The original â€œHollywood Squaresâ€ (Whoopi Goldberg created a new version in the last few years) was a popular game show in the Seventies. In the original, Peter Marshall, the host, would ask a question, one of the guest celebrities would answer, and the contestant would say â€œagreeâ€ or â€œdisagreeâ€. Some of the regular guests were really funny, although their names are quickly fading from pop culture awareness. Here are some of the funniest answers from the showâ€”some of Peter Marshallâ€™s all time favorites:
Funniest Hollywood Squares Answers
Peter Marshall: According to Movie Life magazine, Ann-Margaret would like to start having babies soon, but her husband wants her to wait a while. Why?
Paul Lynde: Heâ€™s out of town.
Peter Marshall: Dennis Weaver, Debbie Reynolds, and Shelley Winters star in the movie â€œWhatâ€™s The Matter With Helen?â€ Who plays Helen?
Charley Weaver: Dennis Weaver; thatâ€™s why they asked the question.
Peter Marshall: What are â€œdual-purpose cattleâ€ good for that other cattle arenâ€™t?
Paul Lynde: They give milk and cookies â€“ but I donâ€™t recommend the cookies.
Peter Marshall: When a couple has a baby, who is responsible for its sex?
Charley Weaver: Iâ€™ll lend him the car. The rest is up to him.
Peter Marshall: Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
Charley Weaver: His feet.
Peter Marshall: When the Lone Ranger finished with a case, he left something behind. What?
Paul Lynde: A masked baby.
Peter Marshall: True or false: Some African Watusi tribesmen greet guests by running toward them at full speed, then high-jumping over them.
Charley Weaver: This is sometimes terribly embarrassing to tall guests.
Peter Marshall: Youâ€™re on your first visit to Japan and you head right for the Kabuki. Why?
Paul Lynde: It was a long plane ride.
Peter Marshall: If youâ€™re going to make a parachute jump, you should be at least how high?
Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.
Peter Marshall: Do female frogs croak?
Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water.
Peter Marshall: Youâ€™ve been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?
Don Knotts: Thatâ€™s whatâ€™s been keeping me awake.
Peter Marshall: True or false: Many people sleep better in their street clothes than they do in their pajamas.
Paul Lynde: Yes. We call them winos.
Peter Marshall: According to the World Book, is it okay to freeze your persimmons?
Paul Lynde: No. You should dress warmly.
Peter Marshall: According to psychologists, when a child begins to get curious about sex, what is the one question he will most ask his mommy and daddy?
Paul Lynde: Where can I get some?
Peter Marshall: Your baby has a certain object that he loves to cling to. Should you try to break him of his habit?
Joan Rivers: Yes. Itâ€™s daddyâ€™s turn.
Peter Marshall: Do we get heat from stars?
Paul Lynde: You will if I have to share my dressing room again.
Peter Marshall: In what state was Abraham Lincoln born?
Paul Lynde: Naked and screaming like the rest of us.
Peter Marshall: Paul, can you get an elephant drunk?
Paul Lynde: Yes, but he still won’t go up to your apartment.
Peter Marshall: According to Cosmo, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think he’s really attractive, is it okay to come out directly and ask him if he’s married?
Rose Marie: No, wait until morning.
Peter Marshall: Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.
Peter Marshall: Prometheus was tied to the top of a mountain by the gods because he had given something to man. What did he give us?
Paul Lynde: I don’t know what you got, but I got a sports shirt.
Peter Marshall: What are “Do It,” “I Can Help,” and “Can’t Get Enough”?
George Gobel: I don’t know, but it’s coming from the next apartment.
Peter Marshall: As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while you are talking?
Rose Marie: You ask me one more “growing older” question Peter and I’ll give you a gesture you’ll never forget!
Peter Marshall: If you find someone lying unconscious in the street, should you do anything?
George Goebel: I’d probably crawl around him I guess.
Peter Marshall: Paul, why do Hell’s Angels wear leather?
Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily?
Peter Marshall: Charley, you’ve just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during your first year?
Charley Weaver: Of course not, Peter. I’m too busy growing strawberries!
Peter Marshall: In bowling, what’s a perfect score?
Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.
Peter Marshall: Eddie, according to the Institute of Motivational Research, a wife should beware if another woman takes an interest in a certain item of her husband’s clothing. What item?
Ed Asner: Well, shorts immediately springs to my mind.
Peter Marshall: It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One is politics. What is the other?
Paul Lynde: Tape measures.
Peter Marshall: True or false: A pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
George Gobel: Sometimes it sure seems that way…
Peter Marshall: Can boys join the campfire girls?
Marty Allen: Only after lights out.
Peter Marshall: When you pat a dog on its head he will usually wag his tail. What will a goose do?
Paul Lynde: Make him bark.
Peter Marshall: True or false: George, experts say there are only seven or eight things in the world dumber than an ant.
George Gobel: Yes, and I think I voted for six of ’em.
Peter Marshall: If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?
Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.
Peter Marshall: According to Ann Landers, is their anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?
Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army!
Peter Marshall: Is it possible for the puppies in a litter to have more than one daddy?
Paul Lynde: Why, that bitch!
Peter Marshall: While visiting China, your tour guide starts shouting, “Poo! Poo! Poo!” What does that mean?
George Goebel: Cattle crossing.
Peter Marshall: It is the most abused and neglected part of your body-what is it?
Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused but it certainly isn’t neglected!
Peter Marshall: Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?
George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.
Peter Marshall: Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?
Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?
Peter Marshal: Why do sheep sleep huddled together?
Paul Lynde: Because Little Boy Blue’s a wierdo!
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