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Funny Southern Expressions, Sayings Phrases and Colloquialisms
These are actual expressions, primarily from the Southern United States. Many of these colloquialisms are fading away, as they aren’t often continued by younger generations. But many of us have fond memories of hearing many of these funny sayings and expressions back when we were knee high to a bull frog. My grandmother used many of these old expressions even back when I was over the hill picking watermelons (before I was born).
I got a good laugh out of some of these. I hope you do to. Feel free to send in any favorites I missed.
Well that just dills my pickle!
That’s about as useful as a trap door on a canoe!
You look about as happy as a tick on a fat dog.
I’m finer than frog hair split four ways.
If you don’t stop I’ll knock you in the head and tell God you died.He couldn’t carry a tune in a bucket.
He’s busier than a one-legged man at a butt kickin contest!
She was so tall if she fell down she would be halfway home.
He thinks the sun comes up just to hear him crow.
Don’t you piss on my leg and tell me it’s rainin’!
He was as mad as a mule chewing on bumblebees!
You’re lyin’ like a no-legged dog!
Excuses are like backsides. Everybody’s got one and they all stink.
That was faster than green grass through a goose.
She could make a preacher cuss!
Hell, she could even depress the devil.
You could start an argument in an empty house.
That coffee’s strong enough to float an iron wedge.
You look as happy as a dead pig in the sunshine.
He’d gripe with a ham under each arm.
Why are you smilin’ like a goat in a briarpatch?
Our preacher’s as full of wind as a corn-eating horse.
Each one of his sermons is better than the next!
He’s so windy he could blow up an onion sack.
He’s so useless if he had a third hand he would need another pocket to put it in!
She needs some fries to go with that shake.
That boy’s more slippery than snot on a glass doorknob.
Why don’t you just take a long walk off a short pier.
They’re off like a herd of turtles.
She’s resting in peace in the marble orchard.
Well, don’t you look prettier than a glob of butter melting on a stack of wheat cakes!
He’s about as handy as a back pocket on a shirt.
She’s so clumsy she could trip over a cordless phone!
(yeah, my great, great grandfather used to say that one when he was a boy).
He’s about as useful as a pogo stick in quicksand.
If brains were leather, he wouldn’t have enough to saddle a junebug.
Well, if that don’t put pepper in the gumbo!
Well, slap my head and call me silly!
Well tie me to a pig and role me in the mud!
Well tie me to an anthill and fill my ears with jam!
He’s not particularly intelligent:
The engine’s runnin’ but nobody’s driving.
If his brains were dynamite, he couldn’t blow his nose
He’s so dumb, he could throw himself on the ground and miss.
He’s so dumb he couldn’t piss his name in the snow.
He’s a little strange…
That boy’s two bricks shy of a full load.
I think that boy’s about two sandwiches shy of a picnic.
I think he’s one fry short of a Happy Meal.
He’s acting crazier than a sprayed roach!
He’s so rich, he buys a new boat each time one gets wet.
You’ve got champagne taste with a beer pocketbook.
He’s tighter than a flea’s ass over a rain barrel.
He squeezes a quarter so tight the eagle screams.
He doesn’t have a pot to pee in or a window to throw it out.
It’s drier than happy hour at the Betty Ford clinic!
It’s cold enough to freeze the balls off a pool table!
It’s so dry the trees are bribing the dogs.
It’s hotter than two rabbits making babies in a sock!
He’s not particularly handsome….
He’s uglier than the east end of a horse headed west
He looks like something the dog’s been keepin’ him under the porch.
He is so ugly that my mother had to tie pork chops to his ears so the dog would play with him.”
She’s so ugly I’d hire her to haunt a house!
If I had a dog as ugly as him, I’d shave his butt and make him walk backwards.
“Living in sin”:
I heard they ate supper before they said grace!
Page Topic: Funny Southern Expressions, Sayings Phrases and Colloquialisms
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56 Responses to “Funny Southern Expressions, Sayings Phrases and Colloquialisms””
COMMENT (Not all comments are approved, including rude comments and those with strong language).
Section: Stupid, Funny Quotes, Questions & Sayings
January 24th, 2008 at 4:01 pm
My Ma(a Brooklyn girl turned Southern Baptist) picked this up in Tennessee;
‘He’s about as useful as tits on a bull!’
February 5th, 2008 at 1:41 pm
Growing up in the Deep South, I’ve heard many a funny saying. I thought you might enjoy this one.
My family always used to say it about some of the guys my cousins dragged in…lol. ” That boy looks like he’s been whooped with an ugly stick” or the alternate version ” He looks like he’s been whooped with an ugly stick…ugly stick, hell, he fell out of an ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down.”
February 6th, 2008 at 7:34 pm
He was raised so far down a dirt road he thanks ASPHALT is someting wrong with your BUTT
February 6th, 2008 at 7:35 pm
He is busier than a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs.
February 6th, 2008 at 7:36 pm
He is smiling like a mule eating briars !
February 6th, 2008 at 7:39 pm
Cold as a well diggers butt in Maine !
February 6th, 2008 at 7:40 pm
That politician is so crooked he can hide behind a cork screw !
February 6th, 2008 at 7:42 pm
She is so skinney if she stuck her tongue out she would look like a zipper.
February 6th, 2008 at 7:43 pm
He is so skinney if he drank tomato juice, he would look like a thermometer !
February 6th, 2008 at 7:46 pm
His family tree ain’t got no branches on it.
February 6th, 2008 at 7:47 pm
His family tree looks like a telephone pole !
February 6th, 2008 at 7:48 pm
She is so ugley she would stop a MACK truck at 100 yards.
February 6th, 2008 at 7:51 pm
The baby was so ugley that the Doctor spanked the Moma !
February 6th, 2008 at 7:55 pm
When she walked away, it looked like to Puppies fighting in a Burlap bag.
February 19th, 2008 at 11:50 pm
Change number 14 , It is TWO puppies not to puppies. Ruck
February 20th, 2008 at 10:08 am
“Y’all’re like talkin’ to a rock.”
February 20th, 2008 at 9:40 pm
To an unattractive girl; “She’s got ten foot pole marks all over her”
If its hot; “It’s hotter than two rats humpin’ in a wool sock”
If he is dumb; “He’s dumber than a bag of hammers”
March 11th, 2008 at 6:02 am
She is so ugly she would make a buzzard back off from a bucket of guts.
She would make a freight train take a dirt road.
His teeth are so buck he could eat corn thru a picket fence.
I am going to beat you like a red headed step child.
March 11th, 2008 at 1:04 pm
She’s so ugly her feet wouldn’t go to bed with her!
March 12th, 2008 at 10:16 pm
Teeth so bucked she could eat corn out of a coke bottle !
March 13th, 2008 at 5:47 am
She was such an ugly baby her Mama had to tie a bone around her neck to get the dog to play with her.
March 13th, 2008 at 5:22 pm
Ok Here are a couple I picked up in GA
“That dawg won’t hunt” - It’s not going to work
“Short like a gnats tail”
“Busted two sets of knee caps” - Walked too much
“Ding Dang if That Ain’t!” - Isn’t it so
“I’ll be darned….”
March 19th, 2008 at 12:05 pm
The first say’in my dad, from New Orleans, ever taught me was; “Don’t insult the alligator before you cross the stream” (he was taught and added his own;” and not at all, if you go home that way!”
March 19th, 2008 at 1:58 pm
Yall/ You’re slower than maple syrup on a cold Winter’s mornin’
March 26th, 2008 at 1:26 pm
He’s a good ol’dog, but sometimes he sh*ts to close to the porch.
Poor Mouth or Poor Mouthin (someone who pitty parties too much)
Dumber than a box of rocks
Meaner than a skunk
“Rattlin” (talk to much)
In her skin…ie…Where is she? “In her skin when she jumps out you can jump in”
April 4th, 2008 at 8:07 pm
Here’s one my Grandpa used to use “Sounds like a cow pissing on a flat rock” for when it’s really raining hard
April 5th, 2008 at 11:46 am
“He ain’t got no dawg in that fight.” Meaning it’s none of his business.
April 8th, 2008 at 11:12 pm
I’m serious as a haert attack!
Yer Lyin and yer feet don’t match!
April 15th, 2008 at 6:49 am
He’s so skinney..looks like he swaped legs with a wasp and got cheated out of the stinger!
Scarce as hens teeth
What is that?….It’s a lay over to catch meddlers
If wishes were horses…beggars would ride
What goes over the back comes back under the belly
He’s windy as a fartin’ coon!
He’s loose as a goose s*#&in’ by moonlite
Useless as tits on a boar showe
April 15th, 2008 at 6:56 am
Well honey..looks like you came to a goat’s house for wool!(wanting something someone doesn’t have)
Looks like socks on a rooster! (frilly socks on skinny legs)
Want in one had…spit in the other…see which fills up first
Gone to hell in a handbasket
April 20th, 2008 at 9:45 am
Ain’t nothing open after midnight, but legs.
April 21st, 2008 at 5:28 pm
If you walk in the pasture’s long enough, your bound to step in shit. (hanging with the wrong crowd)
April 23rd, 2008 at 8:12 am
That’s so good tastin’ it’ll make your tongue slap your brains out!!!
April 24th, 2008 at 7:51 am
have an understandin and make sure its understood. old men/women will give you worms. someone too old or too young for you will shame you. you play with a puppy he will lick yo face. Don’t buy no man no shoes cause he’ll kick you in your behind and walk out on you with them. God don’t need no help. misery loves company. you mad? scratch your a** and get glad.if you lay down with dogs you’ll will get up with fleas. theres no fool like an old fool.
May 1st, 2008 at 12:32 am
I am busier than a set of jumper cables at Redneck picnic !
May 1st, 2008 at 11:07 am
busier than a three peckered billygoat at a sheep breeding contest.
May 1st, 2008 at 6:51 pm
She is too old. I like a gal where her skin fits a little better.
May 1st, 2008 at 6:54 pm
Are her legs that skinny or is she riding a “Chicken”
May 14th, 2008 at 5:01 pm
He’s the spittin’ image of his daddy!
This actually came from a phrase used in the civil war era that was badly mangled by the slaves blending their native speach patterns with english spoken Southern style. The correct phrasing is, “He’s the spirit and image of his father”.
May 14th, 2008 at 5:10 pm
I’magoodamy to do it.
The original phrasing is, “I’m of a good mind” to do it.
May 27th, 2008 at 2:47 pm
your makin a mountain out of an ant hill
May 31st, 2008 at 12:08 am
My Daddy use to tell me. “Son, ain’t nobody out at that time a night but burglers and bad women”/
May 31st, 2008 at 12:12 am
If brains were cotton, she wouldn’t have enough to make a Kotex for a flea !
June 2nd, 2008 at 6:28 pm
1. he could tear up a steel ball.
2. ill knock you into next week
3. we are on the dance floor but cant see the microphone
4. she’ll bite your head off
5. your meaner that a rattle snake
6. you better shut up or ill knock the shit out of you
June 11th, 2008 at 6:18 am
as a biker;
He’s about as usefull as an ashtray on a motorbike!
June 11th, 2008 at 6:20 am
not quite so fitting but im sure this pages audience will apprieciate ne way;
Remember you are unique, just like everbody else!
June 11th, 2008 at 7:07 am
You are rude, crude, grossly unattractive, your feet stink, your Mother makes your clothes and you don’t love your Jesus. ( Big loser )
June 11th, 2008 at 7:11 am
He lives so far back in the country, he thinks a VOLVO is a woman’s body part.
June 18th, 2008 at 2:45 am
You’re about as useful as a rubber crutch
June 20th, 2008 at 10:50 am
They call him “blister” because he does’nt show up until the work is finished. (LAZY)
June 20th, 2008 at 10:52 am
You are so lazy, if you had a 3rd hand, you would need a pocket to put it in.
June 22nd, 2008 at 4:53 pm
he was madder than fire
June 22nd, 2008 at 4:57 pm
heres one my boss used to alwasy say “youins”. its used the same way yall would be but you say it like you + ins all smashed together.
June 27th, 2008 at 3:58 pm
I’m sweatin’ like a dog shittin’ peach seeds!
June 28th, 2008 at 7:58 pm
my grandfather used to often say “You’re drivin me up the wall” i always got a mental picture and thought it was hilarious.
July 17th, 2008 at 8:59 am
Well, I’ve been living in Tennessee for four years, and I’ve heard all king of good expressions:
- We’re off like a herd of turtle on peanut butter!
- He could fall in a barrel of sh*t and come out smelling like a rose
- Give me some sugar.
- I’m freezing my tail off
- Like a ‘coon in the wood
- It is so good, it makes you want to slap your momma!
I’ve heard many more from my dixie wife and her southern family, but I reckon I can’t recall ‘em all.