucky Says:
    May 30th, 2011 at 5:21 pm

    Ive grown up my entire life hearing these sayings—-I have several friends from New York,…I actualy lived there for awhile,…however–I would say some of these myself…and it would just “blow their mind”!!

    “Lord willing and the creek dont rise”
    “Cant cuss a cat without getting a hair in your mouth”
    “Make ya tongue slap ya brains out”
    “Uglier than homemade sin”
    “Shaking like a dog shitting razor blades”
    “Shes hotter than a 2$ pistol”
    “I gotta shake the dew off the lily”
    There are more,….I can’t think….

  • Beth Says:
    June 6th, 2011 at 6:51 am

    That room was so small you couldn’t cuss a cat without gettting fur in your mouth!

  • anissa Says:
    June 10th, 2011 at 10:21 am

    its colder then a welldiggers ass on 4th of july. and its hotter then a 2 pucker billgoat haha i got these from my momma

  • Jan Says:
    June 10th, 2011 at 11:04 am

    I’m finer than frog hair, slicker than a cricket.

  • clark Says:
    June 13th, 2011 at 7:50 pm

    He as useless as rubber lips on a woodpecker

    Thats harder than nailing jello to a tree

  • Jan Says:
    June 13th, 2011 at 7:50 pm

    If your birds were in a bluebird’s butt, it would be flying backwards!

  • Joe M. Says:
    June 13th, 2011 at 8:01 pm

    1. As useless as tits on a boar hog

    2. So lazy, he/she wouldn’t say “soo” if the hogs had him/her.

  • Elizabeth Says:
    June 15th, 2011 at 11:21 am

    I’m loving this! Remembered a few from my Southern parents and grandparents.

    got a nose that could gut a punkin through a rail fence.’ (Long, pointed nose.)

    is kyarney. (I have no idea of the spelling of this and suspect it’s a corruption of a Scots pronunciation of ‘carrion’. Pronounced ‘kee-YAR-ney.’ Means dirty, filthy, good for nothing. My Appalachian grandmother used to use this phrase.

    Ain’t fit to carry guts to a bear. (Someone who’s worthless.)

    I wouldn’t piss on him if he were on fire. (Someone you dislike.)

    Full as a tick (having eaten too much.)

  • Justin Says:
    June 16th, 2011 at 12:37 pm

    Some of the ones my Grandpa used to say was- “what do you mean WE? you have a mouse in your pocket”

    “Damn that’s slipperier then greased owl shit”

  • Paul Says:
    June 17th, 2011 at 5:00 pm

    Redder than a foxes a$$ in a pepper patch.
    (embarrassed)

    Everybody wants to go to heaven but nobody wants to die. (all want rewards but don’t want to work for it)

    That gives me the heebie-jeebies! (freaks you out)

    A faint heart never won a fair lady or stole a watermelon. (have guts…go for your dreams)

  • Angie Says:
    June 18th, 2011 at 10:23 pm

    A couple from my Dad:

    He’s so dumb he couldn’t pour piss out of a boot with the directions on the heel!

    She’s a holy fright! (She’s ugly)

    Flat as a flitter.

    Sexier than socks on a rooster.

    Slow as Christmas.

    You look like death eating a cracker.

    Your eyes are as red as a monkey’s butt.

    He’s got more dollars than cents (sense).

  • Shelby Says:
    June 22nd, 2011 at 9:11 pm

    My brothers say this when seeing a hot girl: “damn that chick is hotter than doughnut grease in the middle of july”

  • John C. Says:
    July 6th, 2011 at 3:54 pm

    My great grandma used to say:

    “You kids are windier than a barrel full of a$$ holes.” (you kids are noisy and talk too much)

    “This knife is so dull you could ride it down the Guyandotte River and back and it wouldn’t cut your a$$.” (dull knife)

    My grandfather would often say:

    “bigger than Pete” as in “He ran that red light bigger than Pete!”

    “Crazier than a bed bug”

    “Shanny boat” actually “shanty boat” (Used to describe something of poor build quality or in severe disrepair like the old makeshift houseboats cobbled together by drifters that traveled the Ohio River back in the day.)

    “Don’t know sh*t from Shinola.” (a reference to an old brand of shoe polish in describing someone who lacks knowledge, intelligence and general good sense.)

  • Tadpole From KY Says:
    July 9th, 2011 at 12:38 am

    Lookin at me like a country mule lookin at a freight train.

    Couple bricks shy of a load.

    Their elevator don’t go to the top.

    Couple cans short of a six pack.

    Bout a useless as an elevator in an outhouse.

  • James Andrew TX Says:
    July 12th, 2011 at 6:37 pm

    Some of my favorites from my grandpa:

    “Aw foot”
    “What’s the matter? You got the can’t help-its?”
    “Them that don’t work, don’t eat.”
    “Don’t let yer eyes overload yer belly.”
    “Wall yer eyes, back yer ears and grit yer teeth.”
    “Come here and gimme a yankee dime.”
    “You ain’t worth a plug nickel.”
    “Did you let a stinker?”
    “Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth.”
    “You’re about as slow as molasses.”
    “If the Lord’s willing and the creek don’t rise.”
    “She’s madder than an old wet hen.”
    “I’m as nerveous as a cat on a hot tin roof.”
    “He’s as worthless as tits on a boar hog.”
    “It’s deader than a door knob.”
    “He was fit to be tied.”
    “That’s as green as a goard.”
    “He don’t have a lick of sense.”
    “Stop runnin’ around like a chicken with it’s head cut off.”
    “He’s about as crooked as a snake.”
    “Boy, I’m gonna tear your hind end up.”
    “Come here whistle britches.”
    “They’re livin’ in sin.”
    “Don’t count yer chickens before they hatch.”
    “He ain’t got a lick of sense.”
    “Don’t bite off more ‘en you can chew.”
    “You’re barking up the wrong tree.”
    “Just sit there like a bump on a log.”
    “I’m as full as a tick on a dog.”
    “You’d complain if they were gonna hang you with a gold rope.”
    “That money’s burnin’ a hole in your pocket.”
    “You’re a pistol.”
    “You’re meaner than a rattle snake.”
    “I’ve know you since you were knee high to a grasshopper.”
    “There’s more than one way to skin a cat.”
    “You’re about as stubborn as a mule.”
    “It’s rainin’ cats and dogs.”
    “He couldn’t hit the broad side of a barn.”
    “He’s got about as much chance as a stinker in a whirl wind.”
    “The smell would gag a maggot on a gut wagon.”
    “All yer gettin’ for Christmas is a bundle of switches.”
    “It’s as flat as a flitter.”
    “I’m fixin’ to give you a switchin’”
    “I’m fixin’ to tan your hide.”
    “You can just get glad in the same pants you got mad in.”
    “I was so mad I could spit nails.”
    “She’s was as cute as a speckled pup.”
    “Are you outta’ pocket again?”
    “There’ll be be doo-doo on the moon.”
    “That’s like closin’ the barn door after the horse gets loose.”
    “She’s goin’ hog wild.”
    “He was as white as a sheet.”
    “Yer gettin’ too big for yer britches.”
    “Yer barkin’ up the wrong tree feller.”
    “Yer livin’ pretty high on the hog.”
    “That ain’t no hill for a stepper.”
    “Every dog has his day.”
    “I’m fixin’ to skin you alive.”
    “Uglier than sin.”
    “He’s higher than a kite.”
    “Stop playin’ possum.”
    “He couldn’t carry a tune in a bucket.”
    “You’d argue with a sign post.”
    “He’s so tight, he squeaks when he walks.”
    “He was wound up tighter ‘en a bango string.”
    “That kid could tear up a rail-road anvil.”
    “He is as tough as a pine knot.”
    “Don’t cut off yer nose to spite yer face.”
    “The water was higher than a cat’s back.”
    “It’s as scarce as hens teeth.”
    “He’s happier than a pig in slop.”
    “You could talk the horns off a billy goat.”
    “Stop beating a dead horse.”
    “Cryin’ like a dying cow in a hail storm.”

  • TNTater Says:
    July 14th, 2011 at 3:50 am

    It’s colder than a cast iron toilet on the north side of an iceberg.

  • jlynn Says:
    July 14th, 2011 at 4:40 pm

    when you see someone with really crooked teeth…”Now thats what you call tooth salad”!

  • jlynn Says:
    July 14th, 2011 at 4:41 pm

    It’s hotter than two mice screwing in a wool sock!!

  • Angie Says:
    July 17th, 2011 at 10:35 pm

    You’re as useless as tits on a boar hog.

    I’m lost as last year’s Easter egg.

    We’re as lost as three bats in a hail storm.

  • T-Mar Says:
    July 22nd, 2011 at 12:28 pm

    I’m from Mississippi and my Mother (God rest her soul) Would always say..You better watch him ..He talks so Smooth he could steal Grease out of a Biscuit without breaking the Crust!! ;)

  • Lemmiwinks Says:
    July 28th, 2011 at 9:31 am

    You’re so ugly you could eat corn off the cob through a picket fence!

  • COMMENT (Not all comments are approved, including rude comments and those with strong language).

    Section: Stupid, Funny Quotes, Questions & Sayings

    << Funny Graffiti  |   Funny Epitaphs and Tombstones from old cemeteries >>

    Click for privacy policy

    All content is © InnocentEnglish.com: Funny Jokes, Signs, Pics, Bloopers, English mistakes and More, 2005-2011, or is in the public domain, or is © by the respective copyright holders. Please contact for prompt removal of any inadvertent © content, with apologies.
    Sitemap

    SHARE

    privacy policy